


Scarborough Fair

by KristinStone



Category: Hannibal (TV), Hannibal Lecter Series - All Media Types
Genre: Blow Jobs, Cunnilingus, Dating, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Masturbation, Miscarriage, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post Yakimono, Pre Aperitivo, Pre S3E04, Pregnancy, Sexual Content, Slow Build, Voyeurism, first chapter is a character study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-10
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-04-03 18:54:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 43
Words: 97,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4111423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KristinStone/pseuds/KristinStone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After his injury and the time in the hospital Frederick changes his life in more than one aspect. He finds a new home and all looks like he might actually get his well deserved happy ending but his insecurities and old ''friends'' could destroy everything and leave him with more than one new scar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Routines

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wolfi_sama](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfi_sama/gifts).



> To my dearest friend wolfi-sama who patiently helped me with this little piece of work. You are my best friend and I hope you know how much I love and admire you for always being there for me. No matter how annoying I can be.

 

As a psychiatrist Frederick knew that abandoning old habits and taking on new routines was a good way to make sure flashbacks weren't triggered so often; getting rid of things that reminded one of traumatic events. His house, his car, everything he owned.

Frederick wasn't too resistent when it came to selling his house. To be honest, he didn't even took a single step over the threshold when he was released from hospital. He sold everything in it to prevent memories of gutted FBI agents put on almost cinematic display in his as good as new kitchen or retraumatizing himself by those very memories.

But what really made his heart bleed was selling his beautiful, little, red Oldtimer. The one he dreamed of since he saw a picture of it as a seven year-old boy. His grandfather always fantasized about having this car but he died before Frederick could have shown it to him. A single year to the day had lain between his grandfather's death and the first ride in his new car which in tribute to the old man Frederick had named Walter.

Giving Walter away was hard and knowing that in order to minimize the flashbacks of the car ride to Will Graham covered in someone else's blood he couldn't buy a similar car was even harder. Chilton never pictured himself in a BMW or a Mercedes. No! He had always been the small (and dashing, at least in his eyes) man in the small red Jaguar xk from 1955. In the end he decided to stay true to his scheme of small, fancy cars and bought himself a dark blue Wiesmann GT MF4. It even looked a bit like Walter but not too much, yet had enough similarities to keep it his style.

Speaking of style. Selling all his belongings also cleared him off all those expensive flashy suits he had only bought for the sole purpose of impressing Hannibal. Whenever Chilton saw pictures of himself on Tattle Crime from the time he was still convinced Will Graham was the Chesapeake Ripper, he winced. He looked fucking pathetic, like a puppet and Hannibal had been pulling the strings from behind the scenes all along. It was beyond Frederick how he could have been so blind to not see what was actually happening. Getting rid of his house while he was recovering in the hospital left another unpleasantry than just robbing him of his whole closet was – pretty obvious – leaving him without a place to call home and to return to after work. He contacted his lawyer and had him find Frederick an apartment and turn it into Fort Knox before his client was released from the hospital.

And Chilton had to compliment his lawyer for his excellent taste. The apartment Mr. Kline had found for him was in the most expensive apartment building Baltimore had to offer. Everything else would have been beneath him. You only got there with a lot of luck, family relations or a whole lot of money, which Frederick most certainly didn't lack after the 3.7 Million Dollar he had earned by selling his pretentious, giant house.

Chiltons new home was of moderate size for a single. There was no other way into the apartment but the one and only entry door he secured with six locks and an alarm system the pentagon would be proud of. And from the 12th of an entirety of 37 floors he didn't need to worry about someone sneeking in through the back door and he had never actually been a particular fan of an own garden. He never spent time in there and it only cost him to hire a gardener.

His new home had a doorkeeper who only let in authorized people which he rather welcomed. The floors and both elevators were monitored 24/7, another thing Frederick highly appreciated. But who wouldn't after what he went through in the last couple of years. Another thing he added to his new home and necessary new attire was a Glock 19 in his nightstand. He had never been very compelled when it came to guns but it was meant more for salvation rather than actual use. Yet he had it, even though he was aware of the statistics on how many people got killed with their own gun. Frederick didn't care much. As already mentioned: Salvation - not actual use.

Plus, to get to his gun, the intruder would have to pass the doorkeeper and at least his six locks and the alarm system. He thought about getting a dog too … but he didn't want the dog to get bored and start trashing his new furniture while he was at work. So he decided to get himself a cat. One of those that were too old to attract the eyes of small children with their soft fur and shiny eyes. No, his was one that needed a good home for its last years in this gruesome world.

He was a 14 year-old red Maine Coon called Sir Lancelot. A terrible name the old lady who owned him before Frederick had given him. And cats didn't respond to their names so Frederick could call his new furry roommate whatever he wanted.

In a moment of pure sarcasm he decided to name his meowing companion ''Kidney'' because he was missing one. He hadn't known what to expect from the cat but Kidney quickly adapted to his new home and surprisingly well to his new owner. After the first four days of casually passing each other in the hallway Kidney actually welcomed Frederick home after work with a cheerful meow and soothing purring as he snuggled up against Fredericks legs.

Yet in the morning Kidney wanted to sleep in and who could blame him? Frederick certainly didn't. If he had the choice he would become a cat in his next life … or rather _his_ cat. Kidney lived a carefree and luxurious life in his care.

Chilton knew that with all the changes in his life he probably shouldn't stay head of the BSHCI but he had worked too hard for this just to give it up.

His house? No problem. His car? With a few shed tears. But his job? Never!

With a new, more prominent scar on his face he had to keep his composure at all times, wear it like an armour and call everyone out who dared to even think about mocking him.

After firing the first orderly who made fun of him by calling him - very creatively - ''Scarface'' Chilton heard his other employees talk less and less about what had happened to him. Which was good but it didn't cheer him up or anything. Every day Hannibal Lecter wasn't dead or in one of his cells was a lost one. Frederick would open a bottle of Champagne as soon as this monster was no longer free or breathing!

But it was neither in his power nor was it his job to chase that sick cannibal around the world. Actually, Frederick was pretty happy with Hannibal and himself being on two different continents. The sun of another dimension would be even better but he was happy with what he could get. His past had taught him not to expect too much and certainly not to wish for things that were very unlikely ever to happen.

Part of his newly taken on habits was a new morning routine. Instead of sleeping as long as possible without being late for work and running around his house on his way out, he got up at around 8 o'clock every goddamn morning. His first way led him to his bedroom window to let in some fresh air and also something else. One of his new neighbours used to take a shower every morning (except sundays) and was listening to music while she sang along. Frederick would've bet that he would get sick of it after the first week or so but he didn't. He actually liked it quite a lot. She had a nice singing voice and a tremendous taste in music. Something between Stevie Wonder, Ella Fitzgerald, Aretha Franklin up to Queen and some modern music that wasn't about laying as many bitches as humanly possible … or even beyond. His neighbour's morning routine became part of his own.

His alarm woke him at 7:55 am, but everyday he decided to stay in bed for another 7 minutes until she turned on her music and he opened the window so he could hear her better. Frederick made his way into his en-suite bathroom, showered, brushed his teeth, groomed his casual three-day beard all while listening to her to avoid looking at his hideous scar that sat prominently in the center of his left cheek.

When he left the hospital he still had had a patch to conceal it but after two weeks home his doctor had advised him to take the patch off and ''let air to the wound''. Fucking asshole! Air meant visibility and as much as Frederick used to love being the center of attention, hardly disguised stares of people at the supermarket or children who started crying just because they looked at him, wasn't really what he wanted.

Yet he did it, he had to. And now only about a month after leaving the hospital he had almost grown accustomed with his new face … that still looked like the nemesis of James Bond or something along those lines.

Frederick knew he was vain. He would never stop but his vanity shrank significantly when he consciously started avoiding mirrors and other reflecting surfaces.

After taking care of his facial hair and the other that had turned a bit grey here and there during his time in recovery Chilton usually picked out his outfit for the day while his neighbour was still singing somewhere in the opposite wing of the building.

When he got rid of his whole wardrobe including his Hannibal inspired suits, Frederick actually felt relieved. No more double-breasted jackets, plaid suits and horrible cravats with patterns that looked like somebody had vomited Thai food on them. Frederick could ''invent'' himself again after his own measurements. Simple patterns or none at all. And as a part of a kind of ritual to let go of his past, he threw the golden tie pin into the Patapsco River. Together with his tie pin he also thought about abandoning his ties altogether but he couldn't do that.

After dressing himself to the nines Frederick usually closed is bedroom window again just in time to hear his neighbour turn off her music. A nice ritual that acutally made him smile a little every morning when he got up.

Frederick passed Kidney, who was lying on his cushion in his home office and didn't ''say hello''. He had learned his lesson from the last time he tried.

When Kidney had started to take a like in Frederick, he wanted to wish him a good morning by gently petting his head. The end result was a new scar on his right wrist from his own cat's claws. Definitely not a morning person this cat, he thought ever since that morning when he went by the ajar door.

He was turning more and more into a rag doll and his cat joined his torturers. But unlike Gideon or Hannibal … well Miriam Lass, Kidney actually seemed sorry when Frederick returned home from work that day. He'd spent hours affectionately and apologetically licking his owner's injured wrist and purring on his lap.

The good thing about living in this apartment tower in the middle of Baltimore was that his way to work was remarkably short. Meaning he could actually drink his morning coffee in peace and check the most important news on his tablet.

At around 8:45 am he got up, wished Kidney a nice day (like he did every morning), told him to behave and not let any strangers in (like he did every morning) and made his way to the hospital.

Another routine he had picked up was going home every day at the same time. No overtime. No taking work home. Although sadly he couldn't keep up the last rule but he did have a home office for a reason, he told himself.

Kidney welcomed him with a warm and cheerful »Meow« that Frederick always answered with a tired »I missed you, too« before toeing off his brown leather shoes and preparing Kidney and himself dinner in his large, open kitchen.

They spent their evenings on the couch watching TV together or called it an early night if Frederick felt tense and needed to jerk off in the bedroom. Strangely Kidney never demanded access to his owner's bedroom. Chilton felt a little bit like a frat student again, sharing his tiny flat with a roommate … only better now because Kidney didn't smoke pot all the time, ate his food away or left dirty laundry all around the apartment.

Frederick had adjusted to his new life rather well but glimpses of the past still haunted him in the dead of night and let him wake with a pounding heart, covered in sweat and desperately gasping for air in his dark bedroom. At those times he realized that no matter what he changed, where he lived, what car he drove, he still was alone like all those years he had lived in his gigantic, cold house. There was still nobody there for him, holding him when he woke from a nightmare full of delicacies he would never be able to eat with only one kidney left and the faces of Hannibal Lecter and Abel Gideon towering over him, morphing into non-human masks, laughing about him and disecting him like a toad in a High School biology class.

He was still alone.

 

 


	2. Oil Paint and Solvent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> »Didn't your mother ever tell you not to stare at people?«, he sneered and slowly turned his head toward the young woman next to him. Her big blue eyes grew even bigger. She cast her eyes to the floor and started babbling an apology.

 

He could smell her even before he saw her. A hint of orange blossom, oil paint and something that smelled awfully chemical … solvent? Like nail polish remover but not quite as sharp.

With a quick glance over his left shoulder Frederick wanted to make sure he wasn't hallucinating. Nope, there really was someone in the foyer with him. She was humming and balanced a giant handbag and a pile of books on one arm while she fiddled with her keys in front of the shiny, bronze post boxes.

Frederick didn't know any of his neighbours except for the one that called him The Grinch for being mean to her little girl. He felt in the right to snap at that little brat for openly staring at him. Never saw her again but she lived somewhere above him. He got off the elevator before she and her crying daughter did.

»Could you please hold the door open!«, he heard behind him as the elevator doors opened in front of him. Why not? It's not like she asked him to donate his remaining kidney. She ran to him, her arms full and her glasses slowly gliding off her small pointy nose. On her run to the patiently waiting elevator she lost two of her letters. With a lound groan she tried to pick them up while at the same time trying not to lose any more of her cargo, unsuccessfully.

Frederick rolled his eyes and debated if he shouldn't just let her rummage around the floor and get up while she was still occupied.

»I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to take so long«, she muttered with red cheeks and started stuffing half of her book into her handbag that already had a hard time not bursting at the seams. With an irritated sigh Frederick stepped out of the elevator and helped her collect her stuff.

Her books were all about the art of Renaissance Italy. An art student? She was young enough and her smell gave her away. Frederick groaned when he knelt down next to her and reached for her scattered letters. He could read her name on one of them: Hannah Scarborough. Nice name.

The door of the elevator behind them closed but it didn't go up to a floor. It was just tired of waiting with it's doors wide open.

When they could finally go up Frederick handed her her letters and hit the button for the 12th floor.  
»What floor do you need?«

Hannah peeked over her books and answered: »The same.«

Living on the same floor as he did and yet they've never met. Well he had only met this one neighbour and her daughter and that didn't go so well.

The numbers above the door rose higher and higher and Frederick saw from the corner of his left eye that she was looking at him.

»Didn't your motherever tell you not to stare at people?«, he sneered and slowly turned his head toward the young woman next to him. Her big blue eyes grew even bigger. She cast her eyes to the floor and started babbling an apology. But the ding of the elevator saved her from finishing her sentence.

Frederick walked down the right corridor to his apartment door without looking at her once more.

»I wasn't staring at it! At your scar, I mean!« He heard behind him and huffed a bitter laugh. Oh please. He didn't stop in his tracks on his way to his door. When he stood in front of his very own Fort Knox Frederick heard the noise of ripping fabric, the thud of heavy books, a key hitting the floor and silent cursing from around the corner. No, he had already helped her today. He wasn't her nanny or her friend. She needed to learn her limits like he had, although maybe not as ultimate as he did. Frederick would never wish for anyone to experience what he had gone through.

After closing the door behind him he heard Kidney come closer. The red tomcat sat behind him and meowed his welcome.

Frederick knelt down to pick him up and buried his nose into his cat's soft fur.

»I missed you, too.«

He answered with a purr.

»Are you hungry?«

Kidney kept on purring. So, yes.

»Me, too.« Frederick let him down and to take off his shoes and jacket. He loosened his tie and rolled up his sleeves. »Did you do something interesting today? Read a good book? Met a ladycat?«

»Meow.«

»Yeah, me neither.« Frederick sighed. »So business as usual, old fellow.«

 

* * *

 

The next day he smelled her again when he stood in front of the closed elevator doors and silently prayed that her bag would rip again so she would have to take the next elevator.

But god wasn't on his side, of fucking course not.

»Hello«, she chirped from next to him as they both waited together.

Frederick forced a smile but didn't say a word. She wasn't so full with books like yesterday but she still had two in her hand. ''Italian Renaissance and the Art it influenced'' and a sketch book. The tips of her manicured fingers were black from cole. Definitely an art student. Thankfully their journey up to their floor was silent and he wondered if she was staring at him again. A quick side glance and Hannah was caught. Again? Really?

»Sorry«, she muttered and turned red. Now was his turn to stare at her. The cole on her fingertips wasn't the only thing that gave her away as an art student. She had small streaks of paint on her neck and her jawline. The temples of her glasses were covered in various newer and older stains. It almost looked like a Jackson Pollock design but not quite professional enough. Frederick would assume she was in her early twenties. So she must be in a masters program unless she used to do something before studying. Maybe. She had repaired her handbag with a gaudy seam. Worked with the over all hippie-esque theme of the bag.

Hannah had a nice face, nothing too beautiful but certainly not ugly, not at all. Big blue eyes, small pointy nose and a small, yet full mouth. It reminded him a bit of Scarlett Johansson or the cockier one from _Two Broke Girls_. She definitely had the figure. Sadly she hid it with some ugly, off the rack clothes that didn't fit like they should. Some of her long, thick, ash blonde curls fell into her face as she stared to the light piles of the floor. The rest of her hair was tied back into a loose bun at the nape of her neck. A small curl had escaped the bun and gave an indication of how long her hair acutally was – mid-back.

Frederick called himself to order and looked straight ahead again for the last to floors.

He said nothing – no good bye or something – when he made his way to his door. Or at least he tried.

»Wait!«, Hannah called and hurried after him. »You … you're Mr. Chilton, right?«

»Dr. Chilton«, he corrected her and turned around. »How do you know my name?«

Did she recognize him from something this little literary bloodsucker Freddie Lounds had written about him on Tattle Crime? Didn't speak of her character if she did.

»I saw it on the post box that used to be the one of Mr. Waldow. I thought I might introduce myself. You know, welcome you as a new neighbour.«

What? Getting to know a neighbour? In an American apartment building? Strange. But her smile seemed sincere and her extended hand honest.

»Hannah Scarborough.«  
»I know.« She furrowed her brow. »Saw it on your mail yesterday.«

»Oh, yeah, I never thanked you for helping me with my stuff. So, thank you and nice to meet you, Dr. Chilton.«

He hesitated shaking her hand.

»You, too«, he murmered cautiously. Something was off here. Maybe she was crazy … or a serial killer? God, was he some kind of sick psychopath magnet?

Better not risk anything, he thought and pulled his hand back.

»If you'd excuse me.«

»Of course.«

Frederick turned on the heel of his expensive Italian leather shoes and fled to the security of his own apartment.

»Meow.«

»I missed you, too, Kidney.« He sighed after he closed the door behind him and activated the alarm system. »I'm sorry, it took me so long again today. But the girl I talked about yesterday held me up again.«

The cat growled low.

»I just apologized to you. Don't be angry.« Frederick picked him up, cuddled him and carried him into the kitchen.

»She wanted to introduce herself today. What's your opinion on this? Serial Killer or just a moderate scale of psycho?«

He meowed musing.

Frederick huffed and sat him down again. »Pff, what do you know? You're just a cat!«

»Meow.« He actually sounded offended.

»Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. Dinner?«

Of course.

 

* * *

 

Frederick left work the following day a bit earlier to avoid ''getting to know'' Hannah. He didn't know why, but it simply felt off starting a friendship or even an aquaintence with a young neighbour. What should they even talk about if they'd become friends? His failures of his past and her inexperience? Frederick didn't see the point in getting to know people anymore. He had already ignored the last three bon ton Gala invitations. Baltimore's High society just wanted to take a look at the ''Monster of BSHCI''. Swashbucklers and beguilers! He didn't need them and with his history Frederick preferred to be more low profile from now on.

His plan of avoiding Hannah was fruitless thanks to the traffic jam of the rush hour. Ugh.

He was even later that usual.

»For fucks sake«, he muttered as he stood in the elevator and checked his watch. Kidney would be miffed if he came late again today.

»Please hold the door open!«

»Oh no.« Frederick didn't move a muscle to help her but she was faster than he thought. Just as the doors were about to close she held out her sketch book and forced the doors to open again.

Hannah gave him a stern look. »Thank you for waiting.«

»How could I deny you something?«, he sneered and faked a smile in her direction. Her face was flushed like she'd run and her glasses threatened to slip off her nose. With a fast movement of her hand she wanted to slide them on again and accidentally let her sketch book fall to the floor.

Out of curiosity or maybe because his mother's lecture of how to behave toward women still was somewhere in his subconscious he wanted to be a gentleman and picked up her sketches again. He didn't look at the sketches purposefully … it just happened. At least that's what he would have told her if she asked.

But the moment he saw what she had drawn his mind went blank and his heart skipped a beat. It … it was him. Picture after picture, all of him, standing, sitting, profile, 3/4-profile and front view face sketches.

»What is this?«, he whispered stunned. She had talent, really she was great, but why on earth him?

»Nothing.« Hannah tried to snatch her sketches back from him, but he wasn't done yet. Frederick demanded an answer.

»Why did you draw me?« He gritted his teeth. »Why?«

She looked to the floor and simply shook her head. Frederick saw through her other works. Body studies all the way through. The only things you could make out were those that showed him. As the elevator doors opened she grabbed her sketch book and hurried into her apartment.

Okay, nobody has ever run away from him, this was a premiere. His conversation with Kidney was done pretty fast this evening.

»Meow.«

»I missed you, too. I'll make dinner.«

And that's it. Frederick didn't even pick him up or petted him, nothing. He prepared dinner and watched uninteresting TV with his mind wandering to this art student.

Why would somebody draw him? Why would she draw him? And she must have done it from memory only. Impressive but creepy.

His cluelessness gnawed on him til late that night. He hated not knowing things. That's why he had become a psychiatrist. He wanted to figure things out, to figure people out.

At 3 am he let out an irritated sigh and made his way to his bedroom. No good night's sleep for him.

 

* * *

 

The next morning was a pain in the ass. His alarm woke him from a dream- and restless sleep and left him short-tempered and tired. When he opened his bedroom window he leaned heavily against it's frame and stared in the distance until something caught his eye. Movement in the apartment right opposite his, a few yards linear distance between them.

Frederick couldn't believe his eyes. The movement in the other apartment was Hannah. She stood right opposite of him in what looked like a small kitchen from what he could make out. She stared at him with her big blue eyes and gave him a small smile when she waved him shyly. The music he listened to every god damn morning was coming from her and it must be her voice he heard every day.

»Oh, great«, he muttered, closed his tired, heavy eyes for a moment and continued with his morning routine. When he stood under the hot spray of the shower he consciously had to keep himself from imagining Hannah in her shower. Lines of bubbly water running over her smooth curves and her thick wet hair hanging around her waist heavy from the water with her mouth open and her eyes closed as she relished a steaming hot shower. He sighed deeply. Stop being such a sad, little man!

That evening Frederick broke with another of his rules and he stayed a little longer at the hospital than usually just to avoid her. God, it was High School all over again, when he skipped English literature because he unsuccessfully flirted with the smartest girl there, Emilia Black. Oh, what a beauty she had been. Back then he had learned his lesson never to reach for the highest hanging fruits. The taller man always had an easier way with them.

Anyway his avoidance tactic worked. He was alone on his way up to his floor today.

»Meow.«

»I missed you, too. You didn't get the news of yesterday, my friend.« Frederick picked Kidney up and went into his home office. The cat made a puzzled purring noise. Not the kitchen? This was odd. Better pay attention.

»See the apartment over there?«

He purred high.

»That's the one of the weird art student. She drew me.«

Kidney meowed questioning.

»Believe me, I'm just as stunned as you are. Couldn't she find someone whole to portait?«

Kidney nudged his head lightly against Frederick's jawline and purred as if he wanted to say that he loved him even though he wasn't ''whole''.

A sudden knock on the door ended the tender moment and Frederick put Kindey down.

He never had visitors. Ever. He didn't even put his changed address in the personal files at the BSHCI. Nobody knew he had moved here or moved at all.

Should he get his gun? Well, his door was bulletproof so nobody could harm him as long as he kept the door shut.

When he peeked through the spy he couldn't believe his eyes. Hannah. Whyyyy?

Hm, she didn't seem dangerous, yet that's what people said about Abigail Hobbs as well and ask Dr. Bloom where that had led to.

»Dr. Chilton?«, she asked unsure and knocked again. Maybe she would solve the mystery of the sketches.

Just as she was about to turn and leave, Frederick opened the door.


	3. Unfriendly Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title says it.

 

»Yes?«, Frederick asked, standing in the door frame with his arms crossed in front of his puffed chest. He was actually pretty tired but the chance of having a riddle solved had woken him up again.

»Ehm, I … I think I should explain why I've drawn you.«  
»Yes, you should.«

Hannah nervously fiddled with the fringes of her indian red and golden scarf. »He-here on the corridor?«

Well, he didn't let people in his apartment – ever – and especially none that were potential lunatics.

»Yes.«

She blew out some air and searched for the right words to explain herself.

»I'm not a creep, I promise.«

Frederick just lifted a judging eyebrow.

»Yeah, I know I kinda seem like one at the moment, but I'm not. Seriously.«

»Why did you draw me? An university assignment of disfigured people? A Quasimodo challenge?«

She was noticeably taken aback by the sharp tone of his voice.

»No, really, you … you misunderstood everything.«

She was turning red again and he rolled his eyes.

»This was definitely not how I imagined making new friends«, Hannah mumbled and took a deep breath. Before she could say another word, Frederick stopped her with a risen hand.

»Friends?«

»Yes, I'm pretty new in Baltimore. I moved here from London three months ago and I figured that you as a new neighbour might not know anyone either. I thought we could be new together. Pretty naiv, I know but -«

»I was born in Baltimore, Miss Scarborough.«

»Oh«, she mouthed and the light shimmer that had appeared in her eyes died down again. Chilton was sure the shade of red her face had turned now was not possible without fainting. But she stayed glued to the ground.

»Then , if you're a resident here, maybe you could show me one or two places. Nice restaurants or a good book shop or … or something like that.«

Was she actually asking him out on ... on a date or was this just a misconception or mere wishful thinking? Frederick narrowed his eyes. Or was this a trick? He still wasn't convinced that she wasn't just a psychopath with a nice face to hide behind. BUT maybe he could have a bit of fun. She seemed pretty intimidated by him, which was a giant boost for his ego and that poor thing had had so much to endure during the last years.

»I might know some place. Nothing too fancy, just -«

»You're invited!«, she cut him off. Wow, she was really eager. Suspicious. Frederick told her to meet her at the restaurant tomorrow at evening at 7 o'clock.

»I'll do the reservation.«

»Thank you, Dr. Chilton.«

She turned to go but he wasn't done yet. »Why did you draw me?«

Hannah looked back over her shoulder smirking while she made her way back to her apartment. »I'll tell you tomorrow at dinner.«

Smart girl, he had to give her that. Cliffhangers were perfect to make sure agreements were held.

When he returned to his living room, Kidney eyed him as if he wanted to say something.

»What?«

He meowed at him from his favorite place on Fredericks lime coloured armchair.

»No, I wasn't unfriendly. And even if I was. It's none of your business, is it?«

Kidney grumbled low.

Frederick crossed his arms. »Oh, please. Don't play Robin Hood.«

Kidney could raise an eyebrow. Frederick was certain. Or maybe the impairment of his left eye got the better of him? Nah, this cat could raise an eyebrow and he did it right now.

»Stop giving me that look, Kidney! I will just show her why you don't make friends with your neighbours. I'm actually helping her in a way.«

The tomcat growled at him and Frederick rolled his eyes.

»No, and even if she was interested, she's way too young for me. I'm not one of those men in their 40s with girlfriends in their 20s.« True, but he would love to be one of them. »AND if she is interested in me, something has to be wrong with her! For the last 44 years nobody was particually interested in me, why should that change with the face of a monster á la tunnel of horror?«

Kidney let out a soft meow as if to soothe him. He jumped off the armrest of the armchair and nudged Fredericks legs with his soft muzzle.

»You are the best thing that ever happened to me. You know that?«

»Meow.« Smug little bastard, of course he knew.

Frederick would never go to a therapist. Why should he? He already knew everything that a wannabe doctor would tell him while charging him a fucking fortune. Kidney had cost him 90 $ at the animal shelter he got him from, vet for 450 $ just because Frederick was paranoid and had him checked for everything (he even considered testing him on cervical cancer but that was a step too far, especially in the case of a male cat) and he cost him another 100 $ for food and cat litter per month. Way cheaper than a headshrinker. Plus Frederick could consult him at any time of the day … and Kidney purred. Had he ever seen a shrink that purred he'd might have considered giving it a try but more out of professional interest. Frederick picked him up and buried his nose in Kidneys fur. And his cat smelled really good.

Just another reason why he preferred his cat over a therapist.

»Dinner?«

»Meow.«

 

* * *

 

Frederick had chosen the most expensive restaurant he knew to see Hannah squirm and writhe. Even for his liberal standards when it came to spending loads of money, this restaurant was way too expensive. For an art student unpayable. Yet his apartmenthouse was pretty expensive too and she evidently lived there. Maybe she had inherited her apartment from an aunt or something.

When she showed up in front of the restaurant the following evening she looked utterly confused. He was already waiting inside and watched her check the time on her cheap supermarket watch and looked up and down the street for any sign of him. He gave her ten minutes until she would go home again. Disillusioned and smarter than before

Frederick was happy to have something that could turn his mind from the looks the other people in the restaurant were shooting in his direction. Either they recognised him from the news or a party he attended before all went downhill or they were disgusted by his face, he couldn't tell.

Frederick checked his watch 13 minutes later and was impressed that Hannah still didn't show any sign of leaving.

He waved a waiter over and sent him to tell her that he was already inside.

Frederick shook his head when she came closer. Again a dress off the rack. Not nearly as flattering as it should have been. She definitely inherited her apartment. But he had to give her that she had put some effort into her outfit. Hannah wore her long, curly hair down and swept over one shoulder revealing a silver statement earring in form of a shy looking peacock with loose rinestones hanging down symbolizing peacock feathers. Her dress was fitted tightly and had a classic yet modern flower pattern in bright colours and it was way too short to be appropriate for a restaurant of this class. The jacket she had worn outside was a simple parka with a dizzying pattern Hannibal probably would have approved of. In this dress and without her thick framed glasses she looked a bit older, but still around 24 or 25.

20 years his junior. She could be his fucking daughter. Frederick didn't even want to think about what the other guests might think of them.

»I took the liberty of already ordering myself a wine while I was waiting for you.«

»Of course. I want to apologize. I thought, I would meet you outside the restaurant.« She pointed to the place she had been waiting at the entire time and saw that he had a perfectly clear view. He must have seen her come and yet he waited so long before sending someone? Hannah's mouth hung open a second but she regained her composure quickly.

The waiter came over to take her order of a glass of still water and handed them the menus.

»Didn't you say this was nothing ''too fancy''?«, she whispered scanning the other guests and the menu, swallowing hard when she saw the prices, »this is high-end fanciness.«

»You said you wanted to go to a nice restaurant.«

»Yes, I did.« She almost sounded defeated. Good. That would teach her a lesson! He wasn't exactly sure what kind of lesson but he was certain that there must be one to be learned here.

Every meal on the menu was 50 $ or more. Frederick knew what he would be eating. Gnocci in spinach-cream sauce with white truffles. Fancy, expensive and vegetarian – perfect for him. He smirked when he saw her giant eyes growing even bigger as she undoubtably searched for the cheapest meal.

The waiter returned to bring her her water and stayed to take their orders.

»Just a small salad please. Nothing too« Expensive? »exotic.«

The waiter gave her a knowing, snooty look and turned to Frederick. He saw her jaw practically hit the edge of the table when she heard his order.

She glanced to the side when they were alone again.

»So, why did you draw me?«

Hannah sighed and turned a bit reddish but not nearly as much as yesterday.

»I work as an art conservator at the Baltimore Museum of Art. We just got a mass scene in a terrible state and some of the faces are completely indistinguishable and that's when I can actually get creative in my job, because there are no photographs of the original work.«

»And you painted me in a mass scene?«, Frederick asked incredulously. So the entire art world could laugh about him.

»I haven't yet, but I was going to.«

»Mhm.«

Hannah looked down to her hands and obviously felt uncomfortable.

»Not that much of a dark secret, right? Disappointed?«

»Well, rather an artist than a psychopath.«

She huffed a laugh and chewed her lower lip.

»So, Dr. Chilton, what discipline did you do your doctorate in?«

»Psychology.«

She made an interested face and actually seemed like she wanted to know more. »What exactly do you do? Are you working in a private practice or in a hospital?«

»As if you wouldn't know that already«, he snorted.

»Excuse me?«

»Oh, c'mon, you cannot avoid stumbling over my name here in Baltimore.« That sounded much snobbier than it was meant to but the look on her face was what he was after. She looked like he had just slapped her in the face. The waiter came back and brought the food with him. As if practiced her stomach started to rumble and that little plate in front of her wasn't going to be enough to assuage her hunger. His plate on the other hand was a beautifully presented piece of art and enough to sate him. Oh, she was going to be so jealous.

»Bon appétit!«, she wished him forcedly cheerful and grabbed her fork. Hannah wolved down her six or so salad leaves and looked around embarrased when she was already done before Frederick had even started eating. He was going to take his time and drink at least one more glass of wine (another 28 $).

After 15 long minutes filled with stoic silence she sighed and stopped sitting up as straight as a pole. Hannah leaned back in her chair and tried to ignore her still rumbling stomach.

»Why should I know your name?«, she asked after another 5 minutes and Frederick lowered his fork. He was eating like a bunny just to drag out his meal and make her jealous and angry. Frederick had reveled in the sound of her empty, protesting stomach.

»Because I was subject of more than one news article connetcted with the serial killer called the Chesapeake Ripper here in Baltimore. In some of them I'm even named as the killer.«

Hannah blinked repeatedly.  
»I'm not, by the way.«

»I never heard of that killer. I'm sorry. As I said I moved here only three months ago. Was he ever caught?«

»No. How old are you?«, Frederick asked bluntly and took another bite of his dinner. Working as a conservator was nothing an art student would do. She must be older than he thought. Her mouth stood open for a minute. By now she should be aware that he wasn't a nice guy so no reason to pretend any longer. Although he hadn't put much effort into his performance all together.

»Ehm, 31. Why?« She cleared her throat. »Isn't it rather unpolite to ask a woman for her age?«

Frederick had stopped right in the middle of chewing. 31? No way! But why would she make herself older?

»You look much younger than you are«, he muttered and resumed eating.

Hannah forrowed her brows. »How do you manage to make a compliment sound like an insult?«

»Years of practice.« Frederick showed his smug smile and waved the waiter over to order another glass of that expensive red wine its name he couldn't pronounce for his life. The snobbish waiter didn't even ask her if she wanted something too. That was rude, Frederick thought. He shouldn't expect a tip from her after this behaviour. Good for Frederick that he didn't expect anything from her tonight.

»And how old are you?«, she asked and seemed to try her best to save the evening. He had to give her that. Frederick wondered how much longer she would stomach his behaviour.

»Too old.«

Frederick turned to his plate again and felt her eyes on him while he nibbled his meal. He couldn't make it more obvious that he wanted to unnerve her but she was really persistent. Yet even her patience came to an end. At last.

»You could have just said no.«

»What?«

»When I asked you out. You could have just said no. Instead you are unpolite and cost me what I earn in a day.«

»You should find youself a better job if you earn that little.«

He sounded like his own father when he had lectured him that psychology would never pay his rent or could provide for him and a family of his own. Well, wrong, father, on all accounts. He was rich, didn't have to pay rent because he owned his home and he had no family of his own to provide for.

»Maybe I like my job. Ever thought about that?«

Finally, she sounded irritated. This charade of politeness could end now. »Why would you like a job that keeps you poor and forces you to buy ugly dresses off the rack?«

Hannah had enough. Always a sure thing to insult a woman's dress. But he hadn't expected her outburst. She stood up and almost knocked over her chair. »You know what, Dr. Chilton? The next time somebody is friendly to you, try to use your mirror neutrons. No wonder you are spending your nights alone in your apartment talking to your cat!«

Frederick fought hard to keep his cool composure in this public place. »I know why«, he said low, gestured to his punctured cheek and gave her the single most hateful glare humankind knew. How could she embarrass him in front of everybody here?  
»It has nothing to do with that stupid scar you're so fucking obsessed with! The only ugly thing about you is your character!«

And with that she was gone. Frederick was seething underneath the surface. He would finish his meal like a civilized human being and just ignore the stares and whispers around him.

Just. Ignore. Them! He couldn't. Frederick had lost his appetite the second Hannah had run off. He waved the waiter to his table and ordered his food to be put in a doggy bag and wanted the bill. But to his utter surprise Hannah had paid. Everything.

He would never have expected that. And it took him the 17 steps from his table to the foyer, where he wanted to wait for his doggy bag, to feel guilty and sick in the guts.


	4. Coal and Orange Blossom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An apology is in order but things take a different turn.

 

Frederick knew he should apologize, but he couldn't. Not because he didn't want to, although he wasn't a great fan of it either, but because she didn't answer when he knocked on her door as soon as he was back home. Maybe she wasn't there or didn't feel like interacting with the world outside her apartment (or just him). He couldn't blame her, yet he tried again and again. After his third attempt she finally opened the door and let out an annoyed groan when she saw him.

»What? Not done being unfriendly and as cuddly as a hedgehog for one evening?« She was swaying a bit and her eyes looked a bit reddish and unfocused. She … she was drunk! »Just get on with it so I can get back to my friends.«

»Jack Daniels and Jim Beam?«

She flipped her finger at him (like every reasonable grown-up does, he thought with an internal snort) before leaning her heavy head against the door frame.

»What do you want?«, she asked again and sighed tiredly.

Frederick took a deep breath and looked down to the doggy bag in his hands. He held it out to her.

»Offering me your leftovers? What am I? A starving dog?«

»Well, you're certainly not full from that small salad … and you paid for it. So why not have it? It's really good.«

»Good for you. Take it as a gift from someone who was stupid enough be to friendly to you.«

Now it was his turn to sigh. Frederick ran a hand over the nape of his neck and carefully searched for his next words. Okay, now was the time. He had to apologize.

Frederick breathed in and … was released from his duty when Hannah turned green around the nose and vomited right on his really expensive shoes.

Well, he'd deserved that. Karma was a bitch but a just one. After today he couldn't really be angry with her, well, maybe slightly irritated. On every other day or with every other person he would've screamed and shouted and called his lawyer on speed-dial. Just the cleaning of his shoes would cost a little fortune if one could even clean the expensive leather again. Luckyly for him she'd only had a salad and as it seemed gallons of booze in her stomach.

Hannah swayed even harder that Frederick started to worry she might faint. He couldn't hold her up if she did so better bring her to bed.

Frederick somehow expected her to fight him off when he put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her up straight again. Her eyelids were half closed and she was shaking, but that was only natural. Her skin felt damp and cold under his touch. Surely her blood sugar was low as hell. Better got her to bed before she fell asleep right here in the doorframe.

»Let's get you back inside«, he whispered and stepped around the waste on the floor. Hannah didn't say anything and just moaned lowly. She must've felt like shit now. He kind of hoped she would forget this evening (not just her vomiting but the entire evening) but then again, maybe she shouldn't forget it. Because now there was a definite lesson to be learned: Don't drink too much! It could end in embarrasment and strangers putting you to bed.

»Where is your bedroom?«

Hannah leaned on him heavily and he had to use all of his strength to keep her upright. With his former injuries and the excessive use of the flashy cane (he hadn't really needed and had now abandoned) his muscle stucture wasn't strong enough to carry her. She wasn't going to answer him in her current state and she didn't have to. Her apartment was smaller than his but built up quite similar so he guessed that the only separate room apart from the bathroom he knew the position of had to be her bedroom and he was right.

It wasn't as big or luxurious as his own but it had her personality wirtten all over it in every detail. Cole and chalk sketches on the wall and clothes everywhere on the floor. Were that bras on the knobs of her cabinet drawer? Unfortunately, her weight leaning on him didn't give much time to take a look around, just yet.

Hannah let out another low groan when he laid her down on her bed. She immediately turned onto her belly, snuggled up into her pillows and bent one leg into an angle. Her short dress hitched up even higher providing Frederick a clear view of her black lace panties.

Maybe if he had been nicer to her, chances would have been good, he could've seen it without feeling like a creep. But he couldn't change the past, although he regretted it now. Idiot!

And even though he wanted to go find a bucket to place next to her bed and leave a glass of water on her nightstand he couldn't move a single muscle.

His eyes were fixed on that black lace between her legs. It had been a long time since he last saw a woman in her underwear. And his last encounter with a woman hadn't ended too well. To be honest it had been a disaster from start to finish leaving him completely unsatisfied and her grossed out by the scar on his stomach. He had found her in a hotel bar he had been visiting frequently two years ago. Not because he was looking for a hook-up but because he wanted company while drinking after a hard day at work and the ladies were usually quite nice to look at and had some charme.

When he had been confident enough to ask one of them – he honestly couldn't remember her name, something sweet like Honey or Candy – to go with him, she had agreed. Well, why shouldn't she? It wasn't like he ''looked'' damaged back then except for his cane and he could still say that it was a fashion thing – his slight limp had already disappeared at that time – and he had the money to pay her double if he had to.

At home she was impressed by his house. The reason he bought it all those years ago. On their way up the stairs and into his bedroom she lost one clothing item every few steps until a dark red lace and satin thong was the last thing she was wearing. Her breasts were fake, obviously, but they did the trick to turn him on. Or maybe what got him turned on was the possibility of having sex in a couple of minutes. Something that happened way too seldomly in his life for his taste … or any man's to be honest.

But when she started undressing him in his bedroom Frederick had started to worry. And he had been right. As soon as she saw his prominent, almost white scar she froze. He had tried to explain to her what had happened to him but Frederick seemed to find only the wrong words and eventually scared her away for good.

Not even a woman he paid for it wanted to sleep with him! For the rest of the night Frederick had grabbed the cheapest whiskey he had had hidden in his kitchen cabinets and tried to erase the disgusted expression on her face and scared eyes from his memory. It obviously didn't work.

Needless to say, he never visited that hotel bar again.

And now here he was, confronted with a half naked, out of her mind drunk, beautiful woman lying in bed before him. He wanted to touch her. The skin on her shoulders had been incredibly soft. He'd bet his life that her thighs were even softer.

Like in a deep trance, he saw his hand extend to her bare calves. Frederick could stop himself before it was too late. Be a gentleman and stick to the plan, he told himself, bucket and water! Nothing more, nothig less. Forcing something to eat inside her was probably a stupid idea with an irritated stomach like hers.

Frederick had to resist the urge to allow himself a single touch and finally put a blanket over her tempting naked legs. If he didn't see it, it wasn't real! And if it wasn't real, he couldn't do something stupid that would end with him feeling gross or him standing in front of a judge.

He left the door ajar as he started searching for a bucket. He had one under the sink in his kitchen but under hers were only waste bins. Frederick stood in her kitchen and looked over to his apartment. She had a spectacular view. His bathroom, bedroom, home office and his open living room with the modern fireplace. It almost looked like a doll house from Frederick's current position.

Snap out of it and at least bring her a glass of water!

Hannah murmured in her sleep when he placed the glass on her nightstand. Frederick knew it sounded like the worst cliché but she really looked like an angel snoring softly.

Bucket! Find a bucket!

Maybe in her bathroom or did she have a cabinet in the hallway with her cleaning stuff? Hannah did. Good. Frederick placed the bucket next to her bed and debated if he should clean up what she had lost on her threshold. Rather not. Frederick fished his phone out of his pocket and searched for the number of the janitorial services. Within two minutes the deed was done and he could return to the more important matter's at hand. Hannah.

Frederick checked on her again to make sure she was still breathing and finally gave in to his inner desire to snoop around in her apartment. He wasn't proud of it but it wasn't like he rummaged around in her drawers and sniffed at her underwear. That would be creepy … even for his standards.

On tiptoes he sneaked into the open living room that looked like the younger brother of his own. A modern fireplace like his but this here wasn't usable. Hannah had build her kind of home office around and in it. Everything was full with art books, brushes, paints and some in progress coal body drawings. On the expensive, dark hardwood floor she had placed a protective foil like the one used by house painters. Hannah's walls were full of prints of famous paintings. She had a thing for dark art. Hannibal would have loved them too. Skulls, horns, delicacies, globes and all of them composed like one of his private dinners. Just the thought of it made Frederick's stomach turn. He never got around wandering how many people he had eaten without knowing it.

Frederick was almost thankful that the doctors hadn't been able to save his second kidney. At least that had saved him from eating more humans by accident.

On the other side of the open living room in front of him he spotted a cosy and very colourful couch and two unmatching but not less colourful armchairs full with even more art books. Her bookshelf burst out of it's seams with all the books she owned. Much more than he did and Frederick had always seen himself as a book worm. But as he approached the bookshelf he realized that only a handful had nothing to do with Renaissance or Baroque art. Very centered, he thought and sighed. Hannah's apartment smelled like herself: Coal from her sketches and drawings, fixatives (what he had mistaken for solvents at first) and orange blossom. The smell of the last one became stronger the closer he stepped to the bathroom. Must've been her shampoo or conditioner or something.

He had seen enough to ''know'' her. Hannah was young, lived for her job and her art. Something he could relate to.

With one last check on her breathing form he left her apartment and spend the rest of the day keeping himself from imagining the feel of her silky skin under his fingertips, her soft breath traveling down his neck or her hair covering her flushed face like a thick, wavy curtain when she'd ride him with teasingly slow and tender movements above him.

His hand itched to travel down to his half hard cock and relieve himself from the pressure inside his chest but he refused to jerk off to an image of his neighbour. The situation was weird enough with her hating him. Frederick could never look her into her blue eyes again if he came now with her name on his lips.

  
  


When he woke up the next morning Frederick was so tense he didn't even notice the unusual silence from Hannahs apartment until he stood under his steaming hot shower and his mind started working again.

Oh god, his head snapped up, what if she suffocated in her sleep? He was responsible for that! If he hadn't been such a prick at the restaurant she wouldn't have been drinking and that meant she would still be alive. He was a murderer! Frederick stared out of his living room window waiting for any sign of her still being alive. If Hannah wasn't up by now – 8:32 am – she would be late for work and he too, if he didn't hurry. With a cup of coffee in his hand he kept staring at his neighbour's apartment.

His heart almost leapt out of his chest when he finally saw Hannah.

»Oh, thank god.«

Frederick saw her race around in her living room with smudged panda eyes and hair every witch would be proud of. Bad bedroom hair wasn't said enough. She turned on her music and tried to reach the zipper of her dress but she was way too hurried to make it right. In the end Hannah screamed in frustration and pulled her dress off over her head leaving her with only her black panties and dark red bra.

Frederick choked on his coffee when he saw that and coughed hard. Kidney left his bed in the home office alarmed and made a questioning noise behind his owner just in time to witness him blushing hard. He'd never seen that before so it must've been something interesting. Frederick had never been confronted with a practically naked Hannah who – to top it all – had seen him almost choke and cough from the corner of her eye and screamed in shock. She fled into her bathroom and he muttered a loud »Fuck!« before heading off to work.

After that ''stalking accident'', as he called it in his head, he didn't get to see her for an entire week. Which was pretty nerve-racking. Every day he felt be bit more nauseous, every night he saw her in her mismatched underwear in his mind, doing things to him she probably never would, every morning he was more tense than the evening before and every evening he refused to release the pressure that kept building up inside him.

Frederick tried to get home early, on time or a little late to catch and talk to her. She sang her song every morning and he listened to her as she did so. Everything back to normal, Frederick thought with a deep sigh.

  
  



	5. If you show me yours, I'll show you mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> »What was so terrible about your week?«, Hannah heard Frederick ask and rolled her head to the side to look at him. He wore a dark green sweater and a pair of pitch black jeans. Looked great, especially on the lime green armchair. »Everything.«
> 
> After a terrible week and almost breakdown Hannah needed someone to talk to and she found Frederick.

»FUCK! You fucking little motherfucking asshole! Go and rot in fucking HELL!«

Frederick had almost given up upon hearing Hannah's voice in the evenings ever again. Although he would've preferred something less insulting but he took what he could get. Frederick stepped out of the elevator and heard her screaming and repeatedly kick against the wood of her poor door.

»Everything okay?«, Frederick asked warily and kept his distance. Hannah was clearly furious and he'd rather not come anywhere too close to her in her current mood. He would bet his other kidney that she was still incredibly angry with him … for various reasons. She let her heavy handbag glide off her shoulder and turned around with an irritated groan.

»No, I'm fine! Fine, fine, fine. Everything is fine. You can go back into your apartment and be fine too all by yourself. Fine?«

»That was a total of seven Fine's in five very short sentences. You sure you don't need any help?«

He gestured to the broken key in her hand and lifted his eyebrows in a sympathetic way. Suddenly Hannah turned still; she moved no muscle, didn't even blink. Until out of nowhere her eyes filled up with thick, hot tears and sobs shook her entire body as she sank to the floor and hugged her knees to her chest leaning against the wall behind her.

Oh, shit, he wasn't good with crying women. Frederick looked around for help but they were alone in the hallway.

Hannah snivelled something he couldn't understand and cried even harder.

»Okay, okay, okay«, he muttered more to calm himself down then Hannah. Frederick knelt down in front of her and decided once more after hearing his bones crack that he was way too old to crawl around on the floor. Good thing he had no kids.

»Everything's okay. Nothing can be so awful that would justify you sitting on the floor crying.«

»You have no fucking idea, Dr. Creep!«, she shouted at him with wet cheeks. At least she talked articulate again. »Why are you even here? Isn't saving maidens something only knights do?«

»Aren't maidens usually virgins filled with pureness and innocence?«

She shot him a merciless glare. »I really want to punch you in the face right now! After the day – no the fucking week – I had, you have nothing better to do than to be a prick again? Fuck off and be a prick somewhere else!«, Hannah cried and hugged her knees even tighter.

Frederick wouldn't force his help upon her. If she didn't want it, he had nothing else to do here.

Standing up he glanced over to the lock and saw the other half of her key deep inside. He could barely see it but it was there. Oh, great, he thought and looked back down at her.

»Have you already called someone to fix that?«

Hannah followed his eyes to the blocked lock and shook her head. She watched Frederick dig up his phone from his jacket pocket scrolling around a bit. He was calling somebody. Why couldn't he just leave her alone in her misery?

»Hello, my name is Dr. Frederick Chilton. I require your services.« A short pause. »A broken key blocking the lock.« Another pause. He was calling janitorial services for her. »Hanover Building, 12th floor, apartment 1206. You can find us in 1201, when you're done with your job. Thanks.«

Frederick extended his hand to her and waited.

»C'mon, no use in waiting here, sitting on the floor crying over the terrible day or week you've had. My couch is much more comfortable for that and the janitor will tell us as soon as you can get back into your apartment.« He sounded much more self-assure than he actually was. Inviting a stranger into his personal Fort Knox was a big leap for him.

»No.«

She sounded like a thick-headed three-year-old and Hannah knew that. She behaved childish but after today every tiny sign of kindness towards her could mess her up completely.

»Then sit here and wait«, Frederick muttered and turned on his heel.

He was in the process of unlocking his own door, when he saw movement behind his shoulder. He moved to the side, opened the door and silently waved her inside. A sharp remark on his tongue begged him to be set free but he swallowed it, no matter how hard it was.

Kidney meowed surprisedly when he saw Hannah and looked up to Frederick. They never had guests and he liked it to stay that way.

»I missed you, too.«

»What?«

Frederick armed the alarm and locked the door.

»Ehm, what are you doing? Why are you locking us in?«, Hannah asked with a touch of panic in her still quivering voice.

»I don't feel save any other way and don't worry. As I told you, I'm not a killer. And my cat and I have a small ritual. When I come home he welcomes me and I answer him. Rituals and routines are important.« The last words he whispered and picked up Kidney to ruffle the cat's soft red fur.

»Please follow me.«

He lead her to his living room, walked over to the open kitchen on the right side and fed Kindey his dinner.

Hannah looked so out of place in his toned down apartment with her colourful hand bag, messy bun and smudged mascara. Well, the smudged mascara wasn't part of her normal attire. No woman should have smudged mascara, Frederick thought and returned to the door to take off his shoes and jacket.

»Take a seat, therapy will beginn in a few seconds«, he shouted and wanted to change into something more comfortable than his dark gray Armani suit and simple black Prada shirt before doing a private extra hour in his living room.

Hannah lifted her eyebrows at the word ''therapy'' and snivelled before giving in. She was tired and angry and sad and lonely and … in a very nice apartment. She couldn't shut off her artist head. He had taste or enough money to buy himself some. Maybe this conversation could help her release some of the steam inside her chest. That's what therapy was for, right?

His couch was comfortable and had a nice cool blue colour, matching the light lime of the armchair, both contrasting with the dark floor and black walls. The only reason why it all didn't feel like a thick blanket on a hot summer day were the floor-to-ceiling windows giving the whole open room the feeling of the bridge in a giant ship. He had the same fireplace as she did but his was usable but currently not burning. Maybe he would turn it on if she asked.

Hannah slumped down on the sofa and pulled her knees to her chest. She laid her head back and closed her eyes. She heard her bag glide from the couch next to her and fall down on the dark hardwood floor but she couldn't bring herself to care.

»What was so terrible about your week?«, Hannah heard Frederick ask and rolled her head to the side to look at him. He wore a dark green sweater and a pair of pitch black jeans. Looked great, especially on the lime green armchair. »Everything.«

»The weather was good though.«

»True.« Hannah sighed and made herself a bit more comfortable, facing him more. A sign that she was at least willing to talk. »Didn't take you for an optimist.«

Frederick huffed a small laugh. »I'm not. I'm just more optimistic than you right now.« Frederick remembered an old saying his father had told him as a child and he'd used in the last conversation he'd had with Will Graham. The optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears this is true. »So, tell me why a broken key made you cry?«, he asked again. Somehow his voice was different from usual. His therapy voice, calm and patient. One of his friends at uni once called him the ''Therapy Teddy'' because he was only bearable when he was in therapy mode … or drunk.

»You don't really wanna know. You're only interested in yourself and I don't even blame you. Must be something in the water here.«

Frederick furrowed his brow. »Why would you think that?«

»You are unfriendly, rude and selfish. You always look like somebody spat in your soup and everybody in Baltimore is just like you are. I've spend the last week since our terrible date trying to get to know people in bars or clubs, at work, I even have a membership in a sport studio. I don't like sports. I fucking hate sports!«

Hannah started crying again and Frederick offered her a tissue to wipe away her tears. She mouthed a silent »Thank you« and played with the small tissue for a few silent minutes.

»I gather you weren't successful at meeting new people?«

»Do I look like it?«, she snapped and glared at him again.

»Not really. And what else happened?«

Hannah sighed and looked back down to her hands again.

»I painted the man I loathe and I'm bearing my heart to him right now even though he watched me in my fucking underwear the morning after he treated me like shit in a pretentious restaurant … and the salad there really sucked! Isn't that enough?«

»To my excuse, Miss Scarborough, I had no idea how the food was and I …« He shut himself up before he could tell her that he helped her to bed after she had emptied her stomach upon his shoes. It would've sounded like a make up story to cast a better light on him. It was obvious Hannah didn't remember anything after the disaster in the restaurant. Luckily she was too occupied with hating him to realize the change in his composure.

»Then why did you choose it?«

»That's not part of your last week, the reason for your current emotional turmoil. Let's stick to that. What was the worst that happened to you this week?«

»A man in a bar that I had a two hour long conversation with about the different styles of Tizian and Raphael, groped and slapped my ass with the comment ''that one simply begs to be pounded'' and asked me how much he'd have to pay for anal sex without a condom. Loudly.«

Federick's eyebrows shot up and he blinked a couple of times. That really was something to start losing faith in humanity.

»Are you having a system failure, Dr. Chilton?«

»No, and you can call me Frederick. You're not my patient.« Hannah repeated his name silently. Felt good on the tongue. Suited him. Sounded like a monarch of some cold European country, Denmark or something up north. Frederick watched her test his name on her lips and turn to the tissue again.

»Am I not? I feel like one, Frederick.«

»Better not, most of my patients are multiple murderers including extremly violent pedophiles, sociopaths and sick psychopaths. I wouldn't come anywhere close to one of them without iron bars between the two of us and cameras recording everything during our sessions. Anyway …« Starting with the worst and end with the best. » … what was the best that happened to you this week?«, he asked and tilted his head to the side as she stayed silent.

»C'mon there must have been something.«

Hannah sighed sadly and shook her head.

»Anything?«

Still nothing and her eyes filled with hot tears again.

Oh god, please no crying again. He always felt helpless being confronted with crying people. He sucked at soothing others.

»Think day by day. What did you do on mond-«

»Nothing, okay? There was nothing good this week! My colleagues don't like me and I have no fucking idea why! My car broke down and the repair will cost me a fucking fortune! I was sexually harrassed and the cops just told me ''to stay cool'' about it! I ate an entire cake yesterday to make myself feel better but I just feel fat and today my key broke in the lock! My week was terrible and you are not making it any better by quibbling over it!«, Hannah shouted. Tears were streaming down her face and smudged her mascara even more.

»I don't have a single friend in America and my friends in England seem to have forgotten about me altogether. I am alone and all I do is trying and failing in everything I do.«

She hiccuped a few sobs and wiped away her tears and mascara a bit. And now she was crying over her miserable life on the couch of her creepy neighbour. Ugh. She couldn't sink any lower. She'd officially hit rock bottom!

»Are you sick?«, Frederick asked bluntly and took her by surprise with his question. Maybe it was the best to let the subject fall. Her eyes followed his gaze and traveled down to her open handbag. Shit. Her meds stood out of it like a lantern in darkest night … the entire time of her emotional breakdown.

»Ehm, no. I take them for my panic attacks.«

»What gives you panic attacks?«

»What gives you yours?« Frederick furrowed his brows and prompted her with a tilt of his head to tell her how she learned about his nightly panic attacks with a pounding pulse in his neck, sweat running down his temples and the feeling of a 250 pound man sitting on his chest.

»You're not the only one who looks through the windows of their neighbour's and sometimes I have sleeping problems, so I saw one or two of them«, she explained and was pleased when she saw a little smile tug on the corners of his mouth. Frederick found himself confronted with someone who could be just as glib as he was. Plus she stopped crying and looked more relaxed now.

»If you show me yours, I'll show you mine. Or whatever might apply when it comes to telling secrets.«

»Is it still a secret if it was never declared one?«

He furrowed his brow.

»Every person's history is a secret, some are more obvious«, he gestured to his facial scar, »others are more hidden.« Frederick's eyes unnoticably flicked down to his covered belly. He was the perfect example for what he'd just said.

»Difference between you and me is that mine are all hidden.« She reached down and closed her bag. He didn't need to know how high her meds were dosed to keep her from shaking night after night and wishing to stay inside her safe apartment for the rest of her life. »I usually take them when I go to bed or when I know I probably won't be home after nightfall. At night it's always worst.«

As if he didn't know that himself. Frederick pursed his lips and looked to the side. Kidney peeked around the corner and eyed Hannah suspiciously. He didn't like her, yet Frederick had received the same kind of look when he had brought Kidney home with him first.

»Now that you are no longer at the brink of a mental breakdown, may I see your meds?«

Hannah's brow furrowed. »Why?«

»Because I want to see if I can offer you a glass of wine.«

Her questioning face irritated him slightly. She had appeared so intelligent but didn't know about ''not mixing one's medication with alcohol''? Even Two and a Half Men had made fun of that more than once!

»I want to see if you can drink while taking your meds so I won't break my Hippocratic oath by offering you alcohol.«

»You're a psychiatrist, not a doctor.«

That really made him wince in anger. His father used to say that every time his mother was so proud of him she called him ''Doctor'' even at the breakfast table. Good that his old man was dead for 12 years now. All this talk about his son would have killed him by embarrassment. And Frederick told Hannah the exact same thing he told Dr. Chilton senior every time he ripped his doctor title to pieces.

»I can prescribe medication thus I needed to take the oath just like every dentist and surgeon, Miss Scarborough.«

»Hannah. And you could simply ask.«

»Do you know if you can drink?« She looked to the side and shook her head. So she didn't. Why even bother with the medication you take? Frederick hated people like that. They would swallow everything if someone in a white doctor's coat told them to.

Kidney sneaked over to his owner and jumped up on his lap. Purring he laid down and reveled in the petting he received from Frederick's big hands.

»Maybe I don't want any wine or didn't take my meds today. I meant asking me that, Frederick.«

It felt strange to be on first name basis with him but he helped her feel better and relax for the first time this week.

»Do you want wine and did you take your meds today?«

»Yes.«

He held out his hand and watched Hannah reach down to give Frederick her orange pillbox from her handbag. Kidney was interested in the strange thing his owner held in front of his face turning it to read the printing on it. Without his glasses and with the impairment of his left eye Frederick had to squint his eyes to read the almost faded letters.

»You should be fine. At least I don't see why you shouldn't and if your heart stops beating I could still do mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on you.«

Hannah raised an eyebrow and smirked like a cat. »If you want to kiss me, Frederick, you don't have to kill me first.«

Her playful mood didn't last long. Frederick was sure she hadn't meant what she'd just implied.

»I won't make your week any worse than it already is by trying to sexually harrass you. I'll save that for a week you need a real downer.«

They shared a mutual smirk and Frederick shooed Kidney off his lap to retrieve a bottle of wine of moderate price for it's quality and age and two glasses from the kitchen. When he came back he saw Hannah sitting crossed-legged with her shoes off on his couch with Kidney watchfully approaching and sniffing at her friendly extended hand.

»What's her name?«

» _His_ name is Kidney.«

Hannah's face twisted into an expression of amusement and confusion. »What a strange name for a cat. Did you choose it?«

Right as he wanted to answer her, something in the back of his head made click. He was having a friendly conversation with her. Like they were friends. And after all he'd heard today this was the highlight of her entire week. Poor thing, having to name a therapy session with her disfigured awkward neighbour the best thing in seven days. She almost seemed to have forgotten about his behaviour in the restaurant. Maybe like this he could avoid apologizing to a sober Hannah or avoiding it at all.

»Yes, his first owner called him Sir Lancelot but I couldn't take him serious with such a name.«

»And why Kidney?«

Frederick filled both glasses with the wine and handed her one of them. »Be carefull, he likes wine too.«

Hannah smiled at Kidney in her lap and dipped a finger into her wine to offer the little fellow some of it. The sound of the cat's scraping tongue over her wet finger made Frederick shake his head. He definitely wanted to be reborn as his cat … or hers if she was going to be treating him like this. Pictures of her delicate fingers running through his thick, dark hair filled his mind and he almost purred himself then and there at the thought.

»So, still, why name your cat after an internal organ?«

»Because I'm missing a kidney and like that I still got two, at least when I'm home.«

»Who has your kidney? Have you ever found out who the receiver of your donation was?« How sweet and innocent and actually horrifyingly normal her assumption was that he donated his organ to save another person's life.

»I never donated my kidney, it was taken from me and I'd rather not go into detail about this.«

Her face fell. Surely horrible scenarios of him in a back alley surgery came to her mind and, although the observatory hasn't been the most sterile place on earth, Gideon could have done so much worse. After his attack on him he merely had an infection or complications. Abel Gideon might have been a crazy murderer but as a surgeon he was beyond compare. To end the awkward silence that had fallen upon them Frederick started a new topic of conversation. Work. Hers, of course.

»You mentioned earlier that you painted ''the man you loathe'' today. Does that mean I'm immortal now?«

»Yes, you are. But you would be anyways. You're smart. I'm sure you've already published thousands of really good, high-class articles and at least one book or so.«

No, he hadn't but maybe that wasn't such a bad idea. He would do it as soon as Hannibal was savely behind bars, preferably under his care so he could study him. It was macarbe to say it but as much as Frederick resented that man, he was undeniably interesting and worth to be written about. It would become a bestseller and that journalistic brat Lounds would finally have to admit that he wasn't a well-educated man for no reason.

Also, he wanted to wait until after Hannibal's capture to avoid casting a light on himself that could draw the cannibal or his minions to him like a swarm of blood hungry moths.

»The painting is nearly done. I saved your face for last. Wanted to put in as much effort as possible … I guess to impress you.«

Frederick eyed Hannah up and down. Very open of her to talk about her intention to impress him. Even more so as he'd assumed she hated him.

»When can I see it?«

»In two weeks or so it will be hung up in the Museum of Art but until than it remains in the room I work in, on the floor I work on, in the building I work in, behind the actual museum that looks so much nicer and not like a prison.«

Her voices started to sound laggy and Frederick looked at her half empty glass. She couldn't be drunk after only two sips of wine.

»When was the last time you ate something today?«

She slowly drew in a breath while she thought about it. »Breakfast, I think. And one half of a sandwich at noon.«

Meds and alcohol on an empty stomach were probably the worst combination possible. Complications could vary from feeling dizzy and disorientated to cardiac faliure and death. Maybe after the restaurant she hadn't been that drunk but the same thing had happened that was happening now.

»I think it was a bad idea to give you wine, Hannah.« Frederick placed his glass on the coffee table and wanted to take hers too, but she gulped it all down in one go. Oh no. He'd better keep a close eye on her from now on. But a knock on the door made it a bit difficult to watch her while answering.

»I guess that must be the janitor.«

»Oh, do I have to go so soon? We were just starting to have fun!«, Hannah called after him with a pout.

From the corner of his eye he saw her grab his wine glass and gulping its content down just as fast as she had done with her own one. The janitor constantly stared at Frederick's facial scar when he told him he repaired the door and handed him a spare key he should give the doorkeeper as soon as he'd made a new one for himself. Frederick simply nodded and shut the door again.

When he returned into the living room Hannah was on the floor and looked up to Kidney who sat right in front of her on the armchair. Her eyes were unfocused and reddish just like the other night. Frederick sincerely hoped she wouldn't vomit on his cat.

»Okay, how about I get you to bed?«, he asked a bit too cheerfully.

»But I'm not tired yet«, she whined like a child and played with Kindeys paws. The cat looked over to Frederick and meowed seeking for help. This whole situation gave the tomcat the creeps.

»I know, I know. I get her to bed.«


	6. Grand Annual Gala of the Maryland Psychiatrist's Guild

 

When Hannah woke up the next morning she looked into two emerald green eyes. They were watching her intently like they could find a long forgotten truth in her face. And she stared back. Never in her life had she seen such green eyes.

Kidney padded her nose to make her move and produced a high happy purring noise as she reached up to pet his head. This cat had by far the softest fur she had ever touched. A bit like she imagined Frederick's hair to feel like. Frederick? Wait, Hannah thought and sat up with a faint moan. Why was Kidney in her apartment and … and why was she not in her own apartment?

»Ah, good, you're awake. Feel hungover or still dizzy?«

Frederick came closer from the door and offered her a glass with something that looked like Aspirin in it. Her head wasn't pounding as much as the morning after their visit at the restaurant but it was still hurting. Speaking of which.

»I never thanked you.«

»Pardon?«

Frederick sat down on the edge of the bed and kept an eye on her while she emptied the whole glass in one go and made sure she didn't choke.

»Thanked you for … putting me to bed I guess.«

»Well, I couldn't really let you camp on my couch. You wouldn't be able to stand up straight for a week.« He sighed. »Believe me, I tried.«

She smiled shyly and smoothed the folds out of the expensive linen of her blanket. »Thank you.«

»Maybe you should see a doctor.«

Hannah smirked without looking at him. »Aren't you a doctor?«

»True. But I'm not your doctor. Talk with him about your medication. Something is off with it. You shouldn't get dizzy from two sips of wine after taking them. Was the same the other night«, he murmured and Hannah lifted her head.

»What other night?«

Oops. He actually never intended to tell her, because that meant admitting snooping around in her apartment for the sole purpose of finding a bucket. But he opened the window now he had to let in the sunlight.

»After our dinner. I … I wanted to apologize and you opened the door being - what I thought - heavily drunk, but now I know that it was drug interaction with maybe a glass of alcohol or so.«

Hannah turned redder and redder the longer he spoke. His guess was that she knew what else had happened that night.  
»I really hoped that was just a really strange dream«, she whispered and buried her face in her hands. »I'm very, very sorry about your shoes.«

»It's o-« No, wait, before waving it off, he could use her current mood to his advantage. Wow, that sounded pretty cold and calculating, but it kind of was.

»You could make it up with accompanying me to a dreadful Gala, the Grand Annual Gala of the Maryland Psychiatrist's Guild, I have to attend this Saturday.«

Frederick watched her face intently. No sign of disgust or rejection. Good. Surprising but good.

»Are you free?«

»Yes, I am. Ehm, how fancy is this going to be? Sounds pretty fancy«, Hannah asked anxiously.

Frederick wrinkled his nose. »High-end.«

Just as she wanted to say something, her phone started ringing. It was playing The Overture from Chicago. Catchy and impossible not to hear. Frederick had put her handbag next to the bed the night before. He reached down to help her and watched her search the bag for her phone as if her life depended on it.

»Matt?«, she asked even before the phone touched her ear properly and a big smile spread on her lips. Frederick felt out of place in his own guest room. He didn't want to eavesdrop on her so he decided to make them some coffee.

A few minutes later Hannah entered the living space with its open kitchen, hardly used dinner table and living room.

»I think I should go now, my phone call is going to take a bit longer. Thank you for being a gentleman and listening to my ''minor'' breakdown yesterday.« She even made the little quote signs with her fingers.

Frederick nodded, a bit dissapointed that she already wanted to leave him again but he couldn't force her to stay.

»So, we see each other at the latest on Saturday?«

»Yes, Saturday.« Frederick disarmed his alarm system to let her exit his apartment and felt a mixture of terrible fear and excitement when he thought of the weekend to come.

 

* * *

 

The following Saturday Frederick's heart was pounding against his ribcage like a sledge hammer when he checked his appearance for the thousandth time in the reflecting elevator doors. They had met yesterday evening in the foyer and talked about him waiting for her on their floor but agreed on meeting in the foyer instead. Frederick was ten minutes early and he would be pacing the floor like a tiger on speed if he stayed up here. He was sure of that.

Better occupy his mind analysing the doorkeeper for fun. Frederick was sure he'd be waiting for her at least 15 minutes (of course, she was a woman) but he was happy to take it if the result was worth waiting for.

Inside the elevator he checked his appearance for the thousand-and-first time. His tuxedo fitted like a glove and his bowtie was flawless. It better should be after 23 attempts with and without a mirror in front of him. But it all couldn't keep him from constantly worrying he might make a complete fool of himself tonight. Then it suddenly hit him like train and knocked the air out of his lungs. What was the only thing about his performance this evening he couldn't control? Hannah. Images of her in an ugly 80's prom dress with puffy sleeves and a terrible perm hairdo flooded his mind and Frederick started sweating.

»Please don't let her look like Caren Zilinsky in 1986«, he prayed silently and his stomach dropped when he arrived in the foyer.

Frederick checked his phone for the time. 9 minutes left to freak out until his worries were either confirmed or busted.

The doorkeeper had his radio turned on. Michael Jackson was playing and he was humming to the tune. Although that was quite a high humming for a man in his 60s, Frederick thought and lifted his gaze from his phone. His heart skipped a beat when he saw Hannah.

Oh, thank you, God.

She looked breathtaking in her black floor-length one shoulder dress, her hair up in a loose, curly updo that left her neck and shoulders free, a few curls framing her beautiful face.

The gown was decent but also sexy and glamorous. The wide strap over her shoulder and covering her back was made from a slightly sparkling material, the only application on the otherwise pitch black evening gown. In her hands Hannah held a black clutch with small rhinestones arranged to resemble the Ursa Major constellation and a black shawl to keep her warm in case the evening turned colder. Hannah wasn't wearing any jewelry except for simple stud earrings twinkling like actual diamonds.

She just looked amazing walking up and down in the foyer, her eyes cast down to the floor while humming and slightly moving to the music from the old tatty radio.

The longer Hannah walked, her steps got swingier until she was practically dancing and singing along with the king of pop.

It painted a sincere and very seldom smile on Frederick's face and he felt the hard scar tissue pull at his muscle. Somehow she hadn't heard the elevator so he could watch her without feeling like a pervert.

Hannah made an almost dramatic pose at the end of the song and jumped when their eyes suddenly met. She looked at him like a deer caught in the headlights.

»To your excuse ''The way you make me feel'' is a really great song«, Frederick grinned breaking the heavy silence that fell upon them. Hannah smiled and blushed under her make-up. Frederick found that utterly endearing.

»You look very handsome tonight, Frederick.«

He looked down on himself and ran a sweaty palm over his chalk-white dress shirt.

»Thank you.« He cleared his throat. »You, too.«

It felt like picking up Caren for prom all over again but both of them looked much better now. They looked at each other for what felt felt like eternity before Frederick's phone rang. He had set the alarm on two minutes before they originally wanted to meet to be down in the foyer on time.

»Shall we?«  
»Love to«, Hannah chirped with a smile and Frederick could have sworn he could hear her heart racing when they made their way outside to take a cab. With her car still in repair and his plan to drink tonight until he'd forget his own name it was better to take a cab even though Frederick worried about soiling his tuxedo pants on the dirty seats of a cab. They were both way too nervous about this evening to participate in anything other than idle chit chat in the back of the surprisingly clean cab.

Frederick paid for the fair and offered Hannah his arm as they climbed the stairs to the Science Museum tonight's Gala was taking place in. That was when Frederick noticed that even with her high-heels Hannah was still a couple of inches smaller than him. Perfect.

»Are you alright?«, Hannah asked a little anxiously. He was as stiff as a board when he saw the mass of people streaming inside the museum. He could barely hear her over the sound of his drumming heart and rushing blood in his ears.

»Yes, yes, I'm quite alright«, Frederick lied miserably and swallowed hard with the sad imitation of a smile on his face. Of course she didn't believe him but Hannah just gave him a reassuring smile and entered the building with him.

Their first way led them to the bar to stock each of them up with a drink in their hands.

»Anyone you know here tonight?«, Hannah asked, scanning the crowd dressed in tuxedos and silky gowns.

»I know all of them.«  
»And why do they look at you as if they don't?«, she whispered, still scanning her surroundings.

»Because they don't particually like me.«  
»I wonder why that is.«  
Frederick shot her a sharp look and she just smirked sipping her champagne. Hannah looped her arm around his elbow and smiled. Why did she smile so much? Acting, he mused.

»Shall we stroll around a bit?«

»Sure, why not«, Frederick sighed heavily.

»Wow, keep your enthusiasm down a bit or you might gallop away with it.«

»I'm sorry if I don't cheer over the prospect of promenading in front of people who resent me?«

»Then why are you here at all?«

Frederick sighed again and they started walking around the crowded room. »Because I have to and these people are my colleagues and networking is essential in my profession. I just don't like being the center of attention … anymore.«

»So you used to like it?«

Before Frederick could answer his eyes fell apon a very familiar figure. She stood by some colleagues and leaned on her simple cane she needed after her complicated fracture of her pelvis after Abigail Hobbs' attack on her. He looked at it. His had looked much better and it had also complimented his attire but hers – although not medical – was still far from the class his had been. She should've asked him for the address of his cane-maker. This one was just hideous in its simplicity.

In his chest he felt the flutter of past times light up. He had waited for this moment to come.

»Dr. Bloom, how nice to see you«, Frederick lied without even trying to make it sound sincere. Dr. Bloom turned around to him and Hannah and eyed them up and down. She had wondered if he would come tonight. Dr. Bloom had almost missed the smugness in his face and at least in the right side she could still spot his trademark smik. She had known him long enough to know what he thought about her, especially now after he was evidently right about Hannibal. He still hadn't rubbed that under her nose. Yet Frederick hadn't attended any social event since his recovery.

»And how nice to see you too. It has been a while.«  
»Yes. And now comes the highlight of my night, Dr. Bloom.«

Dr. Bloom tried to keep herself from rolling her eyes but she failed miserably.

»I told you so.« Every word a boost for his ego. It felt awesome. Until she junged out for a counterstrike.

»I hope that this knowledge helps you whenever you look into a mirror and see your face in it, Dr. Chilton.«

Low blow, Alana, really low blow, Frederick thought and clenched his reconstructed jaw.

Silence fell upon them and Hannah waited patiently if Frederick would introduce the two women. She didn't like her after that last comment and the way she looked at him like he was nothing. Frederick eventually acquainted them to each other after Hannah slightly nudged his side.

»May I introduce a friend of mine Miss Hannah Scarborough?«

Dr. Bloom and Hannah civilly shook hands and made their ''Pleased to meet you''s and ''You, too''s. It was like a dance society had taught them years ago.

»How have you two met?«, Dr. Bloom asked and sipped her champagne. She smiled and looked like a cat that had just eaten a canary. Frederick narrowed his eyes. What was she fishing for here? Perhaps she thought Hannah was a prostitute he hired for the evening.

»He lives in the apartment opposite of mine and asked me if I would like to accompany him tonight.«

»You sold your house?« Dr. Bloom sounded genuinely surprised.

»Couldn't get the blood out of the wood floor.«

Hannah's eyebrows shot up a second. Maybe he should've briefed her beforehand of what had happened to him.

Dr. Bloom nodded slightly and took her leave to talk to somebody on the other side of the room.

»Is it worth asking?«

»Not really.« Frederick downed his champagne with one gulp and swapped it for a full one as a waiter with a full tray passed them.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw a familiar shade of red hair and cursed under his breath when he noticed Freddy Lounds worming her way through doctors, professors and their little trophy wives. Her vivacious eyes found him and he winced internally. Of course she had to be here tonight and where she was her camera wasn't far.

Before Lounds could pester him with her nonsense, he turned to Dr. Hendrikson – someone terribly tedious but Frederick preferred him a thousand times to Freddy Lounds – and asked him about his collection of antique stethoscopes. Nothing as boring as this but better than this terrible redhead.

This evening was going to be a very long one.

After a while Dr. Hendrikson and Frederick were joined by another doctor he knew from a conference in Washington DC two years before Gideon had attacked him. Hannah stayed by his side the entire time and dozed off after a while.

»I'm afraid we are boring your lovely companion, Frederick«, Dr. Hendrikson laughed whole-heartedly and Hannah was too deep in her own thoughts to notice the three men looking at her. Frederick put his arm around Hannah's waist and snapped her out of her trance.

»I'm sorry, what did you say?«, she asked and looked up to Frederick who quickly removed his hand again. Dr. Hendrikson and the other man – Dr. Olivier, he remembered it now – laughed even louder and Hannah turned red.

»Are we boring you, my dear?«, Hendrikson repeated with another laugh.

»No, no, I'm just a bit tired. That's all. The Museum is breathing down my neck because of a painting I'm working on.«

»Are you an artist?«, Dr. Olivier asked genuinely interested and sipped his drink.

»Ehm, not predominantly. I work as an art conservator.«

Both psychiatrists lifted their eyebrows and looked very impressed. They asked her questions about her job and although Frederick was interested to hear, his mind drifted off.

There wasn't a single person on this Gala he had been happy to see. Not a single one!

Frederick excused himself as he felt an attack of pure melancholy come closer. He made his way through the crowd to one of the doors leading outside to the dark terrace. Frederick desperately needed some fresh air and some time alone without hundreds of people surrounding him and talking across each other. Just some peace and silence. And the opportunity to calm down again. The collar of his tuxedo was wet from his sweat and his heart was pounding in his chest like he had run a marathon but without the stinging of his lungs.

He had lost track of time while he stood outside the museum in a barely lit corner leaning against the rough stone of the wall. Maybe he could stay here and wait for the party to be over. Hide here and wait for the best.

Frederick closed his eyes and let his head fall back. The cool air caressed his wet skin and the wind carried the noise of the party over to him.

Two voices came closer and Frederick actually didn't want to eavsdrop … until he heard what was the subject of their conversation.

»Did you see it? It looks awfull. I couldn't look away. Honestly, I'm so happy he didn't speak to me. Poor Hendrikson.«

»What do you expect? He was shot in the face.«

Great. Let's see what else his colleagues had to say about him and his hideous face.

»Yes, but I mean … he never was that handsome and now he's even uglier. I can't imagine how much he pays that woman to play his girlfriend tonight.«

»Excuse me, but I think we have very different views on what's ugly and what's not, Sir!«, Hannah's voice cut through the whispered conversation and a small smile tugged on Frederick's lips. She sounded fierce.

»For somebody as grown up and educated as all of you'd like to appear, you are by far the most unmannered and rudest pack I've ever had the misfortune to meet.«

From his hideaway Frederick could already see the edge of her dress.

»You should be ashamed of yourself!«

The two men sheepishly left the terrace without another word and Hannah simply shook her head over them.

»You sounded like a kindergarden teacher«, Frederick said quietly.

»They should apologize.«

»I'd rather forget about it.«

Hannah came over to him and put her hand on his arm. She smiled warmly and looked deep into his tried, green eyes.

»I think we've been here long enough, Frederick. No use in letting them insult you more.«

»They'll insult me no matter if I'm here or not.«

»There. But at home you don't have to listen to any of this bullshit. You don't need that; you're too good for those people.«

Frederick examined her face in the darkness around them. Maybe it was the three champagnes on an empty stomach but in his eyes Hannah looked even more beautiful after saying those words. She was trying to comfort him. They hardly knew each other and nobody except his grandmother had ever done that for him and that had been more than 35 years ago.

»So, let's sneak out and get home. These people here are all fucking rude.«

»Yes, they are«, Frederick mused and forced himself to smile. Whenever he heard the word ''rude'' he had to think of Hannibal and that made him feel nauseous.

They didn't say their goodbyes to anyone, just hurried through the crowd and hailed the first cab that came along.

»Where?«, the driver asked.

Frederick stayed silent and stared out of the window. Hannah gave the indian-looking man their address and she glanced over to Frederick beside her. He seemed completely absorbed in his thoughts. She couldn't say what they were about but the twitching muscles of his tight jaw indicated nothing too pleasant.

She tried to distract him with light small talk but all attempts fell on deaf ears. Hannah paid the cab driver and had to nudge Frederick's side to wake him from his trance.

»We're home«, she said and smiled at him.

They silently rode up on the elevator and Frederick wanted to go to his apartment without saying a word to her until he felt her hand on his arm.

»Is everything alright, Frederick?« What was the friendly equivalent of ''my entire life is a huge fucking mess and I would rather live on the north pole where my only neighbours are fluffy polar bears but I hate the cold''? Stop whining to strangers, Frederick told himself but the alcohol got the better of him.

»This evening showed me how much I hate my life. I -«

Frederick stopped mid-sentence and clenched his teeth. He was way too drunk and way too sad and she was NOT the person he'd bear his heart to.

»You shouldn't waste your time with me, I think. I'm fine.«

»Are you sure? I can stay if you like.«

»Just go, alright? I'm thankful you accompanied me to the damn Gala tonight but that's all.«

Without looking at her surprised and slightly hurt face Frederick turned around to practically ran into his apartment. He armed the alarm system and tried to sleep. In the end he was up until 3 am and felt sorry for everyone who got smart with him the next day.


	7. We made the news

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freddie Lounds just couldn't keep her mouth shut which in the end presented itself as a good opportunity to speak with Hannah again.

 

And somebody got smart with him.

His assistant hadn't told him that she wouldn't be in today. She had only tucked a small note into his calendar that today was her husband's operation and therefore she wouldn't be working. As if she could influence the actions of the surgeons when she sat around in a hospital and prayed. She could've done the same from her desk! Great, Frederick thought and the overwhelming desire to punch something or someone build up in his guts. His secretary had his usual day off today so he was pretty alone in his office.

But what was the point in moaning, he asked himself and started working. Today his therapy sessions were a particularly tedious. His patients either talked about every disgusting detail of their crimes or didn't talk at all.

He almost screamed in pure joy when it was time for his lunch break. Finally, he had an excuse to leave this horrible place. And he knew exactly where he wanted to go instead.

Hannah had told Frederick on their evening together in his living room that ended with her intoxicated in his guest room that she worked in a building behind the Museum of Art. It wasn't nearly as majestic as the museum. Just a grey building with little to no windows. Perhaps sunlight wasn't good for the paintings or something, he thought.

Frederick wanted talk to her because he had found something interesting on Tattle Crime concerning Saturday's Gala.

He asked the old man at the reception for directions to Hannah's workspace and waited patiently while the old fellow had to scan through his lists with his shaky hands. His name badge said Walter and Frederick felt reminded of his grandfather. He didn't get as old as this Walter though. Maybe that was good because he seemed pretty slow and a little overchallenged with the simple task assigned to him.

»Ah, S4, Art departments Italian Renaissance and Baroque.«

»Thank you.«

Frederick knew she had something to do with Italian Renaissance, the books had told him that, but hearing Baroque immediately made him think of her in a dress like Marie Antoinette. Absolutely ridiculous. But he smiled anyway as he rode the glass elevator down the modern, and somehow cold and hostile building. On S4 he found a door which said ''Italian Renaissance Art'' and another one saying ''Baroque Art''. Well, Frederick had a fifty-fifty chance to find her with the first try. He wanted to avoid disturbing the wrong people and awkwardly excusing himself. He went for ''Italian Renaissance Art'' because … books.

Wrong choice. A very irritaded French woman with sleek black hair huched over a light table screamed at him to get the fuck out of her space and even threw a damp cloth after him. He was more than happy to oblidge. That certainly hadn't been Hannah.

This time he knocked before entering the ''Baroque Art'' room.

»Come in!«, he heard Hannah's voice and let out a relieved breath but didn't look up at him.

»Did you get the Doughnuts past Walter? I swear to god, he's a dog when it comes to sweet stuff.«

Frederick cleared his throat. She was definitely expecting someone else.

Hannah sat bent over an angled light table and was painting with the smallest brush Frederick had ever seen. She was constantly checking her work with a whole gallery of reference photos in colour, black and white and even radiographic images to make sure she didn't make any mistakes and ruined the piece.

»Hannah?«, Frederick spoke up when she still hadn't lifted her gaze up to him. Now that she did, her brush almost fell from her hand.

»What are you doing here?«

Her voice sounded strangely surprised, annoyed and pleased at once. Wishful thinking, Frederick had to remind himself to make sure his mind stayed calm. Hannah looked back to the painting before her. It looked like she forced herself not to face him.

»We made the news.«

He stepped down the five steps leading to the lowered ground she worked on. The room had no windows, the air condition hummed silently above them keeping the room almost too cold for his taste. The high roof was necessary to provide enough space for the giant paintings she worked with. One of them stood leaned against the wall behind Hannah's working space. The golden baroque frame caught his eye immediately as if he was a magpie. The whole room made him feel a bit claustrophobic. He could never work in a place without any windows.

»What?«

Hannah looked up from her work again and peeked over her glasses like the librarian in his High School had always done. Frederick had had a little crush on her as a 15-year-old bookworm. Her name had been Miss Killigan, Nora. The first name he'd ever whispered as he came in his hand in the dead of night as a teenager.

Lost in his sudden nostalgia he didn't realize that Hannah was waiting for an answer. After he snapped out of his memories of red lipstick and tight black pencil skirts paired with classic nylons, she repeated her question and Frederick showed her his tablet. Tattle Crime was opened in his browser tab and showed a picture of them from the Gala on Saturday. It showed them in deep conversation outside on the terrace. This little red-haired devil must've been somewhere outside with them without him noticing. Bitch!

Hannah had her hand on his arm, looked him deep in the eyes and gave him a warm smile. This must've been the moment they agreed on going home again and him finally calming down from his minor panic attack. They really looked like a couple to the mere observer.

Hannah gasped loudly, grabbed his tablet and started reading the article about the pretty, young artist and conservator and the gloomy, dark Dr. Chilton. It had an air of sarcasm surrounding it but here and there Lounds had made it sound like some kind of a modern Beauty and the Beast fairy tale. No matter what one thought about the topics she chose, Freddie Lounds had a spectacular way with words some authors on the bestseller lists lacked of.

While Hannah muttered curse after curse and gasping here and there while reading the whole article, Frederick wandered around in the room. Something drew him towards the giant painting leaning against the wall. Air cushion foil was wrapped around all four corners of the golden shimmering frame. It showed a scene of several darkly clothed men arguing. Some of them held up papers or counted golden coins. The realism of the painting was striking. It was almost as if he could hear them scream at each other in French or Dutch.

»It's marvellous«, he whispered in awe and the closer he came the taller it became. Soon it was towering Frederick. He hadn't suspected it to be 8 x 10 feet big. It had depth and play of light. The colours were breathtaking as if it had been painted only hours ago.

»Please don't touch it. The paint is still wet.«

So it was finished only hours ago. His eyes followed the intended path, jumping from one light point to another until he saw it. His face. Frederick stepped even closer. The smell of the fresh paint completely filling his lungs. Hannah had painted him as one of the eyecatchers a little bit on the right showing his left cheek to the observer.

»Who is it from?«

It looked familiar somehow but although he liked to appear like one Frederick was by no means a man of the arts.

»We don't know«, he heard right behind him and saw her standing only a few feet next to him. She smiled and looked at her work like a mother would look at her child playing in the yard. He never looked like that when he talked about his work or looked at an inmate who seemed to profit from his therapy. Frederick envied Hannah for the pride in what she did.

»How can you not know? Was there no signature or cerfiticate of authenticity from where you've bought it from?«

»Sadly, no. The museum bought it to save it from destruction. The old lady who had it in her possession died and her heirs had no use for it. It had been in a terrible state when it arrived here. We will use it as an Unknown piece for our Gallery entry. And it is beautiful.«

Now he envied her even more. She sounded so passionate about her job. Well, it was socially accepted to swoon over art but not so much when it came to multiple murderers and psychopaths.

»And you really have no idea who painted it?«

Hannah smirked and took off her glasses. She traced her bottom lip with the temple of them and looked at the faces she created in front of her.

»It looks familiar, doesn't it? Like a Rembrandt«, she smiled.

»So, this is a Rembrandt? I'm appearing in a Rembrandt?« Frederick couldn't keep his voice from becoming a bit higher and his chest getting puffy.

»There is a rumour about a painting a lawyer comissioned.« She pointed at the figure with Frederick's face. »Rembrandt was supposed to portray the work of his profession. Some say the lawyer wasn't happy with the result and send it back to the artist with a note that such a disgrace would never hang in his chancery. Others say that he sent it back because not Rembrandt but one of his students painted it and the lawyer was furious because he wouldn't pay such a high price for the work of a nobody.«

»A nobody? This painting is brilliant. Does it even matter when the work is this fantastic?«

»Well, evidently it did in the eyes of the lawyer«, Hannah sighed and put her glasses back on. »And how do you like your first Rembrandt portrait, Frederick?«

His eyes swept over every stroke of the brush, every shadow and every strand of hair she'd painted. Perfect … with one exception.

»You forgot my scar. Nobody is going to recognize me without my most important trademark«, he said sarcastically and shot her a quick side glance.

»You're right«, Hannah mused and continued more brightly, »next time then.«

Next time? She was going to paint him again?

Hannah handed him back his tablet.

»And what do you think about that?«

»Could have been worse«, she sighed and went back to her working table.

He huffed. »How?«

»She could not just let us be a couple but a married one.«

Right, even the idea of him as a husband should be banned from earth. Understood. Frederick sighed deeply without meaning to and turned to leave until he heard her voice behind him: »Would you like to go out with me ... sometime?«

»Yes«, his mouth answered without his permission. Hannah was just as stunned by his answer as he was but smiled at him, as Frederick turned around once more to climb the stairs leading to the door.

»Are you free tomorrow evening?« He was always free in the evenings and she knew that but he appreciated that she asked anyway.

»Yes.«

»Maybe this time you could show me a restaurant that doesn't serve food made out of gold and diamonds.«

Frederick laughed at that. Yes, he actually had a special one in mind. »I'll be at your door to show you the best and also cheapest restaurant of all Baltimore.«

»Do I need an evening dress by Elie Saab?«

»No, just look nice and be comfortable. I swear, I won't let you hit the wall again like last time.«  
This was the first delightful conversation Frederick had since his first injury. He reveled it and wished it could go on forever but she was already hunched back over her current painting and said a smiling good bye as he left to go back to work.


	8. Private Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> »Where are you going?«  
> »Ehm, to the restaurant, I thought«, Hannah answered unsurely and looked surprised when Frederick picked up Kidney and held his door open with an inviting gesture.  
> »The best restaurant of all Baltimore. You don't even have to leave the house.«  
> »Not even the floor«, she laughed and it sounded like music in his ear. Get a grip, Frederick!

 

Frederick came home from work an hour early the next day to prepare ''the restaurant''. He decided to use a technique on Hannah that he used in college to find people to hang out with (not necessarily friends, more like acquaintances … so yeah): impressing them with his cooking skills. He was no Hannibal Lecter for sure but he could cook fairly decent if he wanted to … plus, Frederick didn't cook people. After losing his kidney, Frederick had to find new recipes he could impress with. Not that there had been a single opportunity to cook for someone but he liked to tell himself that the day would come … And that one was obviously today.

He struggled to decide on a recipe for a dinner. Persian Zucchini Frittata? Orecchiette with rapini and goat cheese? Or Polenta Pie with Gorgonzola? He decided on Pasta Alla Norma with some salty, ricotta salata cheese. Better not something with mushrooms. The chances of her not liking them was rather high. He had to talk himself into eating them after coming home from the hospital for the first time.

Anyways, at around 7 pm his dinner was cooking quietly on the expensive stove and Frederick had changed into dark blue dress pants and a simple white button down with rolled up sleeves.

Frederick unarmed his security system and left the door ajar hoping that Kidney would stay inside his apartment. He knocked on Hannah's door, waiting patiently for her to answer.

She smiled brightly and was still in the process of squeezing her foot into a bright red high heel. Hannah wore a black skinny jeans showing off her curves and a loose white blouse that was complimenting her boobs. Frederick had to keep himself from staring at her breasts although it was hard. Wouldn't make a good impression now that he wanted her to like him. Hopefully he hadn't burned all bridges last time in the restaurant.

»I need to take my meds before we leave. Just a sec.«

»No!« He almost leapt forward to stop her from running back into her apartment. She eyed him suspiciously and silently demanded more information until her eyes became sad and she scanned his rather simple outfit. No suit, not even a jacket.

»Oh, I see, you're cancelling«, she mumbled and sounded almost heartbroken.

»What? No, not at all! But as I understood you only need your meds when you have to walk around outside in the dark, right?«

She furrowed her brow. »Yes.«

»And what happens when you mix them with alcohol we've seen already … twice.«

Hannah looked down to her feet and nodded with her cheeks turning red.

»So, I'd advise you to stay clean tonight. Would be a shame if the dinner left you again on my footwear.«

A shame indeed after all the work he'd put into tonight's dinner.

»So we're not staying long in the restaurant? I mean, if we're already going to be home before the sun sets.«

Frederick smirked and only said that she could bring her meds if that made her feel better but that she wouldn't need them. He even promised her.

»Or don't you trust me?«

»Trust must be gained«, she retorted and sounded like she knew exactly what she was talking about. He briefly wondered who might have betrayed her trust in the past but shut his psychiatrist-head off a second later.

»True.«

Hannah took a small, red purse matching the colour of her shoes and grabbed a light denim jacket before locking the door behind her.She made a beeline to the elevaor and looked over her shoulder when something orange caught her eye. Kidney was peeking through the door frame of Frederick's apartment and looked around like he was fearing the end of the world beyond the threshold.

»Where are you going?«

»Ehm, to the restaurant, I thought«, Hannah answered unsurely and looked surprised when Frederick picked up Kidney and held his door open with an inviting gesture.

»The best restaurant of all Baltimore. You don't even have to leave the house.«

»Not even the floor«, she laughed and it sounded like music in his ear. Get a grip, Frederick!

She had only made two steps into his apartment when she suddenly stopped in her tracks. Hannah slowly turned around to him and looked like she wasn't sure if she hadn't just made a terrible mistake.

»What's the price?«

»Pardon?« Frederick just typed in the combination for his alarm system and let down Kidney again.

»You said ''the best and cheapest restaurant''. What's the price?«

Now she really looked frightened of him. This whole locking-in-concept wasn't really clear to her. It would've if she'd known his past.

Frederick thought for a moment and answered smiling: »Help me clean the dishes afterwards.«

Hannah's shoulders relaxed visibly and her eyes lit up again.

»I can do that.«  
What did she expect, he wondered but kept his mouth shut. His kitchen timer rang and Frederick hurried there to prevent the noodles from getting overcooked. He almost burned himself at the hot pot emptying out the noodle water.

»Oh god, you actually cooked?«, he heard Hannah's surprised voice behind him and peeked over his shoulder to see if she looked as stunned as she sounded. She was. Good.

And she was doing something else. Hannah was holding Kidney in her arms. She had left her denim jacket at the wardrobe next to the entrance and as it seemed she had left her shoes there as well. Frederick smirked. She looked like she was already making herself at home for the evening.

Hannah wandered around in his living space with his cat in her arms and eventually came over to him to the kitchen to look over his shoulder while Frederick prepared both their plates.

»Smells amazing«, she whispered and breathed in the smell of the pasta.

»Hope it tastes just as good.«

»Oh, I'm sure of that.«

Frederick could see her from the corner of his eye and felt her standing behind him. It wasn't like she was radianting with heat but it was more like the energy of another human being standing so close.

It was making him nervous.

»Maybe you could let go of Kidney and open the bottle of wine that's already standing on the table?«

»Sure.«

Should a ''first'' date feel so normal and domestic? Was this their first date? Technically it was their third or even fourth counting in the horrible evening in the restaurant and the Gala.

»Shall I already serve you a glass?«, Hannah asked and Frederick turned around with the two plates in his hand. He scanned the room for Kidney and found him sitting on his armchair. Good, that way he wouldn't trip over that cat. He had already had his share of that in the past. Kidney had an incredible talent for always being in the way.

»No, not yet. The wine needs to breathe for a couple of minutes. And you may sit down.«

She did and he served the dinner.

»It really smells fantastic, Frederick, really.«

He puffed his chest a bit after this compliment and smirked. She hadn't even tasted it. God, how he loved to be praised. Something that didn't happen often enough but that only made it more special. He sat down and poured out the wine he'd chosen especially for this evening. Hannah moaned when she took her first bite of her dinner.

Frederick stopped mid-motion and watched her relish the taste with closed eyes. When she looked at him again she smiled and her whole face lit up.

While they ate Hannah doused him in compliments for the pasta and Frederick couldn't stop smiling. He loved it. If it was up to him, she should've never stopped telling him how good his cooking was and her soft moans traveled right down his center.

»I think, I've never eaten so good in my entire life, Frederick«, she said, swiping her mouth with a napkin.

»Thank you. So my plan of making up for the restaurant worked out.«

Her smile faltered and Hannah looked down to her empty plate.

»You really behaved like an ass there.«  
Frederick suppressed a low groan and closed his eyes. He'd hoped to get around the necessary apology on that matter.

»Yes, I did.«

Just get it over with and try to start again. Frederick was just in the process of breathing in when Hannah spoke up again.

»Shall we forget about it and name this here our first official date?«

He would've never hoped for that but he was more than fine with it.

»I'd love to«, he breathed and watched her smile broaden again.

They got up from the dinner table and Hannah strolled over to Frederick's bookshelf where he mostly stored his Ancient Roman History books and some of the old records he'd inherited from his grandfather while he cleared the table.

He was about to clean the dishes himself when he felt Hannah behind him again.

»I thought I needed to pay.«

»Take it as an apology.«

Hannah leaned next to him on the kitchen counter and sipped her first glass of wine.

»What are you apologizing for? ''Date Zero'' never happened. As far as I'm concerned you've never been anything but a gentleman to me.«

He gave her a little side glance and tested the temperature of the water. She really meant it when she said to forget the restaurant. Not sure he could do it just as easy as she did.

When Frederick took off his watch to clean the dishes she stopped him with a hand on his upper arm.

»Let me do it. You go and choose some music for us.«

»Bossing me around in my own apartment?«

»It's just a suggestion«, Hannah cooed, avoiding his eyes and rolled up the sleeves of her blouse. Frederick gave in and was still standing in front of his records when Hannah finished doing the dishes.

»I have no idea what you'd like. I mean, I know what you listen to every morning and what you're singing to but -«  
»That sounded a bit creepy.«

He turned to her and eyed her up and down. The nails of her foot were painted the same red colour her shoes were. Thought through every little detail of her outfit, he thought approvingly.

»If you don't want your neighbours to hear you sing, you should stop … or sing more quietly.«

»But that way you would have to get yourself a radio for your mornings.«

Caught. And his wide, shocked eyes really gave him away. Luckily Hannah just laughed and pulled one of the old records halfway from the shelf.

»This one.«

Frederick took it all the way out and smiled so wide he felt his scar twitch. She had a marvellous taste and a magical hand, really. Van Morrison's Moondance album. His grandfather had bought it when Frederick's mother had told the old man that he would become a grandad soon. Frederick couldn't count the times he and his grandfather had lain on the carpet and simply listened to the record. He had memorized every little crack in the record and could sing every song by heart. Frederick somehow always felt very American listening to that particular album.

He couldn't stop smiling when he put the record on and didn't move until the first note tumbled from the speakers of his phonograph.

When he closed his eyes he could feel the warm afternoon sun on his cheek. He was again 7 years old, wore his favorite striped sweater and squeeky sneakers and his grandfather was next to him asking if he wanted to know a secret. They had always had their little secrets from his parents and grandmother. Nothing big. Sometimes just 5 bucks pocket money no one should know about or a milkshake before dinner. His mother had always been furious when she'd found out. But it was worth it, every single time. Sometimes they had bigger secrets like a birthday surprise for his granny or a trip to the beach or the Roman History Museum, just the two of them.

»You should do that more often.«

Frederick snapped out of the memories and looked over to Hannah sitting on his couch petting a very loudly purring Kidney.

»Do what?«

»Smile.«

Only then Frederick realized that he still smiled like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. But he simply couldn't stop. She'd picked his favorite. Frederick took his wine glass and sat down in his armchair watching her pet his cat.

»He likes you a lot. Haven't expected that.«

»He just knows that I don't want to do anything bad to him.«

Yes, she seemed like the literal ''good one''. Maybe he should just risk it and trust her, let her in, let her be part of his life.

They talked for hours and hours and Frederick couldn't say about what afterwards. They just talked, laughed, even had a slight argument when she wanted to hear the same record a second time but Frederick changed it to another Van Morrison album – Philosopher's Stone.

At around midnight Hannah started to yawn for the first time but it took them another hour to get off the couch and slowly go in the direction of his entry door. Hannah didn't bother putting on her shoes. She let them dangle in her hand when Frederick opened the door for her. If he'd have anything to say, she would stay in his apartment and sleep in his guest room again just to have her at his breakfast table tomorrow morning.

Frederick had to call himself to order. He was getting too invested in this dating. He didn't even know if she wanted to see him again and not just in the elevator or in the mornings when he opened his bedroom window until …

»I'll organize our next date. Are you free next Saturday?«

Next date? Next date! Frederick's chest almost bursted when the information had sunk in completely. She wanted to see him again.

»Yes, I am«, he said and Frederick could hear the smile in his own voice.

Hannah looked to the floor when she stepped into the hallway and smirked when she glanced up to him. »Don't you want to bring me back home safely?«

Frederick bit his tongue to keep himself from laughing. He felt like a teenager again and all that just because of her. He offered Hannah his arm which she gladly took and they strolled over to her apartment door.

»Thank you for accompanying me to my door«, she smiled and searched for her keys.

»I could've never forgiven myself if something happened to you.«

Hannah unlocked the door and wished him a good night.

Frederick had hoped for a good night's kiss but he certainly wouldn't push her to do anything.

Kidney awaited Frederick in his apartment hallway when he came back and just stared at his owner.

»What? You seemed to like her.«

Instead of answering the tomcat just started licking his fur.

»So you're saying you're not?«

»Meow.«

Frederick sighed and armed his security system for the night.

»You should be happy for me, grumpy cat. There might actually be somebody who likes me and who wants to spent time with me.«

Kidney growled sulkily.

»Believe me, I appreciate that you love me and spend time with me, but lets face it, if I wouldn't feed you everyday you would feel very differently about me.« Another even sulkier growl escaped the cat. » And I'm afraid I'd end up in jail if I tried doing the things with you I'd like to do with her, old fellow. Trust me, you wouldn't enjoy it either.«

Somehow Frederick - or rather Kidney - had managed to tone down the upcoming butterflies in Frederick's stomach and he felt the tiredness in his bones again.

»You know what? You can be grumpy again tomorrow. I'll go to bed.«

Frederick's mind twisted around the thought that she wanted a second date (well, technically a fifth date if he counted Date Zero, their therapy session and the Gala).

This night he fell asleep with a smile on his face. Something that hadn't happened in a very long time.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recipes taken from: http://www.saveur.com/gallery/Vegetarian-Main-Courses?image=7


	9. A Night at the Museum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannah had organized their "second" date and used every resource available to her to impress Frederick - and it worked.

 

A week later Frederick wasn't sure what to expect when Hannah had messaged him to meet her at 9 pm at the Museum of Art for their second date.

It was still hard for ihm to grasp that Hannah was actually and honestly interested in him. Kidney had done a great job unsettling him. Yet, the note in his post box today with her little order still smelled like her.

It said that she had something she wanted to show him but only could do so after the museum had closed for the night. Frederick's mind had come up with the strangest ideas. Maybe she wanted to have sex with him (strange enough by itself) in the museum with the extra kink of possibly getting caught by the night guard. But Frederick couldn't see Hannah as a lusty beast that would fling itself onto him on their second official date. So the other conclusion his brain got to was that Hannah never wrote that piece of paper he held in his hands right now and that it was a fraud to bring him here tonight and butcher him. By whom? Did that really matter?

Yet, Frederick was here and he wasn't a lamb coming voluntarily to its own slaughter. When the cab came to a halt in front of the museum he paid the driver and fished his smart phone out of his pocket.

**I'm here. Where r u?**

He scanned the empty square in front of the museum and waited. The phone in his hand buzzed.

**Turn around**

He did and there she stood at the top of the stairs with a beautiful smile on her face. She was holding the little side door next to the main entrance open and waited patiently. Frederick couldn't move. He was glued to the floor. How could she look so fantastic in a dark jeans and white blouse with a blue floral patterns on it. She had her hair down and in effortless curls.

»Don't you want to come inside? I can't show you what I want outside«, she said and wiggled her eyebrows.

The innuendo didn't go unnoticed just like the cocky grin on her face.

Frederick smirked as he climbed the stairs and the numb pain in his back reminded him of his missing organ. He was out of breath when he reached Hannah. Maybe he should consider doing some sports.

»I hope you don't mind eating so late. I ordered us some Italian … served in the Italian Art department«, she chirped, »please follow me.«

»Is it even legal to eat in a museum?«  
»Technically no, but the curator allowed it for one single night and I had to swear a holy oath that we wouldn't do something ''stupid'', stay longer than midnight or ever tell anyone of it.«

»Why before midnight? Is the museum turning into a pumpkin when the church bell chimes?«

She laughed and locked the door twice behind them. »No, but we shall not disturb the paintings when they turn to life.«  
»I always wanted to see that. Would feel like Hogwarts I assume.«

Hannah laughed and his heart melted to the sound of it. God, she was endearing, yes, but why was he feeling like a lovestruck teenag-. Wait a second! Love-struck? Love? Too invested, for God's sake! Frederick shook his head and looked around in the foyer.

The only light in the closed museum came from the illuminated escape-signs over every door and the almost full-moon that shone through the ceiling lights. The whole building seemed cold and dead and the paintings on the wall like they were already alive and watching the pair passing by.

»Never took you for a Harry Potter fan.«  
»I had a lot of time reading in the hospital so I thought why not give it a try.« That he meant the time after Abel Gideon was left unsaid. Frederick resented his facial scar but he hated, loathed AND resented the one on his belly. He couldn't forget the face of the prostitute two years ago. He would do everything to never see that look on Hannah's face.

»Would you please stay a bit closer?«, Frederick requested when he couldn't see her anymore. Due to his gunshot wound that had impaired his left eye he was night-blind. Frederick wasn't allowed to handle an aircraft, drive trucks at any time of the day and or his own car after nightfall.

»Are you afraid I might let you get lost?« He could hear her smirk.

»I'm night-blind. Have mercy with me poor old invalid.«

Frederick jumped a bit when he suddenly felt warm, soft fingers intertwine with his own.

»Then let me guide you«, Hannah whispered and he could see her like a ghost next to him. They walked in comfortable silence, the only sound in the entire museum were their steps echoing from the walls and high ceilings.

When they left the Dutch gallery behind them, Frederick could see a bit better again. A warm glow appeared in front of them around the next corner. Although he didn't need her guidance any longer neither of them let go of the other's hand until they reached their destination.

Frederick was flustered by the image that presented itself in front of him now. They stood in an alcove with three giant paintings surrounding them. They were illuminated by an antique looking candle holder standing on a leather bench art students usually sat on when they tried to recreate the works of old masters in their sketchbooks. Hannah had ordered them food from some Italian restaurant Frederick had a flyer in his kitchen of. The two styrofoam food containers sat on oppposite sites of the golden candle holder and were still steaming hot. About twenty tealights surrounded the polstered bench providing a little more light.

»Wow«, Frederick breathed as the took in the scene completely. With the bench between them as chairs and table in one they would be much closer than usual. The paintings towering over them showed scenes of Roman orgies with food and half naked bodies of gods and nymphs beautifully portrayed in full motion. They made a man hungry in more thay one way.

»Well, I thought after our first date I needed to use all resources available to me to wow you, just like you wowed me. And because I suck at cooking I thought: ''Location, location, location''.«

Frederick was most certainly wowed off his feet. They sat down and opened the white take-out containers. Frederick was pleasently surprised; his favorite pasta with green pesto and buffalo mozzarella on top. Perfect. Hannah on the other hand didn't seem to happy with what she saw when she opened her box. Frederick watched her face in the candlelight turn from overall happy and pleased to slightly irritated and disgusted.

»Something wrong with your food?«

»Ehm, yes, I asked them not to put any mushrooms on my pasta and they practically buried it under it.«

»Mh, did you order something vegetarian as well?«

She hummed a »Yes« and already started picking out every mushroom one at a time and put in in the lid.

»Stop disecting, I'll eat it.«  
Her head snapped up to him. »You don't have to. I didn't order your favorite food to end up eating it myself.«

Without another word Frederick stole himself a slice of the mozzarella before offering Hannah his meal.

»I'm offering, Hannah, take it.«

They exchanged their food containers over the candle holder and started eating. Frederick let his eyes wander over the paintings surrounding them.

»Impressive, right?«, Hannah asked with a full mouth. She clearly was hungry so he let her lack of manners go by the board.

»Yes, very much. I will have to think of something for our next date. Hard to keep up with a candlelight dinner in an art museum all by ourselves.«

Hannah laughed up. »When we start trying to outdo each other we'll end up with a picknick on Mount Everest or a trip to the moon. I don't need all of this, Frederick. I'm perfectly happy just spending time with you and watch a movie or cook with you or something.«

»What you're so easy to satisfy? I could've just made you some burgers and bring beer the last time. Would've been way cheaper.«

Hannah silently looked at him for a minute or so until she fixed her eyes on her pasta. No smile, no comment. Maybe he shouldn't have said that. She didn't seem to get the joke or simply didn't find it funny. Frederick resumed eating in the heavy silence between them but he needed to try to save it somehow.

»I … I didn't mean that you don't deserve nice things with what I said. I hope you didn't get me wrong, Hannah.«

»I know you didn't mean it but it sounded like you meant it. Like I wasn't good enough for anything better than beer and burgers.«

Hannah sounded irritated and not once looked up from her meal. Well done, Frederick, now your date is angry with you. Bravo!

»Aren't you hungry anymore?«, she asked still not letting her eyes leave the pasta in front of her. Frederick realized he'd stopped eating.

»No, no, sorry. I just … nevermind.«

Frederick stuffed the pasta inside his mouth and practically wolfed it all down to finish his meal and therefore the date as soon as possible. It had never been his intention to make her feel like she was below him. If anything she was superior to him … in every aspect. She was beautiful, kind, witty and intelligent. Great! The first woman who was even remotely interested in him in years and his feisty tongue had to ruin it all with one stupid remark.

Frederick finished his meal in never before seen speed. Some of the mushrooms he didn't even chew. Just swallow and go. He was already packing up the empty food container and standing up when Hannah gave him a stern look.

»Sit down again, Frederick«, she ordered sharply and looked down on her dinner again.

»Why? I already fucked up. I couldn't make it any worse by leaving. Thank you for the nice dinner and the spectacular location. Good night, Hannah.«

»Sit. Down. Frederick, right now. We're not done yet.«

He oblidged without hesitation, slowly sitting down again. Her tone didn't leave any room for contradiction.

»You're an asshole.« As if he didn't know that already but the bluntness with which she said it, hurt. »But it's part of your character and I already got to know that on our _Date Zero_.«

»Then why agree to another date with my horrible asshole-character?«, he snapped.

»Because it's only 12% of yourself. The rest is interesting, funny, insanely intelligent, insecure and sassy. The latter goes hand in hand with your assholeness.«

Frederick relaxed a bit but still wasn't sure if she actually wanted to continue their date ... or rather why she wanted to.

»I messed it up. I don't want to make the evening any worse than it already is«, he said quietly. Hannah laid her fork down and sat up a bit straighter.

»Leaving right now would make it a lot worse.«

»But that way I can't say something stupid. And we could simply start again next time.«  
»Okay, let me rephrase what I meant with ''worse''. If you go now and leave me here alone with my half eaten pasta, you'll never have to try to speak to me again.«  
Oh.

»I put too much effort into this evening to let you stumble over your advanced assholeness. I think I kinda know you well enough already to be a bit more patient with your sassy tongue.«

Double-oh. She knew him better than he knew himself, or at least she knew how to handle him after only one official date. Frederick watched her face above the candle flames and smiled relaxedly. Hannah wasn't angry with him but he shouldn't forget the way he felt there for a moment. Frederick didn't want to lose her because he couldn't keep his mouth shut.

»I want you to stay, Frederick, because I prepared a little surprise for you later.«

His eyebrows shot up. A surprise? His inner child woke up and started jumping up and down and demanded to know what that surprise was. NOW!

»I guess, it doesn't make any sense asking what the surprise is, right?«

Hannah smirked and reached out for his empty food container. She silently shared her meal with him and licked some of the pesto off her thumb as she gave him his portion.

»I won't let you watch me eat like you did.«

She even gave him one slice of the buffalo mozzarella. That was the best part of the whole dish! Frederick stared down on the pasta in front of him and asked himself what he had done to deserve her.

»You are almost disgustingly perfect, you know that?«, Frederick muttered and was relieved to hear her snicker.

»You're welcome.«

At around 10:30 pm they were both sated and had resumed their playful teasing and chit chat Frederick relished immensely. He helped her blow out the candles and clear their ''dinner table'' from all traces of their evening.

In the darkness of the nightly museum Frederick was almost completely blind. He hated it. Not that he wouldn't trust her so far or think she would leave him there out of pure meanness. But Frederick hated not being healthy and whole anymore.

He heard Hannah shuffle around him throwing the tealights and food containers away and bringing the candle holder back to the gift shop where it normally stood as decoration. The further away she went the lesser he could hear her shoes click on the tile floor. Frederick searched for their bench to wait there. He felt more vulnerable standing up in a dark empty room he didn't know. Hannibal had moved like a cat back in his house. Frederick hadn't heard him when he'd been attacked.

He cursed under his breath when he thought about Hannibal, right here, right now. He could feel his heart beat faster in an instand and sweat formed in his brow.

Just count to ten and stop being such a baby for fuck's sake, Frederick chided himself with a firm inner voice and clenched his sweaty hands into tight fists until his finger nails dug into his skin.

One, two, three.

Frederick breathed in through his nose but instead of helping it only made him sound like a horse after running a race.

Four, five, six.

When Hannah came back he didn't want her to stumble into a panic attack because it was fucking DARK!

Seven, eight, nine.

Oh, c'mon, Frederick, calm down already!

Ten.

A hand on his shoulder startled him and he jerked away violently. The memory of Hannibal Lecter in his plastic suit behind him pressing a damp, sweet smelling cloth over his mouth and nose until he passed out flooded his brain and caused him to swim in adrenaline.

»Sorry, Frederick, I'm so sorry. I didn't want to scare you. I thought you heard me.«

Hannah sounded really sorry. He would've heard her shoes if he hadn't been so absorbed in his little panic attack.

»No, I'm fine«, he gasped lighly.

»Good«, she smiled, he could hear it, »because it's time for your surprise.«

Frederick wasn't sure if he was still in the mood for a surprise but Hannah intertwined their fingers again and pulled him up to his feet.


	10. Samson & Delilah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!

 

She led him through what felt like the entire museum, the dark corridors and one flight of stairs after the other, and Frederick managed to calm down more and more with every step. No more blood drumming in his ears to the beat of his racing heart.

It took him by surprise when Hannah stopped unexpectedly.

»This is the first part of your surprise«, she whispered next to him and a warm chill went up his spine. Suddenly he heard a 'click'. Frederick flinched not quite sure what he'd expected but certainly not a flashlight. The light cone crept up the wall in front of them under Hannah's administration. His eyes needed a second to adjust to the new light situation. When they finally did, Frederick gasped silently. He was staring up to his own face hanging on the wall. The painting was breathtaking, like he'd posed for the painter himself hundreds of years ago whoever the painter might have been in the end.

»Do you like it?«

»I'm blown away«, he answered and stepped closer. He had already seen it in her atelier but it only looked right hanging up on a wall.

When Frederick turned around to look at Hannah, he could only barely make her out in the darkness but Frederick could've sworn that she smiled.

»Wanna see the second part of your surprise?«

She stretched out her hand which he gladly took and she turned off the flashlight again. Frederick actually preferred it that way. Sometimes seeing nothing and being led was better than seeing something and constantly imagining something moving in the corner of one's eyes. Being robbed of one of his senses Frederick could feel his others improve. He smelled old paint and wood from the solid frames; and of course he noticed Hannah's unique scent. Coal and Orange Blossom, heavenly.

Their steps echoed from the high walls and ceilings. Her hand was soft and warm in his. If it were up to him she would've never stopped holding his hand.

Light was dimly glowing around a far corner and Hannah's hand started sweating. She was nervous.

Frederick could see more and more clearly the closer they came.

»I asked the security guard to leave some of the lights on. He'll take care of it when he comes at midnight.«

»You know, this is the dream situation for every art thief.«  
»Are you trying to suggest something naughty, Frederick?«, she laughed and he felt a tingle in his groin when she said ''naughty''. Oh, how he'd love to do something naughty with her but that had nothing to do with art.

She just smiled and led him further to the light.

»There we are.«

They stepped around the corner and Frederick had to blink a few times before he could see properly. Before them was a sign telling them they were about to enter the ''once in a life time'' exhibition of Paul Peter Ruben's most important works, only a few weeks here in this museum.

»The exhibition starts on monday but I thought you might like a litte private preview.«

He did but only with her as his personal guide. What Frederick didn't know - because he wasn't into art - was that he already knew some of the paintings and they gave him the creeps. St. Sebastian looked like the nurse Abel Gideon had mutilated and the FBI agent dying on his dining table three years and almost a year ago. A recreation of Leda and the Swan had hung in Hannibal's dining room over the fireplace and Prometheus in chains reminded him of himself with Abel Gideon opening his body but instead of the eagle's claws and beak he'd used surgical instruments on him.

Hannah was telling him all kinds of surely very interesting background information for every piece they passed and he admired her for her knowledge of greek mythology and biblical history but he couldn't listen to her when he fought the harsh battle to keep his dinner down.

»And now my favourite piece«, she announced and positioned him in front of the painting between The Anatomy Lesson of Dr. Nikoleas Tulp and Venus at the mirror; Samson and Delilah.

»Do you know the story behind this pair?«

Frederick shook his head and was happy to be faced with something he didn't get a potential flashback from.

»I might be catholic but I was never particually interested in the stories. For my taste they lacked a bit too much of actual plot or emotion. It was always more like: This man can do wonders let's kill him.«

Hannah laughed and the sound echoed from the walls around them. It felt wrong to be lound in a museum but they were evidently alone, yet it felt strange. A bit like talking in a book shop. It wasn't a library but he still preferred silence around books.

»Shall I tell you the story of Samson and Delilah?«, Hannah whispered and stood behind him, her mouth close to his left ear.

»Yes«, he breathed and felt his heart beating faster. The sensation of her warm breath caressing his neck and ear sent a shiver down his spine.

»Samson was a hero and graced by God with supernatural strength. Nothing could hurt him, noone defeated him ever. Delilah was a devine beauty and Samson fell for her almost immediately. The lords of the Philistines approached her to discover the secret of his strength. Three times she asked him and three times he gave her the wrong answer. First Samson said to bind him with seven green withes that never dried to weaken him. He lied.« Frederick swallowed hard when she kept on whispering in his ear, being so close enough that he could feel her body heat on his back. »Second he told her if one would bind him with new ropes that have never been used before he would be weak and just like any other man. He lied again. The third lie was to weave the seven locks of his head with a web. She told him that she was heartbroken because he wouldn't trust her enough to tell her the truth and that did the trick.«

»And what was the magical ingredient?«, Frederick asked with a shaky voice. His mouth was as dry as a desert when he looked over his shoulder right into her eyes. They had never been this close.

»He wasn't allowed to cut his hair to fulfill the vow he'd made towards God. When he fell asleep on her knees that night Delilah called for her man to shave off Samson's hair. She betrayed her lover for 1.100 pieces of silver. The Philistines blinded him and put Samson into fetters of brass.«

He hadn't looked away from her face since the second they had locked eyes.

»And the moral of the story? There's always a moral in the end.«

»Never trust a woman, I guess«, Hannah said lowly and Frederick was slowly turning towards her.

»Or love makes you weak.«

»Only if the woman is weak.« It was nothing more than a whisper, a breath between them. Frederick felt his heart beating faster until he worried he might get a heart attack. She flicked her tongue over her bottom lip and Frederick unconsciously mirrored her motion. His eyes didn't know where to look. Her glowing eyes or her pink, shiny lips?

Before he realized it, Hannah had already closed the distance between them and kissed him. Frederick made a startled little noise and wanted to jerk away, but he couldn't move. He was paralyzed. Her lips were soft and warm on his. He wanted to respond, open his mouth to deepen the kiss, let his tongue seek hers. But no matter how loud his brain screamed its commands his muscles didn't obey.

Hannah felt the stiffness in his shoulders and stepped back immediately. Her eyes were as big as saucers and she pressed her hand on her mouth.

»Oh my god, Frederick, I'm so sor-«

Frederick didn't let her finish her needless apology. He held her face in his hands and kissed her like a starving man. Now it was her turn to be startled but not for long. She threaded her fingers into the hair on the nape of his neck and pulled him even closer. He had dreamed of this moment for quite some time and now it was there. Her breasts were pressed against his chest. Their hearts were beating in unity at a dizzying pace. She was just as excited as he was.

Hannah moaned into his mouth and he took it as a sign to slide his tongue over her bottom lip. She opened her mouth and gave him full access. Frederick encircled her waist with his arms and pulled her as close as he could. The moment was way too short. But the second Hannah's hand brushed over his scar panic kicked in and he took a step back.

His skin tingled like it had fallen asleep but much worse. Frederick had to touch it himself to stop the tingling.

Hannah looked at him again as if she wanted to apologize but stayed quiet. The look in her eyes gave her away. Hopefully she didn't think he didn't want to kiss her. He really wanted to continue what they'd started. Really!

»I'm just a bit sensitive there«, Frederick explained and smiled weakly. She nodded and looked down to the floor as she came closer. Frederick could see her smirk. It made him feel relaxed.

»It's almost midnight«, she said after another tender kiss; just lips brushing over lips. More like a promise for the future, a way to tell him her intentions were honest and that she wanted more.

»Then we should go home and leave the paintings to have their fun for the night.«

»Yes, we should.«

Hannah intertwined their fingers again and led him out of the museum. Frederick had never felt so happy in his entire life … well, maybe when he'd got his doctorate, but this here was a different kind of happiness. One that not only made him proud but one that made him feel warm and fuzzy in the midst of his stomach.

Was this love? Was this pleasant tickle that he felt right now the famous butterflies? If it was, then he felt sorry for the little buddies because he would never let them escape.

Hannah drove them home in her fixed old volvo and Frederick was kind of sad they didn't take a cab. He wanted to kiss her again, wanted to feel her lips on his once more, wanted to hear her moan softly and hear her gasps when their kiss left them both breathless.

He could do all that on her ride up in the elevator. When the doors closed behind them Frederick had her pinned to the wall with his body and spark after spark seemed to go through his entire body when the tips of their tongues met.

When he let his hands wander over those curves he had wanted to touch since forever, Hannah stopped him with a high pitched noise.

»Frederick ...« She tried but he wouldn't stop kissing her. »Frederick!«, she said louder and he olidged resting his forehead against hers and staring at her swollen lips. He couldn't help but feel a bit smug because he was the reason for their current state.

»I … I would like to take things a bit more slowly«, she managed to say between two desperate gasps. Only then he realized where his hands had come to a halt. His right one was groping her ass in her tight jeans and the thumb of his left hand already made contact with the wire of her bra through her blouse.

Frederick was surprised over his own bluntness. Whatever his hands had had in mind, his brain was not bold enough to think that anything but kissing would be appropriate for a … second date. Not even a third date to be honest. Frederick was a bit prude when it came to things like that. The belly scar and the reaction of the prostitute back then also made him very self-conscious. He wasn't exactly shy but he … he had learned his lesson and, although it was almost an insult to place Hannah on the same level as that sex worker, he couldn't see himself with her … intimately. Whether just for now or forever Frederick couldn't say.

He removed his hands from Hannah's body and took a large step back.

»Of course, I'm sorry. I wasn't after something, really«, he tried to say but he was completely breathless. Hannah understood him anyway and left the elevator with him. Frederick brought her over to her apartment door and felt a bit awkward not knowing how to end this date and where to put his hands now. Fortunately Hannah knew. She unlocked her door and gave Frederick another kiss that stole his breath away.  
»Good night, Frederick«, she whispered against his lips and disappeared inside her apartment.

Inside his own Frederick almost forgot to arm his alarm when he rushed over to Kidney, who was already lying in his bed in the home office.

»Don't you wanna know?«

The cat lifted his head and yawned silently.

»A-ma-zing!«, Frederick laughed and lifted Kidney up. The cat was way too surprised to react and just stared at Frederick in disbelief. This was NOT the owner he knew. And why did he show his teeth so much? Humans were strange.

Frederick told him every single thing that happened and Kidney had no choice but to listen. Yet he could let his eyes wander and saw that even stranger woman in the other apartment.

Hannah was on her phone, smiling like an idiot and undoubtably did the same thing as his owner but her cat must've been intelligent enough to use a phone.

Kidney made some interested noises and wasn't sure if he liked the changes in Frederick's demeanor or not. But he gathered if his human was happy he should be happy for him. Kidney purred and was even happier when Frederick put him down again and wished him a good night.

Not that Frederick could sleep that night. His mind was racing 300 miles an hour. She liked him, she definitely liked him. And he was happy with taking things slow. Slow was good. Slow meant progress but no surprises.

At around 4 am his mind had finally slowed down and he fell asleep with a flutter in his chest when he thought of their next date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm just gonna put this here in the hope somebody might be interested to read it: My current beta is wonderful and I love her to death but as I am a very exhausting friend to have I don't want to endanger our friendship with my paranoid rules when it comes to my fic.  
> Wow, I'm really selling myself perfectly here.
> 
> This is directed to everyone who likes my fic (this far) and who is able to talk english on my niveau or higher (preferrably native speakers) who would like to beta my fic. I'm searching for a (possible) new beta!  
> I'm gonna be honest with you. I have given myself a strict upload plan and I want this to continue, so every four days I'll expect a chapter to be ready to be put online.  
> In case someone should be interested, you can contact me over my askbox via tumblr (https://www.tumblr.com/blog/chiltonme/)  
> Thanks for reading <3


	11. Frederick vs Dr. Chilton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two faces one man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank my new beta Johanna for her amazing job. You really are the answer to my prayers. I can't thank you enough that you offered your help so fastly and you did a great job proofreading my little chapter here.  
> I hope we will continue working together for the rest of my little fic here. Again, thank you so much! <3

 

Jack still hadn't apologized to Chilton for suspecting him to be the Chesapeake Ripper. Not once. Ever. No, Agent Jack Crawford just waltzed into his office and made demands. Demanded help in finding Hannibal Lecter. Well, demanded help finding Will Graham. Who Jack now believed. A little late now, wasn't it?

»I couldn't be happier if Dr. Lecter was removed from my life for good; but right now I'll take what I can get. And if that means living my life here in Baltimore in relative peace while he's enjoying the air in Europe I won't move a single muscle. I had attempted to talk to you about the possibility of catching him more than once but you rejected me repeatingly.«

Frederick was going to continue his speech but stopped when he took a hard look at Crawford. This bull of a man was tired with even more grey hair and dark circles under his black eyes. Tired of life? Of his job? Of chasing ''rats''? Frederick couldn't tell which it was; or maybe all three of them. The recent death of his wife had let him age decades in only days.

»What makes you think he's in Europe?«, Jack asked.

Frederick huffed a bitter laugh. »I can read, Agent Crawford. And the discovery of a human body twisted and manipulated into the shape of an anotomically correct heart found in the Norman Chapel makes international news.«

Jack Crawford nooded slowly.

Back when Frederick had visited Jack in the hospital he had evaded Frederick's questioning of how the clearly mentally unstable Miriam Lass was able to get to his gun and shoot Frederick in the face. This, while Frederick should have been safe in FBI custody. But he knew all to well they were no match for the Ripper.

»Will Graham heard of this too and I'm sure he searches for Hannibal in Italy«, Jack said.

»And what has that to do with me?« Frederick retorted. »Will Graham is not my patient anymore. Although in my opinion he belongs in capable, professional hands«, Frederick couldn't help adding. Frederick leaned back in his leather chair and folded his hands over his lap. »You, Jack, broke him just like Dr. Bloom and Hannibal himself did. You're all responsible for this unhealthy fixation on Hannibal Lecter.«

»I'm not here to talk about past mistakes, Dr. Chilton.« Jack paused. »We have all done things we...regret, surely«, Jack said, smirking. Frederick tried to hold back his rage. Taunting Fredrick was not going to help the Agent.

»Why ARE you here then? To ask for **my** help? I helped you more than once and turned to you for help. I saw what Hannibal was like before all of you did. And what did you do? You accused **me! A vegetarian by force!** Of cannibalism- and **you** let your traumatized apprentice shoot me with your gun, Agent Crawford.«

Frederick seethed under his cold facade. He could still feel the coldness from the melting snow on his knees when he tripped on his failed attempt to escape from Jack in Wolftrap. He remembered the horrifying feeling of having a gun pointed at him by Jack, a man at the trigger who was likely to simply kill him. There would have been no one to tell the truth about Hannibal if Jack claimed to have killed him while he tried to run.

»And if telling me an ex-patient of mine has gone to Italy on a suicide mission was all you came for- I'd like you to leave. Now, please«, Frederick said through gritted teeth. »I have work to do.«

Frederick stood up and walked over to his office door to escort the FBI agent out. Frederick was done with Jack Crawford. Not necessarily with the FBI but with this man personally. The thin scar at the side of Jack's neck was a constant reminder that he had been wrong about Hannibal and almost paid with his life for his mistake. Even though Jack barely escaped death, Frederick hated him for the simple fact that Agent Crawford could hide the mark the beast had made under the fucking collar of his shirt. Jack should have gotten a scar that made him look like a God forsaken bond villain! Frederick, who was wrongly accused, couldn't hide his scar so easily.

On his way out of Frederick's office Jack halted next to him and the open door.

»I will be searching for Will Graham and will bring him back. I am guessing you would still be interested in having the Chesapeake Ripper in your custody?« Oh, he knew the answer very well, so Frederick stayed silent and gestured to the open door.

As Jack started to exit the office, Frederick saw Hannah sitting in one of the chairs outside his anteroom, smiling like the sunshine itself. Frederick panicked. Jack just stopped confused.

»What are you doing here?«, Frederick spit out, walking towards Hannah. It was all he could say – or rather hissed - and her smile faltered at his sharp tone. She mused he must have had a terrible day so far.

»I thought we might have lunch together, she said.« Hannah hesitated. She wanted to wait until Frederick was done with his meeting. She cleared her throat, and stood up, walking to meet him.

»I was in the area, and thought it might be a nice surprise, I didn't mean to interrupt«, she continued.

Jack watched Frederick's shoulders square to the extent that his muscles must've hurt but his face remained the common facade of superiority and - newly added - dark gloominess that surrounded the doctor like a heavy cloak ever since he had been shot.

»I won't disturb you any longer, Dr. Chilton, Jack said. I see you're otherwise...engaged. Good day, miss.« Hannah was mortified and could only nod in reply.

»And we've already said everything that there was to be said, Agent Crawford«, Frederick sneered, his eyes glowing with rampant hate. He didn't want the FBI or anything from this part of his life near Hannah.

Hannah had never seen Frederick like this and he'd never intended to let her. When Agent Crawford was out of earshot, Frederick commanded his nosy assistant, Patricia, and his secretary, John, to go back to work before shuffling Hannah inside his office. He slammed the door shut behind them and when he turned around he was about to snap at her, but stopped for a moment. His heart ached a bit with the look she gave him. She looked frightened and although he'd liked it in the beginning because it meant that she wouldn't pester him for answers, now it only made him feel bad.

Frederick took a deep breath, steeling himself. »I don't want you to come here ever again, Hannah«, he said.

»Aren't the lunatics all locked up?« Hannah replied with a smile, trying to get Frederick to relax. She tried her best not to be offended.

»That doesn't matter. I don't want you to come here!«, Frederick shouted and felt his heart pound inside his chest. He had to get her out of here as soon as possible. It wasn't safe for her to be connected with him-at least in here. He drew disasters to him like Hannibal had done with the high and mighty of Baltimore's society. And if, God forbid, something happened to Hannah...the very thought made him sick. Frederick brushed a hand over his face and took a few deep breaths to calm himself a bit before talking again.

»I don't have time for lunch. I'm sorry, Hannah, I know you meant well. I promise to explain everything when I come home tonight. Please, trust me on this.«

Hannah bit the inside of her lip, trying not to show him how hurt she was. She just nodded and hurried out of his office, not wanting him to see her with tears in her eyes. Hannah wished him a good day without really meaning it, rushing out without closing his door. Frederick could hear Patricia and John whisper in the anteroom, and shouted that he didn’t pay them for talking before slamming his office door shut again.

 

* * *

 

A couple of hours later Frederick knocked on Hannah's apartment door and waited with a light flutter in his stomach. He really hoped she wasn't too angry with him for shouting at her and behaving so distant in his office today. She didn't answer and he was worrying that he might have fucked up for good. But why should she be so angry? It's not like he hadn't done stupid things before, and she had forgiven him. He really wished he could look inside people's heads. The look of sadness on Hannah’s face earlier was something he didn’t want to see again. He had to explain-fast.

He was in the process of knocking a third time when he heard the elevator behind him.

Hannah had brown paper grocery bags in her arms when she emerged and was trying to fish out her keys from her purse.

»Hey«, Frederick breathed and looked like a deer in the headlights. She startled a bit but kept on searching her keys.

»Explaining hour?«, she said sounding annoyed. Hannah was trying very hard to keep the hurt out of her voice, but Frederick winced internally as he heard some of it slip through. Frederick took her heavy bags and offered a apologetic smile. »Let me help you«, he said. And please let me explain he silently prayed.

Hannah sighed heavily, and unlocked her apartment door. It was the first **official** time he was inside her own four walls and the smell of paint, coal, and her shampoo filled his lungs again.

»Just put them in the kitchen, Hannah began, And than tell me why you basically chased me away like a dirty rat«, she snapped out.

Shit, Frederick thought. She **was** really angry and he understood her perfectly-how could he not? He could be such an idiot, he thought to himself.

»I should explain my behaviour from today«, Frederick said, and put down the grocery bags, then leaned against the kitchen counter.

»Yes, you should«, she replied.

Hannah stood before him, stone faced, and crossed arms before her chest.

Frederick needed a couple of attempts so find the right words to say. He breathed in deeply and looked to the ground. Now he had to apologize. Fuck. Why was this so hard? He thought.

»I'm sorry, Hannah. I just … I don't want people to know about you.«

He heard Hannah gasp loudly and only then he realized how it must've sounded to her. Damn!

»No! No, not the way you think«, he rushed to correct, and looked at her again, »...I ..«

  
»No, you're … you're embarrased of me! If that's what you think of me than why even bother with me?«

Hannah was furious. Her eyes started to water and Frederick’s heart sank. She had wanted to spend a nice lunch date with him and was kicked out like a stinking dog and now he told her that he wanted to keep her a secret? No, this was too much. Hannah walked to the door and waited with the handle in her hands for him get out, taking a deep breath to calm herself.

»I don't want anyone to target you!«, Frederick burst out and Hannah closed the door again. He hadn't moved a single inch from the counter and was running his hands through his hair when she came back to him.

»Target?«

»Yes, Hannah. I don't want to endanger you just because you spend time with me. I'm Frederick when I'm home, when I'm around you or Kidney; but outside I'm Dr. Chilton, a completely different person. Someone who... was...attacked and survived, unaffected by his surroundings, who goes to work in the morning and goes home again when he's done for the day. My assistant and secretary don't even know I live here.«

»Isn't that exhausting? Always playing a role when you leave your apartment?«

She didn't sound furious or annoyed any longer. A good sign, Frederick thought and looked up at her again.

»Yes, it is«, he replied, »but I prefer it like that. Because like that nobody from one part of my life can get too close to the other part.« And I couldn’t live with myself if you were hurt, he thought.

Hannah just nodded slowly and came closer. »And does Frederick talk about Dr. Chilton sometimes?«

»Not if it can be avoided«, he said.

Hannah hesitated. »Well, does Dr.Chilton have someone to turn to? I gather his job must be at the brink of traumatizing.«

  
Frederick couldn’t believe what he was hearing. She must have been joking...

»Are you offering to volunteer as my counselor?«, he laughed, expecting her to do the same. He was startled by her quick answer of yes.

Her face was honest and open. She **really** wanted to hear about his job and the awful things he heard every day. Frederick had a hard time wrapping his mind around that simple fact.

»Why?«

»Because the man I saw today in your office wasn't the man I know and I want to get to know every layer that you have wrapped yourself into and every mask you're wearing to keep people out.«

»Still why?«, Frederick breathed stunned.

Hannah glanced down to the floor and stepped closer to him. Frederick suddenly felt uncomfortable being so close to her and wanted to put some distance between the two of them but the edge of her kitchen counter bore inside the small of his back.

»Because I like you, Frederick«, she whispered and was so close to him he could feel her breath gently caress his face. She gave him a shy smile. »And I would like to feel the same about Dr. Chilton.«

Before he had a chance to think of a response, her lips were on his and he moaned surprised against her lips. It was a quick kiss but still tender and left his heart pounding inside his chest.

»So we're good again?«, he asked hoarsely and tried to focus his eyes on hers. She smiled and nodded.

»And now?«

»And now...what?« He furrowed his brow and slightly tilted his head to the side.

»Well«, Hannah replied, »why not make the best of this evening? If I remember correctly it's your turn to plan the date.«

Oh! He would never say no to the opportunity to see her and spend time with her …especially now that she wasn't upset...

Frederick worried his bottom lip, trying to think of something impressive for them to do. »But...I don't have anything prepared. I thought I'd have until Saturday to plan something special for us.«

Hannah rose her eyebrows and giggled. She had to stand on her toes when she kissed him again. He'd never really noticed how small she was. At least a head smaller than himself.

»I thought I had made myself clear that I don't need the whole kit and caboodle. I just want you … and maybe a couch to sit on.« She wrapped her arms around Frederick's neck. He could feel her fingers weave through his hair. Didn't she say something about taking things slowly?

»Plus«, she continued, »I want to know about your work. So...we could either make this a therapy session; or a relaxing evening with a bottle of beer on your couch and you tell me about your day.

He carefully draped his arms around her waist and thought for a moment. Maybe he should just say yes. She already knew he had been through something terrible. There was no harm in telling her something she could find out by googling his name-assuming she hadn't already.

»I don't have beer«, Frederick said.

Hannah laughed and let go of him. She reached into one of brown paper bags behind him and produced a six-pack Bud Light with a smirk.

»My place or yours?«, she asked and wiggled her eyebrows. He was snickering and let go of her too.

»Mine.« He nodded over to the chaotic working space where her living room should've been. »You don't have a couch to sit on.«

»Oh, yes, I forgot.«

»And Kidney will be starving by now. Not to mention very lonely.«

»Well, that solves it then«, Hannah said.

Hannah put away her groceries and left for her room to change out of her work clothes. Frederick stood inside her living room and looked at her works. He tried not to let the fact that Hannah was most likely naked in the next room enter his thoughts.

It would be very awkward if she came back and found he was hard in his pants.

»Ready to go or do you wanna keep snooping around for a bit longer?« Frederick heard Hannah say behind him. He shook his head to clear his mind of his dirty thoughts before they went over to his apartment.

Just keep calm, Frederick, this is not the spectacular ''third date,'' he mentally reminded himself. This will be just talking … on his couch … close together … with beer, and a cat. Perfectly normal. No need to panic.


	12. That Old Black Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little therapy session for the good doctor.

 

After they entered his apartment, Frederick hurriedly fed Kidney and changed into something more casual, matching her plain jeans and grey light sweater.

When he returned to his living room, Hannah already had a bottle of beer in her hand. Her head was tilted to the side. She was reading the names on the backs of the records on his shelf. 

»Searching for something specific or …?«

»I can't decide whether The Beatles' _Abbey Road_ or Ella Fitzgerald's _Ella Fitzgerald Sings the Harold Arlen Songbook_. What would you prefer?«

»Abbey Road is pretty scratched. Heard it too many times in my life, I guess«, Frederick responded. 

»Ella then«, Hannah said, smiling. She pulled out the double record of and put it on the sliently cracking turntable. Frederick wasn't a great fan of beer so he poured himself a glass of rich, red wine. 

The first note of  _Blues in the Night_ played and he smiled to himself. Each and every record had been part of his youth. Thousands of memories stored on black vinyl. This was a record his grandmother had loved. Her husband had gifted it to her on their 40 th wedding anniversary in 1984. He could remember them literally dancing the night away to this music. They had swayed together and remembered the first time they'd heard the songs more then 20 years ago before. 

Frederick remembered watching them from his balcony as a boy and smiling just from the sound of their laughter. Frederick had hated that his parents were always leaving him alone as a kid. The silver lining, however, was that always meant staying over at his grandparents' house and spending time with them. With his grandfather being a retired History Professor he always had intersting books lying around and even more interesting stories to tell. 

»Buried in memories again?« Hannah asked. 

Hannah's voice startled him, bringing him back to the present. Only then he realize that he was still in his kitchen with a wine bottle in his hand; holding it above his empty glass. 

»Yes, ehm, apologies.«

»You don't need to apologize Frederick. Music can bring back wonderful memories.«

When he turned he saw Hannah already sitting on his couch smiling and waiting for him to come over. »And what memory brings good old Ella to your mind?«

Frederick smiled, still filled with the warmth of his memories. »My grandparents... laughing together, while wallowing in long-ago happy memories.«

Hannah's smile widened. »How sweet.«

Frederick wanted to sit in his armchair but Kidney had already occupied the chair and didn't seem like he would change that any time soon. Hannah pulled Frederick by his sleeve towards the seat next to her. She obviously wanted to close the distance between them. And although Frederick was happy to oblige, he felt like electricity ran through his veins when he was so close to her, and it scared him a little. 

He had successfully willed away his excitement while in her apartment but he was so much closer to her now. Her smell filled his lungs and set his mind on fire. He could still taste her on his lips. He wanted more but Frederick didn't want to push too far at the same time. It was like he was stuck, frozen with the fear he might do something wrong again. Hannah noticed that he was acting a bit stiff next to her.

»Did you buy them all in your childhood or are your records inherited?«, she asked, trying to get him to relax. 

»Inherited, mostly. I think five or so – the classical ones – were gifts.«

Hannah sipped her beer. »From whom?«

»My grandparents.« Frederick responded. He felt a sense of warmth and comfort whenever he thought of them. »They ... they were great.«

Frederick's eyes lost focus and Hannah could practically see him drift of into his memories again.

»Tell me about them.«

She took off her shoes, and put a leg under the other on the couch, turning towards him. Frederick shot her a side glance and thought for a moment.

»Didn't you want to know about my day and Dr. Chilton?«, he asked, confused. 

»Yes, but … would you rather talk about that than your family?« 

»Let's start with the worst and end with the best«, he mumbled into his glass and took a long sip of wine.

»So, then tell me about Dr. Chilton.« 

Frederick sighed and turned the glass in his hands.

»Dr. Chilton was born on the 14th of April, in 1994 after I received my doctorate in Psychology at Harvard University. He came back to Baltimore and worked a couple of years in a regular hospital and eventually became part of the professional staff of the prestigious Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane. After years and years of long hours, devoting himself to his work, Chilton became head of the institution.«

»All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy«, Hannah quoted and lifted her eyebrows.

»You have no idea.« That's why they were here, to let her get an idea, Frederick thought. 

Frederick took a deep breath, talking about his past was not an easy thing for him to do. »Two years ago I was attacked by a patient. I ... I wasn't myself anymore after that. And if that wasn't bad enough«, he laughed with spite, »I was then framed as the monster known as the Chesapeake Ripper – and shot in the face.« He shook his head, he still couldn't believe that somebody would accuse a vegetarian of cannibalism.

»I sometimes wish I had died in that interrogation room. The dead at least have the luxury of being done with what they lost ...« He whispered the last part and stared into his wine, talking another long sip as his throat suddenly felt dry. 

Hannah looked at him for a second or two. She watched his face intently, knowing how hard it was for him to tell her how he felt. Her heart ached for the man next to her. She shuffled closer and intertwined her fingers with his.

»You should never wish to be dead, Frederick.« she whispered, willing him to look at her. 

»I was talking about Dr. Chilton, Hannah, not me«, he lied, his eyes still on his wine glass. She knew he wasn't being truthful, but said nothing.

Frederick coughed, attempting to clear the lump that had formed in his throat. 

»What else did you want to know about?«

»Dr. Chilton's day.« 

Frederick glanced to their hands on his thigh and gave hers a little squeeze. She was still there, he had to try, he thought to himself. 

»Well«, he began, »I arrived at work, listened to the board of trustee's whining because they aren't happy with the way I lead **my** hospital. Then I had a wonderful therapy session with a man who raped and tormented his mother, and then cut her to pieces. When he was done with her, he moved on to his little sister«, Frederick snarled with disgust. »He raped her too– she was 8«, he added bitterly, »and killed her as well. Back then....he was 14 years old. They caught him four years ago... after he had raped and killed more than 100 women all over the country.«

He watched Hannah's face from the corner of his eye for any sign of horror and he wasn't disappointed. Who wouldn't be horrified, he thought. 

Frederick looked back at his glass, finishing it all in another swig. 

»After that, I spoke with a man who...had skinned his victims and arranged them in his own home like a happy family around the dinner table. He still believes to this day that his mother will take him home if he only behaves like a very good boy.« 

»Why did he skin them?« She asked, her voice barely above a whisper, the horror and disgust audible. He was shocked she wasn't telling him to stop.

Frederick took a deep breath before continuing, he might as well finish if she wasn't running, he thought. »His mother had always told him that underneath the skin all people were equal, a nice sentiment, to most of us, yes?« He laughed bitterly, and Hannah knew the question was rhetorical. 

»His victims were black, Asian, and one was white – his way to make them all look the same. His neighbour's were alarmed by his screams when he was just about to skin himself.«

»Oh my God«, Hannah whispered, but didn't pull her hand away. Instead, she tightened her hold. 

»After that I received a visit from Agent Crawford, the man I was showing out when you came by today. My afternoon wasn't much different from my morning, I'm afraid.« 

Hannah seemed deep in thought when Frederick found the courage to lift his gaze from their hands to her face. He instantly regretted ever agreeing to the idea of telling her what he went through every day. She didn't need to be dragged into his world, he thought. 

»You wanted to know, I told you....Do you understand now why I'd rather seperate that part of my life from you?«, he asked, his voice cracking a bit as he spoke.

She nodded and the record ended.

Frederick took a deep breath. »I understand if you'd prefer to end this day now and never see me again«, Frederick murmured and disentangled their fingers before getting up and walking over to the book shelf and the thudding needle of the record player.

»Never see you again? Frederick, I ...« 

»I really wouldn't hold it against you. I can't blame you for not wanting to be close to someone who stands knee-deep in the deviant waste of mankind«, he interrupted her.

Hannah placed her beer on the coffee table and walked over to Frederick. She laid her hand softly on his arm and smiled at him. She was completely calm next to him and it made Frederick feel like a helpless child. Hannah didn't seem to mind that he had to be around murderers and rapists the entire day. Why? He most certainly did. Frederick would rather work with traumatized war veterans or at least do what Dr. Bloom had done at the start of her career: Listen to rich, bored kids who didn't even know the meaning behind the word 'problem'.

»What you just told me is all about Dr. Chilton.« Her voice was soothing and kind. »But I'm with Frederick. Just like you said; when you're around me or Kidney you're Frederick. And I've already had the ...« Hannah paused, choosing her wording carefully. »... distinct pleasure of getting to know Dr. Chilton on our Date Zero and today in your office.« 

Hannah turned the record and positioned the needle back on the black vinyl. »Now I understand why he is such a gloomy person but I'm not sure I'll ever grow very fond of him.«

»So this is our last therapy session?« He heard his own voice sound disappointed.

»No«, she said, smiling, »Because I'm always there for Frederick as long as he leaves Dr. Chilton outside and only talkes about him.«

»That I can do.« Relief washed over him and he felt his shoulders relax again. He didn't realize how tense he had been.

»With that said and done ..« Hannah walked back to the couch and stroked Kidney's head as she passed him. ».. Tell me more about your grandparents.«

»You're pretty nosy, you know that?«, Frederick said smirking, and poured himself another glass of wine. After going over his day, who could blame him for indulging? 

»Yes«, Hannah giggled, »but I won't force you to tell me anything, so being nosy is okay. And you could ask me stuff too if you want to.«

Why hadn't he done that already? That was so unlike him. But somehow he liked this air of mystery about her. He could ask her whatever his mind came up with. But, oddly enough he was … happy with her as it were.

»So, what did your grandparents do?«, Hannah asked, waiting for him to come back to her. Frederick was on his way back to the living room when he started to talk.

»My grandmother was a housewife. The best cook in all of Maryland. She taught me a lot as a child.«

The memory of his five-year old self standing on a chair to reach the kitchen counter came to his mind and he smirked when he sat down again.

»She used to let me help her when I was with her,« Frederick continued. 

»So that's why you're such a great cook.«

»I guess, and she also sang a lot.« He nodded over to the speakers playing This time the Dream's on me. »She LOVED Ella Fitzgerald.«

»What was her name?«

»Estella Matisse-Walker. She was from France. My grandfather had met her during WWII and immediately fell for her. He used to tell me the story a thousand times whenever he felt especially in love with her. She was working in a tobacco shop in France during the war. Some of his army friends tried to ask her out but she was playing ''French'' and acted as if she wouldn't understand English. The second my grandfather had laid eyes on her he knew she was the one! He came into the shop whenever he could. He even started smoking because of her. And he asked her out every day right after an awful attempt of saying hello in French. When she showed him the cold shoulder he started telling cheesy jokes and that eventually broke the ice when she finally burst into laughter one day, revealing she understood him perfectly.«

Hannah bit her lower lip to keep herself from making a high pitched ''Awwww''-noise.

»He married her in France and brought her back home with him shortly before the war ended. My mother was born only one year later.«

»And what did your grandfather do?«

»He was a professor for Roman History. He -«

Frederick cut himself when the beginning of _That Old Black Magic_ started to play and Frederick silently offered her his hand. »Shall we?«

Her face lit up at once. »I thought you'd never ask.«

They walked over to the free space between the living and dining space and started dancing. Frederick squared his shoulders and Hannah could feel his hand on the small of her back. She shivered slightly and Frederick had to keep himself from smiling broadly at that reaction. He hadn't danced since prom, but he was confident he wouldn't step on her toes. The only thing he wasn't sure of was if his limp could return. In day to day life he walked almost normal again but dancing? Well, the luck is with the one's who try. Frederick spun them both around and after the first shock Hannah started laughing louder and louder in his arms.

Frederick twirled her around and pulled her body flush against his own again just to have their faces only inches apart. He stared down at her pink lips as she licked them. He wanted to kiss her but he was holding himself back. Frederick didn't wanted to come across as needy or pushy. Luckily, she wasn't in the mood for holding back. Her lips were on his within a heartbeat. She tasted like beer and … strawberries. Must've been her lipgloss. Frederick moaned into her mouth and dared to lick over her bottom lip. She opened her mouth at his silent command and they moaned together when their tongues met. Their chests were pressed together tightly as he spun Hannah around with him and her laughter filled the air again. Their panting was like a hand caressing the others skin as they leaned their foreheads against each other. He felt numb pain in his lower back and knew one dance was all he could give to her without hurting to much.

Yet, Frederick didn't want this moment to end. But humankind still needed to invent the never ending song, so his wish was left ungranted. And by the end of the song they were both out of breath but smiling like love-struck teenagers. They collapsed on the couch next to each other again.

»You're a fantastic dancer«, Hannah complimented him and the praise was like angels singing in his ears.

»Thank you, you're no so bad either.« He sipped his wine trying to catch his breath again. He might be a good dancer, but he was not a spring lamb anymore so he needed some time to recover before being able to do anything but pant and sit on the couch. The pain in his back slowly ebbing away again.

He brought her home again and she kissed him good night. If this was to be his life from now on he wouldn't complain. Ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank my beta Johanna once more for her marvellous work. I really hope I disappointed you not too much and we can remain in contact. Thank you.


	13. Slumberparty

 

It took Frederick and Hannah only a month to be really comfortable around each other. Lazy afternoons and evenings on his couch on the weekends, Hannah watching him in honest awe when he cooked for them and he watched her as well … pretty much all the time when he thought she wouldn't notice. He still couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that this beauty was actually in his arms. Of course Hannah noticed his glances but she let him. She loved the fact that he was so smitten with her.

One Sunday evening, Hannah and Frederick had just finished watching a bad adaptaion of a Jane Austen novel because nothing else was on TV and none of them felt like leaving his comfortable couch, she sat up groaning tiredly and Frederick was tempted to pull her head back to its place on his chest.

He loved their evenings together. Before his injuries he would've spent them at some dinner party with people he actually hated and who more or less secretly resented him. Why wouldn't he? The alternative would've been sitting around alone in his way too big and too flashy house or trying to hook-up with a woman at some bar. This here, this relationship ''PG'' was better than any dinner party or unsatisfying one-night stand he could imagine.

Hannah groaned again when she glanced at her watch.

»I should go. Tomorrow is a work day.«

»You could stay«, Frederick proposed and looked at her warily. She stared at him with lifted eyebrows. After a second had passed without an answer he cursed internally and wished he could turn back time just to stay quiet.

»Ehm, I know you've been really patient with me, Frederick, but I'm not sure I'm ready to do the next step just yet.«

»I'm not … no. I'm not pushing for something here. I'm suggesting something more like a … slumberparty.«

He just didn't want to be alone, he wanted to hold her and be close to her.

»A slumberparty?«, she laughed and bit her lower lip as she thought about his suggestion. »But I don't have my pj's with me.«

»You could wear something from me. I always quite liked the ''boyfriend''-look on women.«

»Boyfriend«, Hannah repeated silently, eyeing him from head to toe.

Fuck! Frederick cursed inwardly and mentally prepared himself to be friendzoned in a second. Like with all those girls in High School and University had done who had just hung out with him because they wanted him to help them with their homework or simply do them for them.

»I like that.«

What?! Frederick blinked a couple of times and let the information and the sweet smile with which she said it sink in. Hannah stood up from the couch and kept on smiling at him.

»If you show me what you have in mind for me, I promise I will contemplate the ''boyfriend''-look for tonight. Luckily my own closet isn't too far away, so I could get my own clothes in less than a minute if I should disagree with your choice.«

Less than a minute, sounded good to him as an ''emergency-solution''. She didn't question staying over. It was just about the attire.

He was up on his feet within a heartbeat. Frederick took her hand and led her into his bedroom. He rummaged around in his drawers and searched for one particular shirt. It wasn't in the first and not in the second drawer he searched.

»Ha!« Frederick pulled his old Harvard-shirt from the bottom of the third drawer and handed it to Hannah.

She smiled and slightly shook her head. Of course, it had to be Harvard. Hannah checked if the shirt was long enough to cover her ass. It barely did, yet … »Seems to fit.«

»So you'll stay?«

He had to hear the ''yes'' from her and she didn't disappoint him. Hannah excused herself into the bathroom and changed into his shirt for the night.

Frederick almost jumped in pure joy when she'd disappeared behind the door. She had said yes to him. She wanted to be with him – with her boyfriend.

»Boyfriend«, he murmured and unconsciously shook his head. He felt too old for the word but he liked, no, he loved the meaning behind it. His left cheek began to hurt and only then he realized that he'd been smiling like the Cheshire Cat for the last five minutes.

Hannah cleared her throat and he turned around to her standing in the door frame.

»Are you planning to sleep in your suit?«

Frederick didn't even hear her question. His mind was way too occupied with staring at her. Her bare legs, soft and white like pure silk; the lace trimming of her baby blue cotton panties just peeked out from under the hem of his old grey Harvard-shirt. She had her hair down and it cascaded in soft, dark blond curls from her shoulders.

»You realize that you're staring, right?«

With that Frederick's mind snapped back to reality. »Sorry, it's … just been a while since ...«

»Since you've last seen a half naked woman?«

He turned a bit red. It created a weird contrast between his scar and the skin that was supplied with extra blood right now.

»Yes.«

Hannah had barely heard him but she wasn't trying to make him feel uncomfortable. »So are you going to present me a half naked man tonight or …?«

She smirked and came closer one cautious step at a time. Frederick's hands itched to touch her but nothing would happen tonight.

»I'll be right back. You could make yourself comfortable while I change«, he smiled and gestured towards his large bed. He ducked into his closet for his pj's and a clean black shirt. Not a white one. His belly scar could show through and destroy everything he was about to build up with her.

»Back in a sec«, he said still smiling like an idiot and headed towards the bathroom door. He changed quickly into his dark blue plaid pj's (the only plaid thing he owned now) and regarded his light belly scar in the wide mirror over the basins. Usually he tried to avoid looking at it but tonight he felt like looking at the proof of his past mistakes to ground himself back in reality.

He had changed a lot over the last two years. Frederick had always kept a healthy tan for his skin, even went to the tanning salon to avoid looking like a ghost. That had changed and his skin had lost it's brownish colour. Now his skin was white again but still darker than his scar. His chest hair had some grey bits and pieces here and there. The golden cross he wore around his neck nestled between the short curls. Another new addition to his life next to the new scars that ''graced'' his body.

The straightness of the ''Gideon''-scar was a mock in itself. The comparison to the circular entry wound on his face was another mock. Now he only needed another scar in the shape of a square and a triangle and he could serve as a math wizard of scars.

Better cover up what could be hidden with his clothes, he thought bitterly and sighed. He brushed his teeth and it still felt strange that he didn't feel anything on his left side of his maxilla. The dental surgeons had done a great job with the porcellan prosthetics. If he didn't know it himself, he wouldn't notice the false teeth. Still, brushing what he couldn't feel was strange.

Frederick had expected to be nervous with the prospect of sharing a bed with Hannah in front of him but he was calm when he turned off the lights in the bathroom and stepped into his bedroom.

Hannah chewed her lower lip sitting on the left edge of the bed and managed a faint smile when she looked up at him.

»Everything okay?«, Frederick asked and feared she might have had made up her mind about staying over tonight.

»Yeah, I just didn't know what side you usually sleep on.«

»The one you're sitting on, unfortunately. I'm afraid you'll have to sleep to my left.«

»I'm actually very d'accord with that«, she smiled. Hannah crawled over the covers to the other side of the bed providing Frederick a perfect look of her backside and the bright blue colour of her underwear. Either she didn't know what this did to him or she wanted to tease him. The wicked little grin she tried to suppress (but miserably failed in doing so) when she looked at him over her shoulder hinted to the latter.

»You're not half as naked as balance would demand. I mean, I'm just wearing my underwear. You have a whole outfit to sleep in.«

»Are you trying to get me naked here, Miss Scarborough?«, Frederick smirked and folded back the expensive linen covers on his side.

»I just want equiality between the two of us.«

Frederick froze, the lopsided smile on his face widening. He tought for a moment and didn't once let his eyes leave hers when he pulled down his pj's. She regarded his boxers with a glance not longer than a heartbeat and nodded approvingly.

»Equal enough, Miss Scarborough?«

»Yes, and, Dr. Chilton, you may call me by my first name.«

This was not how he'd imagined their first night ''together''. They burst into laughter and Frederick switched the ceiling light off.

»Could you turn on the bedside lamp please?«

»Can't you walk in your own bedroom?«

»Could you please just do it?«, he snapped and slowly, very slowly felt a chill crawl up his spine. He usually had nothing in particular against the darkness in his own apartment but sensing another person in the room in complete darkness made him feel uneasy.

Hannah turned on the light on her night stand. She didn't look piqued because he snapped at her. Frederick was happy that she seemed to understand him in that respect. »Thank you.«

»No problem.« Hannah waited for him to crawl into bed.

It felt a bit awkward sitting next to her in his bed. They had already spent hours on the couch with her in his arms, her head on his chest or shoulder, but now?

»Do you feel like prom too? Knowing what to do but not having the guts to dance?«

Frederick huffed a laugh and nodded. »Maybe we should just act as if we were sitting on the couch.«

»Or ...« Hannah scooped lower into the pillows and turned to her side facing him. »... we could just be brave and start a new cuddling chapter?«

He copied her action, sliding down, facing her and slipping his arm under her head. She snuggled into his chest immediately and let out a content sigh. She closed her eyes and relaxed listening to his heartbeat beneath her cheek.

Well, that went smoothly, Frederick thought and turned off the light on her night stand. He had to reach over her to do that and got a whiff of the orange blossom smell of her hair. It had become part of his day to day life. Frederick couldn't imagine living without it ever again; her warm body was pressed against his, her heartbeat at his side and her hot breath against his skin. After years and years of solitude he deserved this, he deserved happiness.

Frederick fell asleep with a smile … but it shouldn't last long.


	14. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their first night together doesn't go as smoothly as Frederick would've hoped

 

Only two hours later Frederick tossed and turned under Hannah's cheek. She woke and groaned. Her eyes needed a few seconds to adjust to the darkness in the room. Frederick panted hard, his face twisted into a stressed grimace covered in cold sweat. That was actually the reason why she'd woken up. Her ''pillow'' had moved too much.

Hannah watched him intently. She didn't know what was going on behind his tightly shut eyelids but it was clear that he was suffering from a terrible nightmare.

»Frederick«, she said quietly and softly rested a hand on the middle of his chest trying not to wake him too harshly. His shirt was damp from the sweat that covered his entire body. He kicked against the covers and Hannah tried to wake him up one more time.

 

* * *

 

Frederick found himself in that interrogation room he had been in with Alana. Only this time Hannibal was there in her place, smiling his signature smile.

»Hello, Frederick.«

»Ha-Hannibal«, Frederick stuttered and looked around. He was chained to the metal desk in front of him. No chance to run away. Hannibal had no reflection in the one way mirror behind him – just like a vampire. Frederick looked at his own reflection. But It wasn't his. His other self wasn't as panicky as he was, wasn't fighting against the handcuffs. He was just sitting there doing nothing.

»Fighting won't help you, Frederick.«

 _»Frederick!«_ A voice like an echo in the far distance, nothing more.

»I have to fight«, Frederick heard himself say, feeling like it wasn't him who was speaking, »or I'll die.«

Suddenly Will Graham appeared in the corner, his arms crossed before his chest. Blood was running from the gaping wound Hannibal had left him with before his departure.

»You're not a killer, Frederick.«

 _»Frederick!«_ Another echo, closer this time.

His reflection woke from its trance and watched Frederick with the same predatory look as Hannibal and Will Graham did right now. The other Frederick shook off his handcuffs like they weren't even there and slowly rose from his seat. He opened his orange overall and revealed the wound Gideon had left on him. It was ripped open and his guts tumbled from it like a red waterfall.

Suddenly he felt a hand on his neck, choking him, pulling his head back. Frederick looked up and saw Abel Gideon's empty eyes over him.

Frederick saw a scalpel glistening in his hand and felt his heart beat in his neck.

»No, please, please! Just let me go!«, he screamed and started crying.

 _»Frederick!«_ , said the echo and the voice seemed more familiar now. The faces of Will, Hannibal and eventually Gideon twisted into unhuman shapes until they faded away into darkness.

 

* * *

 

Frederick sat up panting. Hannah was lying next to him, surprised that he woke up from her calling his name.

She reached behind him over to the lamp on his night stand before she touched him again. Otherwise he might feel like he was still caught in his nightmare and she wanted to avoid disstressing him any further. In the light of the lamp she could see a damp trail down his spine that made the black jersey appear even darker.

Hannah sat up next to him, softly laying her hand on his shoulder. Frederick was shaking, sweat covered his entire body. He could feel it run down his chest and belly under his shirt.

This was not how he'd imagined their first night together to be. This was so embarrassing! He hid his face behind his hands when he felt tears roll down his cheeks. How pathetic could a single human being be?

»I'm so, so sorry«, Frederick sniveled.

»There's no need to apologize, Frederick.« Hannah pulled his hands from his face and stroked his damp hair. »You don't ever have to apologize for having a nightmare. Not to me. Ever.«

Frederick didn't dare to look into her eyes out of fear he might see disappointment or pity. He didn't want her to pity him. He wanted to ask her to leave him alone in his messed up state. She shouldn't see him like this. He was disgusted by his own weakness.

But Hannah wouldn't let go of him. She pulled him into a tender embrace continuing to stroke his hair and silently humming an old lullaby while he snuggled into her chest after the first hesitation faded away.

His shaking slowly ebbed away, his breathing returned to a normal rythym and his sweat cooled his body back down.

»Let's take off the shirt. You only catch a cold if you keep wearing it«, Hannah whispered reaching for the hem of his shirt. Frederick's heart skipped a beat and he violently pulled away from her. He couldn't show her his scar. Not yet.

»No, please, don't.« He grasped her wrists and avoided her eyes. He had to say something but he couldn't come up with a believable lie. Frederick counted on her understanding. »I don't want to take off my shirt … not in front of anyone.«

He got up before she could ask for the reason. Frederick grabbed a dry shirt from his drawer without looking at it and locked himself in his bathroom. Frederick splashed his face with cold water and ran a cold cloth over his neck. He almost hoped that he hoped to hear Hannah knock at the door asking him to disarm his alarm so she could go back to her own apartment and end this mess of a night.

But Hannah was still there when he left the bathroom again. He wore a white shirt now, hadn't paid attention on his flight into his little sactuary. Frederick hoped the dim light of the lamp wouldn't reveal too much.

Hannah patted the matress next to her giving him a gentle smile.

»I'm not going to ask«, she whispered calmingly.

He felt the tension drain from his body and crawled back into bed right into her tender embrace. Her steady heartbeat calmed him down completely again making him sigh contently when she let her fingers play with the shorter hairs on the nape of his neck, tangling them with the chain of the golden cross around his neck. He couldn't fall asleep again just yet although he was tired as hell.

»I never took you for a very religious man, Frederick.«

Hannah was playing with the small pendant shining in the warm light from his bedside lamp. None on them could reach the lamp to turn it off again, neither of them could reach far enough to turn it off, nor did they really care.

»I take every protection I can get. In my position you would do the same«, he mumbled against the fabric of his Harvard-shirt covering her soft bosom. He returned her embrace pulling her flush against his body and letting out a shuddering breath. He couldn't remember a time a woman had simply hugged him like this before – if ever.

»This is not how I wanted tonight to be like.«

She pressed her lips into his hair and breathed in his very own scent. »I don't mind, Frederick, really.«

He fell asleep in her arms soon after and woke up the next morning just the same/still enveloped in her arms and warmth. He could grow accustomed to that but without the minor panic attacks like the night before. It would take them another month to take the next step.


	15. Taking the next step

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel the need to explain something before reading can start. This is the first smut chapter I've ever wrote and I'm torn between being excited to hear what you think and being frightened it might suck.  
> Well, happy reading ...

 

»Frederick?«

»Yes?«, he copied her tone without looking away from his book. He had aleardy noticed her watching him from the corner of his eye and had just waited for her to finally speak up.

Hannah slid closer and took the book from his hands. She placed it carefully on the coffee table and lay her hand on his knee when she looked at him coyly.

»You've waited very long. Never pushing me or loosing your patience with me.«  
Frederick took off his glasses and furrowed his brow. He had no idea what this was about and he didn't like being clueless – in fact, he hated it.

»I know that not many men would have done this for a woman but … but I think I'm ready now.«

»Ready for what?«, he growled, suspicion in his voice. Hannah's hand on his thigh squeezed and she bit her lower lip.

»Ready to take the step with you. Giving myself to you«, she breathed huskily and let her hand glide up the inside of his thigh. She kissed him to emphasize her point even more, sliding her tongue over his bottom lip before gently biting it. Her hand was wandering higher and higher on his thigh and Frederick's body responded to the contact it had been craving for so many years.

He couldn't keep himself from writhing under her touch even before she reached his crotch. His pants already showed his bulge prominently. Their kiss turned sloppier and clear animalistic need showed through.

Frederick bucked his hips, begged her silently to finally pull his erection free from his way too tight pants. But instead of continuing, Hannah stopped.

Her hands stroked up his sides making him shiver before they settled on his shoulders. She straddled him and ground her wet covered folds against the thin fabric of his dress pants. His hips thrust up at her at the contact and he was rewarded with a deep moan from her lips.

»Bedroom?«, she whispered and it took him a few seconds to answer with a nod. He was too distracted from the slow circuling motion of her hips on his lap and her hot breath against his skin to form a single clear thought.

Frederick didn't want to let go of her when she got up but he wouldn't let their first time happen on his couch.

Hannah offered him a hand and almost dragged him in his bedroom. She kissed him like a nymph as soon as he'd thrown the door shut behind them. They were both despreate to finally do this. Hannah almost ripped Frederick's shirt open in her haste but he caught her wrists in a hard grasp before she could reach his belly.

»Wait«, he panted and saw disappointment flicker in her eyes. She stepped back and twisted her hands from his hold. Her mouth formed a silent 'oh' and she frowned.

»But … I thought you want it too.« She gestured to the bulge in his pants. »And it most certainly looks like you want it.«

Her face turned a shade of red Frederick had never seen on a human. This wasn't just a blush. It almost looked like she would explode if he didn't do something about it.

»No, I want it. I really do. Oh god, believe me, I do.« She looked at him skeptically. »I just wanted to establish … one very important rule first.«

Frederick looked down to his belly. He trusted her but this other woman's face wouldn't disappear from his mind.

»Same rule as for our sleep overs. Not without … shirt.«

Hannah's eyebrows shot up to her hairline. She opened her mouth a few times to say something but stayed quiet. In the end she just accepted his rule and Frederick loved her for not asking for his reasons.

»Anything I need to know about you before we continue?«

»I don't think so. Well, maybe just to remember that the first time always sucks«, she shrugged.

»It always sucks?«

»Yes.« Hannah came closer again and traced the seam of his button border with her forefinger. »We still need to groove into a mutual rythym. It's a law of nature.«

Frederick followed her slow movements and managed not to flinch when she traced over his scar. She hooked her fingers into the belt loops of his pants and pulled him towards the bed. Frederick stopped her when her bare calves touched the sheets. He threaded his hands into her hair and pulled her lips to his. Her mouth tasted like the white chocolate she had nibbled on only a minute earlier on the couch.

She was naked in a heartbeat standing in front of him like a goddess from one of the paintings she was working on every day. Her open arms were the best invitation he had ever received. Hannah helped him out of his dress shirt and pants leaving him in his white undershirt and boxers. She wanted him to be comfortable around her while still showing him how much into this she was.

Frederick was almost cautious touching her as if he feared she might shatter as soon as his fingers touched her skin.

Hannah kissed him passionately reaching for his hands and placing them on her hips. Her warm skin under his fingertips set his mind on fire. This was actually happening. He let his hands slide up and down her spine avoiding touching her burn scar over her shoulderblades and kissing her with all his heart. The little moans she rewarded him with spurted him on to become bolder and bolder. He pulled her body flush against his. His cock was rock hard poking her flat belly. Hannah only broke the kiss to breathe again. She panted with a big smile on her lips, her cheeks flushed and Frederick found radiant eyes looking back at him when he finally opened his.

Hannah turned them both around, pushing Frederick back to sit down on the bed. The tent in his boxers couldn't have been more prominent. He crawled up to the middle of his giant bed and pulled her with him. She straddled his hips and kissed him, drawing a loud moan from him when she slowly grinded her hips against him. Hannah kissed along his jawline and found his sweet spot right under his right ear. It was like hitting a button. His hips jerked up against her and he let out a long groan. Frederick could feel her smile against his skin. She kissed and gently sucked on his bobbing Adam's apple and continued to kiss his neck and nibble at his ear.

His balls already grew uncomfortably tight. They hadn't even started and he already wanted to come. Frederick let his hands wander over her naked body.

»Condoms?«, she asked against his lips, panting from the intensity of their kissing and growing too desperate to continue her teasing.

He had almost forgotten about it. Frederick groaned and nodded towards the upper drawer of his nightstand. Hannah smiled, had to get up from his lap a bit and leaned over him to reach the drawer. Her breasts were right in front of his face. Would have been a sin not to use the opportunity to suck on her pink nipples. He could feel them grow hard between his lips. She arched against him throwing her head back and letting his name tumble from her kiss swollen lips.

Her hand reached blindly into the drawer and felt cold sharp metal with her fingertips. She opened her eyes and pulled back her hand with a loud gasp.

»Why do you have a gun in your nightstand?«, she asked with a mixture of fright and confusion. Frederick sighed and had to pump some blood back into his head before he could think properly.

»Security and safety. Just like condoms«, he smirked smugly and looked up at Hannah. He could feel her wetness through the fabric of his boxers.

»Would you mind not having a gun in your apartment? Maybe it's a European vs. American thing but I'm not very comfortable with a gun around me.«

»Do you really want to talk about this **now**?«

»No, sorry.« She smiled and leaned over him again reaching for one of the silver foil packages next to the Glock. Hannah closed the drawer the second she had what she wanted. If she didn't see it, it wasn't there … at least for the time being, she thought.

Frederick buried his face between her breasts as soon as the opportunity presented itself. He let his hands glide from her hips down her legs and eventually hooked his thumbs under the waistband of his boxers and slid them down. It was difficult but they managed without having to stand up. His cock was almost painfully hard by now. The head glistening with precum.

Hannah bit her lip when she felt the smear on her inner thigh. She glanced to it between them and moaned huskily.

»God, no wonder you're so cocky«, she grinned against his skin when she kissed down a trail from his right ear over the spotthat made him roll his eyes back into his head and moan like a whore, to the collar of his undershirt that had some chest hair peeking out.

Frederick watched her slide further down his body, her hands and hair stroking over his torso. She started kissing the skin under the hem of his shirt. Knowing that she was only inches away from the disfiguring scar on his belly sent an extra chill down his spine.

Hannah's mouth inched closer to his cock, humming like a lusty nymph.

Her delicate hand wrapped around his shaft and spread his precum with her thumb. Frederick arched at the contact and thrusted into her hand. An embarrasingly high-pitched whimper escaped his throat when she pulled her fingers away from him to open the condom package.

»I saw that in a porn the other day.«

That naughty confession alone was by far the hottest thing he had ever heard a woman say. But what she did was even hotter. She laid down on her stomach between his slightly spread legs and pulled the latex out of the package. She looked at him through her lashes and licked her lips.

She placed the condom on his leaking tip but instead of rolling it down with her fingers she used her hot mouth for it.

»Oh my God!«, Frederick shouted and thrust into her mouth. He heard her gag and instantly babbled a thousand hasty apologies but she just smiled at him and crawled back on top of him to kiss him full on. Hannah reached between them and aligned his tip with her entrance. She was wetter than she'd ever been for a man before.

Her hot wetness around him made Frederick lose his mind for a second. She felt tight; almost too tight for his already worn thin stamina. He could've come right away but he instructing his mind to think about cooking recipes or … baseball and fortunately it worked.

Hannah didn't move for a moment. She had her eyes closed, fully enjoying the feeling of being so full. It had been so long since her last time.

Frederick cupped and squeezed her breasts to prove to himself that this wasn't just a cruel dream his love-depraved mind had come up with. It wasn't. Hannah was real and she slowly started rocking her hips over him. He grasped her hips and guided her grinding. Her breathing was uneven and checkered with moans, silent gasps and high pitched sighs. They found their echo in him as she rode him tenderly. No haste or pressure between them. He thrust into her earning a deep moan. Frederick searched her face for any sign of discomfort or dislike and made mental notes on what she liked and what could make her moan for the other times that were still to come.

Hannah braced her hands on his chest and started moving more focused, altenating between circling her hips and bouncing slightly while Frederick answered with matching thrusts. Her mouth fell open and her eyes locked with his. Silent gasps turned into mewling noises and eventually loud groaning.

Frederick's finger dug into the soft flesh of her hips and quickened his thrusts. He fought the inner battle not to come or at least make her come before him.

»Frederick«, Hannah moaned after a particually deep thrust letting her head fall back and riding him faster. She was chasing after the feeling that already built up deep inside her.

Her breasts bounced with every movement begging to be touched, nibbled, sucked.

Frederick sat up and held her tight, his face buried between her tits. She sighed his name again gringing against him in a steady rythym. Her skin tasted salty from her sweat. Frederick placed sloppy open mouthed kisses all over her chest feeling her fingers curl up in his damp hair with fingernails scratching over his scalp. She pulled at it to angle his head so she could kiss him. Frederick sucked on her lower lip feeling her tighten around him. His hands travelled down to her ass pulling her closer, providing more friction, making her scream and pull at his curls when she came around him. The pulsing muscles and sobs of pleasure triggered his own orgasm. Hannah shivered in his arms trembling from her intense orgasm, absentmindedly grinding her hips against his. She had never felt so close to anyone during sex. Frederick rested his forehead against her neck holding her close as they tried to catch their breath. The only sound in his apartment was their mutual panting.

Hannah's fingers traced up and down his spine when she had finally relaxed from her high. The sweat on her skin was cooling her down a bit too much and she stirred in his arms trying to break their embrace although she didn't wantFrederick to let go of her. His softened cock slid out of her easily when she got up.

Hannah disappeared into his bathroom, washing the sweat off and grabbing the nightshirt she was keeping in his apartment for two weeks now. When she returned Frederick had discarded the condom and changed into a clean shirt himself.

She snuggled into his side like they always did and she loved it.

»I know it's a cliché that the man asks about his performance after sex and I promise I will never do it again but did it suck as much as expected?«

Hannah laughed loudly and stretched her neck to kiss him sweetly. »It was amazing«, she whispered against his lips and sighed contently laying her head on his chest.

Frederick turned off the lights and smiled in the darkness of his bedroom.

Not only did he have a girlfriend that actually wanted to be with him but he had also managed to make her come. His fear of coming too early or not being able to pleasure her at all was unfounded. He fell asleep with the stupidest, happiest smile he had ever shown. He felt deepest happiness.


	16. Cinnamon Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much the morning after.

 

When she woke up, Frederick had his head buried in her shoulder and was snoring peacefully. She could have stayed there forever just watching him but he was way too warm and that drove her out of the bed eventually. Hannah put on the shirt she had almost ripped off of him a couple of hours earlier. It smelled like him and Hannah couldn't stop smiling. She wanted to let him sleep a bit longer.

Hannah had never had the opportunity to snoop around in Frederick's apartment before. She was a bit like him in that way. But her main goal now wasn't finding the metaphorical skeletons in the closet but to making breakfast or at least coffee to wake Frederick up with. Like the perfect lover, she thought and grinned as she tiptoed out of the bedroom.

When she passed the door of his home office Hannah spotted the red fur of Kidney. She smiled and opened the door a bit wider. She had always wondered what Frederick hid in here and was pretty dissapointed when she was greeted by a laptop, stacks of books, and scattered papers lying all over the desk like a carpet. Kidney had his fluffy bed on top of one of Frederick's hip-high metal filing shelves.

»Good morning, Kidney«, Hannah whispered and wanted to pet the cat but just like Frederick she had to learn that this cat was pretty much the opposite of a morning person. He hissed and scratched the back of Hannah's hand, causing her to hiss in pain and examine the deep, bleeding injury. It wasn't just a nick and she was damn well angry with that little fur ball but her mind had found something new to be occupied with.

A drop of blood landed on black and white photographs of a crime scene. She hadn't really payed attention to what papers were lying on Frederick's desk. Until now.

The picture showed a kitchen with blood splattered all over the counter tops and cabinet doors. A woman was lying in a pool of her own black blood wearing a white dress tinted all shades of grey. She had her hands folded over her belly as if she was already lying in her coffin. A child was also in this picture. A boy, maybe 5 or 6 years old, sitting next to the body of the woman, covered in her blood and looking down to the picture he had drawn for her, Hannah mused. Before she could take the photograph in her hand for a closer, shocked but fascinated look, Frederick slammed the file shut. He had appeared out of nowhere behind her and looked down to his hand on the file top.

His eyes didn't meet hers. He simply looked down, clenching his porcelain teeth (something the dentist had forbidden him) and breathed heavyly through his nose. She had never been supposed to see this part of his daily life. Frederick had wanted to keep her ''pure'' so to speak. Not letting her be burdened with the horrors he saw and heard every day.

Another drop of Hannah's blood fell from her hand and landed on his. The feeling of the hot fluid on his skin let him snap out of his current train of thought. He grabbed her hand harshly and examined her deep scratch.

»Kidney«, she said silently.

Frederick said nothing and dragged Hannah with him to his bathroom where he sat her down on the egde of the bath tub. He got his first aid kit and cleaned her wound. It wasn't really necessary but Frederick worried she might run away from him after seeing the pictures in his office.

»I see he got you too«, Hannah whispered and nodded towards his right wrist.

»Yes, he's not to be disturbed in the mornings.«

»I kinda got that.«

She smiled but it was tinted with concern. For her own safety? Frederick couldn't tell and he didn't want to ask. Never ask questions you don't want to get an answer to, he had told himself. The silence between them felt uncomfortable and weighing heavily on both their chests..

»I thought you had snuck out when I woke up in an empty bed«, Frederick finally said not looking up from her hand.

»I couldn't … even if I wanted. I don't have the combination for the alarm system.«

She tried to sound happy and even managed to smile a bit more convincing when he quickly glanced up at her face.

»He's a new patient. Whitnessed the brutal murder of his mother when he was 5.« Frederick started to explain as he put a patch on her scratch. »I wanted to read through his case file and previous therapies before talking to him in person this week.«  
»Frederick.«

»He reenacted his mother's murder and always made them look like sleeping angels, very cliché but that's what he did.«

»Frederick.«

»His last victim was a nun who worked at the homeless shelter he lived in for a couple of months.«

»Frederick!«, Hannah shouted.

Only now he stopped talking and looked up at her face.

»You're gonna crush my hand if you squeeze any harder.«

Frederick released her hand and saw the blood rush back into her pale skin.

»I'm sorry. I should've simply … locked the door I guess.«

»I knew about your work. You don't have to be ashamed of it or fear that I might think anything less of you. I still want to be with you, Frederick«, Hannah said smiling honestly and standing up.

»Shall we make breakfast? I'm starving.«

And with that the entire weight on his shoulders disappeared. She held out her hand and waited for his brain to really grasp what had happened.

Point 1: She had actually slept with him. That hadn't been some weird ass dream of his love-starving brain. Good.

Point 2: She had seen the gore he had to confront every fucking day and she didn't run or thought him a sick man. Better.

Point 3: She was willing to have breakfast with him after they slept with each other (so his performance couldn't have been too bad – bonus points for his ego) and after seeing his day to day work. Great.

Point 4: She looked absolutely gorgeous and sexy in nothing but her black lace panties and his blue Prada dress shirt. The best!

Frederick took her hand but before they made their way to his kitchen Hannah stopped.

»Why have you taken your necklace off?«

»What?« Frederick reached up to where his golden cross should be hanging. It wasn't there. Frederick released her hand and started looking around. Maybe he lost it somewhere between bed and home office? He dashed out of the bedroom not even hearing Hannah call after him. He couldn't lose this necklace. It was the only thing left from his childhood. Frederick searched in a frenzy even looked under his desk. Maybe it somehow got under it?

»Frederick«, he heard behind him but he didn't care. This necklace was a present from his grandmother, an heirloom from her mother's mother, the only thing she had managed to take with her when they had to flee from Franco-Prussian-war in 1871.

This little stupid necklace was the oldest family item he owned and he had lost it! His ancestors probably rotated in their graves right now. Hannah appeared behind him in the doorframe and shot Kidney a death glance. »I found it between the sheets.«

Hannah held out the necklace and he let out a sigh of relief. He send a thank you up to the heavens and stood up again.

»I guess you must've lost it during sleep. The clasp isn't closing all the way«, Hannah explained examining the fine golden chain in her hands. »A bit squeezing will fix it, I guess.«

»Would you be so kind to put me back under the protection of our lord and saviour?«, Frederick asked with a lopsided smile and turned around with the back to her. She did it, of course.

»A family heirloom. It doesn't have much financial value.«

»You don't have to explain anything to me, Frederick. I think we already established that rule.«

»Yes, but I want you to know, Hannah. That's something different.«

He turned around when she had finished fastening the necklace and kissed her tenderly. He took her hand in his and Hannah gave Kidney another stern look when they left the home office.

»He'll apologize later, trust me.«

»He better does«, she mumbled dangerously but smiled again a second later. And boy, how Frederick loved that smile.

»What would you like for breakfast?«, he asked smirking about his disgustingly great happiness he was feeling.

»Well, what do you have?«

Hannah had her flirty voice on and hugged him from behind. He caught her hands before they could touch his belly. »Tea, Café Latte, Cappuccino, Cinnamon Coffee.«

»Uhh, I'll take Cinnamon Coffee. Never had that before.« He prepared two mugs. It was his favorite too.

Hannah didn't let go of him for a single second. His eyes fell on the white patch on the back of her hand that was lying on his chest.

Frederick turned in her embrace and Hannah could see his thoughts running through his brain while the coffee ran through his flashy coffee machine on the counter. She imagined he had the same look on his face when he drifted off when he was bored in therapy.

»I'm sorry you saw that in there.«

Hannah rolled her eyes and groaned loudly. »Let it go, Frederick. I'm fine … I've seen worse with my last victim.« Frederick's eyes went a bit wider and his brows furrowed. What last victim? »I love watching the light leave their eyes and their final breath leave their lungs.«

She closed her eyes revelling the memories still hugging him. Hannah could feel his heart speed up and his muscles tense under her arms. When she opened her eyes she was almost bursting with laughter because of his shocked, fearful expression on his face.

»Oh my god, Frederick, I was talking about spiders.«

He was blinking like he had to process the information like the Enigma code.

»Yes, the only things I kill are spiders.«

»Please don't make such jokes with me. I had bad experience with not recognizing serial killers when they were right in front of me«, Frederick breathed and was still tense as a board.

»I'm sorry. I just thought you could use a joke. What I saw in your office isn't freaking me out. Really, it isn't.«

»Well, it should be.«

He was relaxing a bit again and Hannah was actually feeling pretty comfortable even though they were talking about his gory work. If it would really be too strange, he would've let go of her or pushed her away a long time ago.

»I'm not saying I would compare it to a Degas. I'm just saying that I volunteered as Dr. Chilton's private counsellor and what's in your office is part of his life just as much as he is part of yours.«

Frederick searched for a sign of fault in her face but there was none. Hannah smiled and stood on her tip toes kissing him sweetly to calm him down again completely.


	17. Give-and-take

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I actually thought about uploading the chapter tomorrow on my birthday. But that would be messing up my upload schedule. Enjoy the tragic fluffiness and stay tuned for more ;)

 

They never talked about his work again, which was exactly what Frederick actually wanted. He liked the idea that he could turn to her if something bothered him but that didn't mean that he would. Hannah was understanding when he needed some soothing after a particually tedious day at work; making him dinner (which by far wasn't as good as his own), kissing him, talking to him about everything other than murder, rape and humiliation or simply holding him when he felt at the brink of shattering to pieces.

They mostly spent their weekends together; here and there Hannah would even stay over on Sundays and be completely stressed the next morning because Frederick still refused to give her the combination for his alarm system. She always had to shake him awake by the shoulder to get out of his apartment.

Yet she never asked about the combination or wanted him to stay over at her place.

Hannah also never asked him about his scar or the reason for his rule to always wear a shirt, no matter what … and never sharing a bath or shower together.

He on the other hand never asked about the big scar on her back. He had seen it one night when she had crawled towards him on the bed completely naked with a hot gleam in her eyes. Frederick ached to know what had happened to her … from a professional point of view. Everything else would have probably hit him like a brick. Dr. Chilton could ask what had caused her skin to practically melt into this weird, unhuman carricature of a human upper back, Frederick on the other hand would imagine her pain and fear as it happened, hear her screams, picture her tears. And Frederick feared that opening the conversation on her scar would also mean having to talk about his own. So, he'd rather wonder about her scar than - metaphorically - open up to her.

Hannah was just perfect for him. She wasn't demanding, never really argued with him which was both highly appreciated but sometimes frustrating because like that he always felt bad for snapping at her whenever he had a shitty day and wanted to pick a fight with her. In the end she hugged him and told him everything would be okay and that he was home now and could relax. Hannah never seemed to have a bad day or at least she wouldn't let it out on him.

And she was very content with soothing him when they were watching TV after dinner by stroking his hair when he had his head on her lap. That in turn led to heavy kissing on the couch and in the end they both stumbled into his bedroom and fucked until they were both sweating, panting and absolutely satisfied. Perfect!

If it weren't for each of their nightmares, that is. While he woke from each and every single one of them panicking, gasping for air, shaking, and calming down again in her tender embrace with her steady heartbeat to lure him back to sleep, hers were different.

Hannah didn't wake up most of the times. It would always start the same; with her tossing and turning next to him, whimpering in her sleep. Sometimes he woke up from that alone, sometimes it was a kick or a slap that rose him from his slumber.

In some nights he would simply hold her and whisper soothingly into her ear which seemed to calm her down in her ''good'' nights. But where good nights are there are also bad ones. Those were the nights she would deal out blows right and left – almost broke his nose like that once – and kick like a horse after him when he tried to get a hold on her beating and slapping hands.

Frederick would have to scream her awake in those nights not seeing in the pitch black darkness in his bedroom but sensing the exact moment Hannah would be awake again. He'd then release her wrists from his concrete grasp and pull her into a tight embrace letting her cry into his chest.

They never talked about their nightmares. Just saw it as giving comfort to each other in a moment of complete powerlessness and vulnerability. The ultimate give-and-take concerning emotional trauma. Giving comfort and taking it when needed from the other.

Although one night Frederick found it hard to stay calm and act as the giving part when Hannah had given him a particually well-placed kick into his back right where his kidney was missing. That night she woke from his cry of pain but was too absorbed in her own horror to notice his pained expression. She cuddled into his chest and cried. When her sobs had died down again she wanted to hug him, something they always did to show the other that the attack was over. A silent understanding between the two of them that they had almost naturally taken for granted.

But this night was different when Frederick winced under her touch. Hannah looked up into his face for an answer. He could feel her movement and opened his embrace to roll onto his back and try to stretch the muscles that hurt.

»You kicked me in the back«, he answered her unspoken question and Hannah turned on her bedside lamp. She only did that when he was having a nightmare to give him the benefit of the light, giving him his sight back.

»I'm so sorry«, Hannah sniveled and Frederick felt her hands on his side. »I didn't want to hurt you.« She had just had one of the worst nightmares he had witnessed and she worried about him. When he looked into her puffy eyes and exhausted face he felt a pang of guilt in his stomach.

How dare he whine about something that wouldn't last until morning while she was still shaking like a leaf. Tonight was a ''bad'' night and he was selfish. Fuck!

Frederick gathered her back in his arms. »I know, Hannah, I know.«

He reached over her and turned off the light again. None of them got any sleep for the rest of the night. Hannah bursted into tears over and over again and each time he rubbed her back in an attempt to calm her down.

She fell asleep when the first rays of the morning sun coloured his bedroom in a warm orange fog. Dust danced in the air like snowflakes on a calm winter day.

Hannah turned in her sleep, his embrace and the warmth of the sun making it too hot to be comfortable for her, and although Frederick could've slept now for a few desperately needed hours, he decided to stay awake and watch over her like a guard dog.

Every little twitch of her muscles alarmed him, every oh-so-quiet sigh or moan alerted him and he was there to stroke her back or whisper that everything would be okay and that he'd be there to keep her safe; his usual lines for her ''good'' nights.

»I can feel you staring«, was the first thing Frederick heard several hours later that day and woke from his trance. She had turned to him again in her sleep and looked at him out of sleepy eyes.

»Just making sure you don't have another nightmare.« Hannah snuggled into his broad chest.

»Thank you, Frederick. You really are the last white knight in shining armor.«


	18. Watching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some shameless fluff because they deserve it.

 

Frederick couldn't believe his calendar when it said it was already July. Hannah and he had started dating in March and in May they had started sleeping with each other. That had been only two months ago and it still felt so unbelievable that she really was his girlfriend.

He had taken on new additional routines like spending every weekend with her. She had tried to wind herself out of the ones when she had been on her period stating she wouldn't want to risk soaking through her tampon and ruin his couch or expensive bed sheets. He had asked her three times if she was serious and really thought he would care about that.

In the end he had convinced her with his knowledge about how to treat a woman in her monthly ''condition''. Back rubs, under no circumstances saying or doing anything that could anger her in the slightest, and his warm hand on her lower belly at night and in the evenings on the couch to ease some of the pain from her cramps … oh, and no sex, not even thinking about it, allusions were forbidden and got punished with ignoring but not leaving which made the punishment even worse.

 

* * *

 

More than once Frederick had to remind himself that he was actually in a relationship that grounded on mutual interest and devotion for one another, and not one trying to get something from the other. They actually and honestly cared for each other without any unfulfillable expectations making the air heavy. They both had their secrets but none of them would pressure the other into revealing what they didn't want the other to know.

Frederick was just thinking about the perfectness of their relationship while he was leaning against a wall watching Hannah humming in the kitchen. She was preparing something small for their scheduled evening lounging on his couch together. They had talked about this evening for the last few weeks and today was finally the day.

»I can feel you staring, Frederick«, Hannah said in a sing-song and smirked over her shoulder. He stood a bit straighter and could feel a flush creep up his neck. »Did your mother never tell you not to stare?«

»With a view like this how could I not?«

He let his eyes wander over her body. She wore a tight fitting lace blouse so thin the violet colour of her bra was showing through and her legs looked fantastic in those khaki pants that fit snugly over her ass. He literally felt the desire to let his teeth sink into those cheeks.

»Hey, no dirty thoughts. We will do this ''PG'' tonight«, she said sharply as if she had heard his every thought.

»If you insist, MyLady Scarborough.« He bowed slightly and earned himself a light snicker. »Can I help you with anything?«

Frederick stood behind her and kissed her neck wrapping his arms around her and squeezing lightly. He relished every second they were together. The last decades he hadn't had enough cuddling and loving in his life. So Hannah could enjoy an extra portion of hugging and snuggling. She didn't seem to mind. If anything she initiated some of their excessive cuddling sessions.

»Well, you could get your cute ass over to the couch and search something on Netflix for us to watch. Wanna have wine tonight?«

»A) What yould you like to watch? B) No, I'll go with beer tonight.«

»Beer?« She half turned in his embrace to face him, her eyes wide in shock one moment then narrowed down in suspicion a second later. »Who are you and what have you done with my Freddy Bear?«

Frederick grunted annoyedly and rolled his eyes at the pet name. He hated it.

»I swear, I'll pay you a thousand dollars when you promise to never call me that again«, he sneered.

»You don't have to pay me, just ask me nicely«, she purred.

Hannah smiled, turned around completely, and stood on her toes to kiss Frederick sweetly.

»I want to watch something light and funny but not a stupid romantic comedy or some goofy shit.«

»That narrows it down to what?«

»I don't know a good romantic comedy that isn't stupid, I guess?«

Frederick lifted his eyebrows and sighed. »I'll see what I can find.«

They finally agreed on _Marie Antoinette_ after Hannah refused everything Frederick had proposed. Not exactly ''something light'' but better than anything with Adam Sandler or Sasha Baron Cohen in it. After the first hour she kissed him shut when he kept on nagging about how the entire movie was absolutely historically inaccurate.

»Next time we watch Orange is the new Black«, she snorted and shimmied back into the position she had been laying in the entire time: His arm draped across her chest and his thumb stroking the underside of her right breast. She had her head on his shoulder and leaned back against his side with Kidney lying on her belly, purring in his sleep.

Domesticity had effectively kicked in.

Frederick had no particular interest in watching the movie. Hannah was much more interesting to watch. Her eyes gliding over the costumes on the screen, closing them in absolute content with the (very unmatching) music choice, wrinkling her forehead in sympathy when Kirsten Dunst realized she had lost her prestige and finally looking sadly at the images of the empty, vandalized palace. Hannah woke Kidney as she stirred under him sitting up as the end credits rolled over the screen.

»You knew that it didn't end well for her.«

»Yes«, Hannah snieveled and wiped away a single tear from her cheek, »but that doesn't make it any better. If anything it makes it worst. She never did anything wrong. She was just a child forced to be one of the most powerful women of her time. I pity her.«

»I might sound like a heartless monster now but your tears won't help her … and they only make me feel bad for you.«

Hannah snuggled closer again and he wrapped his arms around her. »I know you stared at me the entire time, Frederick. I told you, I can feel it when you stare«, she murmured into his chest and tilted her head up to lock eyes with him.

»I just like looking at you. You're beautiful.«

»You always liked looking at me. I remember you standing here casually staring over into my apartment and sipping your cinnamon coffee while I hurried through my apartment after Date Zero.«

He had almost forgotten about that. Hannah smirked when she saw a light flush creep up under his shirt collar.

»I was just afraid you might … have died during the night.« Frederick tried sounding as nonchalant as humanly possible but failed miserably at the task.

»I think it's time to go to bed. You can stare a bit more at me while I sleep in your arms.«

Hannah stood up and let her hips swing when she made her way to the bedroom.

»Are we still PG?«, Frederick asked when he turned off the TV and all the lights in his apartment before joining Hannah.

His answer was already lying naked on his bed with an unmistakeable gleam in her eyes. She winked and crooked her finger to make him come closer. PG was definitely over for tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone for their nice birthday wishes. I was so happy when I saw them. Thank you <3


	19. You've Got Mail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frederick is having a shit day at work until he receives a very interesting mail.

 

A few days later; it was only noon and Frederick already wished the day was over. Who did he have to bribe to fast forward to his 65th birthday and retire? All of his patients seemed to have conspired against him with the intention to drive him mad today. Frederick briefly considered taking the rest of the day off when he remembered that he had a meeting with the lawyers of the board of trustees this afternoon. Fuck!

Frederick loosened his tie and leaned back in his chair with a long heavy sigh. He had the inner desire to smash his head against his desk until he tasted blood. But that wouldn't be a good idea. His secretary and assistant sat outside and would hear him harming himself. Another reason to put him into a padded cell and dose him with heavy psychoactive substances.

He closed his eyes and considered napping a bit until real life tried to suck him dry again. Hannah had had another of her nightmares she didn't wake up from last night. She had slapped him hard in her sleep and Frederick had contemplated moving into the guest room or asking her to sleep over in her own apartment but he hadn't.

In the end Hannah had snuggled into his chest and it had taken Frederick an hour to fall asleep again. He was tired since he woke up this morning.

Frederick was right in the process of nooding off when his laptop received an e-mail.

»You've got mail«, said the iconic electronic female voice. He'd always liked the idea of artificial intelligence and therefore talking electronic devices; the only reason he still kept the old e-mail program.

»I just wanna go home«, he whined like a child, nonetheless opening the mail.

_I hope you enjoy watching this just as much as I enjoyed making it - Hannah_ , the mail said. A video was attached to it. 

Hannah had send him a mail? With furrowed brows he clicked the play button in the center of the video screen and lowered the volume of his laptop automatically. This would definitely not be work related.

Hannah shuffled around with the camera looking right into it, furrowed her brow and muttered something about stupid new technology and not being able to tell if the camera was already recording or not. Frederick smiled and shook his head. His beautiful Hannah who wasn't even able to handle his coffee machine sent him a video message. He still didn't know what exactly she was doing but she had already improved his day immensely.

There was a cut in the video. Hannah sat on her side of the bed and looked over her shoulder to the door. He could see her cautious face that turned into a smile when she faced the camera again.

»You're probably having a shit day because of your meeting with the board of trustees you just told me about. So I decided I'm gonna send you this little video on Tuesday to lift your spirits again. Right now you're making dinner for us and I know you're not very happy at the moment because I ''force-smiled'' you into making vegetarian lasagna for us. I hope you forgive me but I needed you to be occupied for a little while.« She winked at the camera and smiled biting her lower lip. She looked utterly naughty and delightfully dirty right now.

Frederick had an idea what she would be doing but he was still surprised when after the next cut Hannah was lying on his bed wearing nothing but a lusty smile. She stroke her hands over her soft skin gliding her left hand over her hard nipples and her right hand travelled down her belly and finding it's destination between her spread thighs. She had fucking videotaped while she pleasured herself with him cooking only a few yards away. Her soft sigh travelled right down to his groin.

Frederick paused the video glancing over to his office door. Maybe he should lock it before Hannah really got into it. She got quite carried away when she had fun and this looked like she had a ball.

Watching a sextape of his girlfriend knowing his assistant and secretary sat right in front of his office set an extra pinch of thrill to all of it. But Frederick knew how loud Hannah could get when she came and he didn't want anyone to surprise him while he gave in to his voyeurism kink.

Frederick locked the door and pulled out his headphones from the upper drawer of his desk.

He glanced over to the video player. The recording was only 12 minutes long and he was in one minute 20 seconds already. His meeting with the board of trustees would be in 20 minutes. Enough time to watch her get off on tape. Hannah knew exactly what it did to him. He loved her for embracing his biggest kink with open arms.

She sighed his name like a prayer as her hands worked over her body. She pinched her nipple and rubbed her clit with circling motions. Her movements turned faster the more time passed. A layer of sweat glistened on her skin. Hannah's mouth fell open when she let out a long moan when she curled her fingers inside her. She arched into her own hand and whispered his name again. Hannah had her eyes closed, completely lost in her pleasure.

God, that was so hot. Frederick's pants started to become too tight around his hardening cock. The whole situation was absurdly arousing. It wasn't like he had never watched porn in his office but that was usually when he was as good as alone in the hospital and after his assistant and secretary had left for the day. And this here wasn't just one nameless niveauless woman getting fucked over a desk by some brainless hunk. This woman was his girlfriend, moaning his name as she was lying in his bed fingering herself. When he came home tonight he could touch her, she was real and all his.

Hannah's breathing turned uneven, her cheeks were flushed and sweat rolled down her temples. She came with a muffled scream. She didn't want to draw his attention. He remembered the day, two days ago to be exact, when he had seethed in the kitchen because he had felt like he was doing all the work while she did nothing. Hannah had not done nothing, that was for sure.

She calmed down from her high and smiled completely satisfied into the camera. She sucked off her juices from her right middle and ring finger and savoured in her own salty taste, moaning around her slick digits.

»See you tonight, Frederick«, she panted, winked a second time, and turned off the video.

»Oh yes, we're going to see us tonight«, Frederick murmured and skipped back to the point where Hannah had started moaning. He opened the zipper of his pants and started to lazily stroke his length. Frederick didn't remember his meeting in now only 8 minutes. He was right before coming when he heard a knock on the door of his office. Only then Frederick glanced over to his laptop clock and groaned loudly in frustration.

He closed his computer with a snap and tugged his painfully hard cock back into his pants. Great, now he would have to face 8 old, stiff-collared men with a boner and Hannah's moaning in his ears. Another knock on the door.

»Yes, just a minute!«, he shouted irritatedly, pulled his tie tight again and whiped the sweat from his brow. He grabbed his files and jacket to hide the obvious bulge in his pants and opened the door. Patricia looked at his flushed face suspiciously. He could practically see her musing what had taken him so long and why he had locked the door.

»I was taking a nap«, he explained but she had already come to the conclusion that he must have done something disgusting and creepy.

»Your meeting with the board, Sir. You're already running late.«


	20. Reaction

 

When Hannah came home that day she was feeling like having the best gift on Christmas. She wanted to see his reaction to her little video. Hopefully he had received it and nobody else but she had checked his e-mail address three times before sending it.

She had acutally thought he might call her to say something but maybe his day had been more stressful than expected.

Hannah collected her post from her mailbox and suddenly felt a hand around her upper arm. Frederick turned her around and kissed her hard before she could even say hello. He pressed his body against hers and caught her so between his chest and the mailboxes. Hannah let the letters fall from her hand and weaved her fingers into his hair.

»I see you received my mail«, she giggled and felt like a teenager again kissing in the hallway of her school. Frederick kissed down her neck. He grinded against her and hummed against her skin. She shivered from the vibration running through her body.

»What mail?«, he teased and closed his eyes when he heard her laugh next to his ear. »I got it right before the meeting«, Frederick said with a raspy voice, »I'm hard since noon.«

No he wasn't. After a very short meeting he had jerked off in his private bathroom to be able to concentrate on anything other than the wet noise her fingers had made between her folds on tape. On his way back home he had allowed his mind to wander back to the rapid heaving of her chest right before she had come. It had awaken his cock to new life.

Hannah remembered where they were and pushed him away from her. She liked the doorkeeper but not enough to give him a show. Hannah dropped down on her knees and gathered her letters. From the corner of her eyes she could see the outline of Frederick's hard cock in his pants. If they would have already been in his apartment she would've happily stayed on her knees and sucked him but here …

»Let's go upstairs«, she breathed huskily, her pupils dilated and her cheeks flushed. Frederick pushed her against the wall again as soon as they were in the elevator. They kissed like there was no tomorrow. Somebody cleared their throat behind Frederick's back and he glanced over his shoulder. He cursed under his breath. The only other neighbour he had ever met in the house and who he didn't like stood there in the elevator and arched an eyebrow at the two of them. Frederick sighed and positioned himself behind Hannah, hiding his obvious erection with her body. Hannah bit her lip when his cock poked into her the back and he wrapped his arms around her middle.

»Now I know why you grinned so much two days ago«, Frederick whispered into her ear and saw from the corner of his eye how the other neighbour glanced over to them.

The elevator stopped on their floor and Frederick refused to let go of Hannah. He kissed her neck as they walked over to his apartment. He almost forgot charging the alarm when they were finally inside. Kidney peeked around the corner from the home office and meowed his welcome. Neither Hannah nor Frederick answered him as they stumbled their way into the bedroom.

Once inside she pushed him back onto his bed and straddled him within a heartbeat. They kissed passionately and helped each other out of their clothes. She, of course, stopped when she reached his last layer.

By now Hannah knew how to handle him. Frederick, on the other hand, almost ripped off her clothes to get her naked on top of him but she stopped him when she was in her underwear as well. She pushed away his hands and winked like a minx as she slid down the bed between his legs and roughly pulled his boxers down to his ankles. Frederick leaned back on his elbows and watched her before him.

Hannah licked her lips as she saw his half-hard cock. A few strokes and he was completely hard in her hand. Hannah licked up and down the prominent vein on the underside of his shaft. Frederick shivered and gasped when she flicked her tongue over the spot right under the head of his cock. He clenched his fists into the sheets and groaned from the feeling of her hand and pad of her tongue on him.

His head fell back. Frederick closed his eyes and his hips bucked into her mouth when her lips closed around his thick cock. Frederick watched her hollow her cheeks around his length and suck on him; flicking her tongue over the slit, moaning as her hand worked on what she couldn't fit into her mouth.

Hannah tasted his salty precum and bobbed her head, never stopping her sucking.

Frederick locked eyes with her. She smiled around him and moaned deeply when he pulled out the elastic from her hair. He wanted to weave his fingers into her hair and guided her movements around him.

She sucked and licked him, massaged his balls and scratched her nails over his fleshy thighs. Frederick slowly thrusted into her hot mouth, careful not to make her gag.

Hannah moaned again when he was almost completely inside her mouth. The vibrations travelled through his entire body. Frederick's toes curled up and his head fell back one more time with a deep groan. God, he had dreamed of this the entire day but the reality was so much better.

As he felt his orgasm approach his grip on her hair grew almost painfully tight. Her name filled the silence in the room when he came hard in her mouth. Hannah stilled her movement and swallowed everything he gave her. The grip on her hair loosened as he collapsed on his back. His chest heaving and his face flushed. He sensed her moving through the fog of post-coital bliss in his head; the mattress next to him dipped down and her hand stroked lazily though his damp hair.

»Next time you make a video, tell me«, he panted with a stupid satisfied grin on his face.

»Where would be the fun in that?«

»I would watch you live. A lot of fun for me.«

Frederick opened his eyes and turned his head towards her. Hannah's hair was a mess, her lips slightly swollen and sweat covered her skin.

»And what would you have done?«, she breathed lustily and arched one eyebrow.

He didn't answer her, only turned her on her back and started kissing down a trail from her right ear, between her breasts, over her stomach, and finally ending on the inside of her left thigh. She tasted salty and sweet at the same time. Frederick slowly slid down her peachy panty. Her earthy scent made his nostrils flare. Hannah opened her legs for him giving him a perfect view of her folds glistening from the clear signs of her arousal. Making him come must've aroused her more than he'd thought.

It hadn't been the first blowjob she had ever given him but he had never gotten around to return the favor and eat her out. Frederick had never done that. Most times it wasn't necessary during fast and unpersonal one night stands.

He parted her folds with his fingers and remembered all the porn and the anatomy lesson he had seen and heard regarding female pleasuring.

»Are you going to start now or do you just wanna have a closer look?«, Hannah asked laughing, looking down at him.

Her teasing giggle turned into a high pitched sigh when he buried his face between her folds, his tongue seeking her clit and sucking on it as soon as he found it. His stubble scraped over the soft skin of her inner thighs sending a shiver up and down Hannah's spine.

He watched her face like a hawk. Her mouth fell open with a silent gasp when he flicked his tongue over the little nub, her eyebrows knit together when he licked a long trail down to her opening and back up again, she clenched her fists when he hummed against her and arched her back when he tongue-fucked her.

Hannah's face was flushed within the first few seconds. She tasted amazing. Frederick closed his eyes and hooked her legs over his shoulders savouring in her little gasps, moans and his name that fell from her lips.

Hannah had her eyes closed too. She felt like somebody was showing her the gates to heaven. Hannah had already guessed that he would be talented with his tongue but he was a master or at least had a god given gift. She moved her hips against his mouth, grinding for more contact, more friction. He stopped her with an arm over her pelvis, holding her down and humming deeply against her pink flesh. Her heels dug into his back and her legs closed around his head as an answer.

Frederick ripped down the cups of her bra with his free hand and pinched her already hard nipples. Her scream of pure pleasure spurred him on to lick faster, pinch harder and suck on her clit even more eagerly.

»Oh my God, Frederick! Don't stop! I'm coming!«, Hannah screamed panting. Her thighs closed around his head almost painfully. He had to pull them apart again to be able to move between her folds and make her climax with nothing but his mouth.

It only needed another flick of his tongue over her entrance and clit and Hannah fell apart under his lips. She screamed his name when she came and rode her orgasm out against his face. Frederick felt her juices running down his chin when Hannah's muscles had eventually stopped shaking from the shocks of pleasure.

She lay flat on her back, panting hard and eventually started laughing blissfully. She opened her eyes to see Frederick's head lying on her sweat covered stomach. He watched her with a smug smirk. He was incredibly proud of himself for making her climax so hard that she'd screamed.

She beckoned him to crawl up to her face so she could kiss him.

»You got something in your beard«, she whispered with a hoarse voice and his smirk turned into a big grin. He kissed her tenderly and lovingly, wrapping his arms around her and she did the same. They kissed lazily, stroking each other's backs up and down, entangling their legs as they came down from their highs. They could taste themselves on the lips of each other. It didn't feel sexual anymore, only intimate and close … until Frederick's stomach started to rumble and Hannah began to laugh.

»I haven't had a real lunch today«, he murmured, leaning his forehead against hers and smiling with an arched eyebrow, »got a very interesiting mail that distracted me from eating today.«

Hannah snuggled closer and made a pouty face. »I'm sorry. I promise I won't do that again.«

»I never said you shouldn't do it again«, Frederick smiled and rolled his eyes when his stomach growled again.

»Let's make dinner together.«

She disentangled herself from his embrace and put her panties back on. Hannah looked around and found his dress shirt at the other end of the room. She had been really desperate getting him out of his suit.


	21. Kitty toys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was something like a commission from my dear friend Johanna who suggested that Kidney was in desperate need for some toys. I hope this is what you had in mind.
> 
> I think after what Fuller did to our darling Chilton this fluff is what we need. Enjoy!

 

Frederick watched her from his bed, still half-naked and sprawled over the sheets. She felt his eyes on her like so many times before and smirked over her shoulder when she stood by the door.

»You know what ''making dinner together'' means, right? That you have to get up and walk into the kitchen with me.«

»You owe me one for the vegetarian lasagna«, he answered smirking.

Hannah shook her head slowly but walked into the kitchen all the same. Frederick sat up groaning silently and searched for his boxers. Where on earth had she thrown them in her haste? Under the bed, of course. Frederick's knees protested when he knelt down and reached for the discarded clothing item.

»Frederick!«

»Yes?!«, he answered still underneath his bed.

»I think you should come here real quick!«

Frederick groaned as he stood up again and put on his boxers before leaving the bedroom. Hannah bit her lower lip, frowning, her arms crossed before her chest as he joined her in the living space.

»What? Not cooking yet?«, he teased with a lopsided smile. Hannah silently pointed over to the couch and only then Frederick saw why she had called him.

Kidney sat meowing in a mess of ripped fabric pieces and feathers. He gave Frederick a death glance and moaned angrily.

»I guess he's mad you didn't prepare dinner for him before ''eating'' yourself.«

Frederick was in a complete state of disbelieve. His perfect, mornings-hating, talkative, purring, snuggling tomcat had just thrown a tantrum because he didn't come first for his owner anymore and fucking killed his couch! Neither he nor Kidney moved a muscle. They just stared at each other, green eyes meeting green eyes, rage boiling behind them.

»You never had a cat before, right?«

»No, he's my first … and last«, Frederick hissed with clenched teeth not breaking eye contact with his cat. Hannah sighed and took a look around in the chaos Kidney had caused. She let her eyes wander over the empty pillow case and the feather stuffing lying around it on the hardwood floor. Kidney had done a good job showing his discontent.

»You don't really have lots of toys for him, do you?«

»No.« Frederick kept staring at his cat with clenched teeth. »Never needed them. He sleeps through the day.«

»How do you know that? You work the whole day. He's bored and lonely.« Hannah paused, shaking her head when she saw the staring contest between him and Kidney continuing. »I'm gonna take you kitty toy shopping this weekend.«

»Who says I'm still going to have a cat this weekend.«

Kidney growled like he'd understood every word and was deeply offended.

»Will you break up with me too when he have a quarrel?«

»What?« Frederick looked at her with furrowed brows. What did she say about breaking up? Kidney used his inattention to run into the home office and rescue himself into his bed. Frederick only saw his red tail disappear in the office and groaned because he had lost their staring contest.

»I mean, if you can discard your cat so easily after he has thrown a little tantrum, what will happen if we stumble upon a little tripping stone? Will you do the same with me?«

»No.«

»So you're only doing that because he's a cat?«, Hannah hissed and crossed her arms before her chest, pushing her breasts a bit higher and letting the hem of his dress shirt hitch up a bit.

»What? I'm not doing anything. I'm the victim here! This couch cost 1900 Dollar!«

»2000 bucks for a couch that isn't even comfortable but not a single kitty toy? This has to change.«

She helped him clean up the feathers and destroyed pillow cases and then ordered them something Ethiopian for dinner. None of them in the mood for cooking this day.

 

* * *

 

The following weekend Frederick still hadn't forgiven Kidney his – in his eyes – unacceptable behaviour. Hannah found it simply ridiculous. He had a cat and he had to have toys for his cat, no matter how old Kidney was. A laser pointer should be a basic item in every household with a cat … or a dog. Really, every household.

»The first and most important thing you need«, Hannah announced holding up a silver laser pointer at the pet store on Saturday, »trust me, you'll have so much fun with it and Kidney too.«

»Don't say his name. I'm still mad at him«, Frederick grumbled.

He wasn't just mad at Kidney he was also irritated because of this whole trip. He liked spending time with Hannah but rather inside his apartment or at least where nobody could stare at them. He had heard the sniding comments of the cashier and the customer when they had entered the store but Hannah had just squeezed his hand and smiled at him.

Frederick was still not over the fact that Hannah looked so young. Especially compared to him. But when she wasn't working, she dressed more ''maturely'' so she didn't look like an art student when they were going out. Yet still not old enough to not let it seem like a sugar daddy was taking out his younger girlfriend. Well, technically she was 13 years younger than him.

»Oh, c'mon. He was just jealous.«

Frederick glared at her. »Yes, you can be all relaxed about it. He didn't trash your couch.«

Hannah laughed linking her arm with his as they strolled through the aisles of the store.

»I really can't believe you bought the same couch again.«

»I thought you liked it«, he murmured, frowning when he saw the hideous range of cat toys before him. Did they really need all this junk? Why did he never think about that?

»I wouldn't have said anything against a more comfortable one.« Hannah put a package of catnip in her little basket, thought for a moment and grabbed a second one. She didn't see Frederick's scrunched face. This was going to be such a mess in his apartment, he thought and slightly shook his head.

»You know, that would have been our first opportunity to buy something together.« Frederick let a spring with a feather attached to it spring and tried to sound as nonchalantly as possible. But Hannah heard his slight dissapointment shine through. She stopped him, wrapped her arms around his middle and kissed him sweetly. »We're buying something together now.«

»Yes, but we can't snuggle on catnip and mechanical mice.«

»We can't?«, she teased.

Frederick looked around if somebody was watching them and when he was sure nobody was paying them any attention, Frederick smacked her ass. She giggled lightly and let go of him again. Hannah took his hand and dragged him with her to the rods.

»You seem to know what Kidney's heart beats for«, Frederick said glancing into her heavy red shopping plastic basket in her hand.

»I had a cat once.« She tipped her forefinger against her lower lip thinking which cat bed would match Frederick's décor best. A cool colour, maybe a light purple. Would contrast beautifully with Kidney's fur.

»When?«

»When I was a child«, she answered matter-of-factly.

»And are you going to tell me or …?«

Hannah turned around to him and shoved the bed into his hands. »I was five, she was a Christmas present, I had to give her away again when my mother developed an allergy against her.«

»Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. What … what was her name?«

Hannah's cheeks turned red and turned around again to walk to the cashier. Frederick furrowed his brows. Why didn't she tell him her cats name?

Packed with feathers, all kinds of toys in the form of mice and something for Kidney's scratching desire, they drove home. It was when they entered his apartment that he picked up the topic of her cat again.

»So, what was your cat's name?«

Hannah smirked and sat down the bags on the dinner table, cuddling Kidney who was circling her legs purring loudly.

»If you promise me you won't laugh, I will tell you.«

»Sure«, he lied – clearly – and arched his eyebrows in anticipation.

»Okay«, Hannah said leaning against the dinner table and looking down to her feet, »her name was

Princess Marie of Flufflestein.«

Frederick had a hard time not laughing. He bit his tongue and held his breath. Hannah glanced up to his face and rolled her eyes when she saw the barely hidden grin on his lips.

»C'mon, laugh at five-year-old me«, she sighed and crossed her arms before her chest. Frederick laughed and laughed and laughed. A whole five minutes of calming down and bursting into laughter again. He wiped away a few tears when his last giggles had died down and breathed in deeply.

»Done?«, Hannah asked obviously irritated arching an eyebrow at him.

»I'm sorry, I … I just.« He cleared his throat. »It's a very girly name.«

»Yes, especially for a tomcat«, Hannah murmured and earned herself another fit of laughter. »I should have never told you.«

Frederick had to wipe away another tear or two and eventually calmed down again.

»I'm happy this amuses you so much, Frederick. I hope you enjoy playing with Kidney for the rest of the weekend. I'll be in my apartment and try not to think of how I felt when my mother took my pet away from me when I was a little girl«, Hannah said with a hard voice. He grabbed her by the arm when she wanted to go.

»No, please. Don't go, I'm sorry. I … I didn't think of that.« He stroked her arms up and down and saw her face turn from irritated to sad to neutral. »Wanna prove me that my cat isn't too old to chase a little red laser dot?«

Hannah thought for a moment and a smile tugged on the edges of her mouth.

They plopped down on the new ''old'' couch and Kidney went nuts about the little, quick dot in front of his nose. It was always too fast for him dancing from one spot to another in no time at all. Kidney chased it around in the living space. Here and there he lost it but then he found it again. He never caught it.

Hannh had shown Frederick maybe a minute that Kidney wasn't too old to be a kitten again before he snatched the laser pointer from her hands and chased his cat around his living room and around the dinner table himself.

Hannah watched him a while before lying down on the couch positioning her head on the armrest and feet on his lap. She fell asleep like this soon after, only waking up when Frederick suddenly started laughing loudly. Hannah stirred and saw Kidney shooting him one of his death glances because Frederick had manipulated him with the help of the laser pointer to get stuck in the fender of the fireplace.

»You're terrible«, Hannah mumbled and got up to help Kidney out of his helpless situation. Kidney didn't look at Frederick once as he went into the home office to sleep.

»You were right. This thing is the best part of having a cat. I mean, the cuddling and the purring is nice too, but this« He held up the laser pointer like it was some kind of heaven-sent object. »this is awesome.«  
»I'm happy you're happy«, Hannah sighed tiredly and kissed him sweetly. Even though she wasn't happy when he laughed about someone else's misery like it just happened, she wanted him to laugh more. It lifted the occasional gloominess that the Dr. Chilton part of his life brought with itself. And he was much more handsome with a smile and shining eyes.


	22. Rainy Day

 

»How about we go out today?«, Hannah asked a week later over the breakfast table. Frederick was buried in his morning newspaper and nibbled on a scone Hannah had baked the day before. He stopped chewing and looked at her over the edge of his reading glasses. She needed to force him to wear them sometimes because he didn't want to look even older around her. That she loved seeing him wear them made him use them more often but not every time he should.

»What do you have in mind?«

He sincerely hoped nothing that included being among too many other people. Their shopping tour for Kidney had shown him once again how people usually reacted to him and his disfigurement. Being around Hannah could make him forget his scar almost completely.

She shrugged and bit into the jam scone. »Window shopping, the park? I don't know. I just want to show off my boyfriend.«

He had feared that. Frederick cleared his throat and thought about the most polite way to tell her that he would rather sit in one of his cells 24/7 than seeing the look on people's faces when they saw him. Vanity thy name is Frederick.

»I don't like being put on display«, it finally came out.

Hannah furrowed her brows at that. »I don't want to put you on a pedestral and point a stage light at you. I just want to stroll around with you at my side, silently judging the people around us and … I don't know, have fun, I guess.«

»Aren't we having fun here? I remember you screaming in pure ecstasy only a few hours ago«, he said and smirked smugly.

»Yes, we are having fun but somehow I feel a bit isolated only seeing you in your apartment and nowhere else. It feels a bit as if I had an affair and nobody should ever know about it.« She reached over the table, reaching for his. »I want people to be jealous of us and our happiness.«

Oh God, he couldn't deny her that. Especially not because he wanted to show her off a bit as well. Well, not just a bit. She was the best thing that ever happened to him and he wanted people to know that. Then again …

»You look so young«, he muttered and played with her painted nails. From the corner of his eyes he could see her wrinkle her forehead.

»What?«

Frederick let out a long sigh. »I feel like people might think you're just after me for my money. Nobody who sees you would think you're already 31. I on the other hand look like I already have one foot in the grave.«

»Oh, don't be ridiculous. It's not like you need a cane to walk.« Oh little did she know about his past. »And even if you did. I don't think you look too old to be with a … how old did you think I was?«

»21, 22. 24 max.«

Hannah's eyebrows shot up and her mouth formed a silent ''oh''. »Well, I'm into older men. Always have been. I'm not seeing any problem in taking a walk through the park with my handsome, sexy, intelligent boyfriend.«

Frederick's face twisted into a pained grimace. »Hannah, I really -«

»Please«, she begged him pouting and fluttered her big eyes at him. It wasn't exactly puppy eyes but damn close. Frederick gave in with a slight nod and an aspirated sigh.

Hannah jumped up screeching happily and ran around the table to him. She sat down on his lap and kissed him. If something as simple as the promise to walk a round in the park was enough for her to smile and be happy he was happy to give it to her.

 

* * *

 

Two hours later Hannah bounced in the elevator on their way down to the foyer. Her white summer dress and high pony tail were making her look even younger. But he didn't look too old himself in his plain jeans and simple white button-down.

»But just a little walk, yes?«, Frederick asked almost whining.

She wrapped her arms around his middle and kissed him. »Yes, just a little walk. And when we're back home, we'll ...« She wiggled her eyebrows and bit her lower lip. With that in the back of his head every step leading away from his apartment was too far.

»So, where are we going?«, he asked outside their apartment building.

»The park isn't that far away, so we could walk. And I would count that to the time we ''have to'' spend outside to justify a round of ...« She wiggled her eyebrows again.

»Only one?«, he teased smirking. She playfully slapped his his chest and linked her arm with his leaning her head against his shoulder. They quickly found a mutual rythym and wandered to the near park. Although the weather was warm and the sun shone they were almost alone. And the people who were there were joggers too busy with running while not being chased and people who tried to keep their dogs from playing too rough or … well, chase after joggers. None of them payed Frederick and Hannah any attention. She felt him relax next to her and closed her eyes smiling, letting the sun warm her face and shoulders.

»This isn't so bad«, Frederick admitted and kissed the crown of her head.

»Told you«, she sighed happily and hummed contently. They strolled along the paths between the green grass and talked about future plans, bigger and smaller ones; dinner and maybe a short vacation. Hannah suggested New England and he offered showing her Cambridge.

Just as she was about to say what a great idea it was, a loud thunder interrupted her. Only then they realised the black clouds above their heads.

»Looks like rain.«

»Feels like rain too«, Hannah said wrinkling her nose and wiped away a drop from her cheek. »We should hurry back home or we'll get wet ankles.«

Right then the gates opened and rain poured down on them. They ran as fast as they could (he with his returning limp and she – very obviously – with her high heels), splashed in puddles trying to get back home without being soaked through.

When they arrived in front of their apartment building, Frederick thanked god for deciding to wear an undershirt even at this high summer temperatures. His shirt was almost sheer by now. Just like her dress. Frederick could clearly make out her white panties and even the little flower pattern on the cups of her bra.

He caught her between his body and the wall next to the entrance and kissed her smiling, wet lips. She laughed into his mouth and circled her arms around his shoulders. It felt like a scene from a 90's teenie movie with the rain pouring down, water dripping from their hair and clothes and them kissing like love-struck fools. The only thing that was missing now was a Bryan Adams song playing in the background.

»God, I'm so happy right now it's almost disgusting«, Hannah laughed when they broke their kiss to breathe. He tuned in with her laughter and kissed her again.

»We should get inside before you get arrested.«

»For?«

Frederick glanced down to her wet dress and her underwear shining through. She followed his eyes and gasped. Hannah covered herself although he still blocked the view from any pedestrians passing by with his body. They fled inside the building and eventually into the elevator, away from the curious eyes of the doorkeeper.

Hannah wrapped her arms around him again and pulled his lips down to hers.

If only going outside with her would always end like this with this flutter in his chest and warmth in the pit of his stomach.

»I'm happy, too«, he said between kisses and groped her through her wet dress. Her giggle and teeth gracing over his bottom lip made his heart jump. God, he was so incredibly happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, it's a short one again but that will change in the next chapter which will be that last one you'll get before my vacation. I'll be gone from 2nd to 16th of September and my next update will probably (depending on my beta) be on 18th. So don't worry. There will be updates just not while I don't have internet - obviously.  
> As always comments are highly appreciated.


	23. Potential

 

A couple of days later, Frederick heard a familiar knock on the door that put a smile on his face. Maybe he should think about finally giving Hannah an extra key and the combination for his alarm system. Then again, who promised him she wouldn't lose it somewhere?

No, he trusted her and she was just perfect for him! Frederick stood from his desk in his home office and let Hannah come in. She didn't kiss him like she usually did, didn't even say hello, and Frederick started to feel concerned when he saw the lines of worries on her beautiful face.

»What happened, Hannah?«

»Ehm, can we sit down?«

Now he really started to worry. Her voice sounded hoarse like she'd been crying for hours. »Of course. Is everything alright?«

Kidney had stopped in his tracks on his way to welcome Hannah. He, too, felt that something was terribly off with her today. The cat made a questioning noise and sat down.

Frederick took Hannah's coat and received no answer. Maybe she wanted to break up with him and he had thought about giving her the combination for his security system only a second earlier. What an idiot he was!

Deeply buried in his gloomy thoughts he followed Hannah into his living room and sat down in his armchair while she sat down on the couch. He hoped she would just get over with it so he could start drinking until his liver gave up or he passed out – whichever would come first.

»So, what's wrong?«, Frederick asked calmly avoiding her eyes.

»I … don't know how to start.« She tried to smile but it only looked forced and made him suspicious.

»Just say it.«

Hannah took a deep breath and got up from the couch again. She kneaded her hands nervously while pacing the floor in front of him. Her whole body seemed to be buzzing. She had deep worry lines on her forehead and Frederick's patience was running lower and lower the longer she searched for the right words. He almost wished she had simply sent him a text message to break up with him. He could already be drunk out if his mind, instead he was sitting here sipping his evening wine.

»I think, I'm pregnant.«

Frederick spat out his coffee in pure shock. What?!

Thousands of thoughts ran through his mind, all at the same time: They had always used protection, condoms and she took the pill; how long did she know; was she sure she was pregnant; was it his; was she just trying to get his money at last; had he been so wrong about her all this time; was she going to keep it; was it a boy or a girl? He had a mental breakdown just from four small fucking words.

»Frederick?«, Hannah asked anxiously and looked at him like she worried he might have a stroke.

»Huh?«

»So, what do you say?« She chewed her bottom lip and genuinely looked scared.

»Are you certain?«

»Well, I was due 8 days ago and usually I'm spot on.«

»B-but we always used … protection.« Maybe it was a good idea to check off one thought at a time.

»Neither condoms nor the pill are a 100% save.«

»Did you take a test?«

Hannah looked down to her feet. So, no. Frederick leaned back with a groan and ran his hands over his face. Why give him a goddamn heart attack if she wasn't even sure?

»I wanted to test the water before I did.«

He furrowed his brow. »And how's the water?«

»Well, you didn't kick me out straightaway so not too bad, I guess.«

»I'm in shock«, he whispered.

Hannah resumed chewing on her lip and waited for his next step. Frederick had no idea what that could be. He had never even imagined himself in this kind of a situation, confronted with a potential family of his own.

»Do you want me to go?«, she asked with a shaky voice.

»What?« Frederick sat up straight again. »No, I want you to take the test so we have a definite result to work from.«

Was it too early to search for private schools and open a college fund? Wow, his mind was definitely going too far now. Or was it?

»First … first I would like to know if you even want a baby.«

»I have no idea, Hannah. Please take the test already.«

»But what if you don't and I'm pregnant and … and you -« She dissolved into tears before she could finish her sentence. Frederick was up and hugged her tightly before he realized it himself. He kissed her temple and rubbed her back up and down to calm her again.

»I would never force you to do anything you don't want to or leave you alone with a baby all on your own, should you decide to keep it, Hannah. If you're pregnant we'll do this together.«

He could feel the tension leave her body the instant his words had sunk in and she returned the embrace.

»Do you have a test with you?«

He could feel her nod and released her. They walked into his bedroom together.

»I'll call you when you can come in«, Hannah snivelled entering the bathroom. Frederick sat down on the edge of his bed and tried to stay calm until she'd closed the door behind her. His whole life could change in a couple of minutes. More than it had already changed through her and even before he'd known her.

Frederick buried his face in his hands, screaming and crying internally while also being oddly excited.

»You can come in now!«, Hannah shouted from the bathroom and Frederick entered the room. She was sitting on the edge of his bath tub and kneaded her hands nervously staring at the little white plastic pregnancy test between the two sinks. He avoided it like a vicious dog on his way to the bath tub to sit next to her.

»How long do we have to wait?«

»3 to 5 minutes. 10 to be absolutely sure.«

Frederick nodded absentmindedly. He'd had never imagined himself ever feeling like this after hitting 40 without a single significant relationship in his life.

»So, theoretically speaking, rather a boy or a girl?«, Hannah asked audibly still at the brink of tears but not quite as shaky as before.

»I'll go with the most diplomatic answer because I've never thought about having a child. I just want it to be happy and healthy.« He looked at her from the side, scanning her tense face. »And you?«

»A girl«, she answered without hesitation. Hannah lifted her head and smiled brightly. »I would love to braid her hair, buy dolls and millions of pink dresses and do all the girly stuff.«

»That is pretty stuck in gender roles of you. What if it's a boy that would rather be a girl or the other way around? Or what if she just doesn't like pink? I used to hate blue when I was a kid. I always grabbed red things when I could choose.«

She watched him intently. »That is very liberal thinking of you. Would you be okay if your son brought home his first boyfriend and tells you he's madly in love with him?«

Frederick circled an arm around Hannah's waist and put his chin on her shoulder as he thought about his answer for a minute.

»I just want my child to be happy, nothing more. If he or she is homosexual or whatever then it is what it is. Can't be changed, just like the fact that the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. I don't want my child to think that it must do something or act a certain way because of me. I can imagine what it feels like to live in a corset one's parents created with precast expectations and a ready-made plan of one's life and then freaking out if the plan fails and those expectations will never be reached. All those idiots thinking they could change their children or direct their lives can go to hell.«

He wasn't necessarily talking about his parents but Frederick had had his share of being grounded for months, loud door-slamming and weeks without one word being spoken over lunch or dinner tables, particually after he'd changed his major from surgery to psychiatry. His father had almost had a heart attack but Frederick hadn't been so lucky.

He had never seen himself as a father and especially not one as open-minded as he'd just sounded. Frederick was convinced that some things just couldn't be guided by parents but now that he thought about it; he'd always been concerned about how others saw him and a ''problematic'' child might not be as indifferent he might think it would be for him. Frederick wouldn't be able to stand people staring at him for yet another reason.

Nevertheless, they say that people raise their children like they've been brought up by their parents but Frederick would rather hang himself than to become like his father; stoic, loveless, uncaring and with impossible high expectations. His rolemodel was his grandfather. He wanted to be understanding, loving, supportive and honest to his child despite his inner longing for appreciation and affiliation of the ''right'' society … that is if he ever got to be a father but chances weren't too bad at the moment.

Hannah had just listened to his little speech in awe and was now turning to him face on. He could be sure of her appreciation and love, always. Maybe he could learn that he didn't need it from anyone else.

»You're full of surprises, Frederick, I'd never thought I'd ever meet a white knight in person.«

The look on her face made his heart flutter. She admired and adored him and he loved her for that. This was it, this was the woman he had waited for all of his life.

»Ever thought about names? You've obviously put some thought into having a family, at least more than I have«, he asked silently and rested his forehead against hers.

»Maybe Elisabeth after my mother.«

Every third girl was called Elisabeth and despite being a beautiful name, Frederick wanted something more special.

»Perhaps as a second name?«, he suggested and she didn't revolt.

»And your dream girl's name?«

»Estella, after my grandmother.«

»Estella Elisabeth«, Hannah murmured tasting the name on her tongue, »Stella Elisabeth. Stella Elisabeth Chilton.«

Sounded great, Frederick thought and his mind galloped away with him. Would she have his eyes, pitch black hair like he had or would their daughter be a carbon copy of her beautiful mother?

»And if it's a boy?«, he asked and Hannah giggled when she answered: »Frederick junior.«

»Not in a million years!«

»Why not?«

Frederick pulled her closer and started kissing the point right under her ear. He was still tense but the talk was making it easier to calm down again.

His words vibrated against her soft skin as he murmured in a low voice: »Because we wouldn't want our son to come into our bedroom when we're working on his little sibling, do we? You can get pretty loud when you're enjoying yourself.«

Every little trace of tension that had build up in both of them disappeared right now.

»How would you call your son and heir?«, Hannah breathed with a husky voice and Frederick grinned against her skin.

»I have no idea.« He wouldn't punish his son with the name Walter. Not nowadays at least.

»What's your father's name?«

»Prof. Dr. Robert George Chilton«, he sighed, sat back upright and continued, »but I will never name my son after his grandfather.«

Hannah examined his face a while. It was unnecessary to ask for details. Frederick obviously had had a bad relationship with his parents, nothing to ramble on about.

»I always liked Henry for a boy.«

»Good name«, he murmured absentmindedly.

Frederick's mood was at a low again after the mere mention of his father's name. He released her from his embrace and walked over to the two sinks. The time of guessing was over, now was the time for some results. Before picking up the pregnancy test he looked over his shoulder to Hannah. She had her anxious face back on.

»Ready?«

»No«, Hannah said but smiled warily. She really wanted it, Frederick thought and his heart broke for her when he saw the empty square where a pink line should have appeared. No pregnancy, no Stella, no Henry.

»Negative.«

Frederick turned around and saw Hannah's face fall. But only for a second before she smiled at him again and stood up. »Dinner?«

That's it? She was just going to ignore what had just happened between them? Frederick knew that it was not over as simple as that. He only hoped it didn't eventually hit her with full force when he wasn't around to be there for her.

They ate in silence, both of them in deep thought. And without saying something they both decided to go to bed very early today. It was almost as if letting a word escape their mouths was a sin for the rest of the day.

Frederick changed inside the bathroom like every night and returned to Hannah already lying in bed and arranging the covers. He was watching her for a second and saw with a little pang of pain in his chest that she was conciously avoiding looking at him.

He suddenly had the irrational feeling the negative test was his fault. When he climbed into bed he felt like he was invading her personal space. Hannah was lying on her side facing away from him and so far away that there was a wide gap between them.

»If you don't want to be with me now, I won't force you to stay«, he said cautiously and watched her motionless form at the far away end of his bed. He sighed silently and felt even guiltier. He would do anything to make her smile again. Seeing her like this made his heart ache. But what could he do?

Thinking hard he turned off the light and stared up at the ceiling, not like he'd actually see something but he couldn't close his eyes – not with his mind running at the current speed. How could he make her happy? He could try sleeping with her, but he didn't feel like it and she surely wasn't feeling like fooling around either. He could hold her, but if she would want to be in his arms she wouldn't be lying so far away from him. He could just let her be and be there for her when she needed him.

Frederick had just settled with his last idea when he heard the rustle of movement and shortly afterwards the weight of Hannah's head and arm on his chest and over his stomach.

He held her tight that night and only allowed himself to fall asleep when he heard her soft snoring in the dark bedroom.

 

* * *

 

The next morning Frederick woke up alone in his bed and moaned drowsily as he sat up. Hannah's side of the bed was cold. His first instinct was to look over to her apartment and see if she was there, but there were no lights on and no movement. Maybe she was still here? And yes, she was. He knew it the second he opened his bedroom door and the smell of fresh coffee filled the air.

His naked feet made soft noises on the hardwood floor and he checked on Kidney in his home office. He wasn't there. Odd.

Frederick found Hannah and Kidney in his living room sitting together in his beloved armchair. She never did that. Usually she sat on his couch and Kidney has never been up at this early time of day. The sun wasn't even up all the way.

With one hand Hannah absentmindedly stroked Kindey's head and back and held a steaming mug of coffee in the other. Her eyes were both focused and unfocused as she stared out of the window towards the rising sun at the horizont.

Frederick stood behind her and kissed her on the crown of her head. He heard Hannah breathe in deeply when she woke from her trance.

»Good morning, darling«, he murmured into her hair and relished the smell of it.

»Morning.« Hannah sounded tired and exhausted and Frederick shortly wondered how long she had already been sitting here, staring into the far distance. »I made us coffee.«

Frederick kept an eye on her when he prepared himself a mug of the black ambrosia before returning to her and sitting down on the couch.

»When did you get up?«

Hannah shrugged and looked inside her mug.

»Are you okay?«

She nodded silently and kept her eyes cast down.

Frederick sighed heavily and propped his elbows on his knees. »You know I'm a psychiatrist, right?«

»Yes, you mentioned it once or twice.« The little smile on her face only looked sad which made him feel devastated.

»Then why do you think I wouldn't notice that you are utterly upset because of the negative test result yesterday?«

Busted! She closed her eyes and when she opened them again she had tears in them. »I just … I really liked the idea of a family.«

Frederick padded the seat next to him. She let Kidney down and followed his silent invitation. He sat the mug down on the coffee table and pulled Hannah into a tender, yet tight embrace. She sobbed into his shoulder and for the first time Frederick actually felt like she needed him. The whole time they'd been together she'd always held him, calmed him down, soothed him, told him everything was fine or at least going to be so. Now was his turn to do all that to her.

If he was honest with himself, he'd also felt sad when the test result had been negative. For the few minutes the test had needed to develope, Frederick had pictured himself getting up in the middle of the night to change diapers or feed **his** baby, teaching it to talk, walk and – most importantly – be sassy as hell, or reading it Grimm's Tales like his grandmother had used to do when he'd been a small child. Maybe one day he would ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it guys. I'm off to sunny Tenerife. I hoped you enjoyed my "last" chapter before I will return in a few weeks. Don't worry. I will end my little something here ;)


	24. Hollow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trouble in paradise isn't enough said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People of the Internet, I AM BACK! And I will start updating again ... buuuuut I don't know in what rhythm so don't hate me if I can't do it as regularly as before.  
> But for now; enjoy the new chapter!

  
  


The negative pregnancy test had affected Frederick more that he would've ever expected himself. He was short-tempered and angry, almost constantly, at work for an entire week. He managed to hide it when he was at home with Hannah who had needed some time to become her old self again. They'd never talked about the possibility of a family together afterwards.

When Frederick came home on Friday he was boiling under the surface, only one wrong word could make him explode. He let Kidney meow without answering him and threw his suitcase with a loud noise into his home office. He didn't even care where it landed or what it knocked over on his desk.

»Frederick?«, Hannah's voice sounded from the kitchen and she appeared in the hallway only a heartbeat later. Frederick had given her a spare key and the combination for his alarm system. For one, because he wanted to show her he trusted her above all, and secondly, because he was tired of the almost daily knocking on his door.

»What?«, he hissed and yanked his tie loose. Hannah's eyebrows lifted almost up to her hairline.

»Has something happened at work today?«

»Yes, there's always happening something at work, fucking hell!«

Hannah's eyes grew even wider when Frederick shouted at her. His chest was heaving under his heavy, angry breath. His nostrils were flared. His eyes glowing with irrational rage. She wanted to calm him down from whatever had enraged him so much. Hannah came to him and laid her hand on his arm but Frederick slapped her hand away before she could touch him.

»Why are you even here?«, he snapped.

»Excuse me?« She furrowed her brows in confusion.

»You understood me! Why are you here? This is my apartment! Yours it over there, for fuck's sake!« He pointed his finger outside the window and glared at her.

»Stop yelling and start talking to me, Frederick, what's wrong?«, Hannah tried again.

»NOTHING!«

Yes, that's the way to convince her, yell even louder at her.

She took a step back and looked at him wide-eyed, slight panic showing in them. She had never seen him this angry before.

Frederick ran a hand through his hair and felt his heart pound against his ribs. His chest seemed too tight for his burning lungs and throbbing pain with every heartbeat.

Even with her he was alone inside his head, with the thoughts of what could have been. A family? Finally a happy end to his tragic story? Did she once ask him how he felt in the last seven days? NO! But he had had to be there for her. Make a happy face whenever she felt down and hug her tightly until she felt better again. Frederick liked being needed, especially by her, but he felt overlooked. He felt used and exploited. Oh, and that made him fucking angry.

»Frederick?«, she whispered and tried again to lay her hand on his arm.

»Don't touch me!«, he spat and drove her away again.

She stood a bit forlorn in his hallway and kneaded her hands. Hannah was thinking hard what had happened to make him change like that in, what … a few hours since breakfast this morning?

»You're hollow«, Frederick hissed after a long pause. Hannah furrowed her brow. »What?«

»You're like the fucking Cheshire Cat. You're always smiling and when you're not, you cry! You used me the last days as a hanky to dry your eyes. And why were you crying? Because you didn't get pregnant by me? Oh, please! You're happy the test was negative!«

Hannah opened her mouth to object but Frederick didn't give her any chance to speak.

»You're not a real person just the caricature of one and not even a good one AND I fucking hate sleeping next to you!«

She was visibly taken aback from that last comment.

»I haven't slept right since you started building your nest in my bed. Every second night you fucking toss and turn, thrash around yourself and more than once hit me during one of your fucking nightmares.«

»Are you actually holding my nightmares against me?«, Hannah screamed. With this one sentence he had crossed the line for her and anger twisted itself into her features.

»Yes, I am!«

»You of all people should know that one can't control their nightmares! I have never said anything when you woke up screaming and kicking in the middle of the night. I never even asked you one single uncomfortable question! I was there for you every day and every night when your ego needed stroking and just because I was a bit down last week and didn't treat you like the 8th wonder of the world you snap at me?«

»Yes, I do. I'm sick of you! I can't bear you any longer!« He wheezed through his nostrils and looked at her down his nose with his hands on his hips.

»What the fuck is wrong with you today? You've never been like this before! And don't act as if I neglected you!«

»Get out of my apartment! I don't want to see you anymore.«

Hannah was hurt by the calmness he sent her away with. She could take him screaming at her but this coldness felt like a punch in the stomach. Hannah could feel a lump forming in her throat and her eyes started to burn with hot tears.

Before she could start crying in front Frederick, Hannah grabbed her shoes and jacket at the door and fled into the security of her own apartment.

His heart was still pounding in his chest when he was finally alone. Frederick wasn't sorry. Not a bit. He was angry at her!

She was confused and hurt but Frederick didn't care. All he cared about now was silence.

Kidney glared at Frederick angrily.

»WHAT?«, Frederick snapped at him but the cat didn't flinch. He just growled low and hissed at him before moving over into the home office and ignored his owner for the rest of the day completely.


	25. Someone new

Frederick struggled with himself two weeks later. He wanted to explain to her what had driven him to kick her out, tell her the reason, let her know everything that caused him to become the way he was right now. What had driven him to shout at her. He wanted to beg Hannah to come back to him and confess all that he couldn't even confess to himself. He missed her smile, her touch, her smell in his sheets. He loved her more than anything in his life. But he was sure she hated him now and he would rather hurt and at least tell himself that there was hope left than go and talk to her and have this hope crushed to dust.

His eyes traveled on their own demand and found her apartment only a few yards from his own, he felt something in the pit of his guts. A pain neither Gideon, Miriam Lass nor Hannibal had ever caused him. He missed her to the extent of physical pain.

The only way to stop it (without begging her on his knees for forgiveness) was to cast his eyes down to the book he was reading, the protocols he was studying or the empty air in front of him. Frederick stopped smiling when he heard her music every morning and didn't take the time to listen to her singing in the shower deliberately. Which isn't the same as not listening to her at all. Frederick just didn't stop in his tracks on his way between bathroom and kitchen to hear her singing.

Right after their ''break-up'' she stayed quiet for a torturous long week. Maybe she just didn't feel like singing, he thought on day 4. But he abandoned that thought as quick as it had come. Her feeling bad or - more incredulous - sad would mean that she actually liked him and that was simply impossible, no matter how much it had felt like it. Nobody loved him. His colleagues hated him, his employees despised him, and maybe she was really just after his money and nothing more! As soon as Frederick was alone again he started doubting she ever really wanted him. Maybe he was just a toy she had played with when she was bored. This thought left a bitter taste in his mouth and an even bitterer feeling in his chest.

And he felt vindicated when Hannah started singing again. Although she chose uncharastically quiet and rather slow songs she sang all the same. It even made him be late for work one morning because of the slow rhythm of her songs. But he had to blame himself for that not her.

When they met each other in the foyer they somehow managed to avoid looking at each other or ''forgetting'' something in their car so they couldn't share the same elevator upstairs. He had tried to avoid her in the beginning and it didn't work out. Now he knew why. She hadn't wanted to avoid him. Now it was different, now Hannah did everything to stay away from him. He could see that she wasn't herself anymore.

Kidney punished Frederick with such a judging look only his father had ever given him. It was getting to his nerves. Even his cat didn't like him anymore. Bastard!  
Frederick worked on autopilot the next week or so. He woke up, went to work, came home in the evening and went to bed. That was it. He occupied his mind with work, work and nothing but work. It almost felt like the time before he was shot. The only difference was that he was working from his home office now.

On Tuesday evening, Frederick was just pinching the bridge of his nose. After three hours of nagging work the throbbing pain behind his eyes getting worse as time proceeded. He leaned back in his chair and saw Hannah in her apartment. She had been painting a lot the last week, started around the same time she picked up her singing again. Sometimes he watched her when he wasn't paying attention to what he did and let his eyes wander.

Today, anyways, she wasn't painting. She was wearing something casual but not raggy like the last days. Hannah hurried around in her apartment and suddenly stopped in her tracks. Frederick could see a smile widening on her lips and off she was to open the door.

Frederick sat a bit straighter to watch the scene play out in front of his eyes. He almost gasped aloud when he saw Hannah in the arms of another man. Her smile was mocking him when she hugged the stranger. Frederick could barely make out this man but his eyes were good enough to tell his body was tall and thin.

Frederick felt his rage boil up from deep inside his guts. She had found someone new to replace him so soon. This was the worst thing she could've done to him. Hannah was still hugging this man, Frederick was shaking with fury. He could see her laugh and how she led him over to her works in her living room. He had his arm around her waist and kissed her temple. The sound of cracking plastic and a sharp pain in his hand made Frederick look away from that disgusting scene in the other apartment. Blood dripped from his shaking fist onto the protocols of his last therapy with the man who skinned his victims.

Frederick hissed in pain when he opened his hand and saw the cracked ballpen in his palm. He had bits of the plastic sticking in his hand and black ink was mixing with his bright red blood.

»Fuck«, he muttered and hurried into his bathroom to carefully clean the wound. Great, now he'd have a goddamn scar to always remember the nauseous feeling and the anger he felt right now.

Frederick hissed when he put an antiseptic cloth on the gaping wound in his palm. No pain medcation! No, tonight he was in the mood of drinking his brains out and black out on the couch. No work tomorrow! Frederick planned on drinking the rest of the week. He was head of the fucking hospital! He could call in sick for how long he wanted!

For the rest of the week he followed his plan. Whenever he felt too sober a new bottle lost it's life. The entire time he saw Hannah and her new lover before his inner eye laughing about him, having hot, steamy sex and laughing a bit more about him. Fuck!

On Monday morning he felt like he'd slept on the street for the last six months. Frederick could smell the booze coming out from his pores. And the look on the faces of his assistant and secretary told him he also looked as bad as he felt.

The next four days he stayed at work until after nightfall. Kidney was pissed at him anyways so no use in being home on time to feed him his dinner. That way he also wanted to make sure to avoid Hannah and her lover.

But on day four he had no luck. When Frederick entered the foyer, he was tired from work and feeling sick the 11th day in a goddamn row.

Hannah and her lover waited in front of the elevator and giggled together.

»Oh fuck«, Frederick murmured and was already on his way out again when he heard his inner voice scolding him: He was an adult, he could drive up in the same elevator as his ex-lover and her new boyfriend!

Hannah's eyes went wide when she saw Frederick come over to them. Nobody said a single word. Frederick never even let his eyes wander over to her although he felt her looking at him. The other man did so as well. The air buzzed with electricity and the prospect of being trapped in a small room no matter for how short a time was making him feel even more sick.

What followed was the longest elevator ride of his life. Frederick almost sighed in relief when the doors opened again on the 12th floor. He heard the man's voice behind him as he unlocked his door.

»So that's him?«, he asked Hannah. His voice was comfortable to listen to but Frederick loathed him on default.

»Yes, that's him«, Hannah sighed unlocking her own door.

So they had talked about him. Great!


	26. Scars

 

Frederick was tired and his back ached like hell. Somehow he didn't sleep well since he had seen Hannah with the other man in her apartment. He couldn't deny the pain in his chest whenever he thought of them together.

If this was love, he hated it. And he hated it even more when he came home one Friday and ran into said man on his floor. Frederick could get a clear view of him for the first time. Tall, lean, undoubtably handsome with blue eyes, brown hair and a chin like Gene Kelly. Disgustingly good-looking and well-dressed. Ugh.

He had his smart phone in his hands and quickly typed a message. When the man lifted his gaze their eyes locked. Frederick and he just stared at each other until the taller one smiled and showed two perfect dimples. Double-ugh.

»You must be Frederick«, this male model in front of Frederick said and friendly extended his hand. »I'm Matt, nice to meet you. Hannah talks a lot about you.«

Oh great, so he wasn't only practically perfect, no, Hannah had told him presumibly everything about him. Tripple-ugh.

He just wanted to go home and work on the files inside his suitcase. Frederick faked a smile and wanted to go over to his apartment when Matt spoke up again.

»Shall I wait?«

»For what?«, he snapped searching for his keys.

»Aren't you coming to her vernissage tonight? I'm already late but I could wait for you. We could share a cab to the gallery.«

»I don't think she would want me there and I had a long day.« What fucking vernissage? She had never mentioned a vernissage!

»Oh, believe me, she wants you there. Didn't you get her invitation?«

He did get a letter from her but it still laid unopened on his kitchen counter mocking him with his name in her delicate handwriting on it. Why was Hannah's new lover so persistent to get him there? Frederick had already seen enough of their laughing and hugging from his apartment, he didn't need that 2 yards in front of his nose. Live and in stereo so to speak.

»Seriously, Frederick, I'm really late and she so hoped to see you today. Hannah was talking about it non-stop for more a week. I almost strangled her.«

His eyes were bright and his voice sounded honest. Mh, Frederick knew her art, it was great and hit his taste like a hammer hit a nail. Maybe he could risk a look at it for asthetic reasons. And as far as he knew they served alcohol at vernissages so he could get drunk while pretending to be an art connoisseur.

»Give me five minutes to change«, Frederick mumbled and disappeared inside his apartment. He decided to dress all in black, black suit, black shirt, black tie. He served Kidney his dinner and left with Matt.

On their drive to the art gallery Frederick silently listened to the man rambling next to him.

»I missed America so much. We lived in London for the last 10 years and it almost destroyed me when Hannah applied for a job here in Baltimore. But I can't blame her. Did she ever tell you what her colleagues pulled on her to freeze her out of the NatGal?«

»No, we never talked about the past.«

Frederick could see Matt's head turned to him fastly.

»Never?«

»No.«

»Maybe she had her reasons. Anyways, her colleagues ...«

Frederick couldn't bring himself to listen to this man and he kept talking on and on and on …

He said something about Hannah's colleagues misplacing her colours of mixing them wrongly together, excluding her from parties and gossiping about her behind her back because she was more talented than any of them. That was awful and a reason to hate those people but in his current mood, Frederick wasn't particually empathic for Hannah.

When they eventually arrived at the gallery Frederick thanked God that he could finally put some distance between Matt and himself. He seemed nice but the sole fact that now he was the one who held Hannah instead of him made Frederick loathe that fucking practically perfect bastard to hell and back.

Inside the gallery Frederick grabbed himself a glass of cheap champagne and drank it in one big gulp. Matt's eyebrows shot up to his hairline but for once kept his mouth shut. Almost.

»I guess I'll go find Hannah. See you around, Frederick.«

»Huh«, he murmured and downed the second glass straightaway. Now, slowly, Frederick could bear himself being here. With a third glass in his hand he started taking in his surroundings. The gallery wasn't very big, more like an independant gallery for artists who were just starting to make themselves a name in the industry. Art and industry should never be used in the same context, Frederick thought, but he knew very well how much these hideous paintings in his old house had cost him.

There were about 30 people cramped inside the gallery of which Frederick knew a hand full. Margot Verger, sister of the meat tycoon Mason Verger, Dr. Alana Bloom, Freddie Lounds – of fucking course that bitch was here – , the gallery owner he had commissioned to buy paintings for his house years ago, and of course Matt and Hannah. Latter of the two looked incredibly nervous as the gallery owner pulled her up on a small stage in front of a still covered art work, the center piece, Frederick mused.

He hadn't looked at one of the uncovered once yet because he was way to fixed on Hannah. She looked breathtaking tonight. Her crisp white dress fitted like a glove and contoured all her beautiful curves so well that Frederick desperately wanted to run his hands over them. Did she invite him to make him jealous and to tease him with what he would never have again? A bad word came to his boozed mind that he'd never thought would want to apply for Hannah.

The gallery owner shoved a mic into Hannah's shaking hands and requested silence from the little crowd.

»Ehm, hi … everyone«, Hannah started and Frederick felt sorry for her. She sounded like a frightened child in front of their family after doing something really naughty.

»Most of you know me because you helped me create my works which most of you have already seen. I wanted to thank someone special who came here tonight.«

And here we go, Frederick thought, sweet fucking couple romance shit starting right now. He was a hundred percent sure to hear how Matt (he couldn't keep himself from pronouncing his name like a bitchy teenager with an internal eye roll) was the light of her life and the only reason she ever started painting in the first place. Bla bla bla, heard that all a thousand times on the Oscar's before.

Frederick turned his attention from Hannah to the painting … well the graphic next to him on the wall. It was the back of a woman in graphite. Scars were painted on her skin. Frederick let his eyes wander to the piece next to the woman's back and almost screamed. A man in the process of taking off his t-shirt, no face was visible, but what was was enough to know that this graphite art showed him. His belly scar was in-your-face clear and everyone who knew about Abel Gideon could tell this man was Frederick.

»I dedicate my first exhibition to somebody I deeply care about and who I wanted to show that there lays beauty in the marks surviving leaves on our bodies, Dr. Frederick Chilton.«

The mention of his name made his head snap around to the stage again, looking absolutely flabbergasted. He had NEVER shown her his belly scar out of fear she'd run away in fear like the woman from the hotel bar a bit over 2 years ago had done. How did she know about it?

Most of the eyes of the other visitors were now glued to Frederick's thankfully blank face. He was angry, jealous, buzzed, and – as already mentioned – absolutely flabbergasted by this whole situation. The only eyes he cared about were those familiar blue one's on the stage twinkling with a mixture of anxiety and hope. He forced a false smile and lifted his glass as if for a toast. The result was that the people stopped staring at him and Hannah continued with her nervous speech ending with welcoming all people coming in tonight and revealing the giant center piece of the exhibition: An oil painting of Kidney. But as if that wasn't strange and eye-twitch-inducing enough, Frederick was the one holding his cat on this life size painting, with his nose buried in Kidney's fur, wearing a leasure dark blue button-down with rolled up sleeves and with his scar sitting prominently on his left cheek facing the viewer.

Was it too late calling his lawyer and suing her ass back into the Stoneage? How could she portrait him like this and fucking show it to the WORLD? He would kill her right here, right now!

Wow, those two champagnes really got to his head.

While he was still figuring out if his personal history would ratify a line of defence sailing to mental illness when he strangled Hannah in front of fucking everybody including Freddie Lounds' camera the crowd applauded and Hannah left the stage visibly relieved. She almost flung herself to Matt and kissed his cheek. Oh, how modest she was acting in front of everybody. Bitch!

There, now his grumpy, drunk brain had actually said it about the woman he had thought he loved deeply only a few weeks ago.

A tall, black man in an expensive outfit received a kiss from Hannah too and Frederick couldn't bear it any longer. The downed his third glass of champagne and turned around to go but Dr. Bloom stood in his way.

»Nice scar«, she chirped and checked out the graphite portrait of his belly.

»Just go fuck yourself, Alana.« He wanted to say, but decided against it. »Why are you even here, Dr. Bloom?«, Frederick asked instead and heard his own voice lagging from the alcohol.

»I'm accompaning my girlfriend.« She nooded over to Margot Verger examining a piece that showed the twisted torso of a woman showing scars on her shoulders and upper back and a scar which looked like you get from a appendectomy … or an operation concerning the female reproductive organs. He wasn't sure, his medical studies had never touched that subject before changing to psychology. But Frederick had heard whispers and rumors about her brother abusing Margot in the most hideous ways before he went super nuts (yes, that was a professional term … at least while being drunk and annoyed) and cut off his own face and fed it to Will Graham's dogs. How Hannah got her to consent in having her scars put on public display was beyond him. He certainly wasn't okay with people now being able to stare at him even without him being around.

»And it seems you are accompaning yours.«

»Pardon?«, he snapped.

Dr. Bloom furrowed her brow at his sharp tone. She pointed over to Hannah who was just talking to a man who actually looked like he was an art connoisseur. »You know the woman who made you immortal … with a very impressiv portrait, actually. Didn't know you had a cat.«

Frederick looked over to the oil painting at the head wall, hanging there all by itself in a goddamn spotlight to rule over the entire gallery space.

»His name is Kidney.« Why was he even talking to her? Alcohol, the answer to everything.

Dr. Bloom huffed an amused laughter. »And it seems you developed some sense of humor. Good for you.«

Stop sounding like a matron!

»Didn't know you were into women, after hitting on Will Graham and evidently being involved with Hannibal Lecter. Or is poor Miss Verger just your plaything until you're tired of her again or comes out as a cannibal? Playing with pigtails must be a nice change.«

»Didn't know you were into women either, Frederick«, she snapped and ignored the little hits below the belt. Without a further word she waltzed away with her pretencious cane and a smug smile on her blood red lips.

Finally he could escape from this farce and call Mr. Kline to file the lawsuit against Hannah for using his face (and belly) in her pictures. But he couldn't move. Something held him back.

Hannah had dedicated this exhibition to him, ''somebody special she deeply cares about''. This whole gallery showed pieces of people with scars presented in the most delicate and beautiful way humanly possible. She'd managed to turn the proofs of pain and hurt into something admirable.

He stood closer to the one showing the woman with the scarred back. Somehow it felt familiar. The title didn't give anything away. It simply read ''J. R. 2009''. He checked with his own what the initialy might mean. If they stood for the person portrayed his should be named ''F. C. 2013'' but it wasn't. On the little name tag on the wall next to the depiction of his belly scar stood ''A. G. 2013''. Abel Gideon, 2013. She had named her paintings after the one's who had caused them. He looked back to the woman's back and his clouded mind finally made some sense of the familiar pattern. It was Hannah herself. She had never mentioned what had caused her unregular scars. Back then, Frederick had appreciated it because that meant that she wouldn't question any of his scars but now he was curious.

Suddenly he heard a light laugh behind him and closed his eyes in remembrance. Hannah's laugh. How he had loved it. But when he turned to look at her his sudden feeling of warmth inside his chest turned to a bitter taste in his mouth. She was laughing with him, with Matt, and the other man who had joined them almost immediately after her little opening speech.

C'mon, Frederick, be civil, say hello, express your gratitude that she had painted you (twice) and say your goodbye's, he told himself and gritted his teeth when he thought about how she might have learned about Abel Gideon. He put on the fakest smile – the only one he could produce at the moment – and stepped over to Hannah and the two handsome men.

»Did you tell the nanny that we'll be out until late today?«, the lean, black man asked Matt and looked at him with a perfectly plugged raised eyebrow and a stern look.

Matt rolled his blue eyes and sipped his champagne. »Of course I did. I'm not that stupid, Cary.«

Frederick cleared his throat as he approached the little group. Hannah's eyes lit up and her cheeks turned a bit reddish.

»Nice paint-«

»You've already met my brother, I heard«, Hannah interrupted him and nodded to Matt next to her. Frederick heard car breaks screeching in his head. Brother?

»I know he can talk like a waterfall but he's family.« Matt nudged her side with his elbow and narrowed eyes, and the other man, Cary, snickered into his glass.

»Yes, he does. I was actually just gonna say goodbye. I have to get up early tomorrow.«

She whispered a disappointed »Oh« and looked down to her feet.

»Then I guess, I'm happy you came at all.« Hannah sounded devastated but smiled anyways. Matt and Cary exchanged a quick look and the latter turned to Frederick.

»I could accompany you outside and have a quick cigarette while you wait for a taxi.«

Why should he?

»Why not«, Frederick murmured suspiciously and walked towards the door with one last glance over to the oil painting of him and Kidney.

»So, why are you two acting all strange around each other?«, Cary asked outside on the empty sidewalk offering Frederick a cigarette. He hadn't smoked in years but why not entertain himself a bit until a cab came along?

»I wouldn't know what's that of your concern.«

»I'm just trying to find out why she needed my husband so often in the last weeks. Victoria, our three-year-old, and I are missing him madly, you know.«

Frederick wished he hadn't drank so much so his mind wouldn't be so slow right now. Matt was Hannah's brother, apparently he was gay, Cary was Matt's husband and they had a daughter together. He coughed up some smoke and ignored a cab rolling by the empty street.

»It's complicated«, Frederick settled on as an answer after a moment of thinking.

»Bullshit. She is sorry for whatever she might have said or done and you don't seem very happy yourself with the current situation between the two of you. And after all you can't be too pissed at her. You have come tonight.«

»She hasn't done anything wrong«, Frederick murmured and tipped with his shoe against the wall he was leaning on. The crisp air actually cooled him down from his alcohol induced light-headedness.

»Well, she's sorry anyway. Hannah hadn't had it easy in her past and I can't remember her ever even considering showing her own art until she met you. Whatever happened between you two might never be made undone, I guess, I don't know, but she really loves you and I can see that you love her too, otherwise you wouldn't be here right now, looking like a figure from some Charles Dickens' novel and eye-stabbing Matt until you've heard that he was just her brother.«

Cary eyed Frederick with a quick side glance and breathed in the almost therapeutic smoke of the cigarette in his manicured hand.

Who of the two of them was the psychiatrist again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Johanna because she wanted to know what happened to Hannah when Frederick had kicked her out in chapter 24:   
> Hannah returned to her apartment. Anger was making her breath heavy but it soon faded when she closed the door behind her. She was alone and she had no clue why. Suddenly Frederick was like another person. She would've never even imagined him OF ALL PEOPLE to hold her nightmared against him. Her lonelyness brought hot tears in her eyes and she needed to talk to th only person apart from Frederick she could always turn to. Well, after what Frederick had done only seconds ago, he was probably now the only one there for her. She dialed the number of her older brother's New York apartment and sobbed even before Matt picked up. She cried for hours and told him everything. Matt offered words of comfort but it wasn't really enough.  
> "I'll come down to Baltimore. It's okay. Dad will understand."
> 
> Well, and he did which caused the problems of the last chapter and was topped with the revealing in this one.


	27. Switched Paws

 

Frederick saw one cab after the other pass them by while he listened to what Cary had to say. He talked about his sweet adopted daughter and her advanced sassyness even at her young age of three. He was convinced it was all coming from Matt but he wasn't a lamb either from what Frederick could tell after the first few minutes. And Cary walked down memory lane even further of how Matt and he had met each other in London 10 years ago at a charity event from GMHC.

He was talking a lot too but Frederick hadn't mistaken him for Hannah's lover so that kept him from loathing him right away. And he actually seemed like a nice guy, easy to listen to and with a sharp tongue that could match his own.

Yet, Frederick didn't say much, or more like nothing at all, while they smoked one cigarette after the other. On this one evening he smoked more than in the last six years combined. Nothing he had actually missed too much. The smell stayed in his clothes and the taste in his mouth. Disgusting. But he could use it as an excuse why he was still here.

More and more people left the gallery as time proceeded. First a couple of strangers than Dr. Bloom and Margot Verger. And around 9 pm Matt sticked his head out of the door and was clearly surprised to see Frederick still there.

»Ehm, Darling, Hannah's just talking to that reporter-woman and I'd like to go home some time soon. Had a long day and the nanny surely too.«

»Of course, I'm just finishing this last little coffin nail here«, Cary sighed and the two men exchanged a quick peck on the lips.

Frederick looked to the side. He wasn't homophobic but he felt like the third wheel (like he had done so often in his past) and excused himself as he entered the gallery again. Except for the flashy art connoisseur, the gallery owner, Hannah and - oh God - Freddie Lounds nobody was there anymore.

»This is a very nice painting of Dr. Chilton. What inspired you to picture him like this?«, Lounds asked and Frederick knew that sound in her voice. She was always starting off as sweet as apple pie until she showed her real face and asked her tedious questions. And it was obvious in what direction she was heading. Freddie Lounds didn't write for an art magazine. Her field were the ugly sides of Baltimore, the complete opposite of Hannah's world.

»I don't really know. I, ehm … I'm sorry this is my first interview with a reporter ever. I'm not sure how to answer your question.«

Lounds gave her her wolfish, yet almost motherly smile and rephrased her question. »Does he mean a lot to you?«

Like hitting a button Hannah turned red and smiled sheepishly. That was all the answer she needed.

»Did he ever tell you about his time as a suspect in a multiple murder case?«

There you go, but very plump, Lounds, really. Frederick had expected more from her.

»That's not subject to her art, Miss Lounds. If you were actually interested in her art, you wouldn't ask her about me. Either you keep your interview straight or I'd advise you to leave«, Frederick said as if written in stone. The time outside had cleared his head almost completely from the champagne fog but he was not as clear as he'd like to be now.

»Nice to see you, too, Dr. Chilton. If you'd agree on an interview with me personally, I wouldn't have to make a circuit over your girlfriend. By the way, nice move to save yourself the right on ''Hannibal the Cannibal''. Planning on writing a little something yourself as soon as Dr. Lecter is in your little rat labyrinth?«

»I guess, the interview is over now«, Frederick sneered and Lounds smiled at him with her oblivious trade mark grin.

He watched her leave and felt Hannah's eyes laying heavy on him. His mind was still too foggy to come to a conclusion how to start their necessary talk. He was just breathing in when the gallery owner waved Hannah over to her and the art connoisseur.

A short period of reprieve Frederick could use to work out a speech to apologize to her and at least try to make it up to her. First his eyes than he drifted over to the oil painting showing him and his cat and took in every single detail. She had done a marvellous job.

He could hear the people and Hannah laughing, and glanced over his shoulder to them. It looked like she was Cinderella at the ball. Her eyes twinkled and her smile was wide. She looked absolutely gorgeous. It seemed like this art connoisseur was in the process of buying half her works. Suddenly they looked over to him and Frederick wasn't sure if he'd made a noise or something but the people weren't looking at him, at least not him in the flesh. They looked at the painting behind him until Hannah shook her head and smiled coyly. Frederick wondered what they were talking about in detail.

It took them another ten minutes to be done. The gallery owner and the art connoisseur disappeared in her office and Hannah swayed back over to Frederick without once looking up from the floor.

Frederick had a whole conversation scripted out in his head but now that he was about to tell her his reasons and apologize to her from all his heart he was unable to say anything along those lines. Instead he said:

»You switched the paws.«

»Excuse me?«

Frederick nodded to Kidney's paws over his arm. One orange one, one white one. »His left paw is white, not his right.«

»Well, if that's all you have to complain about I'm happy.« She didn't sound happy but not angry either.

»I'm not complaining, Hannah.« Saying her name felt strange, wrong somehow. Like a prayer but at the same time like a curse. Her name had so often tumbled from his lips when they had been together; he had breathed it against her lips and moaned it from deep within him. The memory made Frederick shiver with a mixture of lust, shame and regret.

»You better not. I only finished it two night ago. The paint is still wet in some places«, she explained without looking at him or the painting. »It's my masterpiece.«

»What does J.R. stand for?«

Frederick couldn't bring himself to talk real. He was a coward and rather let her scream and shout at him just like he had done - for equality, so to speak. But Hannah stayed calm and glanced over to her self portrait next to his.

»John Reinhardt«, she answered almost matter-of-factly, »my first boyfriend.« Frederick's head snapped around to her and stared at her in shock. Her _first_ boyfriend had done this to her?

»What happened?«, he whispered and Frederick could feel all colour drain from his face.

»Are we finally talking about our scars, Frederick?«

Hannah's voice was tired and sounded almost defeated. ''We'' was the word in her question that made Frederick swallow thickly. If he wanted to know her history, he'd have to lift the curtains of his own.

»Yes, we are«, Frederick answered, let Hannah lead them to a couple of armchairs in the corner of the gallery, and sat down with her.

He had to keep himself from sitting back and folding his hands over his lap like he did when he eased in his therapy mode.

Hannah breathed through before she began to talk: »I was 22 and had just graduated from art academy. I wanted to spend some time with Matt before really diving into the grown-up world. The National Gallery in London had already offered me the job in their Baroque Department. Matt had warned me that John wouldn't take it well. I can't count the times he told me that men like John didn't want their girlfriends to work and have their own money to be more independant … but I wouldn't listen to him.« Hannah cast down her eyes and nervously fiddled with a loose thread at the seam of her dress. »When I came home in the afternoon, two days before I should've started at NatGal, I smelled that John was cooking something and I knew he would be angry at me.«

»Why is that?« He furrowed his brow.

»It was my job to make dinner every day. John called me into the kitchen. He smacked me down and I blacked out for a second.« She took a deep breath and started shaking. »The next thing I felt was the boiling hot water he poured on my back. John had only boiled the water to burn me with it as soon as I would've come home that day.«

»Have you ever talked about this with someone?« Frederick swallowed hard from the horrors she told him about here.

»Yes, with my therapist but it never felt nice remembering that day.« She closed her eyes as if she'd said the most stupidiest thing in the world. Of course it wasn't nice remembering such a day. »I more or less told myself that what happened that night happened to someone else and not me.«

»And your therapist let it stay like that?«, Frederick asked with a pinch of anger in his voice. Hannah never seemed to have come to terms with her trauma properly.

She nodded and continued telling him her story:

»He left me there laying on the floor bleeding and crying. The … the crying was making him even angrier, so he kicked me in the side to silence me. John pushed me down with a hand on my head and ripped off my underwear. I knew he wanted to rape me. Told me I would belong to him and that no other man would want such a dirty whore like me. I grabbed something. I think it was an empty bottle on the floor next to me and hit him over the head with it before he could've raped me.« She kept her eyes cast down to her shaking hands in her lap. Frederick wanted to hold and comfort her. But he didn't want to make things worse in her current state.

»I fled from the apartment and knocked on my neighbour's door. She had already called the police alarmed by my screaming when John had burned me.«

She rolled her shoulders as if she could still feel the burn penetrating her skin.

»They arrested him immediately. John was sentenced to 10 years for the brutality he used against me. I marked the day of his release from prison. I memorized it like my own birthday. And then he was set free a year earlier then scheduled. They didn't find it necessary to inform me. I had planned to leave two months before he was out of prison. I … I met him one night when I was on the way to a blind date. He cornered me in a dark alley and threatened me. I could escape but the police said they couldn't do anything because he left no evidences ... no, he only scars. I was in therapy for five years and I'm still afraid of the darkness outside my own home.«

Frederick nodded. He knew about her fear of the night but he never knew about the reasons for that. Her anxiety pills and nightmares made perfect sense now.

»The reason I had to leave England was because I started seeing him behind every corner and in every stranger who only even slightly had his physique.«

»Did you have partners over the last years?«

Hannah raised her head only a second. »You were my partner until you broke up with me.«

»But I wasn't your first one after him, right?«, he asked sounding slighty irritated and scolded himself the second after.

»No, my third.«

»Were you comfortable around them?« Frederick noticed he was sliding into therapy mode but Dr. Chilton could deal with Hannah's past abusive relationship and almost-rape better than Frederick ever could.

»Only really around you«, she whispered and didn't dare to meet his eyes, »I don't know why but I trusted you like I only ever trusted Matt. At least until you held my nightmares against me.«

Now she looked up at him just in time to see Frederick cast down his eyes down in hot, red shame.

»I didn't mean what I said back then. I was angry and you were the only one there to direct my anger to.«

»You really hurt me, Frederick. And you always mean what you say. That is wonderful when you tell me that you think I'm beautiful … but it ripped my heart out when you said you couldn't bear me any longer.«

Frederick had never felt so guilty in his entire life. He'd never wanted to hurt her. Fuck!

He leaned forward and propped his elbows on his knees burying his face in his hands. His skin felt hot and sweaty. The alcohol in his system was making him tired and slowed his mind down still. Now was the worst time to be tired and slow. He had to fight for his relationship, for the only woman he loved. Even in his own head it sounded pathetic and as if ripped out of a cheesy romance novel.

»And now?«, Frederick asked after what felt like eternity. He didn't dare look up at her out of fear of seeing either more hurt or hate in her eyes.

»Matt had promised to drive me home or rather Cary had but as it seems they've already left. So maybe we could share a cab home.«

»That's not what I meant«, he sighed exhausted and looked up again. Hannah stood before him offering him her hand.

»I think you didn't listen carefully enough. I want us to go _home_ , Frederick.«

His heart was almost leaping out of his chest when she smiled at him. Frederick took her hand but didn't move as soon as he stood up. She furrowed her brow in confusion.

»I'm really sorry, Hannah«, he whispered and meant every word of it.

She approached him and almost stared predatorily into his eyes.

»You can apologize in your bedroom for the rest of the night.« Her change had happened quickly, almost too quickly. Frederick knew it was what victims sometimes did to seperate themselves from past trauma and move on. And after all it had been 9 years ago and she had been in therapy for five years after it happened. Yet, he had already noticed that her therapist must've been an idiot with a title and nothing more.

»I … I don't think I can …« He couldn't sleep with her. Not after what she had told him about her scars. He could imagine her fear, the sheer panic she must've felt when it happened because he had felt like this himself. Frederick looked down to their joined hands and imagined them balled into tight fists from pain and shaking from the adrenaline in her blood.

»Frederick.« Her voice was stern as was her look. »I didn't change from who I was a two weeks ago. The only thing that changed is now you know.«

And that was what blocked him. Coming back to ''normal'' wouldn't be easy if even ever really possible.


	28. Getting to know each other

 

Hannah and Frederick drove home in the first cab they saw. None of them talked, the tension between them so thick you could grasp it but it wasn't entirely uncomfortable. They both knew that as soon as they were alone in his apartment a new part of their life would start.

»Meow«, Kidney greeted them and started circling Hannah's legs purring loudly.

»He missed you.«

»I missed him, too«, she smiled and petted the cat at her feet.

They silently stepped into the bedroom and Frederick wanted to go into his bathroom as always to change but he stopped with his hand ghosting over the handle. No, this was the time to let the metaphorical pants down. This was part of the reason why they had broke-up … no, why he had thrown her out. Before he could turn around to her Frederick already heard Hannah's voice.

»Would you please help me?«

She had turned her back to him with her hair sweapt over one shoulder to give him access to the zipper of her white dress. Frederick approached her almost carefully like trying not to startle a shy deer. The noise of the zipper being opened was unnaturally loud in the silent room. The only thing breaking the silence was his loud swallow when he saw her burned skin. Now that he knew he only really looked at it. Her skin had melted together in unnatural patterns with ragged edges. She had never had a problem with showing it to him. Maybe because she didn't see it whenever she looked into a mirror. Frederick scolded himself for his bitter internal tone. Maybe she simply trusted him. Idiot!

Hannah ended the moment when she stepped forward and let the dress fall from her shoulders. She tug her thumps under the snug fabric around her hips and pushed it down until it fell by itself.

Frederick hadn't moved from the spot. Hannah turned around and her face froze into a pained grimace. He wasn't sure what he looked like but from her next words it must have been something between frightened and disgusted.

»Do you want to be with me?«, she asked in her underwear coming closer and resting her hand on the middle of his chest.

»What a stupid question, of course.«

»Than promise me one thing: Never treat me like a victim.«

She could have slapped him and he wouldn't have been more stunned. His face softened and he nodded silently. Frederick took a step back and started undressing. When he only stood there in his boxers and his undershirt, Frederick breathed in deeply and closed his eyes. This was the moment of truth. His hands closed around the hem of his shirt. His heart pounded in his chest. His breath left his lungs shruddering.

Suddenly his brain stepped on the breaks. »How did you know about my scar?«

»Your shirt hitches up when you sleep.«

Frederick opened his eyes again and lifted his eyebrows. »For how long did you know?«

Hannah shrugged. »Three weeks after our ''Slumberparty''.«

»WHAT?!« She knew about this since the end of April and she'd never said anything?! Frederick felt dizzy. All this months he had worried about nothing. »Why didn't you tell me?«

»I wanted to wait until you were ready.«

He was ready, now he was. Frederick pulled the shirt off over his head and leapt forward to kiss her beautiful, soft lips he had missed so much. He wouldn't treat her like a victim because she wasn't one. She was a strong survivor of a monster just like he was. And he loved her with every fiber of his body.

Her fingertips stroked down his naked skin featherlightly. She had waited to long to finally feel his uncovered ribs and broad chest with his chest hair to pet. And his tummy with the scar that so beautifully provided the eye a guideline down to his crotch. There was nothing disgusting or disfiguring about it. If anything it made him more desirably in her eyes. He was a survivor, just like her. They had both survived monsters and he should be proud of that.

Their kiss left them breathless. Frederick rested his forehead against hers and shivered under her touch. She ran her hands through his thick hair, down his naked back, feeling his muscles under her hands flex, over his ribs making the corners of his mouth twitch upwards (he was ticklish like hell) and finally to the front of his belly.

»I love you, Frederick.«

The words knocked the air out of his lungs. Frederick thought he might've misheard or dreamed her saying it but no. Hannah even repeated it. He was at a loss of words. Nobody apart from his grandmother had ever said that to him, not even his mother. Frederick felt a lump forming in his throat and tears burning in his eyes. He cleared his throat wanting to return the decleration of love but his voice betrayed him. Instead he kissed her again and pulled her flush against his body.

She knew he loved her too. Frederick let his hands roam over her curves, by now knowing each and every spot that would make her sigh in ecstasy.

Hannah slid her hands under his shirt and rested her thumbs over the scar. The light touch made him shrudder and rest his head against her shoulder. She whispered that she loved him over and over again like a mantra. Frederick's started working on their own. He started working on her bra and as soon as it was opened and hit the floor, Frederick began caressing her soft breasts. They were perfect. She was perfect and she loved him.

Frederick guided her over to his bed without breaking the kiss once. When they did, Hannah was lying under him with her legs wrapped around his hips, panting, and smiling with glistening eyes.

»I love you, Frederick.« The more often she said it the more it made his heart burst with happiness and content.

He pulled his shirt over his head and watched her closely. It might not be the first time for her to see it but it was the first time for him showing it to her. She smiled at him not even looking at it like he'd expected. She grinded her pelvis against his and drew a deep moan from him, almost as if she wanted to reward him for his courage when there had never been anything he had had to fear when being with her.

This night was so different from all the others they had already shared. Not just that they were both not just figuratively naked but literally had bared each other for the others eyes. The trust she put into him and the love she made him feel with every caress of his scar, every kiss and sigh he coaxed out of her with every single thrust. It was overwhelming in the best possible way.

They didn't have sex that night, they made love until long after midnight. But none of them, although physically exhausted, could sleep just yet. Frederick traced little shapes on her naked shoulder, his nose buried into her still damp hair.

»I want to know everything about you«, he murmured and felt her stir at his side. She rested her head on the pillow next to him.

»What do you want to know?«

»Do you have family other than your older brother?«, he retorted after thinking a moment.

»I think we should've had this conversation a few weeks ago«, Hannah chuckled quietly.

»Certainly would have spared me some hangovers after your brother showed up out of the blue.« He turned onto his side to fully face her. »So, family?«

Hannah smiled when she started talking again.

»Well, you know about Matt by now. He is four years older than me, gay, married to his husband, Cary, and they privately adopted their almost four-year-old daughter, Victoria, when she was six months old.« She thought for a moment. »My father has an international multimedia company – mostely print and online magazines – where Matt works as an editor, he is married to Anita, our former nanny.«

»Somehow you sound very posh right now. Must be the way ''Nanny'' sounds with a British accent«, Frederick smirked and added in his head ''or the fact that you're probably richer than I ever will be''. But than again why make such a fuzz about the money on date Zero? Maybe she wasn't rich, only her family was. Two very different things.

»My mother«, she continued, »flung herself from the window of our London home when I was 14.«

Frederick hadn't seen that coming. Her whole demeanor changed when she talked about her mother. Hannah's eyes grew unfocused, her brows furrowed, and her muscles tensed up.

»You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to«, he whispered and started stroking his hand up and down her side.

»I know. But I want you to know. She suffered from depression and a heavy alcohol addiction. Nobody ever said no to her. My father is from a working-class family. The Scarborough-money comes from my mother's side. She was never confronted with consequences. When somebody in her family stumbled into a champagne fountain people simply snapped their fingers and the person was brought upstairs and put into bed. Nobody bat an eye. So nobody bat an eye when she started drinking at 10 am and was drunk by noon, and jumped out of the second floor window of our townhouse. Matt and I came home soon after it happened to a house full of police officers and my dad desperately trying to calm down Anita who had been the one finding my mother on the pavement in front of our porch.«

»Why did she do it?«

Hannah sighed heavily. »Their affair. My dad and Anita had slept with each other for years. But I don't blame them. They loved each other, they still do.« She made a small pause and scanned his face. »Anything else you want to know about me?« Hannah's voice sounded much more cheerful than it should after what she'd just told him.

But he was happy about a change of topic. »Who was your first?«

»My first what?«

»Boyfriend.«

Her eyes turned sad again. »John.«

Fuck! Frederick had the rare talent of always making everything worse. He closed his eyes and prayed for another topic.

»But he wasn't the first one who got into my pants if that was what you actually wanted to know.«

His eyes flew open to hers again. The mischievous grin on her face promised something delightfully naughty to come.

»My first time was with my art history professor who was twice my age.«

Frederick's eyebrows shot up to his hairline. He would've never guessed that but it was something he wouldn't mind fantasizing about. With him as her art professor, of course.

»He was freshly divorced and I was completely head over heels for him.« Her cheeks turned a bit reddish when she talked about her long ago crush. »His name was Arthur and he was by far the most intelligent and funniest man I'd ever met in my 19-years long life back then.«

»I detect a pattern«, Frederick snickered and couldn't help imagining her as a bright and unexperienced art student with a pair of denim overalls, a high pony tail and paint-splatter on her thickly rimmed glasses. He would have paid any price to see that.

»Yes, I'm still into older, intelligent, funny man with big cocks.« And now his smirk turned smug. »I had his class on Wednesday's and after one class I wanted to know something and we ended in his office. I had never been so turned on in my life. Since I knew him, I had had more than one sexual fantasy about him and now it all turned to reality.« She was caught into her memory for a moment. »It didn't hurt much. He was very careful and - just like you - much more after my orgasm than his own. It became a regular thing between us. I sat in his class and after that he fucked me on his desk over some essays about Victorian Realism. Arthur loved doing it without a condom so I started taking the pill because of him. Six months after we first started our little afternoon fun, he left the University because he had been offered a better position somewhere else.« Her eyes turned sad again. »Shortly after that I met John. He was nice, told me I was beautiful, and made the impression of being a good and decent guy.«

Hannah didn't say more about him and Frederick was actually happy about that. He didn't know how to handle victims of abusive relationships and most certainly not when this victim was his own girlfriend.

»Who was your first?«, she asked him to avoid heavy silence setting in.

»Girlfriend or fuck?«

»Ooh«, Hannah whistled, »another one who had the cake before the baking?«

»No«, he laughed, »my first relationship was PG. She was a friend. I knew her almost my entire life.«

»What was her name?«

»Caren Zilinsky«, he remembered, »we were those classic uncool teenagers in High School who read or played chess rather than going to parties … or outside the house in general. I have no idea when exactly we started calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend. It just happened without something really happening. Not even at prom.«

»This is so sweet and so sad at the same time. Well, somehow I had already pictured you as one of the boys in class who always knew the answer to everything and hung around with the other unpopular smartasses.«

Frederick thought back to his friends back then and nodded. »Pretty accurate. I'm glad I didn't disappoint your expectations.«

»And who was your first fuck if not sweet Caren?«, she asked seductively. Hannah bit her lower lip and wiggled her eyebrows.

»Sarah Abernathy-Spencer.«

Hannah started laughing. »From Zilinsky to Abernathy-Spencer sounds like a pretty big leap.«

»It was, trust me. Now we're talking Harvard. She promised to fuck me if I did her anotomy term paper. I thought that this would be my first and only chance to get a New England beauty in my bed so I said yes. She got a good grade for her paper and I got a first time with the beauty queen of the entire campus.«

»And what teaches us that? Intelligence always pays off. Either pretty, young students want to fuck their professors or your hot and lazy fellow students want to fuck you.«

»Or pretty, young artists want to fuck intelligent doctors.«

»Not just fuck«, Hannah whispered and snuggled closer to Frederick, »but love him.«

»I love you, too, Hannah.«

Her smile widened at his words. It felt so … normal and right to say it to her, like it could only ever been said to her and nobody else.

She sat up on his lap a second later. His hands automatically wandered to her naked hips. Hannah kissed him quick and laid her hands on his cheeks. By now he almost didn't mind her touching his facial scar. She never seemed to see it so it was easy for him to forget about it a few minutes of the day.

Frederick leaned into her warm palms like a cat seeking tender attention. Hannah smiled at him and suddenly covered his eyes with both her hands. First she lifted the one over his right eye.

»How well do you see me?«, she asked and bit her lower lip.

»Perfectly fine. My left one is the damaged one.«

She changed hands.

»How well do you see me?«, she repeated.

Frederick sighed. »Blurred shapes, mostely light and dark contrast but right now you could be any white naked woman on this planet.«

Hannah removed her hands and regarded him with an unreadable expression. »Does it still hurt?«

»What?« Frederick started massaging the soft flesh of her thighs.

»Your scars?«

»Do yours still hurt?«, he countered.

»Yes, when I'm feeling tense or the weather changes«, she answered and Frederick realized that he hadn't answered. This was really getting to know each other here. They never talked about the uncomfortable things they carried around with themselves and he was starting to avoid her questions unconsciously. He needed to stop that.

»I feel it. It's not really pain. At least not the one in my face. The other one, well that's a different story.« Frederick eased her off his lap and took her hand in his. He guided her fingers to the spot where he kidney used to be.

»You can even feel that it's gone. I had a limp the first time after it happened; had a cane. But I kept it too long so my muscles structure changed a bit and twisted around my spine. Ended in extensive back pain and eventually physio therapy.«

Hannah listened silently and started massaging the spot his hands had guided hers to. Frederick moaned throatily at that little show of affection and caring.

»Running, dancing, going up stairs, etc. isn't something I particually like because it hurts if I do it too long or too much. Sex at least feels good despite the pain and it ends in satisfaction. That's a steepening incentive«, he said smiling and kissed her lovingly before they both eventually fell asleep in each others arms.


	29. Cat in a bow tie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that I do not stand in personal contact with any children I know of, so my illustration of a four year old is mostly based on me when I was a sassy, little brat ;)

Frederick came home two days later and heard a long, irritated meow coming from the living space. Kidney ran towards his owner and sat down with a prompting look on his tense face.

»Why is my cat wearing a bow tie?«, Frederick asked loudly when he saw the black fake bow tie around Kidney's neck making him literally look ''like a Sir''. Suited him, yet strange. »Hannah?«

Frederick could hear her shuffle around in the kitchen. Soft music was playing and the smell of food made the air heavy and caused his mouth to water.

God, he liked domesticity!

»I thought you wouldn't be home for another half an hour!« Hannah cleaned her hands with a cloth and kissed Frederick sweetly when he entered the living space. »I wanted dinner to be ready when you came home.«

»You never make dinner for me. What's the reason? Am I in trouble and you plan on poisoning me?« He glanced into the pot on the stove and breathed in the smell of risotto rice with herbs.

»No poison involved, sorry to disappoint you. I just wanted to cook for you, have a nice evening with you at home and celebrate my birthday without interruption from anyone or anything.«

»Birthday? Today is your birthday?«, Frederick asked high. She nodded and smiled into his shocked face. »I wish you would've told me. I would've prepared something or at least got you a present.«

»I don't need anyth-«

»Let's go out! Wherever you want.« Frederick was loosening his tie. »I change into something less work-ish and you think of a restaurant you want to go tonight.«

»Really, Frederick, I don't nee-«

»Maybe we could try that new place downtown. I heard it shall be very good.«

He didn't even care what she wanted, Hannah thought and bit the inside of her cheek. Let's see how long it takes him to realize, she thought irritation creeping in slowly. She crossed her arms and leaned against the kitchen counter behind her. He seemed to have forgotten that she had cooked for them. When Frederick kept on proposing one restaurant after the other her mood got darker and darker.

»So, what do you say?«, he asked coming back from the bedroom buttoning the cuffs of his clean shirt.

»Hannah, have you even listened?«

»Yes, have you?«

Frederick furrowed his brow. »You haven't said anything.«

Hannah lowered her arms and tipped her foot on the floor. »I said, I want to stay home.«

»Why? It's your birthday and we're going to celebrate it with a nice dinner.«

He turned on his heel and hurried to the wardrobe to put on his shiny shoes for the evening.

»Frederick! Stop!«

He fliched under the volume of her voice and slowly turned around to her. Her face was red and her chest rose and fell rapidly under her angry breath.

»What?«

»I don't want to go out. Is this so hard to understand? I won't leave the apartment today.«

Why?

»And will your brother and his family come over from New York tonight?«, he asked slowly.

»No, this night belongs to us alone. Matt invited us over on Saturday to have a nice dinner together. He offered to let us stay over night.« Her tone had changed from angry to tired. »I want to spend time with you tonight. We haven't had much of that lately. You're working so much and my exhibition takes a lot of my free time away from us.«

Frederick toed off the shoe he had already put on and unbuttoned his cuffs again. »If MyLady Scarborough demands a night in her castle this knight in shining armor won't refuse her.«

Her smile was what he was after and she gave it to him. »Good. You set the table, I continue cooking.«

»And what do we do afterwards?«, Frederick asked, his intentions darkening his voice.

Hannah only smiled sweetly. »We sit on the couch and watch Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.«

Frederick raised an eyebrow prompting her to give him an explanation.

»After dinner«, was all he got from her.

It wasn't as good as his cooking but it still tasted acceptable. He complimented it politely and was happy to see her smile at his words. Hannah was still ''only'' 32 years old. Her appearance hinted to a mid-20s but no matter what, she was the light of his life.

After doing the dishes together and nudging their hips playfully together, they plopped down on his couch and Hannah grabbed the remote control. She had already put in the dvd and pressed play now. Frederick smiled when she snuggled up into his chest and sighed absolutely contently.

»So, why Dick van Dyke?«

»Tradition. We always watched it on my birthday since I was a little child.«

Frederick had never seen the iconic movie about an inventor who tried to rescue his children from the Child Catcher and the evil Baron and his wife. Hannah could sing every song and danced a bit in his arms. He watched her face light up, her forehead wrinkle to a deep frown and a smile stretch on her lips at the end credits.

Kidney had wrestled himself out of the bow tie around the middle of the movie and punished the black fabric fake bow with one of his merciless glares he sometimes shared with his owner.

Frederick buried his nose in Hannah's hair when the end credits rolled over the screen.

»Any other traditions you'd like to follow up with me?«, he mumbled and released Hannah from his embrace as she turned around to him.

»We didn't really had a lot of family traditions. With my dad working almost the entire day, my mum drinking the whole time and eventually being dead and Matt and me in private school we didn't really had a lot of family time.«

»I still have a hard time believing you're rich«, Frederick mumbled.

»I'm not. My family is. I inherited the apartment from my mother's sister. Otherwise I couldn't afford living here.« She thought for a moment and studied his face. »You know, if my aunt hadn't died from liver failure – shoutout to the drinking habit of us brits – and if I hadn't left England because of John, I would've never met you.«

And if he hadn't been attacked and framed by Miriam Lass/Hannibal he would still be living in his house at the other end of Baltimore and he would still be alone.

»Maybe we could introduce our own birthday traditions«, Hannah said to bring him back into the here and now.

»Like what?«, he asked with a smirk.

»Well, what do you want for your birthday?«

»Mh«, Frederick hummed, thinking about his answer, »doing everything you usually refuse to do with or for me.«

»Like?« Her voice was skeptical and her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

Frederick laughed, wondering what she might think he had in mind. He hugged her closer and acted as if he had to think hard about his next words.

»You watch one of my Roman History documentaries with me, massage my entire back, and you bake something for me, something british. I know you Englishmen are good with the sweet stuff. And when I'm happy and sated we move into the bedroom and you repeat your little show from the video you've sent into my office months ago. But this time I want a live show.«

Hannah's smile split her face in half. That sounded like a lot of fun and she would really enjoy the last part.

»When is your birthday again?«

»Already forgotten the alarm combination?«, he teased when he saw her dilated eyes and her lower lip between her teeth. Her head was occupied with something else and his was too. They kissed passionately as they stumbled their way into his bedroom ripping the clothes from each other's bodies.

He ate her out that night until she was begging him to make her come. Her first orgasm shattered her. She screamed highly, shouted his name and held his head between her thighs until she came back down from her high. He gave her two more ''gifts'' that night. It got only interrupted when Frederick hit his head on the headboard and even drew a few drops of blood. She kissed him all around the cut in his skin right at his hairline.

»And another scar«, he groaned in a mixture of pain and pleasure.

»At least like that you will never forget me«, she moaned and grazed her teeth over his bottom lip when she kissed him. Hannah had turned them both so he was on his back and she rode him to their shared orgams. She collapsed on top of him and listened to his racing heartbeat slowly coming back to normal.

»Happy Birthday, Hannah«, he whispered and they fell asleep like this with her laying sprawled across his chest and him hugging her tightly to his body.

* * *

 

»Are you sure this is a good idea? I'm not sure I should be around children.« Hannah smiled and shook her head on the following Saturday.

»You're gonna be perfect. My brother likes you and my brother-in-law too. Victoria will like you as well.« She glanced over to him next to her. Frederick sat slumbed in his car seat next to her. With the bad weather and so, Frederick and her had agreed on her driving the way to New York City and her brother's 72. Street apartment.

»I'm just not good with kids.« He didn't actually know that. He just assumed it because he obviously wasn't very good with grown-ups.

»Victoria isn't an usual child. She's more like a miniature version of you.«

Poor thing, Frederick thought, she surly was just as lonely as he was if she really was like him.

When they arrived the whole apartment looked like it was took out of a Living Today magazine. It was just beautiful. Frederick knew he had style but this here knocked his apartment off place no. 1 in his own head. Matt and Cary greeted them with a friendly smile and Frederick somehow felt the need to apologize to Hannah's brother for mentally killing him … a couple of hundred times before learning about their family connection.

»No problem, Frederick«, Matt laughed, »I understand you perfectly. When Cary and I were just starting to see each other I wanted to fight off every man that even looked at him.«

»Well, I just thought an apology would clear all possible edges and maybe we could start new from here on?«

»Sure, nice meeting you, Frederick. I am Matthew Scarborough, older brother of your girlfriend. I have seen enough of her during growing up to become gay«, he joked and Hannah hit him hard on the upper arm. Frederick tried to suppress his smirk but failed just as much as Cary when he tried not to sigh and roll his black eyes.

»Where is your female mini-me? I want to cuddle my niece.«

»Probably painting her dolls tattoos on their little plastic arms«, Cary sighed again and shook his head, »since she knows that Matt has a tattoo she's insisting on getting one herself as soon as she's old enough to fake our signatures. Her own words.«

Okay, maybe Frederick would like that girl. Only three years old and already strong-willed and sassy.

Right on cue and little black girl with springy curls and beautiful gray eyes ran towards the four adults. She screamed highly and jumped into Hannah's open arms. In her hand she held a little painting for her aunt. A princess with tattoos all over her arms. She was talking a lot. Knew many words Frederick wasn't sure he knew as a three-year-old. Victoria was a very smart child, without doubt.

»Who's that?«, she asked as soon as she'd noticed Frederick standing between her two fathers. The girl eyed him up and down and suddenly Frederick was nervous again. With his scar he must appear like a monster to children's eyes. He cleared his throat and turned his damaged side away from her.

»Introduce yourself and he'll do the same«, Hannah said and let Victoria down again. The girl walked towards him with stern strides and held out her hand like an adult.

»Hello, my name is Victoria Isabella Scarborough. I turned four years old two days ago. Nice to meet you.« Frederick definitely couldn't have introduced himself that formal when he'd been her age. He was impressed.

»Hello, I am Dr. Frederick Chilton. I am more than four years old. Nice meeting you too.«

»What's that in your face?«

»Victoria«, Cary hissed but Hannah kneeled down in front of her to explain calmly but with a mischevious grinon her lips:

»A crazy woman shot him in the face but he raised from the dead to make every evil creature on this planet pay with their blood.«

»Cool.«

»Hannah«, Cary gasped, »stop it. You're only giving her nightmares.«

»No, she doesn't«, Victoria and Matt answered at the same time while Frederick shook his head with a smile tugging on the corners of his mouth. She would be a great mother one day with horror stories every night and English scones for breakfast. Maybe he would be around to witness it fron the first row.

»Well, shall we eat?«, Matt suggested and was met with a long drawn out ''yeeeeess!'' from Victoria and nods from all the others.

As they all sat down to eat,Victoria picked the seat right next to Frederick. He looked down to her seeing her highchair still waiting for her on the opposite side of the table.

»That's Hannah's place, sweety. You know where you are suppose to sit«, Cary cooed and the little girl sighed almost theartically when she followed her father's order. Hannah sat down next to Frederick like it was meant and squeezed his hand under the table. He was doing good this far.

Conversation around the table was mostly suitable for a child and she loved talking at least as much as Frederick.

She talked about her week in kindergarden and how stupid the other girls are because they are jealous.

»Because I have two daddies and they only got one.«

»But they also have a mommy«, Frederick said without thinking and earned himself an elbow in his ribs from Hannah.

»I would rather have two daddies than all the mommies in the world.«

Matt kissed his daughter on the crown of her head and whispered something that sounded like ''smarty''. Frederick was sure it was an endearment that really fit her.

When they were done with dinner they moved into the living room. Victoria sat down on Cary's lap, Frederick could sit in a brown, large armchair and Hannah and Matt shared a couch with each other.

»So, how have you two celebrated my little sister's birthday?«

»According to tradition.«

»Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?«, Cary asked and Frederick saw Hannah start to dance a little. No doubt she was singing the song in her head. He couldn't stop to smile at her foot flipping in the right beat.

»Childreeeeen«, Matt imitated the voice of the Child Catcher and Frederick started laughing at how Hannah started to lightly slap her older brother's arm.

»Stop it!«

»Did she tell you that as a child she had nightmares where the Child Catcher would come and get her?«, Matt asked Frederick and Hannah turned a bit reddish around the nose.

»No, she didn't.«

»Or that her first ''adult dream'' was with D-« Hannah quickly covered his mouth just in time.

»Shut it, Matthew«, she hissed and cautiously looked over to Frederick who had a curious eyebrow raised almost to his hairline.

»What's an adult dream, Daddy?«, Victoria asked and played with Cary's pocket square.

»A dream full of boring adult stuf, sweety.«

»Like?« Frederick was curious how he would sell a sex dream to a little girl while Hannah still held her hands over Matt's mouth.

»Doing laundry, making beds, eating everything on their plate.«

Frederick smirked when he ''translated'' it all in his head. ''Doing laundry'', more like ripping off each others clothes, ''making beds'', rather roll around with one another between the sheets and, well, eating everything on their plate didn't really need a translation. It worked for the little girl because she wrinkled her cute nose and claimed that adult dreams were not very much fun.

Victoria climbed from her father's lap and walked over to Frederick.

»Are you really making evil people pay?« Somehow yes? »Why do you want to now?«

She climbed onto his lap and leaned up to his ear to whisper something in it. »I do that too.«

He raised his eyebrows and saw Hannah watch him with her niece. There was a little smile tugging on her lips.

»And how do you do that? What evil people do you know?«, he asked and hoped he didn't sound creepy or strange.

Victoria giggled and whispered: »Brittany and Diana are stupid girls from kindergarden. They say I'm weird and my daddies are sick because I don't have a mommy.«

»What stupid girls.«

Hannah's smile widened a bit while she acted like she listened to Cary talking to her about a new exhibition in the Guggenheim at the moment. In reality she was occupied listening to victoria and Frederick.

»And what do you do to make them pay?«

She looked over her shoulder to make sure none of her fathers paid them any attention.

»I turn their Barbies into Kens so that they can only play with daddies and no mommies.«

Frederick started laughing at her wonderful revenge. He definitely liked that child.

Two hours later Frederick and Hannah were alone in the guest room of Matt and Cary. She sat on the bed and watched her boyfriend (the word still seemed somewhat unmatching considering his age but better than ex-boyfriend) undress.

»You really acted good around Victoria. I had expected at least one of you dissolving into tears by the end of the evening.«

»No, she's a smart child … and one with a very good feeling for revenge. I really like her.«

Hannah smiled from ear to ear when he crawled into bed with her.

»God, I wish we had decided taking a hotel room«, she sighed and wrapped her arms and legs around him.

»Why?«

»Because I would already be riding you like a wild stallion if my brother and niece wouldn't be sleeping almost next door«, Hannah whispered and muffled his frustrated groan with her lips.

»We'll make up for it when we're back in Baltimore.«


	30. Trip to New York

  
  


They were laying in bed and Frederick traced little shapes over the soft skin on her shoulder.

»Wanna spend next weekend in New York with me?«, he suggested out of the blue.

Hannah lifted her head and although he couldn't see her he was sure that she smiled at him.

»I would love to. Any particular reason for the trip?«

»An event, a charity thing for something my father had brought to life and that I inherited, so to speak. I need to be there to see where my donation money goes, meet the people who benefit from the scholarship that is connected with it – the final solution for my father to be proud of a doctor-son.«

»Doesn't sound like you want to go there.«

»I don't but I have to, next to other tedious things, and I thought why not connect something awful with something nice?«

Hannah snuggled closer and smiled even wider. »And I'm the ''nice something''?«

»The nicest.«

 

* * *

 

Three days later they were off to ''the city that never sleeps''. During the weekend Kidney would enjoy the luxury in an insanely expensive pet hotel Frederick had found online. After seeing the location Hannah had joked that she would gladly stay there and he should take Kidney to New York with him.

»You would look like Dr. No with your cat on your arm at the event.«

»Very funny, Scarborough.«

He laughed anyways.

Some innuendoes about naughty pussies and licking milk later they had had sex in Hannah's old Volvo.

Frederick had waited for the perfekt opportunity to show off his car to her. It was strange but over the course of their relationship they had never went for a drive out with his Wiesmann.

And his car didn't fail to blow her mind away. She asked him three times if he was serious before she finally believed him that, indeed, he owned this ''cute little masterpiece of German engeneering''. Her words – not his.

»I don't know if he sill does but Matt had a picture of their first roadster … oh yeah, Roadster MF30, on his desk. It was something to spur him on when he was struggeling with motivation.« She let her fingers ghost over the polished metal and the Wiesmann logo, the silver gecko, and Frederick almost felt jealous of his car.

»He's gonna love you as soon as I tell him you own this pearl.«

»So, are you just gonna swoon over my car or shall we drive?«

Hannah smiled when she saw that he actually held the door open for her. A complete gentleman … if he wanted to.

Hannah and Frederick argued the first of their three-hour-long drive about what radio station they wanted to listen to, if air condition or open window and whether he was driving too fast or not fast enough. Hannah won two of their little arguments – radio station and open window – and smiled happily for the rest of the ride.

At least until she got bored. She reached into her big hand bag on the backseat and pulled out her sketchbook and her graphite pencils.

She snuggled into her comfortable seat and toed off her flats.

»Making yourself at home?«, Frederick asked with a sideways glance.

»Sure. Wherever you are is home, Frederick.«

He smiled from one ear to the other. Happiness filled his veins.

Frederick concentrated on the road but saw her looking at him and sketching … him.

»Don't you have something better to do than to draw and old, scarred man?«

»Nope, plus I think you're the most beautiful old, scarred man … and your profile is gorgeous.«

»You're crazy.«

»Yes, crazy in love with you.«

The more often she said it the better it felt. She managed two sketches of him before it got too dark.

»I'm afraid we need to switch places. I can't drive at night.«

»You let me drive your car?«, she asked incredilous. Frederick parked his car on an empty parking lot and they switched places.

»I can't drive any longer and we're almost there. Maybe half an hour. I'm sure you won't kill anyone … or crash my car in that short amount of time.«

»Don't say I didn't warn you should something happen.«

»Just drive, I put my complete trust in you.«

And it wasn't misplaced. Of course not, but Hannah was always a bit nervous when she was driving an unfamiliar car. Her old Volvo was a whole different species of car compared to this one.

The hotel Frederick had chosen for the weekend was high class. The lobby alone looked like a palace in itself. Golden décor on the pillars seperating a small seating area with dark brown leather Chesterfield armchairs and couches from the reception and bar areas.

A young man with a fake smile on his thin lips checked them in and waved over a hispanic looking valet in a snug blue uniform to bring them to their suite.

Their two suitcases were brought into the big bedroom of the mastersuite and Frederick tipped the young man generously.

As soon as they were alone again in the big comfortable suite Frederick hugged Hannah from behind. She was standing in front of the ceiling high windows and revelled in the sight of the lights of New York City.  
»Are you happy?«, he murmured against the soft skin at her neck and kissed the spot right under her right ear.

»Yes.« Frederick could hear her content smile as she leaned back against him. »Any plans for tomorrow apart from the event in the evening?«

He sighed deeply, making her shiver in his arms, and closed his eyes. »Unfortunately yes. I have a meeting with my lawyer, my agent and my publisher. I really hope I have time to take you out to lunch before my appointment with the publisher.«

»And while you run from one meeting to the other I'm supposed to do what?«

»You could accompany me.«

Hannah turned around in his embrace to face him.

»Sure, because I want to spent a weekend in New York with my boyfriend in the office of his lawyer.«

»I know, I'm sorry.« He rested his forehead against hers. »I promise, I will make it up to you the following day.« He smirked before adding: »You could shop with my Visa á la Pretty Woman. Not that you're a prostitute but ...«

»But as a woman I must love spending my boyfriend's money«, she snapped irritated. Fuck!

»That's not what I meant and you know that. I know you're not after my money. I just want you to be able to do whatever you want while I can't be with you.«

She hummed thoughtfully. Well, he had a point there. If she couldn't have him to make her feel like a princess, she could pay cashiers and shop assistants to do it.

»Any financial line I shouldn't overstep?«

»Just nothing over 500.000 Dollar if possible.«  
That was still left after selling his house and buying the apartment. It was on a bank account he practically never used so it wasn't something he would miss. Frederick had to bite his tongue to keep his straight face as he saw her wide eyes and open mouth.

»500 grand? Are you bonkers?«

Oh, he loved it when her ''English'' was showing even if it only happened once in a million sentences.

»I'm not saying you should spend it all. You wanted a sum, I gave you one.« Frederick buried his nose in the crook of her neck and breathed in her intoxicating scent.

»Maybe I could ask Matt if he's free tomorrow«, Hannah breathed and shivered as Frederick murmured deeply against her neck. »Greetings to your family.«

»You know, Victoria sees you as part of the family. So at least for her it's your family too.«

He sucked in another deep breath and hugged her closer. Apart from his grandparents he had never been close to his family so the concept had lost its meaning to him after the death of his grandparents 20 years ago.

Hannah was the closest thing he had to family and her niece was just a gem. ''Uncle Fred'' hadn't sound too bad in his ears if he was honest.

»Shall we call room service and see if the bed is worth the price for the suite?« There was seduction in her voice, heavy and vibrating. Frederick let his hand glide down her back and he grabbed a handful of her ass. Her sigh caressed the side of his face like a feather light hand stroking him.

»Let's skip room service.«

»Sounds great«, Hannah breathed and ran her hands through Frederick's thick hair. They stumbled over to the double wing glass door and were already in the middle of pulling sweaters over heads and unbuttoning dress shirts when they arrived in the bedroom. Frederick guided her over to the foot of the bed and pushed her down as soon as her calves touched the crisp white bed spread. She giggled and started working his pants open. He was already half-hard for her, she wet for him. Frederick ripped down her jeans and growled deeply in his throat when he saw the baby blue cotton fabric of her lace trimmed panties.

»Hello, old friend«, he whispered and buried his face in the wet fabric between her soft thighs. He was rewarded with a long moan and her nails scratched over his scalp. He lifted his hands up to her bra and pushed down the cups setting her nipples free. They practically begged him to be sucked. Her eyes were shut as he crawled up between her spread legs to answer the begging of her pink nipples with his lips. Frederick watched her face as he started sucking her right one. Hannah's mouth fell open with a silent gasp and her eyebrows knit together. Frederick licked and sucked on her nipple until it turned hard between his lips. He repeated the same with her left breast and was rock hard and panting when he was satisfied with the result. Hannah's face was covered with a thin layer of sweat. She opened her eyes and plead him to continue. She pulled him to her lips by the back of his neck and kissed him hungrily.

Her legs wrapped around his hips, her wet, still covered pussy grinding against his cock. Frederick moaned into her mouth at the feeling of the friction. He let his hand travel down her sides and he groped her ass like a teenager. Their kisses turned more and more frantic, all tongue and teeth, and his pants became too tight for his straining erection.

Without warning Frederick pulled back and heard Hannah's desperate whining.

»Frederick, I need you«, she breathed and her hands reached up to him. He caught her wrists and pressed them into the mattress on both sides of her head.

»I'm not going anywhere.«

Frederick let go again and straightened his back over her. He took off his undershirt and shruddered when Hannah let her fingernails scratch down over his scar to his belt. She tugged at it like a mad woman and he let her. Frederick relished the feeling of her desperation under him, the knowledge he could drive her crazy with lust – and all that for him alone.

His erection sprang free when she pulled down his pants roughly. The tip was already leaking precome.

Hannah bit her lower lip to keep from moaning like a slut. Frederick took off his clothes completely and captured her lips with his, sucking her lower lip and grinding against her, smearing precum on her flat belly. Her skin felt hot on his. He kissed down a trail from her already kiss swollen lips down her neck with her hammering pulse under her skin, over her heaving chest to the lace trimming of her panties. He silently ordered her to scoop up on the bed and she followed his unspoken command.

Frederick breathed in the musky scent when he slid down her panties. Her legs fell open like it was meant to be like this; his head between her spread thighs. She watched him over the swell of her breasts and screamed high when he suddenly buried his face between her shining wet folds. The tip of his tongue flicked over her clit and he smiled against her wetness when she started writhing under his mouth. He watched her flushed face and open mouth. In the dimly lit room her whole body glistened from sweet sweat.

He sucked and licked her clit, and hummed against her pussy. Her husky gasps were his favorite sound in the world. The vibrations from deep within his throat travelled through her entire body making her shiver from the sensation.

»Frederick«, she moaned and weaved her fingers with his damp hair to keep his head right where it was. He breathed in her scent deeply, the most arousing perfume he knew. His cock was twitching and leaking more and more with every second he ate her out until he couldn't take it any longer.

Hannah whimpered as he pulled away. »Don't stop.«

He silenced her pleading with sloppy wet kisses. The head of his bare cock pressed against her opening. He wanted so desperately thrust into her, all reason forgotten, until she stopped him.

»Condom.«

Fuck! Frederick groaned and started searching his pockets and suitcase for the little foil packages. He was a hundred percent sure he had packed them but the more places he searched the less sure he became. His cock was painfully hard and Hannah sighed on the bed. She watched him, stroking her hand up and down her wound up body and groaned as Frederick started cursing under his breath.

»You've already looked in your pants.«

»Maybe I didn't look close enough.«

Sure, keep on lying to yourself, Hannah thought sitting up to see him better. His skin was flushed, the scar looked even whiter like that.

»Frederick?«

»I haven't searched my suitcase.«

»Yes, you have. Come back. I'm on birth control.«

Frederick stopped in his tracks. »You sure? Not missed a pill or something?«

Hannah extended her arm and offered him her hand. »Come here and fuck me.«

Frederick felt a growl rise from deep within him and his cock twitched in anticipation and excitement. He was between her thighs within a second.

»I've always wanted to feel you come deep inside me«, Hannah whispered and wrapped her legs tightly around him lifting her pelvis to provide a better angle for him to thrust into her. He muffled her scream of pleasure with his mouth when he buried his cock balls deep in her with one long movement. The feeling to be bare inside her heat and slickness surrounding him was like heaven on earth. Frederick pushed down her wrists into the crisp covers, intertwining their fingers, and thrusting into her. First slowly but as soon as her wetness covered his length his movements turned faster and harder. Hannah's eyes were closed as she lost herself in the feeling of him inside her. Their bellies rubbed against each other with every thrust. Sweat was dripping from his nose and chin. Her heels dug into the back of his thighs driving him deeper inside her. She kissed him like a starving woman and tasted the salty sweat on his lips.

»Harder, fuck me harder«, she commanded out of breath. He buried his face in the crook of her neck and let go of her hands. He curled his fingers around the covers for support. Hannah clutched onto him. She dragged der nails down his back and made him arch his back. It changed the angle of his thrusts and made her cry out with pleasure.

He fucked her with that angle, stimulating her g-spot, earning himself high pitched screaming, eyes screwing shut in pure bliss and hips rocking against him matching his quick, hard rhythm. The headboard of the bed slammed against the wall with every thrust. In the back of his mind he hoped that the whole hotel could hear the way he made her cry out in pleasure and moan from lust.

Frederick's balls grew tighter preparing his release. But not without her. He shifted his weight in his left arm and pressed his right thumb into her hot mouth. She sucked on it immediately, flicked her tongue over the pad of it making Frederick moan from the sensation; his thrusts already turning erratic and losing its steady rhythm Frederick pulled his thumb from her mouth and stroked down her sweat covered, shivering body until he found the little bundle of nerves between her folds. Hannah's eyes flew open the second he started rubbing her clit in quick circular motions.

»Oh my God«, she gasped, »Frederick, don't … oh God, don't stop!«

They locked eyes. Her inner muscles tensed around him making her pussy even tighter. He couldn't wait any longer, his orgasm hit him like a punch, knocking the air out of his lungs with a long moan.

His hot, creamy cum coating her inner walls was the push over the egde for Hannah's orgasm. Her whole body shook with wave after wave of pleasure. It prolonged his own bliss as well, rocking back and worth over and in her.

Hannah's orgasm had been quiet, no screaming, no moaning, only a little sigh into his ear. Only very slowly she came down from her high and he from his. Frederick loved seeing her flushed, sweat covered post-coital face with her expression of absolute satisfaction and happiness.

Their eyes locked when hers fluttered open again after the last shocks of her orgasm had ebbed away.

»Room service?«

His softening cock was still inside her when she started laughing. Hannah pulled him down to her lips to kiss him sweetly still panting.

»Yes, I'll go take a shower«, she whispered against his lips and pushed him off of her. He watched her go into the bathroom and grinned smugly when he saw his cum run down her inner thighs before she shut the door.

Frederick stayed in bed for a couple of minutes more before ordering dinner over room service. It arrived two minutes before Hannah emerged from the bathroom again already wearing her sleep shirt and a fresh pair of panties. She was still rubbing her hair dry with a towel as they started eating in the living room of their suite. They went to bed early, both tired from the drive here and satisfied from their love-making session.


	31. Appointment, appointment, appointment

  
  


When Frederick woke up the next morning Hannah was lying in his arms silently snoring and smiling in her sleep.

He hated that his day was so full with meetings and appointments. A day with her would be paradise. Yet, before paradise he had to go through hell; all the appointments and the event in the evening. But tomorrow he had time for her.

Frederick got up as quietly as possible to let her sleep. He wanted to wake her with breakfast and spend some more time in bed before running from one office to the other for the most part of the day. Everything went smoothly. Hannah squirmed here and there but she didn't wake up. The valet brought the breakfast trolly with sweet honeydew, especially ordered cinnamon coffee, scones and various marmalades and jams.

In the end it was the smell of coffee that woke Hannah.

She stretched under the covers and savoured in the feeling of the expensive hotel sheets on her naked skin.

»Good morning«, she heard and the smell of Frederick's favorite coffee became more and more present in the bedroom. Hannah opened her eyes and closed them again when she felt his lips on hers. He tasted sweet and like coffee.

»Good morning.«

She sat up and stretched her muscles a second time.

»I smell coffee.«

»I ordered breakfast. Wanted to spend a bit more time alone with you before the day really starts.«

Hannah sighed and crawled over to him sitting on the edge of the bed and snuggled into the chest. »Don't go.«

»I have to, Hannah.«

When she sat back a bit and he could see her face he started laughing. The look of her beautiful lips turned into a pouty mouth was just endearing. »Please?«

Frederick kissed her and got up from the bed. »Come, breakfast ist waiting in the living room.«

She asked him three more times to skip his lawyer's appointment and stay with her instead. He couldn't and felt a little bad when he put on his clothes for the day. He was in the process of tying his tie and spotted Hannah in the mirror behind him. She was still only wearing her night shirt and panties. She leaned in the door frame and had her arms crossed under her breasts pushing them up a bit and lifting the hem of her shirt a few inches. She wasn't pouting any more. Now she just looked sad.

»I'm sorry, Hannah. I would rather stay with you and do everything you have in mind. But I can't.«

He messed up his tie knot and pulled it open again. Hannah pushed herself off the door frame and walked over to him, turning him around to her and slapping his hands away from the blue-white striped tie. Instead he laid them on the warm skin on her hips under her shirt and watched her face intendly while she tied his tie.

»I feel like some housewife from the 50s«, she whispered smiling coyly.

»That would make me the husband getting ready for work then.«

She nodded and patted his chest when she was done. Her lips curled into a soft smile but her eyes remained sad.

»I'm sorry«, he whispered quietly. Hannah kissed him.

»I know. But now you have to go or you'll end up being late for your dates.«

Frederick checked his watched and groaned. She was right. Before leaving the suite he laid his credit card on the coffee table and told Hannah he would be home around 5 pm, three hours before they were expected at the event.

»Don't worry about me. It can't take too long to spend 500.000 Dollar in New York, right?«, she snapped. Frederick didn't have enough time to start that discussion with her again.

»I love you too«, he said instead and kissed her goodbye.

 

* * *

 

The meeting with his publisher went smoothly. He ensured Frederick that he would be very interested in publishing his current articles and eventually the book he planned on writing as soon as Hannibal Lecter would be caught or killed.

An hour later was Frederick's appointment with Mr. Kline, Frederick's long term lawyer, who told him the protection of the phrase ''Hannibal the Cannibal'' was completed and his property now. The other thing Frederick had asked him to do still needed some talking.

»You really wish to name Miss Scarborough as your new principal heir in your last will?«

»Yes, I do, and don't worry, Kline, you still get your fair share after someone finally manages to finish me off for good.«

»I don't doubt that, Dr. Chilton. I know your will better than I know my own.«

»Of course, over the last couple of years you had more than one occasion to expect my near death«, he said sliding deeper into the leather chair across from his lawyer.

»I want her to be provided for after my death, no matter how far or near in the future that might occure.«

»If this is what you want, I will add her to the list of your heirs. Anything else you want to have changed while I work on your will?«

Frederick thought for a moment. The only other benefitors of his death were his lawyer, a distant cousin in France he wasn't even sure was still alive (the last thing he'd heard was that he was fighting cancer), his father's foundation and now Hannah.

»You know she will be almost inherit all of your wealth. Maybe you should sleep a night over your decision. You don't want to invide unnecessary threats into your life in form of a gold digger.«

»She doesn't know I included her into my will«, Frederick said and traced little circles on the armrest of his chair, »and she is not a gold digger.«

»So you'll just surprise her with 19.4 million Dollar after your death?«

Frederick frowned at the sum.

»Your cousin died three months ago. I already took him out of your will.«

»Why didn't you tell me?«

»I did.« Kline almost sounded offended. He was always very correct about his work. Something Frederick highly regarded in him. »I told you in hospital.«

»When I was swimming in morphine«, Frederick snapped and glared at the man behind his brown desk. But Kline was like Hannah in that respect. He knew how to handle his demanding client.

»I asked your attending doctor if you were fit for a conversation of legal content and he approved.«

Frederick huffed because he knew he couldn't fight him with that. There was something in the back of his head saying that Kline had told him and had taken the liberty of sending regards in Frederick's name to his cousin's family in France.

»Why 19.4 milion? The last time I checked all it was only 17 million.«

»Some of your investments paid off quite generously.«

»How are my law suits fairing, by the way? Anything new on Lass?«

Kline sighed long. »Not good. They came up with a psychological expertise that confirmed her inability to be held responsible for her attack on you.«

»Of course not. I only sued her out of principle. She needs treatment, not punishment. How about the FBI for reckless endangerment and injuring my professional reputation?«

Kline sighed again. »Are you sure you want to sue the FBI?«

Frederick narrowed his eyes and glared hard at his lawyer. »Yes, I am. I just set off the metal detector in entry hall when I came here because of the metal plate in my face that forms my fucking cheek«, he spat and breathed heavy through his nose. »I will make them pay for the mistake they made.«

»They will blame Agent Crawford who no longer works for the bureau. And as far as I learned he has no financial means to speak of. You would ruin him with that law suit.«

»Then I will do just that.« His tone was cold and as sharp as a blade. This man had made a huge mistake by carrying his gun around a traumatized victim of the Chesapeake Ripper and pointing a finger at Frederick calling him her tormentor. Agent Crawford should've known she would snap and kill him, the man next to her or point the gun at herself.

Frederick glanced at his watch. His next appointment was with his doctor to make sure nothing had split from his skull bone and had started wandering in his body endangering his life. He stood up, told Kline to do everything he'd ordered and wanted to leave when his lawyer called after him: »Do you want to change your letter attached to your last will?«

Yes, he better should. The current one was directed to his French cousin he had never met and never would.

»I'll send the new one to your Baltimore office.«

 

* * *

 

His doctor, Dr. Schwartz, greeted Frederick an hour later in his private practice on Fith Avenue.

»How are you feeling, Dr. Chilton?«

»Fantastic, I can't feel one half of my jaw and just set off the metal detectors at my lawyers building two and a half hours ago.«

»I see you're in a very good mood today«, his young, way too happy doctor said shaking Frederick's hand and sat down across from his patient.

»Any other problems apart from the inevitable after your facial reconstruction?«

»No, nothing.«

»That's very good«, Dr. Schwartz smiled. He got up and started checking the structural implants in Frederick's cheek. He hummed approvingly and murmured something about how the tissue had nicely grown around it, incorporating the implant into the skull.

»And how is your life going on? Anything new happening?«

Frederick could barely keep from rolling his eyes. He had chosen Dr. Schwartz for his professional reputation and because his former doctor, Dr. Levy, had recommended him to Frederick after announcing his retirement. But Frederick hated the fact that the young doctor was always trying to make small talk with him.

»I have an apartment, a cat and a girlfriend«, Frederick answered and asked himself a moment later why he had even opened his mouth. He didn't want to talk to this man about his life. Dr. Schwartz was one of those guy he'd hated at University; always smiling, always in a good mood and everything, no matter what, always played out for them.

»Oh, the girlfriend part is new! How did you meet each other?«

Frederick wanted to stay silent but he started smiling at the thought of her with her arms full of art books and her as good as bursting colourful hand bag.

»She's my neighbour. Didn't know anyone in Baltimore and she asked me ...« Shut up! Dr. Schwartz smirked and asked him to roll up his sleeve to take some blood samples.

Frederick looked the other way when he felt the needle penetrate his skin. Needles and scalpels didn't count to his favorite things anymore … and actually never had. One of the reasons he had changed over to psychology.

»What are you testing on?«, Frederick asked and tried to distract himself from the sucking feeling on his arm.

»Everything. Infections, STD and so on. We can make this your annual check-up.«

»I've already had my check-up for this year when you tried to recreate my face.«

»And what a great job I've done. You found a girlfriend. Something that hadn't happened with your old one.«

I was meant as a joke but after that comment Frederick decided to find a new doctor as soon as he was done here today. Hannah didn't love him for the scar but rather despite it. He could feel his heart pound against his ribs more and more the longer the young doctor kept rambling on about his life and his children. Bla, bla, bla.

It felt like forever until Frederick was out of the practice again. Thank God!

 

* * *

 

Frederick was back in the hotel half an hour after he had intended to be back. Hannah was back from her little shopping tour and Frederick was actually a bit disappointed that the floor wasn't covered in shopping bags from Victoria Secret or Tiffany's. She clearly had no idea what to do with 500 grand in New York City.

»Honey, I'm home!«, he called and smirked when she appeared in the door frame of the bedroom. She opened her arms exagerated and sighed highly:

»Oh, darling, I've missed you so much. Martha and Robert have invited us for dinner on Sunday and I've heard the most amazing news about President Eisenhower. But first come in and eat lobster dinner with me like every Saturday evening, dearest husband.«

Frederick felt his scar twitch when he laughed and she leaned against the door frame her arms crossed before her chest still smirking.

»You're late.«

»New York traffic is horrible. I'm sorry, Hannah.«

Frederick toed off his shoes, shrugged off his suit jacket and loosened his tie. He rolled his sleeves and plopped down on one of the couches. Just a second of peace and quiet, just for a moment.

»You're really growing accustomed to apologizing to me today«, she smirked and pointed to the patch on his crook of his left arm. »Are you okay?«

»Yes, just a doctor's appointment. My annual check-up and he wanted to see me because of my implants.«

It still felt strange talking so openly with her about his injuries. They should've done that right from the beginning.

»You know you don't have time to relax, right?« And she sounded not a bit like she would pity him. Frederick knew exactly that Hannah relished karma right now. He was clearly tired and would rather stay home tonight but his last appointment for the day was calling.

»Just five minutes, okay?«

Frederick closed his eyes and rested his head back.

»Just don't fall asleep. I'll go take a shower«, Hannah said clearly annoyed and when he opened his eyes again she was already in the bathroom. He didn't even ask about her day. Well, he had a whole evening to make good for it.


	32. His father's favorite son

 

One and half an hours later Frederick stood in front of the mirror in his undershirt carefully grooming his beard.

»I don't want to go!«, he said loudly for the sixth time in the last hour.

»I know! But you have to!«, Hannah answered, also for the sixth time now in a sing-song.

»Can't I pay you to call them and say I'm sick or something?«

She entered the bathroom laughing and putting in her left stud earring, a matt pearl earring.

»Wow«, he breathed when he saw her in the mirror. She was wearing a midnight blue chiffon dress with a bateau neck. Her bodice was decorated with little crystals in the form of some stellar constellation he didn't know. Her dress skirt reached down to the floor, the flowing material made her look like some mystic thing straight from a dream with every swaying step.

»You really like stars, don't you?« He remembered her clutch with the Ursa Major back when she had accompanied him to the Psychiatrist's Guild Gala.

Hannah smiled looking down to the rhinestones on her dress. »Yup, love them.«

»I don't want to go«, Frederick whined again but nonetheless reached for his tuxedo shirt.

»Oh, c'mon it can't be that bad. And maybe -« She hugged him from behind and lay her chin on his shoulder. »- if you behave, I'll offer you a reward after coming home again.«

Frederick arched an eyebrow at her in the mirror and smirked. Her tone suggested his reward would be something delightfully naughty.

»And how long do I have to endure this horrible evening before I have earned my prize?«

»Three hours?«

He grumbled lowly.

»Two hours, and ...« Hannah gathered her skirt up and bit her lower lip. »... you get this as a promise.«

She handed him her lace thong and laughed when Frederick's face turned a bright red.

»How am I suppose to concentrate on human conversation when I know that you're blank underneath your dress?«

»I'm confident you'll find the strength«, she cooed winking. Hannah took her panties again and folded them carefully before stuffing them into his pocket.

»Behave and you'll get everything – and when I say everything, I mean everything – you want from me tonight.«

They had to behave themselves on the taxi ride to the location the event was taking place, the ballroom of one of the old, golden-age hotels in Manhattan. When they entered Frederick recognized almost everyone of the guests; old friend of his father, long ago acquaintances, fellow students from Harvard and a few high profile politicans who liked to be involved with humanitary scholarships to use them as bait for other rich people and their support during voting season.

His grip suddenly grew tighter when his eyes found a tall, handsome man with black hair and crystal blue eyes talking to another man, smaller and older than him. He had hoped Richard would be here today. They hadn't seen each other in years but Frederick still loathed him. After his change to psychology his father had found a ''new, better, favorite son'' in Richard and Frederick had been air to him. This man had cost him his father and was, just like Dr. Schwartz, one of those people who always got what they wanted while Frederick was left hated, gutted, and shot!

But Frederick had heard one thing or another about Richard and he would revel in the knowledge that she had for once won, compared to Richard! He had Hannah by his side.

»Come, I want to show you off a bit«, Frederick grinned and Hannah smiled feeling flattered. He practically dragged her to the handsome man who introduced himself as Dr. Richard Henderson.

»How are you Frederick? We haven't seen each other since … your father's funreal I believe.«  
»Yes, well. I didn't have much to do in the slums you wade through in the past years. I'm head of the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane.«

Dr. Henderson looked impressed - yes! - and turned to Hannah who had a questioning look on her face. Frederick's hold of her hand grew a bit tighter as if he was afraid only talking to him could already make her want to leave him.

»I work as a doctor in one of the hospitals here in the city which isn't no. 1 when it comes to grants«, he explained with a sad smile, »but I like my job and I get to help people which is exactly why you should become a doctor, right Frederick?«

»Yes, sure.« Now was the moment he had waited for ever since he had read it in the newspaper. »How is your daughter? Mira?«

»Mariah«, Richard corrected him, but in a friendly way, and his eyes turned even sadder, »she's strong. I'm hopefull we will find a doner soon but until then she has to stay in the hospital.«

»What happened exactly? I can't remember«, Frederick pressed on and sucking in the image of Richard squirming under his eyes. The friendly smile and the overall relaxed body language was gone now and Hannah felt sorry for him. She didn't know what Frederick was after but that smug expression on his face showed that he was after the other man's suffering.

»You know Sarah had … problems after Mariah's birth?«

»I knew about her problems while we were still in Harvard. You must've been blind not to see it.«

Was he talking about Sarah Abernathy-Spencer here? The campus queen and his ''first'', Hannah asked herself but kept her face straight.

»Well, I loved her so I guess I was blind. When Mariah was born four years ago it got worse.«

»And then she burnt down your house with your child and herself still in there.« His smug tone was bordering the level to disgusting and Hannah had to bite her tongue not to ram her elbow into his ribs or kick against his leg. »I must compliment your doctors. You can hardly see the burning scars in your hands.«

»Thank you, Frederick.« This would've been the perfect point to shoot back and mock Frederick about his facial scar but Dr. Henderson was a greater man than Frederick seemed to be tonight. Hannah hoped be would stop now and they could sneak into a quiet corner so she could ask him if he was on drugs tonight. But Frederick didn'z know when to stop.

»Isn't it hard – as a father – to hope another child might die so that yours can get the needed organs? Lungs, heart … and eyes if I'm not mistaken. Although the eyes are Sarah's fault. She should've really taken better care while she had splashed the gasoline around. It must've hurt like hell.«

Hannah almost choked on her champagne when she heard Frederick talk so cruel and rude. This was NOT the same man that she had come here with. Where did she lose her considerate, cocky lover and found … Dr. Chilton?

»Would you excuse me please. I think I need a whiff of fresh air«, she said and had hoped to direct Frederick to follow her but he was too much into mocking poor Dr. Henderson to get the hint. As soon as he was alone with her again she would test the pain receptors in his cheek with a resounding slap.

On the way to the next door she saw a young man checking her out and had a new idea how she could start her ''you giant jerk''-punishment. She would never cheat on Frederick. She loved him although he was making it very hard tonight. But she could still draw the sword by flirting with a younger man.

After he was happy with the degree of humiliation he saw on Richard's face Frederick wished him a nice evening and went off you find his girlfriend. He almost had a heart attack when he saw Hannah laughing with a young man who worked for his father's scholarship. Frederick knew that look on her face. She was flirting with that boy, this kindergarden child. Being attracted to older men like she said she was looked nothing like this. Hannah sipped her glass of champagne seductively and Frederick's nostrils flared like he was an angry bull. He waltzed over to them, circled an arm around her waist and without warning pulled her flush against him for a kiss that showed everyone that she was his.

»Let's go home«, he growled eyeing the other man who had looked to the side awkwardly up and down.

»I would like to stay a bit longer«, she chirped with a candy-sweet smile on her lips.  
»I'm tired and you promised me something earlier, remember?«

Of course she remembered and so she said goodbye and followed Frederick outside.

»What have you two lovebirds been talking about? The newest show on Nickelodeon«, Frederick snarled as soon as they were in front of the building on the street.

»Excuse me? Lovebirds?«

»You heard me! It was a miracle that he didn't give you the keycard his hotel room and told you to go ahead.«

They climbed into a cab while the autumn rain fell heavy on the streets and continued their fight regardless the witness behind the steering wheel.

»I can't believe you«, she hissed in the car demonstratively looking outside the window.

»Me? You flirted with a man right in front of my eyes and you dare be angry at me? I think you are the last person who has the right to be snubbed.«

»You really don't get it, do you, Frederick?« Hannah turned her head towards him and he would've winced under her glare if not for his own boiling anger. The only woman he loved, the woman he had put into his will only a few hours later had made a fool out of him in front of everyone!

»You have been the one acting like a giant asshole! That robs you off the right to be angry at me.«  
»Are you actually pissed at me because I was gone the whole day?«

What? Was he really so oblivious to how he had behaved towards Dr. Henderson? He had been a monster and one that was usually dead by the end of the tale.

»Fuck off, Frederick!«, she hissed and exited the cab at the next red light. She heard him yell something about acting very grown up and getting back into the taxi or he would simply drive on but Hannah was too angry to be caged in with him inside that taxi. She needed fresh air and some time for her alone to calm down again. She didn't want to rush into any big decisions under the influence of bitter anger pumping through her veins.

Hannah couldn't believe how wrong the whole day had gone. And it was all his fault! She didn't really know what to do after rushing out of the cab. He didn't follow or stop her. What a prick!

The rain made her dress heavy and cling to her bare legs. She regretted having given Frederick her panties or at least not getting them back before leaving the cab.

Hannah arrived at the hotel around 11pm after wandering the rainy streets of New York for half an hour. She shivered when she asked the concierge to bring her up into her suit. Frederick must've told them because they believed her story without a second glance.

Her dress swept over the floor leaving a wet trail behind her on the polished hardwood floor. She thanked the young concierge for opening the suite door and said goodbye with a miserably forced smile on her lips.

Inside the suite Hannah leaned against the door, closed her eyes and felt the water from her hair drip down onto her shoulder. She was freezing, felt like crying and was so incredibly angry at Frederick. Hannah took a deep breath and opened her eyes again. The suite was dark; the only light coming from Frederick's bedside lamp. He was demonstratively reading not acknowledging her entering the bedroom or reacting the slightest to her heavy shivering.

Hannah was sure he had a jolly-good party going on behind his cold facade. In his opinion she had deserved looking – and feeling – like a drained cat. Prick!

She scuffled into the bathroom to take a hot shower before going to bed. She peeled the dress off her icy skin and let it fall to the floor with a rich wet thud. Hannah knew she should be hanging it up to dry but she really couldn't bring her herself to give a single fuck anymore today. She was angry because he was behaving unspeakable and him being angry at her for absolutely no reason. Double-prick!

Hannah sighed contently when the hot spray of water hit her cooled out skin. It was like heaven.

She spend twice the amount of time under the shower than she would usually do.

Seconds after she turned off the water and stepping out of the shower Hannah saw the lights in the bedroom being turned off. Tonight none of them would talk about what had happened on the event. Hannah was fine with that. She was too tired to take up with Frederick's stupid jealous shit. She startled a second when she saw her nightshirt and a pair of panties on the chair next to the basin. They hadn't been there when she'd entered the bathroom. Frederick must've brought them in for her. This little adorable, stupid prick.

When Hannah stepped out into the bedroom the entire suite was dark. Frederick seemed asleep with his back turned towards her. Hannah sighed silently and turned off the last light coming from the bathroom. She crawled under the covers also turning away from Frederick. Her anger had worn off under the shower so no thoughts running through her brain or pounding heart in her chest hindered her to fall asleep.

 

* * *

 

She woke up in the middle of the night. There was rapid movement next to her. Frederick's cover landed on her. She could feel him get up and run into the bathroom. Her eyes spuinted when he turned on the light seconds before slamming the door shut. That bastard didn't even care a single bit if she was technically asleep or not.

Hannah shoved his blanket from her and stopped furrowing her brow when she felt how damp it was.

Only then she listened conciously to the sound coming through the closed bathroom door. Was he throwing up? Alarmed Hannah turned on her bedside lamp and got up. She waited until she heard the flush of the toilet before entering the bathroom. She gathered after the day he didn't want to be seen by her in the absolute weakest position knealing in front of the toilet. Frederick stood in front of the basin spitting into the sink and washing out his mouth. He trembled like she'd never seen him tremble after a nightmare. His shirt wasn't just damp from cold sweat it was absolutely wet. He breathed heavily, his black hair fell into his closed eyes, his knuckles turned white as he clasped around the edge of the marble vanity. Frederick hadn't noticed her coming in. He was only concentrating on breathing slowly and calming down again.

He failed. Hannah lept forward when his body started trembling from sobs he tried to suppress, even pressed a hand to his mouth to muffle them. Now he cared about not making any sound that could alarm her but it was already too late for that. She was there and it hurt her to see him suffer like this.

Frederick winced when her hand made contact with his shoulder.

»Go back to bed«, he snapped tying to sound normal while whiping away a stray tear running down his cheek. Hannah could see it in the reflection in the mirror.

»I ...«

»I said, go back to bed! I'm fine. You don't have to pretend caring for me«, he spit out through gritted teeth and met her eyes quickly in the mirror before looking away again. Hannah shook her head not believing how stubborn he was even in this miserable situation. She pulled him by his shirt towards her and gathered him in her arms.  
»I'm not pretending caring about you. I care about you. Just because I'm angry at you doesn't mean I don't love you anymore.« Hannah waited for him to either pull away or lean into her embrace. »How about a time-out just until tomorrow morning? You can be angry at me again after we wake up, okay?«

This did the trick. Frederick let out a shruddering breath, wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in the crook of her neck dampening her skin with his heavy breath and hot tears. He didn't tell her about his nightmare like he never did.

Hannah held him close, stroked up and down his sweat covered back, and rocked him back and forth like a disstressed child. Frederick took comfort from her warmth, her beating heart and steady breath caressing his neck.

None of them could tell how long they stood there like this hugging each other in the silence of the nightly suite. Frederick pulled back when the feeling of fear and helplessness had faded. Hannah looked at him with nothing but love in her eyes and whiping away a wet strand of hair from his forehead.

»Shall we go back to bed?«

He nodded and walked back to the bedroom slowly his feet dragging over the floor with heavy steps. The sheets were still wet from his sweat and he wrinkled his nose in disgust over his own weakness.

Hannah scooped over to the far edge of her side and offered Frederick to crawl under her cover with her. He found himself back in her embrace with his head pressed into her chest, her heart beating only inches away from his face. Tomorrow they would be fighting again but now there was only love and silent understanding between them. Her warmth and comfort wrapped around him made him fall asleep soon after she turned off the light again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to push two chapters together in this one because they would've been too short for two seperate updates, so pleade don't hate me that it will be approximately one chapter shorter (or rather one update shorter) but better one 3k chapter than two under 2k words, right?


	33. Round two

  
  


When Hannah woke up the next morning she heard the shower through the closed bathroom door. She didn't want it to be Sunday. Sunday meant going back to work tomorrow and driving back home today, and it also meant that their time-out was over now. Round 2 for their fight. Last night's episode of ''The monsters gonna get you in your dreams and the woman that helps you fall back asleep again'' surely hadn't changed Frederick's mood to the better. If anything it had only made it worse.

Hannah kept her eyes closed as long as she could, trying to force herself back to sleep. Without success, of course. She tossed and turned trying to find a comfortable position to drift back into slumber and by the time Frederick turned off the shower she was on edge again without having seen him even once. What a great way to start a day!

»Good, you're awake already«, she heard Frederick snarl from the bathroom door and didn't need to look at him to know that he was wearing his cold facade again she'd started calling the ''Dr. Chilton face'' internally.

Hannah sighed rolling onto her back and opened her eyes for the first time on this rainy Sunday.

»Yes, we can fight again«, she sighed.

Hannah got up and squeezed herself pass Frederick who refused making way when she wanted to go into the bathroom.

Frederick had hung up her evening dress to dry before taking his shower. Hannah doubted that it would be dry by the time they were leaving for Baltimore again. She didn't shower, just rubbed the last traces of last night's make-up off of her face and braided her hair in an easy sidebraid. She was actually surprised Frederick hadn't started accusing her of adultry again already. Maybe he would punish her with silence … or had he left the suite? Was he already half way down to Baltimore and let her figure out her way back home by herself? No, he wouldn't be so cruel, right? Well, Hannah was already calculating how much a train ticket back home would cost when she heard his steps in the bedroom. So, at least he was still there which didn't mean he would actually let her drive back with him.

»You can't hide in there forever, Hannah!«, he shouted through the door.

»But I can try«, Hannah murmured quietly bracing herself for the inevitable waiting outside the door and sharpening it's knives.

In reality Frederick sat on her side of the bed facing the bathroom door. He was chewing the inside of his cheek and tipped his foot at a dizzying speed. He stopped as soon as Hannah emerged again.

»You flirted with him!«, he accused her, »how far would you've gone with him if I hadn't interrupted you?«

Hannah rolled her eyes. He really didn't see the bigger picture. How could somebody so intelligent be so dumb?

»I can't believe you really trust me so little. Do you really think I would throw away six months of relationship just for some random guy at a party? Don't you think I would do it more cleverly? For example when you bury yourself under work again?«

»So you've already thought about this earlier!«

»You're saying this like it would proof something. I would never betray you or cheat on you, Frederick!«, Hannah screamed at him her head turning red and her eyes a colder blue, »I love you, you moron! Why else would I fucking be with you?«  
»My money!«

Hannah glared at him. »When have I ever asked you for money or shown any sign of gold digging?«

Frederick thought long and hard, and turned even angrier when he saw his argument fall apart.

»If you love me as much as you are so eager to claim then why where you practically flinging yourself to this man like a fucking whore?«

»Don't you dare call me a whore! And I only flirted with him to punish you!«

Frederick squared his shoulders. He wasn't proud of calling her a whore but he was too angry to really care.

»Punish me for what?«

Hannah stared at him wide-eyed. He still didn't know what he might have done wrong? She threw her hands up in the air and let out a humorless laugh. »Think hard, Frederick! Maybe for the fact that you behaved like the most horrible man on earth towards Dr. Henderson? You made fun of his and his little girl's misery!«

Frederick rose a hand to make her shut up.

»You have no idea what this man has cost me.«

»Your injured pride from 20 years ago doesn't give you the right to be an undescribable asshole like you were last night!« She was flat out screaming at him now. »Have you thought for one second that you could be talking about Victoria? She's almost the same age as his daughter.«

»That's something completely different«, he huffed and shook his head.

»Yes, why?« Hannah crossed her arms before her chest arching a judging eyebrow. »Why is it something different?«

»Because -«

»Because you don't know his daughter? Because you don't care about that little girl? Because you wish this man the worst and that includes a suffering child?«

No objection. If anything Frederick wanted to nod at her words. Hannah found it hard to believe that this was the same man she'd held last night until he'd fallen asleep again.

»You know, Frederick, last night I told you I love you but on that event and right now I find it very hard to love you!«

Frederick's expression changed, softened a bit but returned to the cold untouchable facade only a heartbeat later. He puffed his chest as if to brace himself for a physical blow.

»If you would rather hold Richard or your little lover boy from last night, don't feel forced to stay here with this oh-so-hard-to-love man«, Frederick spat out right into her face. She almost wanted to slap him just to beat some common sense back into his brain.

»I don't have a lover boy, Frederick!« Some dark streak deep inside her wound it's way up to the surface and snapped out at Frederick. »If how you acted last night is how you always acted towards the people around you three years ago I think you've deserved what happened to you!«

A lot happened after the last words had left her mouth. She regretted it instantly. His facade fell to pieces. Hannah gasped shocked by her own words. Frederick took a step back and swallowed hard. Hannah was torn; she wanted to apologize and tell him she didn't meant what she said but she remained silent because she had meant it somehow. Although she never wanted to hurt him. Ever.

But maybe this was what he needed to see a change in behavior was necessary. Hannah waited for him to say something, really anything, but Frederick said nothing. He just turned around and started packing is suitcase.

She did the same. Nobody said a word. Hannah still didn't know if he would drive them both back to Baltimore. Not even when his car was parked in front of them by a valet. She stayed glued to the ground of the sidewalk until Frederick opened the passenger door for her before getting into the driver's seat. Not a single word was spoken, not a single look exchanged the entire drive. Three hours of agonizingly long silence.

From time to time Hannah glanced over to the steering wheel. His hands flexed around it, knuckles constantly white. She had never seen him so angry.

On their way up in the elevator in their building Hannah waited for the big explosion. She counted the floors he had left scream to at her but he never did.

Frederick didn't look at her once. When they reached the 12th floor he waltzed over to his apartment door acting as if she wouldn't exist for him any longer.

Hannah watched him disappear behind his door. She felt like vomitting. How could've a trip to New York that has been meant to be a romantic weekend ended in this giant mess?

It was questionable if Frederick would ever talk to her again after she had crossed the big, fat, red line. She loved him so much but instead of being with him right now Hannah sat down on her bed feeling at the brink of tears.

She grabbed her phone a second later. Hannah scanned through her contacts until she found his number. It only took him two dialing tones to pick up.

»Hello?«

Hannah cried, tears streaming down her face. »I messed up, Matt.«

Matt and she talked for two hours. He offered three times to drive over to Baltimore and be there for her. He even proposed talking to Frederick for her and trying to sort things out. Sort of like a referee only that he would always be on her side no matter what. That wouldn't be fair and Hannah didn't need her big brother to help her with her love life.

So Hannah politely refused. It was stupid to let him drive for three hours just because she was feeling down and wanted a long, tight hug from him. Hannah explained what had happened at the event and after that in the cab and the hotel on Sunday. It didn't help improving the image Matt already had of Frederick but he never said something out loud. Hannah would know what was best for her. She was, as she was so eager to say whenever the opportunity presented itself, ''a big girl'' and wanted to live her life alone. Nothing wrong with that but hearing his little sister at the brink of tears because of some stupid jealousy and badly chosen words was getting to him.


	34. The Aftermath

 

The following days Hannah tried to catch Frederick when he came home to talk to him. If anything she saw his heel or an arm when he disappeared into his apartment or the elevator.

On Thursday she finally caught him in the elevator after work. She had an entire speech in her head, thought about every argument he could bring up and every fitting retort to them. But now that she was there, standing next to him, smelling his expensive cologne, she was at a complete loss of words. Frederick stared straight forward, not letting his eyes leave a very specific spot on the brassy elevator door even once. He had his hands hanging by his sides flexing them as the only sign of his irritation.

Hannah watched his left fist pump in a fast rhythm. She swallowed thickly and gathered all of her courage. Staring down to his hand she extended her pinky and lightly touched the back of his hand. He reacted in an instant. Frederick jerked it away, buried it in his pocket and shoved something in her hand without a single comment. The elevator doors opened and he strode over to his apartment door denying to acknowledge her existence again.

She looked down to what he had given her and closed her eyes as realisation dawned; the black lacy thong she had given him on Saturday evening before the event and the beginning of this horror. Did this mean it was over at last … beyond repair?

Hannah resisted calling Matt again. Maybe she should have done it. Instead she hurried into her apartment and slumped against the door as soon as she had slammed it shut behind her. Hannah let her heavy handbag fall from her shoulder and toed off her shoes leaving them scattered between her jacket and handbag on the floor. There was alcohol in her kitchen. She knew it. Although she had promised Matt yesterday not to cope with problems like their mother had done, she needed a drink now to numb the pain in her chest. One sip, one glass, one bottle – what's the difference?

A bottle of Jack was always there. Something her mother had taught her when she had been sober or at least not drunk out of her mind for more than an hour. Hannah found some cheap liquor in the kitchen, walked over to her stereo and put on her heartbreak-mix-CD Cary had put together for her after her last boyfriend had left her. She set it on loop and walked into her bedroom, the volume loud enough that she could clearly hear Sam Smith's version of ''How will I know'' even with her face buried in her pillows. Hannah still had her lace thong in her hand when she plopped down on her bed. It was strange how foreign her own bedroom appeared to her after the uncountable nights she had spent in Frederick's bed. She had slept more often in his bed than her own if she was honest.

Hannah lay down and stared at the bottle in her hand. Alcohol never helped, the reasonable part of her brain chided. But sometimes the numbness that came with being drunk did,she silenced herself. Hannah fished her smart phone from her pocket and laid it on her nightstand. Calling Matt would be the right thing.

No, she thought, calling Frederick and talking to him would be. But Hannah doubted after what she'd seen in the elevator that he was in the mood for talking. And right now she wasn't in the mood either. Alcohol, crying and more alcohol was her current mood and that was exactly what she did. Around 1 am she was turning off her music and saw light in Frederick's home office.

Of fucking course, he was still working, her inner, very drunk voice sneered, he had nothing but work in his pathetic, stupid, little life. Heartbreak had always made Hannah a nasty bitch but she was too tired to play a blow against him. She would only regret it anyway as soon as the alcohol had left her system again. With faltering steps she made her way back into her bedroom and collapsed on her bed not even bothering taking her clothes off.

 

* * *

 

Hannah planned on repeating the same procedure the next day but was interrupted between turning on the music and drowning herself in alcohol and self-pity by the buzzing of her smart phone.

The music is too loud!

It was Frederick's number. Hannah was happy beyond words that she hadn't drank a single drop of the vodka in her hands yet.

Can we talk?

She chewed her lower lip as she waited for a response.

No.

Hannah felt tears burning hot in her eyes and her thoat closing painfully around a lump. Now it was official. It was over. Right as she wanted to throw her phone against the nearest wall and take a huge gulp of the vodka the phone buzzed in her hand a second time.

Come over.

She blinked a couple of times. He wanted her to come over? Maybe there still was a little hope left. Her chest felt like it would explode every second now. She got up from her bed and rushed to the door. Only then her brain starting to work again. Maybe he just wanted to give her back her belongings he still had lying around in his apartment. Hannah took a deep breath, grabbed her keys and left the apartment.

Frederick waited for her by his door, his face giving nothing away, his eyes darting and merciless. He had his ''Dr. Chilton face'' back on and Hannah thought about simply going back into her apartment if the alternative was an afternoon with the doctor.

Frederick waved her in and Hannah's mind raced trying desperately to find the magical words to soften the edges. She heard the beeping as he typed in the combination for the alarm system. Before turning around to him she opened her mouth and took a deep breath.

»I'm so sor-«

»Shut up«, Frederick cut her off with a sharp tone. He grabbed her by the forearms and shoved her bruskly into his bedroom. She had to wave her arms not to lose balance. Hannah felt his hands on both sides of her head and a second later his lips pressed against hers. Their bodies were squeezed tightly together. The kiss sent shiveres down her spine and she automatically sighed into his mouth. What was happening here?

»Frederick«, she whimpered against his lips and he took a step back. Hannah missed his body heat the second he left her.

»Shut up«, Frederick repeated and started undressing himself quickly. He continued with her when he was naked. Hannah helped him not caring what this here might mean. Her head was swimming in his heat and scent. Their kiss was hot and wet; all tongue and teeth. Biting and sucking lips. Naked skin pressed against more naked skin.

Frederick pushed her down onto his bed and fucked her hard this afternoon. She came twice. Once on her hands and knees and once on her back under him. Hannah could feel were she would have bruises tomorrow; her wrists, hips, ass, and the inside of her thighs.

When he came down from his high he rollled over onto his back trying to catch his breath. The room was completely silent apart from their heavy breathing.

Hannah was confused. Did he forgive her? Was this the big bang at the end? Should she go and leave him alone? She felt like a whore. Well, he had called her just that on Sunday so he probably thought that of her.

»Did we destroy it?«, Hannah whispered as soon as she felt her chest tighten and a hard lump forming in her throat. He didn't answer her.

Hannah took it as a sign to leave. She sat on the edge of the bed, gathered her clothes, her only thought was to go and take a long shower in her apartment. She felt dirty after this. Hannah just closed her bra when she sensed movement behind her back. Seconds later his warm hands were on her shoulders. He moved closer, rested his head against the back of hers, and stroke down over the soft skin of her arms. Hannah closed her eyes, sure that this was goodbye. She leaned back against him not wanting to let go of him just yet. His warm breath caressing her shoulder gave her goosebumps. Hannah sighed silently.

Just a little bit longer, she prayed longing for this moment to last forever.

»Dinner?«, Frederick murmured against her hair and Hannah's eyes flew open. She couldn't say a word so she just nodded and sat up straight again. He slowly pulled away from her and got dressed before going into the kitchen.

Hannah stayed in the bedroom trying to process the last few hours. Has this been their make-up sex? Were they ''good'' again? She didn't feel like it. Frederick hadn't wanted to hear her apology and hadn't offered one himself. Was he determinded to leave New York unsolved? Hadn't they already seen what happened when they didn't talk? Well, now they had seen what happened if they voiced their feelings and problems or rather screamed at each other. Hannah sighed deeply now. She wished to travel back in time to the point when she had crossed the line on Sunday or better to the moment on Saturday right before she decided she couldn't take his smarmyness anymore. She should have talked to him in a quiet corner of the room. Well, she couldn't time travel so no use in whining really.

Hannah was pulled back into the here and now by something touching her bare leg. Kidney purred, nudging his head against her, causing Hannah to smile softly down at him. She picked him up and nuzzled his fur breathing in deeply. Kidney meowed lightly.

»I missed you, too.«

Hannah revelled in the closeness to this cat just a little longer before putting on the rest of her clothes and walked into the kitchen followed by the orange tomcat. He jumped onto the armchair in the living room and rolled up into a fluffy ball. Hannah stayed standing awkwardly in the middle of the living space looking over to Frederick moving around in the kitchen. He still had an aura of irritation around him making the air simmer with tension.

»Can I help you with something?«, she asked eventually, hearing her own voice like the one of a stranger.

»You could set the table. I'm almost finished here.«

Their dinner was delicious as it always was when he cooked but it was also very quiet, nobody said a word, not even looked at each other while eating.

As soon as they were finished the question of the future of their relationship made the air heavy again. She wanted it to continue. She loved him and didn't want to lose him over some thoughtless words spoken in anger. Hannah tried adapting his method of coping with the situation: Pretending everything was alright and nothing ever happened.

»I'll do the dishes«, she murmured, collected their plates, and walked over to the sink.

Hannah could feel him approaching before seeing his hands on both sides of her on the counter. Frederick leaned his forehead against her shoulder. His warm breath stroked down her spine like a tender hand and made her shiver lightly. From the corner of her eyes she saw something dark on his hand. Red-brownish scab on the knuckles on his right hand.

»What happened to your hand?« Her voice was nothing but a whisper, cautious and careful.

»Hit a wall once or twice … on Sunday.«

So he had only clothed himself in this cold, hostile demeanor as long as she had been around. Unvoluntarily John sprang into her mind. He wouldn't have had so much self-control, most likely would have used her instead of the wall to blow off some steam.

Hannah turned around to Frederick and for the first time saw something like an apology and … shame flickering up in his green eyes.

She wrapped her arms around his middle and snuggled into his chest.

»I missed you«, Hannah breathed and felt Frederick hug her back tightly. He didn't say it but he had missed her too. Not a single word was spoken for the rest of the day. Nobody apologized for the things that had been said and done. None of them told the other what had happened over the last days; her downfall into the pits of self-pity paired with alcohol and the feeling of guilt; his brutal behaviour towards the innocent wall in his guestroom (the only room in his apartment she couldn't see from her apartment), him calling Richard to say he was sorry because Hannah had been right about his unspeakable behaviour towards him, and the way he flung himself into work constantly occupying his mind with dead parents, raped and killed victims, and possible therapies for his patients until his head grew heavy and his eyes wanting to close from tiredness. All to avoid thinking about her.

Hannah stayed over night, sleeping in his Harvard-shirt and his arms again like nothing had happened at all. She was sure this wasn't the healthy way to react to their fight but the current peace between them seemed too fragile and precious to endanger it with talk about New York.


	35. Chasing well-dressed rats

 

Three weeks later.

»Victoria will stay over tonight. Her nanny is sick and Matt asked me if we could watch her for one night. He and Cary already have plans for tonight.«

»Uh-huh«, Frederick murmured without looking up from his laptop screen. His home office was bathed in the cool blue light of the computer.

»Frederick, would you please come? She's going to be here in a couple of minutes.«

»Uh-huh.«

Was he even listening to her? Hannah crossed her arms before her chest and seethed under the surface. She hated it when he came home and dug himself inside his office under towers of work. She always felt as if he didn't want her there when he did that.

»I have a hot, latin lover and I'm going to leave you in ten seconds and you'll never see me again«, she lied and received the same answer as before.

Hannah groaned and had enough.

»Hey!«, she screamed and Frederick winced under her loud voice.

»What?«

»What did I just say to you?«

Frederick tried to remember, he really did but his mind had been so occupied with the latest article on Tattle Crime that he hadn't listened to her.

»I'm sorry but this is important. It's about -«

»I don't care what this is about. If it happens in your office I'm pissed off!«

Frederick let out an aspirated sigh and rolled his eyes before he could stop himself. It wasn't helping to calm her down in the slightest.

»What were you telling me a moment before?«, he asked and turned to her in his chair taking off his glasses.

The knock on his door let his brow furrow.

»I said Victoria is going to stay over tonight.«

She put on her happy face and went to open the entry door.

Victoria didn't even say hello to her aunt. Instead she screamed happily as soon as Frederick left his home office and locked it behind himself. The pictures and books inside were definitely nothing a four-year-old should lay her eyes on.

Victoria let her little pink bag carelessly fall to the ground and ran towards Frederick. She jumped into his arms and didn't seem to bother his slightly pained groan.

Hannah talked with her brother at the door about something Frederick couldn't understand. He was way to occupied with what the little girl had to tell him. She had new revenge plans for the stupid girls in kindergarden who were mean to her.

He brought Victoria to the living room and she almost freaked out completely when her brown eyes fell on Kidney peacefully sleeping on the armchair. The cat's head snapped around at the screeching girl and was too perplex to run away before her sticky hands had already grabbed him.

Frederick wanted to warn her but to his surprise Kidney was strangely calm in her hands. Stupor, he mused smirking and saw Hannah approach them.

»Oh my God, she's soooo fluffy!«, Victoria screamed high and pulled Kidney into a tight embrace.

»Yes, he is«, Hannah said with her niece's pink bag in her hands. »You're daddy told me that you've been nasty to the other kids in kindergarden, is that true?«

Frederick had to hide his smile at her tone. She sounded like she did when she was ''playfully'' angry with him but there was a softness to her scolding of Victoria. She would be a great mother one day. Maybe - hopefully - he would be around to see that happen.

Victoria looked to the ground and nodded letting go of Kidney. The tomcat dissolved into a cloud of dust and cat hair as he fled under the couch as soon as he could.

»You shall not be nasty to other kids, Victoria. One day nobody wants to play with you anymore.«

»Oh, c'mon, Hannah, she's only four«, Frederick said and wished he'd just kept his mouth shut.

»And she's already like you. Unfriendly and thinks she's better than everyone else.«

Frederick opened his mouth to protest. Maybe they should make some things clear here! But before he could tell her that she was turning more and more into a nagging know-it-all and tell her to go if he was such a pain in the ass, he was stopped by Victoria.

»Don't fight!«, the little girl screamed and looked frightened from Hannah to Frederick and back again. They exchanged a quick look and Hannah sighed.

She kneeled down to her niece and hugged her tightly. »We're not fighting, sweety.«

»But you look like it.«

»We're not, really«, Frederick reassured the girl and smiled at her.

Victoria seemed convinced and tried to coax Kindey out of his hideaway. Unsuccessfully, but she was occupied for the moment. Hannah pulled Frederick with her into the guest room to make Victoria's bed for later. Without saying a word Frederick helped her with the sheets.

»She's already like me?«, he asked quietly and avoided making eye contact.

»You have to admit that you don't have many friends … or any at all.«

»Yes, go on, give it to me«, he murmured, fluffing the pillows. Hannah stopped mid-motion and sighed. Just as she was about to say something, Frederick already talked again: »I'll go make dinner, you'll take care of this here. I don't trust Kidney to stay calm around her.«

And with that he was gone.

It took her a couple of minutes to prepare the bed for their little guest tonight and return to Frederick and Victoria into the living space. The little girl stood on a chair and helped Frederick make dinner. Breaded Zucchini by the looks and smell of it.

Frederick was singing with Victoria. An old song by The Beatles was playing from his phone on the counter; Here comes the sun. Hannah smiled when she saw the two in front of her. Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing they were so similar. After all she loved both of them beyond compare … despite their mistakes. She must've made some kind of noise because suddenly Victoria turned her head so fast her black curls danced around her face.

»I'll become a vegetarian just like Uncle Fred!«, she annouced happily smiling and bouncing like a tennis ball. Frederick took the knife from her hands.

»No bouncing with knives«, he ordered and she grew still within a heartbeat. Not even Cary could get her to be calm so fast. Where was her phone? She needed to preserve this moment for the coming generations.

Hannah was as silent as a mouse when she started filming her niece and Frederick singing and cooking together. She had never heard him sing but she would definitely blackmail him with anything she could find about him to make him sing again for her. If he said no she still had the video she was making right now.

They ate and Hannah felt the heavyness between Frederick and her. He was mad at her and he had every right although she preferred open talk about problems and feelings to what he was doing right now. Frederick avoided looking at her and almost only stared down to his plate. Victoria was too consumed in reporting all the things that had happened since the last time they'd seen each other to notice.

»Your daddy said that you should go to bed early today. He's gonna pick you up around ten tomorrow because you want to go to the zoo.«

»Yes, we'll visit the monkeys. They are my favorite animal«, Victoria said with a big smile and turned to Frederick, »what's yours?«

»I like cats.«

And peacocks given his giant wardrobe, Hannah thought with a smirk but kept her mouth shut. He definitely wasn't in the mood for a bit of light teasing.

»No, cats are no zoo animals. What's your favorite zoo animal?«

Frederick had to think for a second and grinned slightly as he answered: »Big cats.«

Victoria huffed and he lifted his eyebrows. »What do you have to huff about, little Queen Victoria?«

She wrinkled her nose and Frederick leaned closer to her.

»Big cats always sleep. They never do anything funny. Monkeys are much better.«

»You can't argue with that, Frederick.« The look he shot Hannah told her he could, but he wouldn't because he was still angry with her and only kept his happy facade up for the girl.

Hannah's smile faded abruptly. As soon as they were alone again she could prepare for some serious talk.

»I think it's time to go to bed, Victoria«, she said to end this uncomfortable moment. The faster her niece was in bed the sooner they could sort things out. Hannah stood up and held out her hand the little girl accepted happily.

»But Uncle Fred should tell me a bed time story«, Victoria demanded and looked over to a very surprised Frederick with her sweet smile.

»Sure«, he murmured uncertain if he was able to. He never had to tell a bed time story before and had been pretty damn sure he never would have to. Now the opportunity presented itself on a silver platter. And he liked the smile of the little girl, all teeth and happy. Frederick could no longer tell if he had been such a happy child himself once.

He listened to Hannah and Victoria shuffle around in the bathroom attached to the guest room, put her into her Seelping beauty pyjama and oversee her brush her milk teeth. Two of them were already getting loose. She was big for her age so that wasn't something to worry about.

»She's insists it's time for her bed time story now«, Frederick heard Hannah's voice from the hallway. He hadn't moved from his spot on the table and had only stared into his glass of water.

No alcohol around kids. That was kind of his motto he'd picked up from his father. Frederick had first seen his father with a glass of scotch on his 13th birthday. Frederick mused his father was aware of the things he'd done in bed alone at night under his blanket and that had robbed Frederick of his ''child status'' … at least in his father's eyes. His mother on the other hand would still make his doctor's appointments if she hadn't died shortly after his grandfather had.

Frederick stood up, didn't even looked at Hannah when he passed her and put on an easy smile when he entered Victoria's temporary child's room. The girl was hopping on the mattress like it was a trampoline and giggle high when she saw him.

»This is awesome!«

»I know, right? But now it's time to go to bed, little Queen Victoria.«

She jumped one last time and screeched high when she crawled under the covers. Frederick liked her even more now. She listened when he said something. Wasn't raising kids supposed to be a hard job? Well, maybe he hadn't spent enough time with her to really allow himself a verdict on the challenges of child raising.

But for now he was very happy that Victoria listened to him.

»So you want a bed time story?«, he sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. The girl moved closer to him and nodded with her eyes sparkling like stars. Frederick really liked her. He had to think for a while. He didn't remember any of the stories his grandmother had told him. So he had to make something up. Children liked animals so why not make something up about animals.

»Once upon a time there was a big wombat named Jack.« She smiled wide and cuddled to him.

»And he was the sheriff of the animal world where a well-dressed, evil, gruesome rat was being gruesome and cruel to the other animals. Jack asked the most loyal dog he knew to help him catching the rat.«

»What was the dog's name?«, she asked. Frederick had to smile before he answered.

»Will, Will the loyal dog. The rat was so smart and cunning that it always found a hole to slip through and escape. The rat even maganed to make all the animals believe that Will was really behind all the terrible deeds it had done but Will was innocent.«

Victoria's eyes grew wider and she mouthed a silent »No.«

»On his search for an ally Jack and Will asked a black rabbit who had known the evil rat for some years, but the rabbit didn't see the evil in the rat and couldn't help them.«

»What a stupid rabbit«, Victoria huffed and Frederick agreed. Yes, Dr. Bloom had most definitely been a stupid rabbit.

»In their misery and helplessness Jack and Will asked a smart tomcat for help. This tomcat even had a cage big enough for the rat. It sat there and waited for the wombat and the dog to catch the rat.«

»Did they catch the rat?«, Victoria sounded hopeful.

»The smart tomcat still waits patiently for news of Jack and Will that they finally caught the evil rat. He patiently waits for news every day, listening if the cuckoo with red locks has heard something new about the wombat and the dog.«

Victoria yawned next to him. Frederick hoped that the next time he saw her he'd have a happy ending for her. Either with the well-dressed, evil rat behind bars or in a deathtrap.

»I really hope they'll catch the rat«, she mumbled and closed her eyes.

»I hope so, too.« Frederick slowly stood up and pulled the covers over the little girl already sleeping peacefully. He didn't know why but he felt like kissing her forehead and whispering into her hair that he wished her a good night's sleep. Frederick closed the door behind him when he left her room and made his way to the living room. He plopped down on his couch and heard Hannah move around in his kitchen most probably doing the dishes.

He groaned tired and ran a hand over his face and hair.

»Does the clever tomcat care for a glass of wine?«

»You've heard that?«, he asked stopping mid-motion.

»Yes, and I'm not sure how I feel about you turning the chase after Hannibal Lecter into a bed time story for my niece.«

»It's not like I told her every gory detail.«

»I know. Still.« She gave him a stern look which was answered with a lifted eyebrow. She had pretty much lost the right to be mad at him today when she had rubbed under his nose that nobody but her could bare to be around him for other reasons than just work.

Hannah handed him a glass of wine when she came over to him and sat down next to him. Only then Kidney had the courage to leave his hideaway under the couch. He looked absolutely traumatized by the loud and jumping girl suddenly invading his sacred home and calmness. Kidney wanted to rescue himself into the security of his bed in Frederick's home office but the door was still locked. His pleading meowing didn't melt Frederick's heart a single bit. He could sleep in the armchair. He did it sometimes during the day so why not tonight? Frederick wouldn't risk Victoria to wake up tomorrow morning finding pictures of dead people and stories about terrible murders there.

»But I can't be mad at you.« Hannah moved closer to Frederick and snuggled into his chest. »Telling my niece a bed time story makes you approximately 28.7% hotter and more desirable. Even if it's about a well-dressed, cannibalistic rat.«

»You really believe I'm fine after putting on a show for your niece and that this would make me forget what you said today?«

»No, I don't«, Hannah whispered. Well, she had hoped for it. Hannah sat up straighter and sighed long and heavy. She didn't dare look into his eyes.

»I know that I'm pretty unliked, even hated at work and that you are the only thing I have apart from work and Kidney in my god forsaken life. You don't have to rub it under my nose.«

»Yes, I know, Frederick, I-«

»No, it's my turn to talk now«, he cut her off and struggled to keep his voice down to not disturb Victoria's sleep, »you said enough for one day. You were pissed of me the entire day, actually for longer than that, for no obvious reason. Even before I was so absorbed with the article on Tattle Crime. I don't know what's wrong with you today but you wanted to insult me! And you did a great fucking job, Hannah!«

Frederick scolded himself silently for shouting and cursed under his breath with a wary look over his shoulder to the guest room's door. No sign of Victoria waking up. Good.

»What else do you think of me, huh? Am I not tall enough or not strong enough or … or what ever?«

»No, please, Frederick. You're right. I was pretty fretted today and it had nothing to do with you.« That wasn't true. »Well, I was annoyed because you didn't even kiss me hello today. You just locked yourself in your office and I wasn't even existing for you. And today wasn't the first time you did that.«

Hannah heard her own voice sound reproachful and shut herself up. She should just apologize and hope he wouldn't still hate her in the morning.

»I'm tired«, Frederick simply said before she could say another word, stood up, and left her alone and wondering if he wanted her to stay on the couch tonight or not.

Frederick lay in his bed for two hours seething and waiting for Hannah to join him. Eventually he got up and saw her in the blue light of the TV playing some badly acted informercials. She tossed and turned on the uncomfortable couch. He had told her even before they were together that it was a stupid idea to sleep on it.

»Come to bed«, Frederick said lowly. He knew she was awake. Nobody could sleep on that thing. Frederick had passed out on it a few times during his week of excessive drinking after Matt had shown up in her apartment for the first time. Hannah moaned and sat upright, her hair a mess and her face scrunched.

»I didn't know if you wanted me.«

»Fuck, Hannah, I really had a long day and I can't sleep knowing you're out here.«

She got up and followed Frederick to bed avoiding to look at him when she changed into her night shirt. She could feel his eyes on her but none of them said a word. It took Hannah two hours until her head was finally quiet and she could sleep.

* * *

 

When Hannah woke up the next morning she was alone in the bed. She'd hoped to talk to him before the day really started. Hannah sighed and felt sick. She didn't like fighting with Frederick, especially not after their break-up and New York. She loved him and didn't want to loose him over some stupid quarrel about nothing. Hannah had been on edge for two weeks now. A new exhibition in the museum, four new paintings she had on her desk, and the galerist wanted more paintings because apparently the people really liked her works.

Hannah sat up and looked over to Frederick's side. It was already cold. A quick look over to the clock on his nightstand. 9:02 am. She sighed again amd got up. On her way to the bathroom she heard music coming from the kitchen. Surely Frederick was making breakfast for them and Victoria was probably helping him. It was ridicolous how well they were getting along. She really hadn't expected Frederick to be so good with kids … maybe he was only like this towards Victoria but still.

Hannah changed into a jade-green dress and a thick tights in a warm brown, and gathered her hair into a messy bun before leaving the bedroom. She took a deep breath and entered the living space just in time to see Frederick flip a perfect pancake and hear Vicoria cheer and applaud.

»Good morning«, Hannah greeted and her little niece ran over to her smiling broadly before hugging her. Frederick shot her a quick look over his shoulder and concentrated on making pan cakes.

Victoria grabbed Hannah's hand and pulled her over to the stove. »Look! We're making apple pan cakes like grandma! I taught him!«

»Did you?« Victoria nodded proudly and applauded again when Frederick flipped another one.

»Good morning, Frederick«, Hannah tried again but only received a mumbled »morning« as an answer.

»You must kiss.«

»Why?«, Frederick wanted to know sounding lighter than he would actually say it if the girl wouldn't be around and looking away from the pan in front of him.

»Because my daddies always kiss in the morning.«

Hannah knew Frederick was still angry and not in the slightest mood for kissing but he played his part in front of Victoria not wanting to unsettle the little girl. He set down the pan and gave Hannah a quick peck on the lips.

»No!«, Victoria screamed and scrunched her tiny nose, »a real kiss!«

Hannah could see him roll his eyes.

»Victoria, we ...« She didn't get to finish her try to make her let them be. Frederick grabbed Hannah by the waist, pushing her against the counter and muffled her little surprised noise with his lips. Their kiss was the complete opposite of the last one. This one was long, tender and loving. Hannah doubted he really felt like the latter today – at least towards her.

»Happy now?«, he asked expectantly.

»Yes«, Victoria answered with a nod and Frederick let go of Hannah again.

She ate her apple pan cakes and stayed silent during breakfast. Hannah felt a bit sick today so she gave Victoria the half of her third pan cake. The little girl's eyes sparkled like diamonds to that small gesture of her aunt and she even said she hoped her father wouldn't come to take her home ever again.

Frederick behaved like he had never done something other than talking to a spoiled sassy kid or helping it with its pan cakes.

If the situation wouldn't have been so poised with what simmered in the air between them, she would've enjoyed the scene playing out in front of her. But like this it seemed more like he just tried to ignore Hannah by concentrating on Victoria. As soon as she would be gone home again they would have to talk. Matt was there around 10:30 pm and could feel that something about his sister was off as soon as she opened the door while Frederick observed Victoria saying goodbye to Kidney.

»What's wrong, Hannah?«

She forced a smile and shook her head. »I'm fine.«

»No, you're not.« Matt asked Frederick to help his daughter with her shoes while he pulled his sister with him outside the apartment. »What did he do? Are you hurt?« He scanned all skin he could see for bruises or other injuries.

»No, Frederick would never hurt me.«

»You said the same thing about John, remember?«

»Matt, he didn't hurt me. We're just in the middle of a quarrel and I'm a bit stressed out alltogether at the moment.«

Matt lifted an eyebrow at her, looking her up and down once more. His big-brother-genes were kicking in. »You know you can always come to me, right? No matter what.«

Hannah hugged him and kissed Matt on the cheek. »I know, but really, no need to worry. I'm a big girl, Matt. And should something happen, I will come to you and we make a ''sin-night'' with disgusting junk food watching the Alien trilogy.«

»Hey, that's what I do when I'm having murder fantasies about Cary … what do you do when you're down?«

She shrugged thankful he didn't bring up her almost mental breakdown after her realationship with John had ended and smirked. »Don't know and I'm not intending on finding out or letting it come that far.«

»Daddy, are we going to the zoo now?«, Victoria's voice sounded from the apartment door with Frederick standing behind her.

»Of course. Have you said googbye to Frederick and Aunt Hannah yet?«

Victoria turned around and hugged ''Uncle Fred'' as tightly as a four-year-old was able to and kissed Hannah goodbye before leaving with her father.

And now they were alone again.


	36. Palisades

  
  


Hannah cleared the breakfast table and felt his eyes on her back like knives the entire time. The need to talk lay heavily on them and made the air loaded with electricity. Hannah desperately searched for the right words to start their talk but she couldn't find anything that didn't sound like something from a cheep movie or a new accusation.

»He thinks I beat you«, she heard Frederick say lowly behind her and glanced over her shoulder before placing the dished down in the sink.

»I told him it's ridiculous. You would never hurt me.«

»Well, obviously I have. Otherwise I wouldn't know with what I have deserved that nice blow yesterday. Or rather all the little blows since -« He stopped to take a deep breath and looked to the floor. »- since New York basically.«

Hannah turned around, leaned against the sink, and looked at him for a long moment. Maybe it was time to let out everything that was laying so heavily on her chest.

»I don't feel like you want me anymore«, she confessed in a quiet voice and was searching for any kind of reaction in his face but there was nothing there to be found. Maybe he really didn't want her anymore. Hannah loved him so much and he didn't care about her any longer. She had been wrong. Frederick did hurt her … just not physically. But maybe what he did was even more hurtful.

»Why would you think that?«, Frederick said after what felt like eternity. He almost sounded offended and leaned against the dinner table.

»Because you don't talk to me anymore. You come home, say hello, and go into your home office. And sometimes you even skip step number 2.«

Frederick took a deep breath. »I need to work, Hannah, I'm not avoiding you if that's what you're thinking. I'm working.«

»Then what are you doing the entire day?«

»WORKING!«, he shouted but regained his composure only a second later. He had sworn to himself after he had learned about her abusive relationship that he would never shout at her but sometimes it helped with his anger. It wasn't like it was the first time he got louder around her.

»Do you even remember when we kissed the last time before today?«, Hannah asked and it took Frederick a whole minute to come to an answer. No, he didn't. It had been too long ago.

»Three weeks, Frederick. When you told me to shut up and pushed me inside your bedroom, remember?« She waited for a reaction but still only faced his cold mask. Hannah sighed heavy and looked down to her feet. She didn't want to have this conversation with Dr. Chilton. She wanted Frederick, her sweet, funny, loving boyfriend. »Do you want me to go?«

»It's not my decision to make.«

Hannah forrowed her brow and stepped closer. »But I'm asking you to make a decision!«

»What so you can blame me in the end? No, thank you. If you want to go, go! I won't hold you back«, he snapped crossing his arms before his chest. All good intentions to stay calm and keep his voice down were gone through the window. Just the thought of seeing her walk out on him hurt him like a blade, but the thought that she stayed with him although she didn't want hurt even deeper. Because that would mean that she was only with him because she was either too lazy to find a new boyfriend, too comfortable in the nest he provided for her, or that she was only playing with him and that she had never loved him truly.

Hannah fought against the tears burning behind her eyes. This was all just a giant mess.

»I-I'm sorry for what I said in New York«, she sniffled and felt the first tear roll down her cheek. Frederick rolled his eyes and didn't look her into the face. In fact he turned his head to the side and looked out of the window demonstatively.

»I just wanted to say that be-before leaving.«

Hannah shook from the sobs that wanted to escape through her throat but she wouldn't let them, not in front of Frederick. She would get her things from his apartment when she was sure he wasn't home. Hannah walked down the hallway to the entry door of the apartment and was almost there when she heard Frederick's voice behind her.

»Do you know what palisades are?«

She turned around slowly with wet cheeks and furrowed brows.

»Aren't that the spiky things from Medieval movies?«

Hannah saw Frederick close his eyes to keep calm, successfully this time. She was pretty sure that that's what they were but her explaination didn't seem to be scientific enough for his standards.

»Palisades were wooden spikes that got rammed into the ground at a 45° or lower angle around a castle or city to pierce the horses and men of oncoming armies of the enemy.«

Hannah wasn't able to connect this seemingly random information with their current situation. »And what does that have to do with us?«

»I built palisades … around me to keep my enemies at a moderate distance. You were once with me in my castle until you became my enemy. This is how I react to people who are on the wrong side of my line of defense, Hannah. I am a cold asshole, as you would probably put it.«

She stepped closer slowly trying to make sense of it all. »So, if I engage in your metaphor, you built a defense against me but you still don't really want to keep me away. This … poking is gnawing on my nerves. Why don't you just pierce me? And than decide whether you leave me in the feild to bleed to death or drag me back into your castle and take care of my wounds.«

»And how am I supposed to pierce you?«

She shrugged lightly and blinked away some tears. »Tell me I deserved what happened to me, too? Tell me I should've had seen what John was like, that I brought this apon myself with my ignorance and stupidity, that it was my fault he did this to me. I deserved the scars on my back and the nightmares!«, she cried, no more use in trying to suppress her tears now that she was facing the ruins of her relationship. Hannah wished for him to gather her in his arms and soothe her but Frederick remaind still like a marble statue. Her body shook from her violent sobs, the hand she held over her mouth being useless in her attempt to muffle the sound of her crying.

»Nobody deserves what he has done to you. You're allowed to feel bored, unhappy or unsatisfied in a relationship but you must always feel safe. He took that away from you. You're always supposed to feel safe around the person you're with«, Frederick said calmly, »I wouldn't wish you anything like he did to you because I know how it feels to be powerless and completely dependant on the mercy of somebody else.«

None of them said a word for the next endless minutes. Inwardly Frederick was deconstructing ... palisades, to let her in again, unharmed.

»Do you want me to go and end this relationship because … I don't«, Hannah whispered not trusting her voice to stay steady if she talked any louder. She had her arms tightly wrapped around her middle still (or again?) feeling sick. She was tired – emotionally and physically.

Again, Hannah waited for an answer never to come. Why was she even doing this to herself? Just when she turned around again to finally leave his apartment he spoke up.

»Me neither.« His voice sounded drained with something heavy like a lump in his throat. »You're the best … and the worst thing that ever happened to me and I don't ever want to lose you.«

At the sound of sniffling Hannah turned around. Frederick still stood at the same spot as before leaning against the dinner table but, instead of looking distant and cold, he was sligtly bowed over and hid his face behind his hands. She could tell from the movement of his chest that he was breathing heavily.

Hannah approached him carefully and laid her hand featherlightly on his shoulder. She was in his arms before her mind could really process it but this was the place she wanted to be. Here and nowhere else on the entire world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because so many of you want to have an ending with a baby, a happy family and unicorns and stuff I will write an alternative ending because of which I will have to stop uploading ... at least for now until I have wrote the ending you all want.   
> I will also upload the actual ending (not so full with unicorns and fluffy stuff) but not before I don't have ''your'' ending completed. Consider this writer's appreciation toward you guys.


	37. Copper

Finally everything seemed to become right in his life. After New York and the weeks after that Hannah and he had almost returned to their old glory as a couple. His last article would be published in ''The Psychology Magazine'', he had been interviewed for ''Psychology Today'' a week ago and maybe, just maybe, he had told Hannibal to come and get him if he was man enough. He might have gotten a bit carried away but none of his patients looked like they wanted to kill him and when he came home from work everyday Hannah awaited him with a tender embrace and a soft kiss. Sometimes even with dinner but they both knew he was the better cook. Life was pretty fucking perfect, he thought. Some might argue too perfect. But Frederick would let none of these pessimists rain on his parade. He loved and was loved in return.

So Frederick had every reason in the world to smile when he came back into his office around 4 pm after an agonizingly long therapy session with a multiple murderer and found a small package on his desk claiming to have been sent by Hannah.

When he lifted it up he furrowed his brow and cursed under his breath. Whatever Hannah had sent him was leaking. A small stain of dark red sat now prominently on one of his therapy protocols. His assistant would have to take care of this. After all, it was she who had put the brown box so carelessly on the stacks of papers.

When he opened the package it took his mind a second to realize what was inside. Red-brown tissue, round, wet, smelling like copper. It was an internal organ, one he knew all too well; a kidney.

When realization sunk in, he threw the box on his desk in shock and ran out of his office. Hannah would never send him a kidney, especially not a human one. Frederick knew something terrible must've happened to her. His assistant and secretary looked after him totally cluelessly. They had never seen their boss run or look so frightened.

But Frederick had to get home as fast as humanly possible. A terrible thought sat in the back of his head. His lungs stung when he'd made it to his car in the parking lot His limp had returned and he cursed his own broken body for slowing him down. The tires squealed and smoked when he hit the gas.

No stop sign and no red traffic light could slow him down.

He prayed the entire time that this was maybe just a tasteless joke and she was perfectly fine when he arrived home. But Frederick knew it was just wishful thinking. Why did Hannibal do this? He hadn't come close to him, not at all, and Hannah was the impersonation of gentleness and innocence. She had nothing to do with all of this. Why pull her into this?

Frederick was sure to have overstepped every single driving rule he'd ever known when he finally arrived at his apartment complex.

He briefly considered running up the stairs but not 12 floors. The time the elevator needed to come down and open it's doors felt like ages and his heart raced in his chest.

»Please don't let her be dead«, he prayed over and over again on his way up. The faint smell of blood or more of copper lingered in the air on his floor.

Suddenly his feet were as heavy as lead. He could already see his open apartment door. This door was never to be left open. Hannah knew that it was always meant to be closed and locked.

Step for step, he got closer and the smell of blood was now undeniably coming from his apartment. Images of dead agents propped up on his kitchen counters flooded his brain and his breath faltered. As long as he didn't see it it wasn't real, he thought. Frederick's hand moved to the door handle and slowly pushed against the heavy wood of the door. In his current horror he missed the bloody little footprints Kidney must've left on his way through the apartment after whatever had happened in here. He was hidden under the couch watching everything that was going on around him.

Please let this be a nightmare, Frederick thought, although he knew it was hopeless as soon as he entered his hallway. The smell in the air almost made him throw up. There was blood on the floor and there was something else. Hannah.

»Oh my god, Hannah!« Frederick leapt forward crashing down on his knees next to her body in a dangerously large puddle of blood around her middle. She lay on her side, her face was pale and bloodless and her eyes were closed. When he touched her her skin was so cold it felt like ice.

His surroundings faded into a blur. The only thing Frederick could focus on was her and the faintest sign that she was still alive. His hands were shaking, trembling when he tried to find her pulse on her neck.

He could feel his lips move but no words left his mouth.

She couldn't be dead. It was just impossible. He had finally found someone to love and who was willing to take all his moods and sassy comments. He simply couldn't lose her.

Frederick almost didn't stop to feel her faint pulse or hear her breath in his panic.

»Hannah, can you hear me? Please open your eyes and look at me«, he pleaded desperately and rolled her over on her back. That's when he saw what he'd been expecting. Her abdomen was cut open and her insides slid out of her like they never belonged into her belly at all.

Blood was still running from her wound in the rhythm of her slow heartbeat.

She was still alive but only barely. Frederick had to call an ambulance and stop the bleeding as good as he could. He knew what he had to do but his fingers were shaking so much he had to try twice until he managed to dial 911.

Hannah tried talking. Her lips moved, formed words but she was already too weak for producing spoken words. The operator on the other end of the line told Frederick that help would arrive in a few minutes. Frederick knew that she might not have those few minutes left.

He stroked her bloody hair back, tried to calm her, and assure her that he wouldn't let her leave him just like that.

»I love you, Hannah, please. Please don't leave me.«

She tried talking again. Again without success.

»Stay awake for me just a bit longer. Help is on the way. Just a few more minutes and you'll be safe.«

Hannah drew in a shuddering breath and a hot tear ran from the corner of her eye over her temple and disappeared into her red tinted hair leaving a lighter gap in the blood in her face. Hannibal had been a surgeon. He hadn't just left her open. Frederick could see loose threads in and around her gaping wound. The stitches were never meant to hold. They were only made to give Frederick enough time to receive the package and arrive here just in time to find her dying or already dead but still warm. He couldn't locate the source where the blood was coming from. His hands were too shaky to stop the bleeding. He felt so helpless.

»Please don't leave me, Hannah«, Frederick cried and saw from the corner of his eye that she tried to lift her hand. He reached out to hold it. She had no strength in her hand but she still tried to squeeze his. Hannah visibly struggled to keep breathing and her eyes fluttered shut.

»No, please, look at me.«

She didn't and her breathing grew weaker and weaker. Hot tears blurred Frederick's view and eventually dropped from the tip of his chin onto her forehead. It mixed with cold sweat and smeared blood. Frederick could see her letting go of life. He felt her heartbeat slow down even more. Her wound barely bled anymore because there was not enough blood left inside her system to do so. Frederick was losing the love of his life. He couldn't let this happen without asking her what he wanted to ask her ever since their first kiss:

»Will you marry me?«

Hannah opened her eyes again and the corners of her mouth twisted upwards.

»Yes«, she breathed and closed her eyes. Her muscles relaxed all at once. Her lungs released a long breath without meaning to draw another one back in. Her wound stopped bleeding completely. Her heart stopped beating.

Frederick's lungs burned from his screaming. The EMT's had to pull him away from her body to be able to do their work. He watched them until he could no longer bear the sight of her lifeless body, pale in a bed of dark red blood.


	38. I challenged him (original plot)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can already tell that this is the first chapter where I change things up for my alternative ending. Enjoy!

 

Frederick sat next to her unconscious form and held her hand. It was cold because of the severe blood lost but she lived. The doctor's had done everything they could to save her. Frederick had waited the entire six hours of surgery for news or at least a thumbs up. Eventually a nurse had had mercy on him and told him she was fine at least as fine as she could be after her heart stopped three times, a missing kidney and the loss of 2 litres of her blood inside his apartment.

It had taken him another round of begging and arguing because he wasn't next of kin until he was allowed in her room at least until Matt arrived.

The first thing Frederick had done after entering her ICU room was asking the nurse if he could give her her wedding ring. He had had it in his pocket for two weeks now and had only waited for the right moment to ask the all important question. He was pretty sure asking her to marry him while she lay gutted on his apartment floor hadn't been the perfect moment but it might have been their last opportunity.

The nurse had agreed after thinking about if for what felt like agonizing eternity.

His grandmother's ring sparkled dully on her left ring finger in the cold neon light of the empty, hostile hospital room. Light from the street lamps outside shone orange through the thin paper curtains. The regular beeping of the heart monitor was hypnotic and calmed Frederick down again.

She was alive. That was all that mattered.

The doctor's wouldn't tell him anything because he wasn't the next of kin. He had to wait for Matt to arrive.

Around 2 am Frederick heard voices on the hallway coming closer. One was belonging to Hannah's surgeon, the other one was Matt's. Hannah moaned as if she was going to wake up but didn't open her eyes.

»Your brother is here«, Frederick whispered, stroked over Hannah's hair, and stood up from the chair he had spent the last three hours in.

He was already at the door when Hannah finally opened her heavy eye lids.

»Frederick?« Her voice sounded hoars and weak. He rushed over to her bedside again and squeezed her hand tightly.

»I'm here. How do you feel?«

»Like I've been hit by a train … and high.« Her mouth was dry so he offered her some water with a strawl.

»That's the sedatives. You'll feel better in a few hours.«

»A few hours«, she breathed and closed her eyes again. Frederick knew exactely how she felt right now. He had literally felt her pain. Hannah lifted her left hand and looked at her wedding ring.

»So, no dream.«

»No, it wasn't a dream. Do you still want to marry me?«

She didn't say a word. Speaking must've still be very exhausting. She just smiled and nodded slightly.

»Matt and your doctor are outside. They will tell you what happened. I'll be right outside if you need me.«

Just a second later the doctor knocked and asked Frederick to wait before the door so he could tell Hannah and Matt what had happened and what was going to happen in the near future.

Frederick hated not being allowed in the room with her, being the last one to know what was going on. He loved her and they were going to marry and he still was not allowed with her until an official piece of paper said so.

He walked the hallway up and down, feeling like a tiger in a way too small cage. The pressure in his chest rose with every second he didn't know what was currently being spoken in Hannah's room.

The surgeon left again and said that he could go back but had to go soon after. She still needed to rest.

Matt gave him a sympathetic smile when he told Frederick and his sister that he would wait outside and give them time for a private talk. Hannah was crying, sobs shook her body and threatened to choke her. Frederick hurried to her side and took her hand.  
»What did he say?«

»They said they couldn't save it«, Hannah cried.

Frederick was confused. Of course they couldn't have saved her kidney. If his employees hadn't called the police after his sudden leave from work, her organ was probably still inside his office. Just the thought of it made him sick. And even if he'd sent someone to get it. It was already too long out of her body and not cooled to ever function again. Frederick stroked her head gently and argued with himself if he should ask her what had happened. In the end she started talking without his help.

»I thought it was you when I heard the elevator open.«

»But I wouldn't have been home for another two hours.«  
»Didn't your assistant tell you? I had called your office. I wanted to tease you«, she whispered and a sad smile flashed up on her face; it soon disappeared again, »I thought you'd come home early because of that. When I opened the door … suddenly all went black.«

Frederick could see the point on her temple where her head had hit the wall turn blue already. It had been covered with blood when he'd found her. Hannibal must've batted her head against the wall to knock her out.

»When I woke up again I was strapped to the dinner table and I felt … something moving inside me.«

Frederick closed his eyes. He knew exactely what she meant. By the looks of it Hannibal had reenacted Gideon's attack on him with her in his stead.

»I wanted to fight him off but I couldn't even open my mouth.« Hannah's eyes filled with new tears. »It was so exhausting just to open my eyes. He stood over me and smiled. Said he was glad that I woke up just in time to see him remove my kidney.«

Frederick wiped away her tears and kissed her forehead. What happened to her was bringing back all the memories and feelings he had had that night in the observatory.

»I didn't feel any pain even though I could move again. He showed it to me before he put it into a brown paper box.«

Frederick had to swallow hard. Just like Abel Gideon had done. He never stopped stroking her hair to soothe her while listening to her.

»It was him. It was Hannibal Lecter and -« Suddenly Hannah got silent and slowly turned her head towards him. »He told me to give you a message from him. He said, I should tell you that he'd received your invitation.«

Frederick slowly pulled back his hand from her hair. His other was still curled around hers.

»What did he mean by that?«

»I … I've told him -« He couldn't finish this sentence. It was alone his fault that she had been attacked by Hannibal.

»What did he mean by that?«, Hannah repeated and her voice cracked with anger. Frederick pulled away his second hand and stared to his feet when he searched for the right words.

»I said in an interview two weeks ago that I would do anything to catch him and said that if he'd accept my invitation I would be ready for him«, Frederick finally answered and waited for a reaction. Any, but Hannah stayed silent until he lifted his gaze to her eyes and felt like somebody had just ripped out his heart. He had never seen so much hate in a person's eyes. And hers had been the last ones he'd ever wanted to see like this.

»You did this to me«, she hissed with cold fury in her low voice, »Go. Now.«

Frederick opened his mouth to apologize but she just turned her head to the other side and he knew he should just leave her alone. He slowly left the room and closed the door behind him.

Matt stood leaning againdt the wall opposite from him and looked at him like a friend who knew exactly how he felt right now. But Matt didn't, he couldn't. He wasn't responible for Cary lying mutilated in hospital and hating him. No, that was Frederick's burden.

»Is she okay?«

»She's … she wants some rest«, he lied and walked to the other end of the hallway. He felt like the day had been unnaturally long. His bones ached and his soul even more. Hannah was right. He had done this to her. He was responsible for her almost death.

»I'm so sorry, Frederick. Did you know?«, Matt asked and sat down next to him as they reached an uncomfortable couch within sight of Hannah's door so they could see if something happened. Frederick let out a long sigh when he probbed his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands. He could feel the other man's hand on his shoulder. He appreciated the gesture, really, but Frederick was too absorbed in his feelings of guilt to really let it sink in. If he hadn't been so loud about him finding Hannibal they wouldn't be here now. He would be home with her and hold her in his arms while they were peacefully asleep.

»I don't even want to think about how it must be like to lose a baby even before it is born«, Matt continued and Frederick's head snapped around to the man next to him.

»What baby?«

Matt's eyebrows shot up. »Didn't she just tell you?«

''They said they couldn't save it'' it echoed in his head and Frederick could feel his heart stop for what felt like a whole minute. She had been pregnant. With his child. And she had lost it. It only sank in one fact at a time.

»I killed my child«, he finally breathed out and his chest felt like somebody had put him into a vice. He couldn't breath. Matt's warm hand on his shoulder drew his attention.

»Hannibal Lecter did that, not you.«

»I challenged him to come after me, Matt. I am responsible for what happened to her … and our baby. Don't you understand? I am responsible for the death of my child!« His loud voice echoed back from the white, empty walls of the hallway.

»No, you're not. You never told him to go after my sister.«

»No, but I told him to … to go after me.«

Tears burned in his eyes and the vice was building up more pressure around him. A lump in his throat was making breathing almost impossible. He should've been the person being disected on his dinner table not her, not his family.

Silent sobs fought their way up his throat and he had to muffle them with his hands. Matt still had his hand on his shoulder, silently suffering with him.

»You should go back to Hannah. She needs you.«

»She told me to go. She doesn't want to see me.« And right now he couldn't blame her. It was his fault she was here. Everything was his fault.

»You two lost something very important. You should be with her. Despite your feelings of guilt and her anger. You are just the person who should be with her and you shouldn't be alone right now too.«

Frederick turned his head to Matt. His eyes were red, lettinh the green of his irises glow, his cheeks wet from his tears. He was trying to steady his breathing while he thought about what he'd done and what he'd do next.

Eventually Frederick took a deep shaky breath and stood up again. Every step closer to Hannah's door made him feel sicker and sicker. His feet became heavy as lead, his chest tightened even more to the extent of physical pain and his hands were shaking like leaves.

Frederick could hear Hannah's sobs from outside the door. He whiped away his own tears and reached for the metal door knob.

At the last second Frederick stopped. Hannah didn't want to see him. She had send him away. The look in her eyes had told him enough to know that he'd lost her, forever.

He was a murderer. He was responsible for the death of his unborn child. He had almost killed the woman he loved because he'd wanted to be famous and respected by people who hate him. His blind ambition had cost him his baby and almost Hannah's life. She would never want to see him again. So, why cut even deeper than Hannibal Lecter had already done.

Frederick stepped back and left without looking back once more.


	39. I challenged him (alternative plot)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can already tell that this is the first chapter where I change things up for my alternative ending. Enjoy!

 

Frederick sat next to her unconscious form and held her hand. It was cold because of the severe blood loss but she lived. The doctor's had done everything they could to save her. Frederick had waited the entire six hours of surgery for news or at least a thumbs up. Eventually a nurse who had had mercy with him told him she was fine at least as fine as she could be after her heart had stopped three times, a missing kidney and the loss of 2 litres of her blood inside his apartment.

It had taken him another round of begging and arguing because he wasn't next of kin until he was allowed in her room at least until Matt arrived.

The first thing Frederick had done after entering her ICU room was asking the nurse if he could give her her wedding ring. He had had it in his pocket for two weeks now and had only waited for the right moment. He was pretty sure asking her to marry him while she lay gutted on his apartment floor hadn't been the perfect moment but it might have been the last opportunity.

The nurse had agreed.

His grandmother's ring sparkled dully on her left ring finger in the cold neon light of the empty, hostile hospital room. Light from the street lamps outside shone orange through the thin paper curtains. The regular beeping of the heart monitor was hypnotic and calmed Frederick down again.

She was alive. That was all that mattered.

The doctor's wouldn't tell him anything because he wasn't the next of kin. He had to wait for Matt.

Around 2 am Frederick heard voices on the hallway coming closer. One was the one belonging to Hannah's surgeon, the other was Matt's. Hannah moaned as if she was going to wake up but didn't open her eyes.

»Your brother is here«, Frederick whispered, stroke over Hannah's hair, and stood up from the chair he had spent the last three hours in.

He was already at the door when Hannah finally opened her heavy eye lids.

»Frederick?«

Her voice sounded hoarse and weak. He rushed over to her bedside again and squeezed her hand.

»I'm here. How do you feel?«

»Like I've been hit by a train … and high.«

»That's the sedatives. You'll feel better in a few hours.«

»A few hours«, she breathed and closed her eyes again. Frederick knew exactely how she felt right now. He had literally felt her pain. Hannah lifted her left hand and looked at the unknown weight, her wedding ring.

»So, no dream.«

»No, it wasn't a dream. Do you still want to marry me?«

She didn't say a word. Speaking must've still be very exhausting. She just smiled and nodded slightly.

»Matt and your doctor are outside. They will tell you what happened. I'll be right outside if you need me.«

Just a second later the doctor knocked and asked Frederick to wait before the door so he could tell Hannah and Matt what had happened and what was going to happen in the near future.

Frederick hated not being allowed in the room with her, being the last to know what was going on. He loved her and they were going to marry and he still was not allowed with her until an official piece of paper said so.

He walked the hallway up and down, feeling like a tiger in a way too small cage. The pressure in his chest rose with every second he didn't know what was currently being spoken in Hannah's room.

The surgeon left the hospital room again and said that he could go back but had to leave soon. She still needed to rest.

Matt gave him a sympathetic smile when he told Frederick and his sister that he would wait outside and give them time for a private talk. Hannah was crying, sobs shook her body and threatened to choke her. Frederick hurried to her side and took her hand.  
»What did he say?«

»They said they could save it«, Hannah cried and a weak smile pulled on the corners of her lips.

Frederick was confused. Of course they couldn't be talking about her kidney. If his employees hadn't called the police after his sudden leave from work, her organ was still inside his office. Just the thought of him made him sick. And even if he'd sent someone to get it. It was already too long out of her body and not cooled to ever function again. Frederick stroke her head gently and argued with himself if he should ask her what had happened. In the end she started talking without his help.

»I thought it was you when I heard the elevator opening.«

»But I wouldn't have been home for another two hours.«  
»Didn't your assistant tell you? I called your office. I wanted to tease you«, she smiled sadly and it soon disappeared again, »I thought you'd come home early because of that. When I opened the door … suddenly all went black.«

Frederick could see the point where her head had hit the wall turn blue already. It had been covered with blood when he'd found her. Hannibal must've batted her head against the wall to knock her out.

»When I woke up again I was strapped to the dinner table and I felt … something moving inside me.«

Frederick closed his eyes. He knew exactely what she meant. By the looks of it Hannibal had reenacted Gideon's attack on him with her in his stead.

»I wanted to fight him off but I couldn't even open my mouth.« Hannah's eyes filled with new tears. »It was so exhausting just to open my eyes. He stood over me and smiled. Said he was glad that I woke up just in time to see him remove my kidney.«

Frederick wiped away her tears and kissed her forehead. What happened to her was bringing back all the memories and feelings he had had that night in the observatory.

»I didn't feel any pain even though I could move again. He showed it to me before he put it into a brown paper box.«

Frederick had to swallow hard. Just like Abel Gideon had done. He never stopped stroking her hair to soothe her while listening to her.

»It was him. It was Hannibal Lecter and -« Suddenly Hannah got silent and slowly turned her head towards him. »He told me to give you a message from him. He said, I should tell you that he'd received your invitation.«

Frederick slowly pulled back his hand from her hair. His other was still curled around hers.

»What did he mean by that?«

»I … I've told him -« He couldn't finish this sentence. It was alone his fault that she had been attacked by Hannibal.

»What did he mean by that?«, Hannah repeated and her voice cracked from anger. Frederick pulled away his second hand and stared to his feet when he searched for the right words.

»I said in an interview a week ago that I would do anything to catch him and said that if he'd accept my invitation I would be ready for him«, Frederick finally answered and waited for a reaction, any. But Hannah stayed silent until he lifted his gaze to her eyes and felt like somebody had just ripped out his heart. He had never seen so much hate in a person's eyes. And hers had been the last ones he'd ever wanted to see like this.

»You did this to me«, she hissed with cold fury in her low voice, »Go, now.«

Frederick opened his mouth to apologize but she just turned her head to the other side and he knew he should just leave her alone. He slowly left the room and closed the door behind him.

Matt stood leaning on the wall opposite from him and looked at him like a friend who knew exactely how he felt right now. But Matt didn't, he couldn't. He wasn't responible for Cary lying mutilated in hospital and hating him. No, that was alone Frederick's burden.

»Is she okay?«

»She's … she wants some rest«, he lied and walked to the other end of the hallway. He felt like the day had been unnaturally long. His bones ached and his soul even more. Hannah was right. He had done this to her. He was responible for her almost dying.

»Did you know?«, Matt asked and sat down next to him as they reached an uncomfortable couch within sight of Hannah's door so they could see if something happened. Frederick let out a long sigh when he probbed his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands. He could feel the other man's hand on his shoulder. He appreciated the gesture really but Frederick was too absorbed in his feelings of guilt to really let it sink in. If he hadn't been so loud about him finding Hannibal they wouldn't be here now. He would be home with her and hold her in his arms while they were peacefully asleep.

»I don't even want to think about how you would've felt if she lost the baby even before it was born«, Matt continued and Frederick's head snapped around to the man next to him.

»What baby?«

Matt's eyebrows shot up. »Didn't she just tell you? She's pregnant. They couldn't give her certain sedatives to make sure the baby didn't suffer under it. She had almost lost it.«

''They said they could save it'' it echoed in his head and Frederick could feel his heart stop for what felt like a minute. She was pregnant. With his child. And she had almost lost it. It only sank in one fact at a time.

»I almost killed my child«, he finally breathed and his chest felt like somebody had put him into a vice. He couldn't breath. Matt's warm hand on his shoulder drew his attention.

»Hannibal Lector did that, not you.«

»I challenged him to come after me, Matt. I am responsible for what happened to her … and our baby. Don't you understand? I am responible for all of this!« His loud voice echoed back from the white, empty walls of the hallway.

»No, you're not. You never told him to go after my sister.«

»No, but I told him to … to get after me.«

Tears burned in his eyes and the vice was building up more pressure around him. A lump in his throat was making breathing almost impossible. He should've been the person being disected on his dinner table not her, not his family.

Silent sobs fought their way up his throat and he had to muffle them with his hands. Matt still had his hand on his shoulder, silently suffering with him.

»You should go back to Hannah. She needs you.«

»She told me to get out. She doesn't want to see me.« And right now he couldn't blame her. It was his fault she was here. Everything was his fault.

»You should be with her. Despite your feelings of guilt and her anger. You are just the person who should be with her and you shouldn't be alone right now too. I mean you love each other madly. Every blind man can see that.«

Frederick turned his head to Matt. His eyes were red and let the green of his iris glow, his cheeks wet from his tears. He was trying to steady his breathing while he thought about what he'd done and what he'd do next.

Eventually Frederick took a deep shaky breath and stood up again. Every step closer to Hannah's door made him feel sicker and sicker. His feet became heavy as lead, his chest tightened even more to the extent of physical pain and his hands were shaking like leaves.

Frederick could hear Hannah's sobs from outside the door. He whiped away his own tears and reached for the metal door knob.

When he cracked the door open he could see Hannah facing the door. She looked up and swallowed thickly.

»I'm pregnant, Frederick«, she sobbed and held out her hands for him to come closer. The vice blew away. He only needed two long strides towards her bed. The door closed on it's own while he gathered his fiancée, his great love, and family, in his arms. Hannibal had tried to take her from him but he had failed. For once Frederick had won over this monster.


	40. Sibling love (original plot)

 

Matt couldn't believe his eyes when he saw Frederick take a step back from his sister's door and walk down the long white hallway towards the exit. He didn't really just leave, right? Matt's feet moved without his command, fast. He dashed into her room and held Hannah carefully in his arms. Her heartbreaking sobs muffled by his chest. He reached for the emergency button to call for a nurse. Hannah was completely hysterical. This couldn't be good for her wounds. A nurse came, saw her condition and returned a moment later with a sedative to calm her down again.

Matt had to argue with the nurse so he could stay with Hannah. She had let him after he played the I'm-her-brother-and-I'm-the-only-one-left-of-our-family – card.

»Where is Frederick?«, Hannah asked after the initial flood of sedatives had worn off again a bit and she could think again. Matt couldn't tell her that her boyfriend had left her alone after hearing she'd lost their baby.

His silence was the only answer she needed anyway. Hannah shook her head and new tears started rolling down her face.

She'd told him to go and he'd listened to her. And his obedience hurt deeply. Matt's warm hand closed around hers and he squeezed it lightly.

It was the only thing he could do for her right now. When she fell asleep from exhaustion, Matt left her room and called his father to tell him what happened and that he needed some time off to take care of Hannah. After that he called Cary and told him the same; that he would stay in Baltimore for a while and didn't know when he could leave her alone again.

 

* * *

 

It would be an entire month until Hannah could leave the hospital again. Frederick hadn't showed his face once. Matt avoided the topic because it only distressed her terribly to the extent that the nurses had to sedate her again.

He drove her home back into the Hannover Building and held her straight when she saw that Frederick's name had been removed from his brass mail box in the foyer. Hannah had turned to the doorkeeper and asked about Frederick.

»Dr. Chilton never moved back in after what had happened in his apartment, Miss. Only gathered his belongings and his cat, and moved out.«

»Has he maybe left a note for me? The name is Scarborough«, Hannah asked, her voice shaking with a mixture of last hope and desperation masked with false calmness. Her facade cracked when the doorkeeper shook his head and she completely lost every last boundry that held her up when Matt and her were alone in the elevator.

Her brother could only hold her and try to calm her down again. The first thing he did when they entered the apartment was to empty all the bottles of alcohol she had hidden in her kitchen right into the sink. No mixing with meds under his care. He loved his little sister too much as to let her end like their mother. Frederick would not drive her into suicide!

Even after the weakness Frederick had shown in the hospital and the following weeks until now he never said a foul word about him. Hannah didn't need more reminders of this man right now or a ''I know he wasn't right'' from him. Matt thought about hanging the windows from where one could look into the other apartment but decided against it.

He found Hannah sometimes at night standing in the kitchen looking over to the bedroom she had once slept and loved tenderly. The new owners used it as a home cinema with blackened windows so no chance of being caught staring. Matt had silently hugged her and brought her back to bed.

 

* * *

  
»I want to see him«, she had said two months after the attack. Matt was packing his suitcase to leave her again (he was needed home and in the company) and stopped at the sound of her voice.

»Do you think that's a good idea?«  
»I'm not asking you for your opinion, Matt. I already made my decision.«

Matt took a deep breath regarding her with a concerned look. She had dark circles under her blue eyes, her hair had some silver strands around the face but it suited her. She was still beautiful even though she had stopped smiling and an air of melancholy surrounded her like a heavy perfume.

»And what if he doesn't want to see you? I don't want you to hurt even more because of him. You deserve better than to suffer because of a man … again.«

»If he doesn't want to see me I can finally stop asking myself what-ifs.« She leaned her head against the door frame she was standing in and closed her eyes. She had stopped crying over and over again only two weeks ago. A doctor had given her something to sleep because she feared nothing more than to have nightmares, reliving the attack all over again. And now there was no Frederick to soothe her back to sleep again. No, when she woke up at night she was alone in her bedroom.

Hannah drove to the BSHCI, knowing she would find Frederick there as soon as Matt was already on his way back to New York.

Snow and leafless trees made the place look dead and cold. Not that it looked like a happy place when she had been here the last time but back then she had been somebody else. It felt like so long ago although it was only 10 months ago.

The receptionist behind her desk looked friendly as Hannah approached her.

»Hello, I would like to speak with Dr. Chilton. Is he there?«

»Yes, he's here … and you are?«

»A friend.« Hannah didn't like to introduce herself to anyone here. Frederick probably had still kept her a secret and after what had happened to her she didn't want anyone from Dr. Chilton's life to know about her. »Is he in his office?«

»He's having therapy in a few minutes«, the receptionist told her with a suspicious frown. Hannah doubted she should tell strangers anything about him. No wonder Frederick was paranoid with such idiots surrounding him at work. But right now it suited her purposes.

Right as she wanted to head into the direction of Frederick's office he entered the entry hall on his way to the patient's therapy room; files under his arm, glasses on his nose, his mobile in his hand scanning through today's schedule.

He smelled orange blossom and stopped in his tracks when he saw her. His heart skipped a beat and his face froze. She looked different from what he remembered. Of course the swelling on her face had disappeared and the cut in her lip too but she looked … grey somehow; lifeless and sad. Her hair actually had some silver strands and her curls were flat and weak. Her eyes had a constant tiredness and sadness to them robbing them off her sparkle. She had dressed herself in grey and black, no colour graced her like it used to only a few months ago so beautifully. It broke his heart.

Hannibal had not yet been caught. He was still on the loose and Frederick felt like he had failed her with his inability to do something even though his own family had been the victim. It was obvious that this monster was back in the States but it seemed like nobody was smart enough to catch him.

Hannah made a step in his direction and he snapped out of his trance full of self-doubt and self-hatred for his weakness. He couldn't talk to her, not yet. Not without telling her good news. Frederick turned on his heel and saved himself into the hostility of his office.

Hannah felt tears burning in her eyes. He had just stared at her like she was some kind of a ghost from a past he'd rather forget as soon as possible. The sole fact that he had left her again standing in the entry hall alone without a single word shattered her heart into a million pieces. Matt had been right, she shouldn't have come here. He'd only hurt her again. Hannah stepped back to the receptionist's table who had witnessed the scene play in front of her eyes with curiosity and sensationalism. Hannah was sure that in less than half an hour the entire hospital would know of her visit and Frederick's reaction.

Well, it wasn't her problem anymore. She swore to herself right there and then that she would never return to this place or see Frederick again. He had just left her the second time now when she had needed him. It was clear he didn't want her anymore as broken as she was now; as broken as he was, she thought and swallowed against the thick lump in her throat.

Hannah eased the engagement ring she had still been wearing whenever Matt hadn't been around from her finger and carefully placed it on the counter in front of the receptionist.

»Please return this to Dr. Chilton«, Hannah whispered not wanting her voice to crack in front of this stranger. Her eyebrows furrowed as she regarded the ring. She obviously recognized it as an engagement ring.

»Do you want me to give him a note or something?«, the receptionist asked, her voice turning sympathetic.

Hannah shook her head and fought against the tears rising behind her eyes. »He will know what it means.«

The returning of an engagement ring could only mean one thing: No engagement, no wedding, no marriage … no love.

Hannah felt the last spark of love die when she sat behind the steering wheel of her car. She screamed in her little private room, hit the steering wheel, felt tears stream down her cheeks and drop off her chin until her belly scar began to hurt and she had to force herself to relax again. A minute later she was on her way back to her apartment, willing to forget she ever knew Dr. Frederick Chilton.

The second she left the parking lot of the BSHCI Frederick ran back into the entry hall. He hadn't seen her leave. Still hoping she might be there, he ignored the puzzled looks of his employees faces as he ran past them.

When he arrived in the entry hall, he was out of breath. The receptionist furrowed her brows at him and his panted question where Hannah was.

»She left a few minutes ago, Sir. She asked me to return … this to you.« She held out the sparkling diamont ring and Frederick's thudding heart sank into the pit of his stomach. Hannah had left and given him her engagement ring back.

»Did she say something?«

»Only that you'll know.« The receptionist at least had the decency to look sorry for him.

Now he had finally destroyed everything he'd ever hoped for; a future with her. Frederick took the ring and thanked her before going back into his office. He didn't leave it for the rest of the day. Frederick stared at the ring in his hands until it was dark outside. The knowledge that she had probably been here to talk to him, to seek comfort or maybe confrontation, and the fact that he had failed her again made his heart heavy. He had to find Hannibal. It was personal now. He had to do it for Hannah. No, for her and their unborn child.

Hannah didn't tell Matt about the details of her day when he called her that evening. She just told him that he shouldn't mention his name to her ever again. She craved the embrace of her big brother that night. Hannah knew as good as Matt that he couldn't change what had happened but he'd always been her tower of strength and right now she felt like all her strength had been drained from her body. It would take all her willpower to gain it back and close the Frederick chapter of her life without looking back at it. She wasn't going to let him hurt her anymore, she told herself and returned to work only a few days later. Never quiet being herself any longer.


	41. Henry or Stella (alternative plot)

 

Hannah had to stay in the hospital for months. Actually, almost her entire pregnancy. Due to the loss of her kidney she was classified as a risk pregnancy and none of them wanted to risk anything anymore. Just a sweet little life with nobody to threaten their luck and happiness.

Frederick visited her everyday, bringing her catalogs with baby clothes and supplies. They found a new house for them to live in and raise their little Henry or Stella there.

»Can't you smuggle him in here? I miss him so much!«, Hannah whined and made a pouty face. Frederick loved it and he usually could never say no to it but now he had to.

»You know I can't bring a cat into the hospital.«

»Pleeeeease.«

»No.« He sat down next to her and ran a hand over her small baby bump. She was just starting to show and he couldn't keep his hands from stroking over the proof that his baby was alright and growing savely inside it's mother. »Today is the next ultrasound. You still don't want to know if I have to paint the nursery pink or blue?«

Hannah snuggled against his side and hissed when her operation wound stung. She wasn't taking any pain meds since the first ''regular'' ultrasound three weeks after her injury. Frederick couldn't even find the words to tell her how much he loved her for her bravery and strength. He didn't know how she felt right now. When his wounds had still been this fresh he had been swimming in morphine and all the other stuff that could make him forget what his own name was.

»First, you would never manage to paint a room. I love you, but I'm the painter in the family and you know I don't just want plain monotoneous walls in the room our baby will spend the next couple of years in. Secondly, I don't know, yet. I kinda want to be surprised when I first hold our baby in my arms. You could ask the nurse and then keep it a secret.« She narrowed her eyes and prused her lips. »Can you keep a secret?«

»Did you know I wanted to propose before I did?«, he countered.

»Yes«, Hannah answered plainly and smiled at the confused and slightly indignant expression on his face. As much as Frederick remembered he hadn't given away anything.

»How?«

»The laundry found the ring in one of your suit jackets and handed it to me when you'd been too busy collecting your laundry yourself. I would've been extremely disappointed if you hadn't proposed to me … at least not directly after I would've told you I'm pregnant.«

»Well, I bet you at that«, he murmured and cleared his throat. He hated thinking back to when he had found her on his living room floor. They had made an arrangemant that when somebody would ask about how he had proposed they would simply tell he asked her here in the hospital when she had told him here or they would make up a new story without Hannibal or what he did to her in it.

After he had been with her in the hospital as long as he could that night and had to stay out of his apartment while the police and the FBI had worked their magic. When he had finally been allowed back ''home'' Frederick had found the positive pregnancy test in a small gift box together with two light yellow baby socks.

»About the nursery, Hannah, you won't be out of here for at least another two months and I would like to be as finished with it as soon as possible before you have to get back in here for the next time.« Their doctor had told them that she could go home for a month, maybe two, but had to stay in the hospital again for the last two months of the pregnancy. They had both agreed. She would've also stayed in the whole time if it would've been necessary to make sure the baby was fine.

But Hannah also missed sleeping next to her fiancé, a word Frederick loved even more than boyfriend but still not as much as husband, and have Kidney around her again. It was ridiculous how much she missed that cat.

»I can manage even with a baby bump, trust me. If you have the skills, painting isn't very hard. And, although you have many talents, darling, I saw the scribbles you made for the clown theme and they even gave me the creeps. Drawing and painting is my thing.«

»And you do that perfectly«, Frederick whispered, kissing her head and looking over to the sketches she had done while staying in here. She wanted to use paintings of the old masters and made them a bit more suitable for a child. God, he loved her even more now that they were going to have a family together. She wanted the baby to be surrounded by art and culture right from the beginning. Hannah would take care of art and music, Frederick would pump him or her full with historical knowledge and teach his offspring how to cook like a god … and sarcasm, because that is vital!

A good sharing plan, she thought and sighed contently as she closed her eyes. He was warm and soft and perfect to cuddle into and he was her future husband. Everything was just as she had always dreamt. Apart from the scar and the whole staying-in-hospital-thing, of course.

She felt like a teenager swooning over her crush but Frederick wasn't just a crush, no, they would spend the rest of their days together with as many children as they wanted. Both of them knew that they wanted more than one. For Frederick it was because, unlike him, his child didn't have grandparents to turn to except for Hannah's father and stepmother he still had yet to meet, and for Hannah because she did grow up with an older brother and wouldn't want to miss him for the world. So after a quick exchange of ''yes'' and ''good'' they had decided that they needed a house with at least two kid's rooms and one or two guest rooms, depending on whether they would be happy with two or maybe even wanted a third child in the future.

The nurse that would do the ultrasound entered the room after a quick knock and smiled slightly stressed.

»Ready for taking a look at your baby, Miss Scarborough?«

»Yes, I can't wait for it.«

Frederick helped her get into the wheelchair and held her hand the whole time. He was more nervous than she was. His palms were sweaty and his breathing quick.

»Calm down, Frederick, if a simple ultrasound is already freaking you out you'll have to stay outside when the baby actually comes«, she joked but it caused him to open his mouth in protest. Of course he would stay with her while she went into labour! This was his baby and he would be there to welcome it in this life. There was no arguing about this!

Hannah groaned when she lay down on the medical couch and grasped onto Frederick's hand when the nurse splashed a big blob of the cold gel on her belly.

He furrowed her brow in annoyance. If the nurse didn't like her job she should just let him to the ultrasound. He knew that much about medicine to find the baby inside there. His moaning, internal sneering was interrupted by the rhythmic beating of a double heartbeat, Hannah and their baby. The hand around his was getting tighter, almost painful but he didn't mind.

»Good«, the nurse murmured and moved the stick on her belly.

»Is it still too early to determine if it's a boy or a girl?«, Frederick asked, his eyes fixed on the black, greenish monitor with the profile picture of his child on it. He still couldn't really grasp the fact that he had made this together with Hannah. It must've happened in New York when they had been careless. The best thing he had ever done!

»Well, I can't day it with certainty but it looks like a -«

»Please!«, Hannah stopped her just in time. »I want to be surprised. Maybe you could tell him outside or something.«

The nurse lifted her eyebrows. »Okay, but as I learned in the past years fathers can't shut their mouth.«

»Excuse me?«, Frederick huffed and shot her an angry glare.

»Just my experience, Sir. You would be the first one who would actually manage to keep it a secret.«

Hannah looked at Frederick and they both knew that they would definitely request another nurse the next time they would have an ultrasound.

The young woman made a few other check-ups on the baby, scribbled down a few notes and murmured a couple of syllables but didn't talk to them.

After she was done, the nurse handed Hannah a back of tissues to wipe her belly clean again before the nurse walked outside with Frederick to tell him the happy news. She closed the door behind der and sighed almost annoyed.

»Alright, Mr. Chilton, -«

»Dr. Chilton.«

»Okay, Dr. Chilton, you'll have a boy«, she said almost like it was an order at Burger King.

Frederick was walking on clouds. He would have a son. Henry, Henry Chilton.


	42. You've left me (original plot - ending)

 

Three months after the attack on Hannah, Hannibal was finally caught. In the following weeks Frederick was busy with giving interviews and writing his book, but one Wednesday when he'd just finished an interview for NBC he drove to the Museum of Art to see Hannah and tell her the news in person.

The old guard in the building she worked in, Walter, told Frederick he could find her in the museum. Her latest work would be hung up right now and she wanted to supervise it like she always did, perfectionist that she was.

Frederick found her in the Dutch gallery watching three men putting up a giant painting showing a scene of dogs fighting in a wood clearing. She kneaded her hands nervously as she did so.

»Hannah.«

Her name tumbled from Frederick's lips like a long forgotten prayer when he saw her. She didn't turn around just slightly moved her head to the side; far enough to see Frederick behind her from the corner of her eye.

He came to a stop next to her and thought about his next words.

»He's caught and in my care.« There was undeniable pride in his voice. He had this monster safely in his hands. Hannibal would never be free again. Ever.

»Congrats.«

»I'm gonna make him pay for everything he did.«

»I don't care«, Hannah answered with a hoarse voice and never let her eyes leave the bare teeth and bloody marks on the painting in front of them. They stood next to each other for what felt like hours where it had only been seconds. The silence lay over them like a heavy, woolen coat until the three men had done their job and Hannah could return to her work.

»Goodbye, Frederick. That's more than I ever got from you.« She turned to leave but he wouldn't let her. There were just too many unspoken things in the air between them. The mix of coldness and sadness in her voice made his skin crawl. This wasn't the woman he loved. This was just a hollow shell. It made him furious.

»Wait, that's all? How can you be so distant? Do you even care what he did to our baby?«

»You didn't«, she snapped, closed her eyes and slightly shook her head as if she told herself that it wasn't worth it; he wasn't worth it.

»You told me to go!«, Frederick called after her and for the first time in his life he didn't give a fuck about the people around him, staring irritated at him for screaming in a museum.

Hannah spun around with glowing rage in her blue eyes. »But never to leave me! You left me there in this hospital alone when I had needed you the most. And when I was finally released you were gone! You didn't even thought it necessary to leave me a fucking note!«

»You knew where you could've found me!«

»And you didn't?«, she screamed accusingly. Hannah's chest was heaving under her rapid, angry breathing. »I was at your hospital! I was there but you turned away from me!«

The crack in her voice made Frederick feel like she'd just slapped him in the face. Yes, he had done that and he was more than ashamed of his action. The proof of that day was in the pocket of his jacket right now. Her engagement ring.

»I'd ran back hoping to catch you but you had left already.«

»Frederick, I still live in the same apartment. I stand in the yellow pages. My phone number hasn't changed. I wasn't hard to find.«

»You didn't want to see me anymore. You gave me back the ring.«

He showed it to her as if to proof it.

»YOU'VE LEFT ME!«

Hannah was shaking from the sobs she wouldn't allow herself. He had hurt her every minute he hadn't been with her, called her, held her, comforted her. She took a deep breath and turned on her heel when she felt tears burn in her eyes.

Hannah had given herself only one rule after he had vanished from her life: Don't cry because of him. She had already broken the rule … almost every night before her sadness and feeling of betrayel had turned to hate.

She was leaving him now before she could cry in front of him.

Frederick was glued to the ground when he saw her walk away through the staring crowd that had gathered around them. He could see her wipe away a stray tear from her cheek before she disappeared completely in an ocean of strangers.

Frederick looked down to the ring in his hand. Was it worth one last try?

Before his mind had come to a conclusion his feet already moved and his mouth called her name.

He reached Hannah right before she could step through a door with ''staff only'' written on it.

Tears were streaming down her cheeks when Frederick turned her around to look at her. He had expected her to fight him off, scream and shout at him. But Hannah stayed calm. Or at least she didn't try to hit him or push him away. Frederick pulled her in his arms and felt her crying into his chest. He should've done that four months ago. He knew it and he also knew that she had every right to hate him.

»Is there somewhere we could be more privately?«  
Hannah nodded and slowly moved out of his embrace over to the ''staff only'' door. It was a simple closet with a cleaning cart in it. The smell of sharp detergents was almost hurting his lungs and nose.

The room was small but big enough for them not to touch. Hannah had her arms wrapped around her middle and shook from her sobs that were slowly dying down again.

They both actively avoided looking at each other. Frederick was ashamed and felt guilty. Hannah was angry and hurt.

»Why are you here, Frederick?«, she finally asked and the anger had completely disappeared from her voice. Now she just sounded hurt and it was cutting Frederick like a knife.

»To ask for another chance.« His voice was shaking, his chest felt too tight. »I wanted to be able to tell you that I've got that monster in my cells before facing you again.«

»I read the article on Tattle Crime. I know when he was caught. You waited three months where days would have been enough.«

Frederick swallowed thickly against the lump in his throat. »I wanted to give you time«, he whispered and meant himself with it too.

»You should have been with me during that time«, Hannah breathed, wiping a tear from her cheek.

»I'm sorry, Hannah, I know I was a coward but right now I'm trying to be brave and hope«, he needed to clear his throat, »I hope you can find it in you to forgive me. I love you.«

Hannah trembled from her sobs and shook her head a moment later. »I can't.«

The pain in his chest made breathing almost impossible. He looked to the floor and swallowed against the lump in his throat. He felt tears burn behind his eyes and snievelled quietly. He wouldn't cry, he shouldn't. Not in front her, in front of the woman that had lost his child because of his stupidity and megalomania.

»Please«, Frederick tried one last time. Hannah's body shook with her sobs she tried to suppress but she failed miserably. The sound of it made Frederick forget the throbbing pain in his own chest. He crossed the room and hugged her tightly. Tears dampened the crook of his neck as she let herself cry against his skin, wrapping her arms around his body and holding on to him like her life depended on it.

»Please, don't let it end like this«, he whispered into her hair, »let us just go home.«

»I told you once that home is where you are«, Hannah cried into his shirt and eventually pushed him away from her, »but you took my home away from me.«

»I'm offering it back to you.« He held out his hand, hopeful. »All you have to do is take it back.«

Hannah looked at it a long time.

»You've hurt me so much, Frederick«, she said with a cracking voice, »I had needed you in that hospital and afterwards.«

Slowly, Frederick's hand sank to his side. »I know and I'm ashamed I have left you alone.«

»How can we be together again if I don't know if I can ever forgive you and if you're still ashamed?«

»We can only find out when we give it a try.« He held out his hand one more time and sincerely hoped she would take it. Hannah looked at it like it was a snake ready to bite her if she moved too closely. But she took his offer eventually. Frederick pulled her in his arms and let out a sigh of relief. The weight that had threatened to crush him disappeared. He hugged her tightly and stroked her back up and down when she cried into his chest. All the tears she hadn't allowed herself over the last months came out now and she cried them all in his soothing arms.

It would be a hard and rocky road back to what they had been before Hannibal had attacked her. But they loved each other. They would manage.

* * *

 

The end


	43. His real reasons (alternative plot - ending)

 

Three months after the attack on Hannah, Hannibal was finally caught and in his custody. In the following weeks Frederick was busy with giving interviews and writing his professional analysis for this monster's trial. It was ridiculous that he, the man who had almost lost his pregnant soon-to-be wife to the cruelty to this man, was the one who should do it. Frederick gathered that the only other competent (or stupid) enough psychiatrists were Dr. DuMaurie, who rather played the role of the traumatized and manipulated victim for her own benefit, and Dr. Bloom, who, as a former affair and protégé of Hannibal, was less than suited for this task, and those two weren't as … objective as he was? Anyways …

When Hannibal was brought into his hospital it had been amongst others the most exciting day of his life if Frederick was really honest with himself. Psychopaths were so hard to find in custody. Most of them died before one could study them in detail.

Frederick stood in front of the thick safety glass and scrutinized his new favorite project. Dr. Hannibal Lecter. He was torn between his professional interest because it was so rare to find a cannibal behind bars - well, glass - and his personal hate towards this man.

»You have almost killed my fiancée. I will make you pay for everything you did. You'll never leave this hospital alive. You will be nothing but a broken man when I'm done with you!« he hissed, his voice dripping with hatred and contempt.

Frederick had been carried away by his feelings and afterwards knew what a giant mistake he had made by threatening Hannibal. Although he hadn't seemed to care.  
»Well than, let the games begin, Frederick.«

He managed to keep Hannibal out of his head as good as he could but one day he had almost lost his cold composure around the psychopathic monster.

»Congratulations, Frederick.«

»On what?«, he had asked suspiciously while gathering his empty notepad after another unsuccessful therapy session with his former colleague. He would have to make stuff up for the court report and his book if Hannibal continued to refuse talking to him. It was frustrating.

»The baby.«

Frederick almost dropped his notepad along with his jaw.

»I wasn't completely sure when I visited her in your apartment but the smell in your clothes is giving away your future joy of fatherhood.«

A spark of pure white panic hit Frederick like a lightning. He was shaking with rage.

»You will leave my family alone«, he hissed and tried to keep his breathing slow and even. He failed miserably.

»I never threatened your family. I simply congratulated you. Children are so important.«

»Abigail Hobbs was what came closest to having a child of your own and you killed her in cold blood.«

Hannibal almost looked sad thinking about Abigail but Frederick knew that this monster couldn't feel sadness or guilt for what he had done and he wouldn't feel anything if he would've killed his child. He almost had.

»You will leave my family alone«, he repeated and left before he could let Hannibal get to him even more than he had already done. Fuck!

* * *

Frederick had nightmares in the week after this day. He hoped he would be ''okay'' again when Hannah came home.

He was late when he could finally take her home with him. Hannah gave him with that scolding look he hadn't seen from her in a while now. She was already dressed and ready, the only thing missing was her ride home.

»I'm so sorry, Hannah, work was -«

She rose her hand to make him shut up. Work was still a very sensitive topic and now that Hannibal had been added into the picture she was even more on guard as soon as he said something about work.

»At least you're only an hour late«, she sighed and reached out her hands to pull herself out of the wheelchair.

»I'm sorry, Hannah«, Frederick repeated and took her huge bag and her hand before they left the hospital. She stayed silent until they were on the road.

»So, how was work today?«

»I thought you didn't want to know« he said with furrowed brows.

»I never said that. But now I want to know.«

Frederick sighed deeply. He didn't want to burden this on her shoulders. The doctors had said she couldn't have any stress to make sure the baby was okay. She was not even 6 months along so the survival chances if the baby came too early were bad.

»It's nothing«, he finally settled on as an answer.

»Nothing doesn't make you an hour late.«

»Can we please forget about that? Hannah, I'm sorry and I just want to be with you, show you our new house and sort everything out before you have to go back in the hospital.«

He stopped in front of a red light and took deep, calming breaths.

»He's destroying you,« Hannah whispered next to him, running her hands over her baby bump.

»Please, don't talk about him,« Frederick said just as silently as she had spoken.

They looked at each other for a long moment. It was only ended when the car behind them honked as the traffic light showed green.

Frederick was thankful when they were finally home. His mind was buried deeply in the terror Hannibal had planted in his head. So buried that he actually forgot that Hannah had never seen their house. He simply climbed the stairs, bringing her hospital bag into the bedroom and collapsed onto the bed.

Hannah was worried about him. She remembered how excited he had been when he had first seen their firstborn on the monitor during ultrasound. He had told her how perfect the house was for a family. Five bedrooms, six bathrooms, gigantic and modern, yet with an element of cozyness to make it feel like a real home. Hannah looked around. He hadn't lied. It really was beautiful and reminded her of his apartment. She wondered if he had comissioned an interior designer or if he really had such a great taste.

But even the most beautiful three-piece suite, biggest flatscreen over the mantelpiece, or greatest kitchen could make up for his behaviour. Hannah knew he must be suffering under his new inmate. Frederick would've never left her without a word if he was in his right state of mind.

She climbed the stairs and searched for the bedroom. The first room she found was Frederick's office judging by the amout of paperwork in and on brown boxes on the desk and around it. Hannah shook her head and closed the door again. She felt a bit like she'd just found the room for his mistress. Well, somehow that wasn't all too wrong. She had to share her soon-to-be husband with his work. Hannah only hoped that he would rather neglect his work than his child. That really was Hannah's only great fear.

Behind the second door she opened was something that looked like it was going to be her working place for the next two months: The nursery. She walked inside and let her hands glide over the cradle Frederick had insisted on being custome made. It was breathtaking, pearl white with a faint blue french pattern of fleurs-de-lis and vines. Frederick had shown her a picture of an elderly, beautiful woman with a baby in her arms standing next to a cradle just like this one, his grandmother and him. Hannah loved him for his sense of nostalgia.

In the corner of the room under the oriel was the baby's changing table. The only thing on it was a teddy bear with a bow around his neck. It reminded Hannah of Kidney on her last birthday. The bow tie had really suited the cat. A smile split her face in half when she noticed the colour of the ribbon. It was baby blue. Frederick had lectured her that blue was actually used for girls before the 20th century because it actually stands for Mother Mary but she had told him that if they had a boy, she would not make him wear pink. They were having a boy, she thought and her heart skipped a beat. Henry was growing inside her. Hannah already imagined Frederick's big smile, being prouder than proud with his son in his arms.

»Meow.«

Hannah turned around and saw Kidney standing right behind her.

»I missed you too, Kidney.« Kneeling down and picking him up was a bit difficult so he had to jump on to changing table to get his portion of love from her. He purred like a little motor boat under her hands.

»Have you taken good care of him, huh?«

Kidney purred louder and savoured the feeling of having her back.

»Can you show me where he is?«

He only looked at her as if he wanted to say what a insolence it was that she wanted to go to his stupid owner after petting him only a split second.

»Alright, I'll find the way on me own again. And jumping on top of the baby stuff is taboo as soon as Henry is here, understand?«

Kidney meowed whining and jumped off the changing table.

»How do you know it's a boy?« Frederick asked from the door. He had eventually started thinking again a minute ago and had started searching for her. Well, he hadn't been searching for long. Henry's room was right next to the master bedroom.

Hannah glanced over to the teddy bear and lifted an eyebrow. Frederick closed his eyes. »Sorry, I shouldn't have bought it. I hadn't wanted to spoil it for you.«

She walked towards him and hugged him. Her belly was already in the way for a really tight embrace. Frederick couldn't care less. »I'm sorry, Hannah,« he whispered and buried his face in the crook of her neck.

»I forgive you.«

»Don't.«

Hannah furrowed her brow and moved away to look into his eyes. They were troubled and full of sadness. »Why shouldn't I? We will marry as soon as I wouldn't look like a whale in a white tarpaulin in a wedding dress. We are going to have a son in a few months. I love you.«

»But I almost destroyed everything and had you killed.«

»Stop tormenting yourself, Frederick, and now show me around. I want to see if this house really has all the luxury you promised us.« She guided his hands to her baby bump at the word us and showed a little smile, hoping it would encourage him to give her one of his smiles as well. He tried but failed miserably.

Frederick showed her the house nonetheless. He didn't even bother stopping by to let her take a look inside his office, knowing all too well that she wasn't interested in the work that kept him from her. He wasn't mistaken on that. Frederick walked through the house with her. It was all half heartedly. His mind was clearly somewhere much darker than the light flooded kitchen they were standing in right now.

»Maybe you should consider leaving the hospital and everything in it behind,« Hannah suggested and only now she was sure that he was paying attention. His head snapped around to her and his eyes looked almost terrified.

»I can't.«

»You can … and you know you should.«

Frederick would do it if she asked him. Deep down he knew she was right but all this work, the sweat and, literally, the blood he had put into his work would've been all for naught.

»Frederick, please. I want Henry to know his father. I want all our other future children to know you. I want our grandchildren to know you and tell all the stories you have to tell about your grandfather.« She took his hands and laid them on her belly. »Please, Frederick, I'm begging you to leave this behind you. Behind us. Write this book you're working on and when it's done and you have proven the world how brilliant you are, let it be nothing but a memory.«

Frederick stared at her baby bump. There was it, his son, his first born child. He would hold him in his arms in a few months. He was holding his future in his hands. What did revenge, approval from the wrong people mean in the light of this? Nothing. He hadn't been happy before he had met Hannah.

Frederick nodded without even realizing it. Yes, he would write that book and then he'll be done with this monster and all the other monsters. Just a simple life. He had enough money to never work again but a little private practice would keep him from losing his mind. Maybe he would even make some money with the book and he wouldn't have to work at all. He could spend more time with Henry if he stayed home. He was a better cook than Hannah anyways.

»Yes, Hannah. Yes, I search a successor for the hospital. When Henry is born, there will be no more Hannibal, no BSHCI, no psychopaths. I promise, both of you.«

Hannah smiled at him and suddenly it all was just so clear. How could Frederick had ever even valued his work over her? He had been such an idiot.

* * *

The end


End file.
